Tag Archives: school

Rounding the Bases and Sliding into Home

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That’s what this time of year feels like to me. It’s filled with of end of the year activities — the school play wrapping up for my youngest, graduation upcoming for our exchange student, our oldest wrapping up his first year of college and coming home for the summer, and family in town to visit and celebrate milestones.

It can be a lot in a few short weeks. It can feel intense with the schedule – get kid x here and kid y there, keeping track of where kids are 😂 as there seem to be a flurry of friend meet-ups jammed in right at the end of the school year, get everyone fed, get work done, etc. It can feel intense, but also memorable and I really try to stay present though it isn’t always easy.

Our exchange student leaves us in a few weeks 🥹, I haven’t even let myself really come to terms with that yet, or that my youngest will be a senior next year, and I only have one more “rounding-of-the-bases” from a school year perspective to go. Gulp!

What is the end of the school year like for your family? What are you glad is over and what do (or will) you miss?

Drop off 500

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Start your engines!

Picking and dropping off kids can feel like a never ending cycle. Leave work (or house), pick up kid, take to next place, return (or wait), then do it all over again. I thought with my oldest getting his license and youngest learning to drive, the endless cycle of coming and going might end, but my oldest uses my car, which I need for work and other commitments, and there are limited places to park at school, so parental driving continues.

Some days it can feel like I’ve just had a moment to ‘rest’ when I’m reminded it’s time to jump back in the car and do it all over again. After a particularly stressful day at work, I got one of these reminders in the form of a phone call from my son. We agreed on where to meet and I begrudgingly started out the door to pick him up. I slowed as I neared my car. My oldest will be on his own before too long, and I’ll likely miss the opportunity to drop him off and pick him up — it’s one of the few moments I have alone with him and (if I’m lucky) find out what’s on his mind, how his day was, or hear how he’s doing.

The route to drop my boys off has been different from preschool to elementary to middle and high school. The drives themselves grew old, but never the time together.

How many laps have you made taking your child to and from places? What will you miss most when you’re no longer doing it?

Back to School Blues

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What did your child think about returning to school?

My youngest loved the lazy summer days of sleeping in late, with an open schedule. He’s big into transit and made new friends and spent time exploring via bus, light rail, and street car (it helps that our state makes these services free of charge for students year-round). As the school year approached, the realization he’d soon go from having nothing-to-do to going all-the-time seriously bummed my normally cheery guy out.

He talked with his father and I about how short this summer was, and how he wished the break were longer (my husband and I smiled, remembering our own childhood memories of summer vacation, and sighed knowing you never get that back).

My son adjusted to the new school year quickly. He reconnected with friends, and is excited for several of his classes and new teachers. The blues he was feeling were gone.

We’ve all experienced that dread (and/or nerves) of something new starting (school, job, place) and wishing for nothing to change, knowing we have to move forward into the dread, realizing our dread is (almost always) worse than the reality. And relieved when we adjust to the new situation. Phew!

How has your child adjusted to the new school year? How do you help them work through nerves or dread around a situation?

Thinking Ahead

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Clearly, moving from middle school to high school in the Fall is top-of-mind for my youngest.

My youngest was out in our living room pacing ever so slightly back and forth. “What’s up,” I asked. “Nothing,” he replied, and then he stopped walking and made a hmmm noise. “Well, actually…” he said, “I’m thinking about high school and what those changes will mean for me.” His facial expression was a mix of anticipation and fear. His older brother just went through enrollment for his classes, so it would make sense this was on his mind.

“Are you concerned about something?” I asked. “Well, maybe. I’m concerned it’s going to be a lot more. Classes. The teachers are going to be strict. There’s going to be more homework.” I could see he was stressed about the upcoming change (though it’s still months away). I thought for a minute before responding. “You’re right that change is coming, and I’ve yet to meet anyone that likes change, especially when it’s unclear what exactly the change will be. The good news is, while change isn’t easy, it’s something we all have to go through throughout life, and each time you show yourself you’re able to adapt and successfully make the change, the more confidence you have the next time round. You’ve already gone through some big changes—moving homes, moving from elementary to middle school, learning to navigate public transit and more. Yes, it will be different, but you should grow in your capabilities and feel good about it.”

He exhaled, lowered his shoulders, and smiled. “You’re right, I can do this. Thanks.” That ended the conversation.

We can, too often, look ahead and get anxious, worried, or concerned about the unknown. Change is hard, regardless the age — whether it’s planned or thrust upon you. It’s how you use the tools, including experience, you have to know you can get through whatever life throws at you next.

How do you handle change? How are you helping your child navigate it?

Time Management

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Are you good at managing your time?

Before my oldest started school this Fall we talked about juggling priorities — school, sports, and other activities. We discussed he’d be learning time management and how to prioritize and get what’s needed done first, and wants second. We’re nearing the end of his first term and grades will be coming out soon. His sports season is wrapping up as well. He has expressed he is struggling juggling with it all.

