Category Archives: Teen

Taking a Stand

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It isn’t easy to speak your mind in front of a crowd.

That’s exactly what my youngest did during Senior Speeches following his theater troop’s performances. It’s an annual tradition — they give out awards and the seniors give speeches—largely it’s about what theater has meant to them, individuals that made a difference, or a legacy they want to pass on.

My husband and I attended the awards and senior speeches in support of our son and were curious to hear what he’d have to say. Imagine our surprise when he started with, “I’m not going to do a traditional senior speech. I’m going to talk about something that’s been bothering me for a while…”. He proceeded to tell his theater peers that he was disappointed in a small group of individuals that appeared to be engaging in dangerous behavior and brag about it in the guys dressing room — mainly excessive alcohol consumption and drugs. He stated he understood that him saying this likely made him sound like an old person but he felt it was important and begged that those who were doing this (he didn’t name names) would choose a different path.

He finished and walked away. I was both proud of him and a little uncomfortable. Did he just ruin senior speeches for everyone else?

We got home and discussed what he had said. He didn’t start that day thinking he’d talk about what he did. It was only after being in the guys dressing room before their final performance and hearing some of his peers talk this way that he made up his mind. He’d seen this behavior before and this was his last opportunity to try to address it. It took guts.

I wish we’d known this was on his mind, because we could have helped his speech land in a way that might have had more of an impact. As it was, it came across as I’m disappointed in you and finished with a plea. Unless you’re someone’s kid, saying you’re disappointed in someone else typically doesn’t carry much weight (it’s usually met with indifference or I’ll show you). 😳 A friend, who was also at the speeches to support her daughter, shared afterwards that it didn’t take away from the speeches and was heart-felt. My son did have several of his peers that acknowledged his speech the following day and told him it was brave, and glad someone finally called the others out (without using names).

My son, being on the spectrum, struggles sometimes with how his messaging is received, but his heart is always in the right place. I know I wouldn’t have had the guts to do what he did at his age. Most people of my generation thought drinking was cool and the talk in the dressing room I’d guess was much more common place than it is today. Yikes!

It is never easy to take a stand. I can pretty much guarantee his speech will not be forgotten—whether because it made folks mad, uncomfortable, or they witnessed his bravery (and are inspired to take a stand of their own someday) they won’t forget it. I guess it’s a good thing he didn’t make valedictorian…I wonder what he’d say?🥰

Have you or your child taken a stand? What inspired you to do it?

Never Go It Alone

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I was reminded of this saying when my oldest let me know he was hiking over the long weekend. It’s a normal thing for him to do in his free time. I asked, “who are you hiking with?” Knowing he has various friends he goes on these outings with. “No one,” he replied. Gulp.

I’ve read too many stories of people hiking alone, many very experienced, who have some mishap and end up injured, and too often, dead. My worried brain went into overdrive. My son is an adult and can do as he pleases, but his frontal cortex isn’t fully formed and this decision reminded me of where his brain is in its development.

I stressed that he should always go with someone. He countered that he went on a busy trail with tons of people around. I told him, that if anything happened to him I couldn’t bear it, and then I told him I had my PhD in worrying. Doesn’t every parent? My son responded with the “ha ha” bubble. 🤷‍♀️

I shared this news with my husband and we agreed we’d talk to our son again and stress the importance of not going alone.

In life, it’s easy to go it alone — when you don’t have others who want to join in, you just want to do something by yourself, and/or you think you can (or should) do something on your own. Sometimes you have to go alone — to school, work, or an appointment. Most times, the risk is low. But going alone has its risks — like when you hike a tall peak by yourself or when you take on too much (project, work, life) and struggle or fail.

Growing up is trial by error. As parents we try to arm our kids with knowledge to make decisions that will keep them safe and allow them to lead fulfilling lives. I hope we’ve done that for our boys. Now if I could just speed up my oldest’s frontal cortex to be fully formed. 🤣

When has worry overtaken you? How are you helping your child to be safe when they want to go it alone?

Prom(ise)…You’ll Have a Good Time

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Did you go to prom?

I went to prom with a friend. I was glad I went, but the whole experience was awkward. I had no romantic interest in my date and ‘back in those days’ prom seemed to have a lot of pressure around advancing sexual relations. Ick! He was a gentleman (thankfully) and I made it through, but have been cautious about pushing prom as a thing you have to do with my boys.

My oldest went to prom with a group of friends. They spent the day together hanging out and getting ready. My sense, based on what he shared afterwards, was prom was meh, but hanging out with his friends prior was pretty awesome.

