Love Languages

How do you show others you love them?

We were having dinner, discussing how our days went. I asked my sons if either of them had learned anything new or interesting at school. My youngest shared that in his math class, his teacher had added what love languages are. My son’s school is all about equipping boys academically and emotionally so hearing the teacher added this following the lesson wasn’t shocking, but a pleasant surprise.

“What did you learn?,” I asked. “Well,” my son replied, “we learned about love languages and different ways you show others love.” “What are they?” I asked. I’ve read Gary Chapman’s work about love languages before, but was curious to hear what my son would share. “There’s quality time, where you are present with the other person. There’s gifting, and well, that’s obvious. There’s touch, which can mean being close, holding hands, etc.” His older brother decided to leave the table at this point — the talk of intimacy was making him uncomfortable (though unclear if it was the content or discussing it in front of mom and dad 😊). My youngest continued, “words of affirmation, and gifts of service, you know doing something for the other person.”

I was impressed that my son was so knowledgeable in the area of showing others love. Though I shouldn’t be, as his school has made it a point to arm their students with this information. It is a gift when your teen knows about healthy relationships and armed with clarity around different ways we show each other love so he can avoid some of the common pitfalls (not or mis-understanding what’s going on, misinterpret, and hurt or be hurt), so he can have healthy relationships with others. I would have benefited greatly myself if I’d been given this information at his age.

How are you modeling what love is for your child? How are you helping them grow their emotional intelligence so they experience healthy relationships with others?

I will be off next week spending time with family, and will be back at the end of the month.

Holiday Rush

The holidays are a joyous, but busy season, right?

Trying to get shopping done, decorations up, wrapping gifts, traveling to see friends, family, Christmas lights, etc. Throw in work or school activities and commitments, and it can get to be a bit overwhelming at times, at least in our house.

During a particularly busy week at work, my husband, who was traveling on a last minute trip, shared we had tickets to a comedy show that had been rescheduled multiple times due to the pandemic. The show would happen while he was still away. They had been a gift for me, so he really wanted me to go. Normally I’d be excited, but this came up suddenly. I was already stressed with work and everything else going on, and didn’t feel up for going. My husband pushed. “You could use a laugh, take a friend or one of the kids.” He was right, but it still left like ‘one more thing’ I needed to get done. I inquired with a small handful of friends and none were available. I asked my boys and my oldest agreed to go. He was excited, I think by the prospect of doing something more adult, not necessarily hanging out with his mom. 😊

It was a flurry of activity leading up to us getting to the show. My mind was going a mile a minute with things still left to be done over the week and upcoming weekend. I caught sight of my son next to be and my inner voice said pretty loudly ‘be in the moment — the work, activities, commitments, etc., will all still be there — your son is with you now, this is special, pay attention.’ The voice helped me let go of much of the stress I’d been carrying around. I looked at my son again and focused on being present. What a gift! Simply focusing, and I mean focusing with intention, let all my worries slip away for the rest of the evening.

The holidays are hectic and stressful. Given this, what are your favorite things to do during the season with your child, and how do you stay present during these special moments?

Happy Holidays! I’ll be off for the next few weeks with friends and family and will be back in January.

Father Figure

Who are the men in your life that have had the greatest impact?

My father had the greatest, but there have been many other formative males in my life — uncles, teachers, coaches, and others.

My youngest goes to school where several students have a single parent, grandparents or guardians that look after them. My sons’s school stresses the importance of showing up for each other, and redefining what being a man is (throw out classic male stereotypes and be who you are vs. who you think you’re supposed to be), and what family and community is. People who show up, care, and guide you in a positive direction are the type of figures you want in your life. We all need figures like this.

On this Father’s Day who is (or are) the father figure(s) in your life that have most positively impacted you? What about your child’s? How are you celebrating these special people in your life?

To all the dad’s out there (or those that played a father figure role): Thank you! And enjoy your day.