Category Archives: Perfection

Changing of the Guard — Closing a Chapter

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There are times in life when you see change coming. I first was keenly aware of this when my oldest was born. I was entering a new phase of life.

I experienced it again when I went to a friend’s retirement from the military. The ceremony’s main focus was recognizing each service member’s contributions over the years, but once the ceremony finished, they initiated new service members into the military who’d just completed their basic training. It was a bit of a shock to see the (30 years) gap between those leaving the service — what they’d seen, and experienced over their careers, and what the new service members had in front of them.

I started this blog with the publication of my book, Ten Simple Tools for No Regrets Parenting, back in November 2011. Writing the book was important for me — I wanted to flex the creative side of my brain, and needed a new challenge in life. I wanted to arm myself with knowledge to be the best parent I could and navigate parenthood in a way I felt good about. I found good information in various sources, but nothing that was concise that would give me simple tools to use on the journey. It became a passion project for me and I’m glad I brought it to life. It’s allowed me to speak to hundreds of new parents over the years (thank you @pepsforparents) and do this blog.

While doing a blog is considered old-school, what I liked most about it was it forced me to reflect on my parenting experience as I went along. It helped keep me accountable and humble.

I’d get asked about my book’s title on occasion and how I could think parents wouldn’t make mistakes. This comment made me chuckle every time because the title includes no regrets, not no mistakes. I’ve made mistakes throughout my journey, like we all have. It was acknowledging them when they happened and handling the situation differently and better the next time.

I had conversations with my boys my parents never had with me, about their bodies, their fears, their interests, their behavior, hygiene (or lack thereof), and always let them know that I love them no matter what, even when they might not reciprocate. 🥰

I’ve learned patience and how to be more present. I’ve learned I have no control only influence, and I am beyond grateful for them being in my life.

Our next door neighbors (a younger couple) are getting ready to have their first child and it feels like a changing of the guard, where my husband and I finish this phase of life (the boys growing up in our house and under our supervision) and their’s is just starting. I’m excited for them, but excited for my husband and I too, being on this side of the journey.

My goal with this blog was also to help other parents have the parenting journey they want. There is no right or perfect way. There is only learning, growing, owning your mistakes, making amends, and doing better. I hope this blog was helpful to those that read it — whether once or weekly.

I know my parenting journey doesn’t end here, but it changes, and it feels like this is a good place to close this out. If I’m fortunate there might be grandchildren in the future and perhaps you’ll see me again here (or some other format) in how I can be a better grandparent.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for helping me have the parenting journey I wanted to.

Practice Makes Perfect

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Do you have a perfectionist in your family?

My oldest has high expectations of himself. He always has since he was small. In his mind, he should know how to do something expertly even if he has little to no experience with it. Make a goal on every play, ace a new math assignment, get to high levels the first time playing a new video game. He’s disappointment and frustration that things ‘don’t come easily’ is hard for him.

I’ve often wondered where this came from. My husband and I have never pushed either of our boys to be perfect. We have asked them to put in effort, try their best, and not to give up when improvement is needed. Yet, my son’s expectations of himself remain the same.

My husband recently alerted me to what might be a contributing factor. “Have you ever noticed on TV or in the movies how easy new things always seem to be?” he asked, “Take Luke Skywalker, for example. They find him on a remote planet and before you know it, he’s flying a X-wing fighter with enough precision that he hits his target and blows up the Death Star on practically his first try. You never see Luke struggle to learn to fly. He’s just good at it. You never see him put in the work.” Of course, I could point out that we see Luke struggle to become a Jedi, but that is besides the point. My husband was onto something, rarely does effort get the lead in the storyline unless the payoff is big in the end (win the game, gold medal, blow up the Death Star). Struggle and the gift it gives in helping you better understand yourself and what you’re capable of isn’t always easy to see or appreciate.

I find myself having more compassion for my son (vs. concern) over his desire to always achieve peak performance. I plan to use the example my husband shared with me with my son. Maybe it will resonate with him, maybe it won’t. And if it doesn’t, I’ll have to practice what examples I’ll use on him next. After all, practice makes perfect, right?

How are you helping your child when they have high expectations of themselves? How are you helping them understand (appreciate?) the gift of practice?

I’ll be off for a bit to enjoy Spring Break and will be back in a few weeks.