His school gives parents access online to a student’s grades and assignments. It’s a way for parents to have a view into how their child is doing along the way. My husband and I rarely go in, not because it might be helpful or useful, but because we want our son to learn he has to stay on top of his studies without us watching him like a hawk. He is in an Advanced Placement (AP) class that allows students to gain college credit while in high school if they can pass the given exam at the end of the year. In order to get him signed up for the end of year exam, I had to go into the site that shows his grades and assignment completions to find the name of the teacher and class he’d be taking the test we needed to pay for. I couldn’t help but notice there were several assignments he hadn’t turned in (thankfully his grades looked pretty good). I asked him later that day about the assignments. He was surprised — not that I had looked, but that he hadn’t gotten all of his assignments in. He checked in with his teachers the following day, turned in the missing assignments, and was actually thankful it had been caught as it would have lowered his grade if it had not been addressed.

After some particularly long days for my son, which seemed to consist of wake-up, go to school, go to practice, eat dinner, sleep, he had little time to get his schoolwork done. He shared he was struggling, I asked him,”What did we say you’d have to learn and start to master this year?” He responded, “Time management.” I was glad he remembered without any prompting for me. “That’s right,” I said, “We need to think through what tools will help you.” He jumped in, “But I’m so tired when I get home and just want to zone out for a little while.” I completely understood how he felt. I, too, remember the stress increasing as I progressed in high school. I asked him what he was struggling with most. “Homework,” he shared, “when I get home I eat dinner then go through all my classes to see what homework I have.” I shared that was a good start, and suggested he add a designated time to do homework as a way to help — give him a little time to relax after practice, but time enough to get homework done before he goes to bed. “It’s hard,” he said. I agreed with him, but reminded him that learning these skills now will help him as he gets older.

Do you have a child who has a busy schedule and is struggling to manage it all? What strategies or tools are you sharing with them to help them better manage their time?

Facing Fear

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While Halloween is this weekend and many are looking to be scared, my youngest was faced with a fear unrelated to ghosts and goblins, but something that had been haunting him for a while — riding a bike on public streets.

My son’s school has teamed up with an organization that has the students ride bikes to a destination within a few miles of the school one day a week. When they reach their destination they do a service project and then bike back to school. It’s been a great activity for the kids. My husband and I were curious how our son was doing. He had had a bad experience at a younger age when he biked on a public road accidentally running his bike into a car (I blogged about it previously). When we asked how biking went he gave short answers, and was vague. We started pressing him for further details and he confessed that he hadn’t been riding bikes with his classmates and had been staying behind at school with the teachers. We asked him why he hadn’t talked about this before, and he shared he had been embarrassed that he couldn’t do it. We talked through options: we could help him practice riding with us at home in our neighborhood to get him more comfortable, he could talk to his teachers about ways to help him get more comfortable. He didn’t take us up on our suggestions. Another week went by, another excuse why he didn’t ride.

The night before our son’s school was due to ride bikes again, my husband and I sat our son down. We stressed the importance of pushing his comfort zone, and his need to have success riding his bike. We told him our expectation was he would ride, and working through his fear was a skill he needed to develop, and that building it now, would help him when he needs to face uncomfortable situations in the future. He agreed he would ride.

I half expected to learn my son didn’t ride his bike again, but was pleasantly surprised when he texted me on his way home from school alerting me that he had ridden with the group the entire time. I was so proud of him, but what made me happiest was seeing how proud my son was of himself. He was glowing. What a wonderful moment to share.

What does your child fear? How are you helping them work through any fears?

Dinner Table

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How has meal time been affected by Covid?

In our family, we’ve always had dinner together, but as my husband and I have had to travel for work more often, or get to meetings in the evening, and the kids have grown and become more independent, getting us all together at the dinner table became more inconsistent. Until the pandemic kept us home.

Sitting at the table in the early days allowed us to talk about what was going on, and how we were feeling. Obviously a delicate balance since none of us had been through a pandemic before, and as parents we wanted our children to feel safe (we’d take the needed precautions and would get through this together). Each family member learned about the virus, the history of other pandemics, medical findings, and shared what we learned at the table. We dealt with boredom and frustration at being home and confined to our neighborhood. We talked about looking for the good in a difficult situation.

My appreciation for us gathering at dinner time grew when school started back up. Our oldest has a modified schedule where he has anywhere from 3-4 subjects a day (vs. the normal 7). They alternate days and subjects so he receives all the instruction he needs over any given week. In previous school years if I asked him how things were going or how his day was I’d most often get a “fine.” But with Covid and him doing remote learning I could dig deeper and get him to open up. Asking him questions — “what classes did you have today?” “How is that going?” “Do you feel like you’re understanding what they’re teaching you?” “What would help you better understand the material?” — was eye opening. My husband and I felt we got a much better picture than we’ve had before. The question we left our son with was, “What can we do to help?” He wants to try things on his own for now, and we want to encourage his growing independence. We appreciate the chance to check-in and share with our kids, and better understand what they’re dealing with and going through. It will be one of the few things I hope we maintain with the same consistency once we are past the pandemic.