I didn’t think my youngest would go. I asked if he might want to go with his friends and he didn’t, at least not with everyone that might go in the group. He knew he’d be comfortable hanging out with his best friend, but everyone else could be a bit ‘much’ after a while. 😊

Imagine my surprise when I got a text from our son to my husband and I. He asked if we had anything on the calendar for an upcoming Saturday. I told him no, not thinking much of it. He replied, “well then, I guess I’m going to prom.” Wait. What? I thought and couldn’t wait for him to get home to tell us what changed. He shared a underclass man who’d shown some interest in my son had asked him if he was planning to go. He said he wasn’t sure and asked her if she was going. She said she wanted to go, but didn’t have a date. 😉 I can’t recall what exactly was said next but know she ended up asking my son if he would take her and he said “yes.” When I asked him why he didn’t just ask her, he said, “I thought it was important it be her decision.” 😊

Of course my son, being on the spectrum, doesn’t always catch social cues. He shared some of his concerns — wanting to spend time with his best friend while there, but not wanting to leave her out or make her feel neglected. We talked about ways he could include her and hopefully have a good experience. I reminded him that this was good dating practice and since she is a underclass man she’ll have another chance to go next year. Thinking about it in these terms seemed to reassure him it would okay.

I’ve been fortunate to have experiences I wasn’t sure I would with my kids. My son going to prom (with a date!) is the cherry on top (for now).

What unexpected experiences have you had with your kid(s)?

I will be away next weekend spending time away with family and friends and back at the end of the month.

Through a Child’s Eyes

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You see things anew through your child, right?

I know I did. Particularly when they were young and experiencing things for the first time. Seeing animals at the zoo, riding on a merry-go-round, swimming! They were all new to the kids and met with great interest.

My kids are still getting me to see things in a new light. We have taken the boys on sightseeing trips to major US landmarks over the years. Our goal was to not only educate our sons, but show them how much variety (in the ways cities look and feel, how people get around, the weather, nature, and more) there is in our country.

One trip we were fortunate enough to get a tour guide who had his PhD in the history of the city we were in and he opened our eyes to things an average tourist (which is squarely where we would put ourselves) wouldn’t know. We loved it!

My youngest also loves history and geography and studies it without any prompting. He wanted to make a return trip over his Spring Break to two major cities we’d visited prior. My initial reaction was okay, but what are we going to do the whole time we’re there since we’ve already done most everything? Of course, I shouldn’t have underestimated my son.

He had places mapped out he wanted to go. Much like our tour with the PhD guide, our son was showing us things anew — a place where George Washington gave a speech and people were so inspired they took the crowns of the top of the posts of a fence nearby and melted them down to make cannons as part of the American Revolution. The fence still stands with a plaque you could easily walk past and never realize you just walked past something with historic relevance. He had us find where molasses spilled and killed many people prior to better safety laws being in place. The list goes on one on. We didn’t visit one traditional tourist site but explored each city in much more fulfilling way. I left each place feeling like I better knew it. I couldn’t have done that without my son’s own curiosity..

What has your child helped you see anew?

Second Class

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When have you felt ordinary?

For most of us it’s a majority of the time, but there are those occasions where you feel special — an upgrade at a hotel, priority lane access at an airport (or perhaps amusement park), or flying first class.

I did some travel during a Spring Break week and had many families on my flight as my destination wasn’t far from a popular amusement park. A young boy, probably 5 or so, was walking down the aisle with his mom. She was directing him to aisle 19. He asked if they were sitting in first class. He was already in the coach section when he asked this question. His mom said, “no, those are the seats at the front of the plane.” He wasn’t sure where the front of the plane was and asked if the seats were the furthest seats in the back of the plane. His mom laughed and asked if he’d remembered the larger seats they had already passed. He then asked, “are we second class?” Many of us laughed. Someone said, “it feels like it, right?” And another commented, “at least we’re not third.” 😂

We don’t often experience situations where we’re made to feel special, but even if you’re not flying first class, the fact that we can afford to be on a plane and go somewhere (for whatever reason) is pretty special.

For those on Spring Break, enjoy your adventure. I’ll be off next week experiencing our final school Spring Break and back towards the end of the month.

School Vacations

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Do you take vacation during your child’s school breaks?

We’ve been vacationing based on the public school calendar for a long time. With our oldest out of the house and our youngest a senior, we’re realizing we’re nearing an end to being tied to the school calendar. Partially a relief, and the other part sadness.

