When I was a child, I took love for what I saw around me — in movies, kid/tween shows, saw in advertisements or read in books. As I grew I saw the disconnect between fiction (what I based on TV and books) and real life.
I learned that love doesn’t come in the form of diamonds or chocolate, though they can be nice gestures, but comes in real moments, vulnerable moments, when someone loves you just for being you and let’s you know it all of the time, not just on certain days or occasions.
I have tried to shortcut my sons journey in understanding what love truly is. I remind them that what they see on TV or internet is ENTERTAINMENT not real life (though yes, there are some exceptions), but to take what they’re watching with a grain of salt. Love is putting yourself out there, not pretending or portraying an image you think someone else wants. It’s just being you. Romantic love can be scary, but all other love is not because you decide singularly how to give and receive it.
This Valentines Day there is much that I love. My husband, my boys, my parents, siblings, and friends. A simple hug, a “love you” reply from one of my sons, and a friend checking in, are the gestures that mean the most. It’s true signs of caring and love. It’s the real treasure love provides.
What do you love? How are you helping your child understand what love is?
Ever had one of those days where you just need a hug?
I was wrapping up a particularly stressful day and joined my family in the kitchen. “I could use a hug,” I said to my husband. He knows this is code for I need you to give me some reassurance (hugs work great) that lets me know I’ll get through this/this too shall pass/everyday won’t be like today. My younger son jumped up from his chair and said, “Let’s give Mom a hug sandwich!” My husband and I were reminded of hug sandwiches we’d done with our sons when they were much younger. It would be a fun way for us to show affection for each other and include the kids. There were ham sandwich hugs (one kid in between my husband and I), double decker (both kids in between us), and other silly variations. My son suggesting a hug sandwich was just what I needed that day.
Once the hug sandwich began, we noticed our older son sitting down not joining us. My husband and I looked at each other, and then he asked our son to join us. In typical teenage fashion he said “no.” “Ah, come on,” I responded, “everyone needs a hug every once in a while. Join us.” “Nope,” he said. My husband, younger son and I briefly commiserated and decided he was going to get a hug whether he wanted one or not. My husband said. “Okay, if you’re not coming to us, we’re coming to you.” We walked in our 3-person hug sandwich towards my oldest son (I was going backwards relying on my husband and younger son to guide me). There was much laughter as we shuffled across the room. Once we were in front of my oldest, who was still seated, we asked him to join us. “No,” he repeated. We weren’t giving up. We all started asking him to join us. Finally we started repeating his name over and over. After he realized we weren’t going to give up he stood up and gave us a resigned, “fine.” He briefly joined the family hug (1-2 seconds max) sandwich before stepping away and ensuring he got some distance from us so we couldn’t keep after him. 😊
The hug was something we all needed — reminding us we’re there for each other, we care about each other, and can be silly together regardless how old we are.
Getting a hug from your kid always makes your day a little better, right?
My husband came home from work one day and was greeted by my younger son. “How was your day, Dad?,” he asked. “Fine,” My husband replied. You could tell by his tone that it wasn’t a particularly good or bad day, he did look a bit tired though. “Dad,” my son continued, “you need a reboot! I’m giving you a hug!” My husband couldn’t help but laugh by ur son’s reaction. “A reboot?” my husband asked. “Dad, you’re like a computer. Running all the time. You’re going to ‘crash’ eventually — no computer runs forever. And a hug is the way you reboot.” I was in awe of my son’s insight and the truth of his words. We joked about how Dad ‘crashes’ (naps) too often do he was probably overdue for a ‘reboot.’
As parents, we are going on full speed 24×7. We can sometimes try to get by on caffeine, little sleep, or just ‘touching it out.’ Children are very observant and understand a lot more about what’s going on than we parents sometimes realize. I loved that my son recognized this, and loved that he understood a simple hug could make a world of difference even when you’re not having such a terrible day.
How do you reboot? How does a hug from your child positively impact you?