World’s Best Dad

What are the qualities you’d put on the list to determine the world’s best dad?

If I had to boil it down, for me, the qualities would include — love, support, encourage, teach, show/guide, feed (literally and figuratively), and love, love, love. These qualities are pretty much what I’d say makes up World’s Best Mom too. 😊

Because raising kids is hard, dad’s who lean into parenting are even that much more special.

If you were fortunate enough to have a dad that you’d put on the list for World’s Best Dad, congratulations! You hit the jackpot. I know I did, and my kids have too (whether they realize it yet or not is another question ☺️).

Thanks to all the World’s Best Dads out there! We love and appreciate you for being you. Enjoy your day!

Storytelling

We read stories as a family. It is much more rare as our kids have gotten older. There is often pushback — no, ugh, why??? It’s so boring!. But when our youngest came in and said, “Mom, I just read the best book, and you have to read it too,” I knew family reading might be in our future.

My son had just finished reading Stamped by Jason Reynolds and Ibram X. Kendi. It’s about how we’ve justified the mistreatment of people of color for centuries through the stories we’ve been told, and allow ourselves to believe. Of course, I’m oversimplifying the contents of the book, but after reading it, upon my son’s recommendation in less than two days, it was the essence of what I took away. The mistruths of what I’ve allowed myself to believe up to this point made me uncomfortable but was also freeing. How could I have been so blind?

Now, before we go further, I’ll share that I, by nature, am a curious person, and am often seeking how to improve myself. I know I am flawed (we all are, we’re human). What happened to George Floyd really opened my eyes to the horrors and trauma that still occur today. It made me (and I believe many of us) want to explore our beliefs and behaviors, and change things for the better. I have actively been working on that, but reading this book helped me better understand how we (collectively as a country and beyond) got to where we are at. I knew we needed to read this as a family and my youngest agreed.

In lieu of a family movie night, we changed it to reading the book. Each of us would read a chapter. While our oldest pushed back — no, ugh!, this is going to be so boring! — it was quicker to read than watch a movie, and he liked getting time back, so he agreed. 😊

We read several chapters then talked about what we read. There was some reluctance on what some family members thought of as “feeling judged” by the author. My son and I disagreed and we proceeded as a family to work through the discomfort being felt. Why do you feel judged? Could/should we be judged in the future for things we still haven’t gotten right now (think equality, gun control, environment)? YES! At the essence, we discussed whitewashing, and how we “wash” over things because they make us feel bad or uncomfortable, and our need to understand things “as they are” and try to see others through a newer, clearer lens.

It wasn’t an easy conversation, but a needed and good one, and by the end I think we all had grown a little more. We still have more reading and growing to do, but I’m grateful that we’re closer to understanding reality for others, and learning how to improve ourselves as a result — in how we engage with, appreciate, and seek more truth vs. what makes us comfortable.

What stories are resonating with you and your family? What discussions are you having as a result that’s helping you (all) grow?

❤️ for Mom

One Mother’s Day, many decades ago, my sisters and I decided to decorate a kitchen chair with beads and a Burger King crown that we fashioned into something more royal (think glue and glitter) for our mom, and gave her the title Queen for a Day. I was really proud of how we honored our mom, I thought she was just amazing as a small child.

Of course you grow up, and some of the infallibility slips away and you see your mom as human, navigating parenthood with the ups and downs that everyone does. As a mom myself it was a bit of a relief to know she was figuring it out as she went like me, but oh remained in awe for her efforts to make sure we felt loved, protected, and cared for. I learned from a good role model.

On Mother’s Day, I hope everyone has a good day and reflects on the good you’re doing, and where your humanness is coming through. I hope you feel like a Queen for a Day, and enjoy your day!

Advent Calendar

What are you most looking forward to today? Or tomorrow?

Often we move through life without noticing anything in particular we’re looking forward to. While most look forward to the holidays, perhaps gifts, and seeing friends and family, coming across an advent calendar reminded me of the smaller, but needed joys, we have access to daily.

When my boys were young I stumbled across Lego advent calendars. I recalled the joy I had as a child opening a simple paper door awaiting to see the picture inside. Now Lego was making them? I couldn’t resist getting them for my boys. Each advent calendar had a different theme (one city, one movie). Behind each door revealed a small surprise — a simple-to-put-together object such as a tree or mini figure. Every morning my boys would rush to the table eager to find what would be revealed that day.

It reminded me of unseen joy that might lay ahead. How life doesn’t give us physical advent calendars for the entire year, but they are there if we allow ourselves to see them, and figuratively (and sometimes literally) open the door. Meeting a new friend, noticing beauty in nature, sharing time with a pet, are a few examples of things that can happen for any of us any day. It’s just seeing the “door” and allowing yourself the opportunity to find the joy.

My boys are too old for advent calendars now, or so they tell me, but they’re not too old to find something to look forward to every day — whether it’s in the form of gratitude, anticipation, or the unknown. Each day there is an opportunity for us to “open” the door with anticipation and looking forward to. The “prize” might not reveal itself right away, but I’m betting with some reflection the “gift” of the day will ultimately reveal itself.

How do you approach each new day? How are you helping your child see the ‘gifts’ around them?

Gratitude and Giving Thanks

As we emerge (fingers crossed) from the pandemic, what are you most grateful for?

My youngest son’s school wanted to start a new annual tradition this school year to celebrate being able to come together as a community. They decided to hold a Gratitude Festival—to not only celebrate community, but honor the things we are grateful for — teachers, parents, administrators, friends, health, education, the community, and much more.