We most recently drove through the southeast during midwinter break, my youngest eager to visit a part of the country he’s not familiar with. We recognize how fortunate we are that we can take trips, and while hours in the car might not sound fun to most, it was worth it — especially since my son loves history and geography. Just listening to him share bits of information along the way made the trip memorable and more enjoyable. I’ll miss how he can create interest in something or some place that might seem otherwise uninteresting.

We’re going to try to pack in as much adventure as we can before he graduates. It’s still hard to believe we won’t be tied to the school calendar much longer.

How has the school calendar changed how you vacation? What trips have been the most memorable for you and your family?

First Kiss Update

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Son proposing in school play (female character not his girlfriend) 🥰

It’s been almost 10 years since my original post, and still one of my favorites. It’s funny how kids change over the years, including their likes and interests. My son and his then “girlfriend” remain friends, but there is no longer any love interest. They do share a love for the theater – performing, writing, and directing. It’s been really neat to see them not only take on these roles, but encourage each other.

Love doesn’t always last, but it does leave an impression. My son lucked out with his first love. I hope your child did too.

I will be away on vacation and back in March.

** ** ** Original Post from 2016 ** ** **

Do you remember your first kiss?

My youngest has a ‘girlfriend’ that he’s known since kindergarten. Now, you wouldn’t know they are boyfriend and girlfriend because they barely interact with each other when in close proximity. But there are these moments when they are inseparable. It doesn’t take much, when one of them initiates doing something with the other.

There was an “engagement” last summer when, during a day at summer camp, they decided they wanted to plan out their life and make it official. Our families had a picnic to celebrate their plans. We have some great pictures of them. While their pretend ceremony was very innocent, and they posed for pictures as though they were kissing, they actually did not. My youngest was fine with this, and thought all of it was good fun.

His girlfriend moved to another school this year, so their interaction has been even less with the exception of the occasional playdate. When she last came over to play, they did what the normally do, they sat in the same room, but proceeded to read books and not actually play together. As their playdate was ending, his friend suddenly decided they needed to play a quick board game (is that even possible?) and while her mom and I allowed them to play for a few minutes, we were working to wrap it up so everyone could go home. While her mother and I were talking, the kids decided to resume their almost ceremonially kiss pose they had at the picnic. I have no idea what prompted this, as it happened so quickly. After seeing what they were up to, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but it didn’t take long to figure it out. My son went in for the kiss this time and was smiling from ear-to-ear following. It was very sweet. I was happy for him that his first kiss was with a girl he really liked. I was happy that he didn’t have to go through the fretting I did in wondering when the first kiss would happen and who would it be with. It also felt like I just passed a milestone with my son way earlier than I’d anticipated. Of course, every milestone that occurs reminds me how quickly my sons are growing up. And while things can move fast in life, I’m don’t want it to go by at such a rapid pace.  I realize this is a bit out of my control, but boy, would I love to slow down time sometimes.

How do you experience milestones with your child?
 

Pride (and Prejudice)

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My youngest finally got a main speaking role in his high school production. Up to this point, during his time in high school, he’s had one line in a musical and always been part of the ensemble cast. He’s yearned for a lead role every year, and been understandably upset when not picked. He is a senior this year, and knowing time is limited to get roles, he was thrilled when he was cast as Mr. Collins, in Pride and Prejudice. Of course, he would have loved to been cast as Mr. Darcy, but grateful he got a role.

The show had six performances. We decided we’d see him on closing weekend. A friend, whose daughter is also in theatre, saw the show opening night. I received a text from her during the show’s intermission “Your son makes a great Mr. Collins.” I replied with a ❤️ emoji and shared we’d be seeing a later performance. I received another text from her following the show, “He had the audience in the palm of his hand. Kudos.” WOW! I thought. What a great compliment for my son (or anyone) to receive. I was bursting with PRIDE for my son, thinking of all the hard work he’d put in over the years and getting this type of recognition.

The compliment was backed up by another when my son received a senior superlative (think most likely to succeed, most athletic, best all around, etc.). When he told friends he won, they asked in what category? He asked them to guess. Two that saw the show said, “you got it for acting, didn’t you?” He didn’t, he got it for being a school history buff, but again, having both adults and your peers acknowledge your work, I’m not sure there’s anything much better. Unless, of course, he played Mr. Darcy, but I suppose that’s just his mom being PREJUDICE. 😂

When have you felt tremendous pride for your child?

Memphis

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What’s a family trip that’s stayed with you? Our family visited New Orleans, Memphis, and Chicago last year. Taking a train to get us to our destinations (of course, my youngest wouldn’t have it any other way). Memphis stood out … Continue reading →