How are you connecting with your child? What type of conversations are you having at the dinner table?

No Distractions

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How are you and your child dealing with the Coronavirus?

Our schools shut down a week ago. My younger son’s school transitioned to online learning, my older son’s teachers are giving students optional assignments as enrichment. Neither child seems to mind sleeping in later. 😊 Of course, my husband and I are also working from home which can make for an interesting work day. I’m grateful my kids are older and can care for/entertain themselves. I do, however, enjoy, when I’m on a work video conference and I get to see someone’s child, or family pet wonder into the picture. It reminds me how similar we are — it’s comforting.

Restaurants are take-out only or delivery, public places closed to help slow/stop the spread of the virus. The first week transitioning to this new normal wasn’t easy.

One way we are dealing with the situation is going for walks around our neighborhood. With virtually no traffic it’s easy to distance ourselves from your neighbors. While walking one day we saw a neighbor sitting on her porch. We lamented the change in our daily routines. I shared how there was a calm, almost a peace, I was feeling that I haven’t felt in a while (maybe ever). That with no distractions–having to get kids various places at various times, work commitments, and other activities outside the home–I was forced to just be. She smiled when I said that. “I know what you mean,” she commented. We both agreed having no distractions was a blessing, if only it weren’t the result of a pandemic.

Eventually the pandemic will pass, and life will return to normal. Or maybe we’ll come out of this with a new normal, who knows? For now, I’m trying to embrace the opportunity to just be.

How are you coping with this new normal? Is there any unexpected upside you’re experiencing?

So Thankful

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What are you most thankful for this year?

There is much to be thankful for me — my family’s health, having shelter and food, support and love from family and friends, and I can’t forget our cat who brings us so much joy.

Something I didn’t realize how much I appreciated was my sons willingness to talk openly to me. My oldest seemed quieter than usual and less interested in wanting to talk to me. When I’d try to engage him he’d grunt, roll his eyes, or get defensive, “I’m fine. Why do you keep asking me that?” I wasn’t alone in noticing how my son was acting. When this behavior carried over into the following week I decided I was going to have to do something drastic to get him to talk to me so I could better understand what was going on. I did the only thing I knew to do — I asked him to go for a walk.

“Fine,” he said in a tone indicating going on a walk with his mom was the last thing he wanted to do. I think he resolved himself to the idea that I wasn’t just going to leave him alone. We walked for a few blocks and I asked, “What’s going on with you? You seem almost angry at me. If there’s something we need to talk about, let’s talk about it.” He seemed surprised by my question. “I’m not angry at you. My mood has nothing to do with you.” “What does it have to do with because you’ve been acting differently lately and I can’t help you if I don’t know,” I asked. He made a sound of frustration and finally said, “Everything sucks.” Okay, we’re getting somewhere now, I thought. “What sucks exactly,” I asked. “School for one.” “Is it classes, or your teachers or your friends…” my question trailed off. “My teachers are great, classes are fine. It’s all the stupid kids who go to that school. They’re all dumb and judgmental, and it makes me mad because most of the people don’t know anything about me.” I could tell from the way he was talking we’d gotten to the heart of the matter — he was struggling with how you show up to others, what value you bring, how others see you. How bad it can feel when you’re ignored, or feel like you’re being judged. We talked about friendship and how it’s like growing a plant — you have to care for it and feed it, or over time it won’t survive. We arrived back at our house and my son seemed more at ease. His dark mood seemed to subside. I was grateful he agreed to go on the walk. I’ve been where he’s been — we probably all have as teenagers — trying to figure who we are and where we fit in. I’m grateful he was willing to listen and take in what I had to offer, and I’m thankful he no longer felt that he had to try to navigate this on his own.

What are you thankful for this holiday?

I’ll be taking time off to spend time with family and will be back in December.

The Start of Something New

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Is your child starting at a new school this year?

My youngest is entering middle school. His first new school in six years. He’s feeling a range of emotions – anticipation and excitement over the new school, what he’ll learn, how it will be different from elementary school, meeting the new students, and making new friends. He is also mourning elementary school. Classmates he grew close to, particularly towards the end of the year. Already missing those that will be moving away, or going to other middle schools. Concerned about if he will make new friends, concerned if he is ready for the harder material, ready for the independence he is gaining.

As a parent, I too am experiencing a range of emotions. I’m excited for him, but also concerned–will he be accepted as he is, will this experience be good for him, will he grow as my husband and I hope from it? I think every parent has these concerns at one time or another. But I have to let him go in order for him to grow, find himself, struggle, make mistakes and be there to help him work through the tough times, and celebrate the successes.

We’ll have the first day of school behind us before we know it. We’ll navigate the start of this something new like we have before (daycare and kindergarten)–by being open to what’s to come with optimism, preparing for unforeseen bumps, experiencing them as they come, and moving onward.

How do you help your child when they start something new? How do you help them adjust?

I’ll be off for Labor Day weekend and back in mid-September.