Tag Archives: Listening

Gift Exchange

Posted on by

0

What is the best unexpected gift you received?

Our exchange student is giving us gifts in unexpected ways. Taking them to our favorite parts of town, trying new foods (for them and us), sharing traditions and learning how ours are different from their’s. It’s seeing and appreciating the world in a whole new way for our family.

Most days, there is a period of time where we sit and have long discussions. It can be about their day, what’s going on, explaining to each other our differences. These talks often end with her and I left at the table or on the couch and the topic will turn to boys, what comes after she returns home (university, field of study, making up for missed time with family and friends, etc.). I find in these times I listen (or try to be a good listener), but have an almost uncontrollably urge to share knowledge and give advice. When the student talks, it’s like I’m listening to myself and want to have the conversations with her no one had with me at her age. I’m cognizant I’m not her parent, and stress cultures are different but try to boil anything I say down to what I would have benefited from (respecting yourself, getting clarity on your skills and interests for example) without any judgement. It is a wonderful gift to receive and I’m hopeful a gift to our student (I also feel like I have a small window into some of the joys of grand-parenting and seeing the world through new eyes). 🥰

It’s a gift to be able to share knowledge with others, and learn from others — something our exchange student being here is allowing us to do. We hope they see it as a gift too.

What knowledge is it important for you to share with your child? What are you learning from them?

Dinner Outside

Posted on by

0

The weather has gotten unseasonably warm where we live. It’s a joy, as normally we don’t get warm temperatures well into July. The weather has allowed us to eat outdoors. On nice weather evenings, we like to go outside — it’s more relaxing and has the ability of getting our oldest to open up a bit more. 😊

Our oldest was finishing his meal with us outside, and we thought he’d stand up and leave without having much further dialogue with us the rest of the day. Instead, he leaned back in his chair, took a deep breath, and started asking his father and I about college, and work. You could see his mind processing the information. As I shared I tried to be mindful of what and how I was answering his questions. I’m trying to walk with him, not manipulate him. I wanted to answer his questions honestly, from my experience, but not over-index to stress my position (e.g., resist the temptation to influence him around what he should and shouldn’t do post high school).

It was really nice sitting and talking with him. It was special just having him be with us. Being outside with the sun going down and flowers and trees blooming around us made it that much more memorable.

Having dinner in the backyard is special for our family. Where do you have special meals? Your backyard, at the park, another’s house, etc.? What settings get your child to open up?

I will be off next weekend enjoying time with family and friends, and will be back in June. Hope you enjoy the holiday weekend.

Listening In

Posted on by

0

Does your kid ever appear to tune you out, only to find out they’re really listening?

When my youngest was small he LOVED the word “no.” He used it so often you’d wonder if he truly understood the meaning or was just messing with you. My husband and I decided to see how much he was listening to us by changing up the questions. “Are you hungry?” “No!” “Are you tired?” “No!” “Do you want to play with a toy?” “No!” “Do you want a million dollars?” Pause. “Yes!” So, he was listening.

Speed up to teens years, both youngest and oldest engage with my husband and I in different ways. The youngest more likely to talk and listen. The oldest more likely to nod, shake head, or grunt. Texting is sometimes the most effective way to get messages across. 😂

Though I’m unclear how often our sons actually listen to us, I was happily surprised when we were sitting in a movie and the previews were showing. Normally we tune them out, unless something about them really catches our attention. I wish I could remember which trailer it was but the preview showed the main character conflicted about what to do in a situation and clearly a future act of violence was on their mind. The supporting character said, “Don’t get even by hurting those that did wrong by you, but get even by doing right by those that helped you.” There was an audible gasp for those in the theater. It was profound in focusing on taking the high road, making choices that lead to opportunity, it was so well said and I was glad it didn’t come from my husband or I. The audible gasp by others in the theater caught my boys attention. What was just said was important perhaps even wise. They were listening.😊

How do you get your kid to listen (particularly when trying to get an important point across)? Have any parent-hacks you can share around how you got your child to listen?

Dinner Table

Posted on by

0

How has meal time been affected by Covid?

In our family, we’ve always had dinner together, but as my husband and I have had to travel for work more often, or get to meetings in the evening, and the kids have grown and become more independent, getting us all together at the dinner table became more inconsistent. Until the pandemic kept us home.

Sitting at the table in the early days allowed us to talk about what was going on, and how we were feeling. Obviously a delicate balance since none of us had been through a pandemic before, and as parents we wanted our children to feel safe (we’d take the needed precautions and would get through this together). Each family member learned about the virus, the history of other pandemics, medical findings, and shared what we learned at the table. We dealt with boredom and frustration at being home and confined to our neighborhood. We talked about looking for the good in a difficult situation.

My appreciation for us gathering at dinner time grew when school started back up. Our oldest has a modified schedule where he has anywhere from 3-4 subjects a day (vs. the normal 7). They alternate days and subjects so he receives all the instruction he needs over any given week. In previous school years if I asked him how things were going or how his day was I’d most often get a “fine.” But with Covid and him doing remote learning I could dig deeper and get him to open up. Asking him questions — “what classes did you have today?” “How is that going?” “Do you feel like you’re understanding what they’re teaching you?” “What would help you better understand the material?” — was eye opening. My husband and I felt we got a much better picture than we’ve had before. The question we left our son with was, “What can we do to help?” He wants to try things on his own for now, and we want to encourage his growing independence. We appreciate the chance to check-in and share with our kids, and better understand what they’re dealing with and going through. It will be one of the few things I hope we maintain with the same consistency once we are past the pandemic.

How are you connecting with your child? What type of conversations are you having at the dinner table?

Who’s Listening?

Posted on by

0

Do you think you’re kids are paying attention to what you say?

It feels like my kids often have selective hearing. I have to remind them to: make their lunch, pick up their clothes, wash their hands, put on deodorant and the list goes on. There are other times when my kids seem really tuned in to what they are hearing. My youngest son and I were watching TV when Facebook’s mea culpa ad came on. I didn’t think my son was paying attention to the ad. As the ad finished, he looked at me and said, “I don’t know why Facebook is apologizing. Cambridge Analytica should be. It’s their fault this happened.” I was stunned. I’m not sure I agreed with his assessment of the situation but was more in wonder of where had he heard of Cambridge Analytica? How did he make this connection? I asked him. “Mom, I listen to the radio,” he said. My husband does have NPR on most of the time he’s driving. “I’m up on world news,” and he laughed as if me asking him how he knew about Cambridge Analytica was the silliest thing he’d ever heard.

Clearly my kids are paying attention more than I realized. Yes, I will have to continue to remind them to do their chores, but they are listening — to our conversations, what’s on TV, and the radio, and they are forming their own opinions around how the world works and right from wrong. I’m inspired to pay closer attention, ask them questions and challenge their assumptions, and encourage them to challenge mine.

What are your kids listening to? How are you helping them decipher all the messaging that comes their way?

I will be off next week celebrating Memorial Day with family and will return in June. Happy Memorial Day!