Transitioning

Parenthood is all about dealing with transitions, right?

The transitions came fast and furious when my sons were babies. The transitions slowed and felt more manageable as they aged, but there is always that period of time, at least for me, at the beginning of a new phase of their life, that I am uncomfortable because I’m learning how to adjust to the newness as well.

After several challenging moments with my oldest, I started googling for books on ‘my son hates me’. I’ve always been okay with my kids being unhappy with me especially in times where I’m trying to impart a lesson, or teach a moral or value, but lately with my oldest it seems I can do nothing right, it’s embarrassing that I exist, and I’m clearly the most annoying person in the world. It’s the plight of many teenage parents, I know. 😬 I stumbled upon the book “He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe In Himself,” by Adam Price. The reviews were high so I gave it a shot. What was I missing in my interactions and communications with my son?

I read the book while our family was together for a weekend away. The context of the book is focused on boys who’ve checked out of school, but I found you can easily apply what your son is ‘checking out of’ to almost anything. For my son, he’s fine in school (we’ve taken a pretty hands off approach) with the exception of having him show us progress/reports cards online periodically. We’ve been way more involved/vocal on his activities and have tried to motivate/prompt/threaten (lost privileges) for not being more proactive. In reading the book, I took away the following—I need to give my son more space, even in his activities. He still needs guidance/guardrails, but essentially he’s capable enough and needs to take more ownership. I need (along with my husband), to step back, give him room, and let him show us who he is. This is soooo hard. My son is capable and does need room to grow. He needs to build confidence in himself and his capabilities, but oh how I still want to be able to help him navigate things with ease, and remove obstacles where I can. I’m not helping him by helping him. The age-old trap us parents can fall into. I have to tell myself to zip it (when I want to give coaching or advice), and let him g(r)o(w). Soooo hard.

How are you helping your child grow their confidence? If you have a teen, how are you helping them transition into adulthood?

Transitions

What transitions are you currently facing?

Transitions are a normal part of life. We’ve all experienced more dramatic transitions in the past year with COVID — being apart, remote work and schooling, etc. We’re transitioning again as those with vaccinations increase and COVID cases drop.

Coming out of COVID, there seems to be a heightened awareness of what each transition means – a BBQ with friends (luxury), attending an event with more than five people (a little anxiety producing at risk – it feels uncomfortable still, but then joy), and so on.

My youngest son’s school had its graduation ceremony since COVID that was both in-person and live-streamed. It was the first time our family, and many others had been in such a large group setting. We wore masks since many students are still not fully vaccinated and in a desire to be cautious and respectful of others comfort levels with masking.

After the ceremony was over, we went outside to a large open parking lot to congratulate the graduates and parents, and socialize. Being in the open, many folks removed their masks — another transition. It was freeing to see and experience for myself.

As we move out of the isolation and separation COVID brought, more noticeable transitions will come — returning to the office, school or not, for example. We’ll have a heightened awareness of them, and then we’ll get used to them and (potentially) take them for granted as part of life once more. Funny how transitions always seem to have a thread of “hard” (to do) in them, right? But transitions are essentially change and we know that change is rarely easy.

What transitions have you and your family already made? What transitions still await? How are you helping your child make transitions (back to school, parties, being with friends, etc.)?