Being grateful has given me so much – it helps me be present and notice all the wonderful things around me (people, nature, animals, etc.). Everyday I’m reminded of all the things I have to be thankful for. I’ve tried to instill gratitude in my children. At meals we often share what we are grateful for. I’m hopeful they see the joy in being grateful too.

With Thanksgiving coming up, we often reflect on what we are thankful for. I hope events such as the Gratitude Festival at my son’s school, is one of many events that are held across the country, throughout the year, that provides each of us the opportunity to acknowledge the gifts all around us. After all, realizing the gifts in your life is a catalyst for experiencing gratitude, and when you’re grateful you feel blessed or fortunate. That usually means you feel good. And if you feel good, you’re more likely to spread your good feelings to others. Spreading happiness. What a wonderful thing.

What traditions do you have that are teaching your child gratitude? How are you and/or your child spreading happiness?

I will be away the next few weeks while spending times with friends and family, and will be back in December. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

The Great Pumpkin Carving

What’s a favorite Fall tradition for your family?

We have several including going to our favorite pumpkin patch, but the tradition I look most forward to is pumpkin carving. The pumpkin carving is fun, but I enjoy the company, seeing everyone, talking, catching up, sharing a meal, and feeling connected.

Last year, we skipped the tradition as a precaution due to COVID. We all missed it. My niece is a senior in high school and will be heading off to college next year. This being her last pumpkin carving (at least for a while) is really hitting home. My sons and I talked about it when we went to the pumpkin patch with their cousins. We are all in a bit of denial this tradition will come to an end-of-sorts after this year. Yes, it will still go on, but it will be different without her with us. I’m reminded again of how quickly time is going and trying to be truly present so I can fully take in the joy of the experience and all of us being back together again.

What traditions are you most looking forward to resuming? What will it mean to you and your family to be back with others again?

Movers Wanted

What jobs have you had family or friends help with?

Moving, particularly when I was younger, involved soliciting the help of family and friends. I never liked asking, but always appreciated the help.

My sons aunt and uncle were in need of help moving from a rental back to their home. They were in a pinch and asked for my sons help a few days before they needed it. Both boys said “of course,” as they love their aunt, uncle, and cousins and wanted to be off assistance. When they found out they would also get some money for doing it they were beyond thrilled.

After they helped them move, my husband and I asked them how it went. “It was nice,” my youngest shared, “it was nice just spending time with them alone. We had fun.” We realized our kids hadn’t spent much alone time with their aunt and uncle, we (my husband or I) always seemed to be around at the same time. I was happy that had this experience and shared memory with other family members. My oldest piped in, “Yea, they said that might want our help again in another week.” He was excited by the prospect.

Helping others can be so fulfilling. Helping others and getting paid, especially if you’re young and want/need to make money — near utopia (at least for my kids). 😊

How do you model family and friends helping in times of need? How does your child view helping others?

Father Figure

Who are the men in your life that have had the greatest impact?

My father had the greatest, but there have been many other formative males in my life — uncles, teachers, coaches, and others.

My youngest goes to school where several students have a single parent, grandparents or guardians that look after them. My sons’s school stresses the importance of showing up for each other, and redefining what being a man is (throw out classic male stereotypes and be who you are vs. who you think you’re supposed to be), and what family and community is. People who show up, care, and guide you in a positive direction are the type of figures you want in your life. We all need figures like this.

On this Father’s Day who is (or are) the father figure(s) in your life that have most positively impacted you? What about your child’s? How are you celebrating these special people in your life?

To all the dad’s out there (or those that played a father figure role): Thank you! And enjoy your day.

Vaccination

Shots are never fun regardless of your age, but when has a shot ever been something you looked forward to?

My boys were happy when my husband and I became eligible for the COVID vaccine in our state. They were elated when they were able to sign up to get their shots more recently.

One the day of his first vaccination shot, my youngest (who hates shots) was so excited he practically ran to the chair when it was his turn. No hesitancy to give the nurse his arm, relax, etc. Once he had his shot, he was elated. His reaction was much like my husband’s and mine — excited, relieved, hopeful. My oldest was the same with his shot, but played it much cooler – that’s what 15 year olds do, right?

The boys have figured out when they will be fully vaccinated, have made notes on their respective days on the family calendar, and can’t wait to fully re-engage with friends, in activities, and more once the date arrives and beyond.

There is a collective sigh of relief from us all. How fortunate are we that we lived through this. How fortunate that we’ll get to (more fully) live again. So grateful for science and medical folks that figured this out. My boys saw the shot as a gift, and I do too.

How is your child with shots? How are you re-engaging in activities as things start to re-open?

I will be off next week to enjoy the long weekend with family and will be back in June.

Motherhood

How are you celebrating Mother’s Day today?

I’m reflecting this year on my time as a mother.

M – Milestones. Getting pregnant. Birth. Watching my children grow. Wow, wow, wow!

O – Observer. Trying to understand my child, what they need, and figuring out how to give it to them (physically, emotionally). A lot of trial and error.

T – Time. Such a strange thing. It slowed down so much when the kids were young. I couldn’t wait for time to go faster. Fast forward and I’d love for time to slow down now. My boys are becoming more independent by the day and will be grown and on their own before I know it.

H – Help. I was bad at asking for it when I first became a parent, thinking I was supposed to know how to magically do everything without any formal experience or training. A huge thank you to family, friends, and other new parents who supported my husband and I, helping us become better parents.

E – Everything. There is so much that goes into parenting. It’s hard, but what a joy. My boys have helped me grow so much as a person. Everything that goes into it — good and bad —has been absolutely worth it.

R – Rewarding. Seeing the world through my boys eyes as young children and now as teens always makes me feel like I’m seeing (appreciating) the world anew.

I hope all the moms out there have a wonderful Mother’s Day. What does being a mother mean to you?