Can’t Wait

What have you been looking forward to doing post pandemic? Have you done it yet?

Our family has been planning and saving for a ‘dream’ trip for a while. The pandemic took away a few summers for us to do this vacation due to restrictions or challenging logistics. It’s been hard to bide our time, but the trip is upon us and we can’t wait.

We have two-three summers with all of us together before my oldest is out of the house and our chances of taking a family trip significantly dwindle. Time is moving forward with or without the pandemic. 😬 It makes this trip that much sweeter.

The best part about this vacation isn’t so much where we’re going but how we’ll get there. My youngest, with his love of maps and transit has helped determine how we’ll get from place to place. It’s fun to see his passion and knowledge pour out of him. When he was younger and with his grandparents at an amusement park they were trying to determine which way they needed to go to get on a ride. My son replied to his grandparents, “We don’t need no stinking map, I know where we are and how to get there.” And he did. He’s earned the nickname “I don’t need no stinking maps” from his grandparents, but it’s only used when having a map would be handy. 😊

Seeing our kids get involved in the planning has been fun. Our youngest is excited, but also a bit bummed knowing he can’t see everything in one trip. We remind him to figure out how he can get back to these locations for further exploration in the future. Set a goal, make it happen.

It’s fun to anticipate an upcoming event. Then it happens and before you know it it’s over. I’m going to be mindful, and work to keep my family mindful so we take it all in, and be there, with the goal of this dream trip lasting beyond the vacation itself. Hoping to have experiences that we’ll remember happily forever.😎

What are you looking forward to doing as a family this summer? What memories are you hoping to make?

I’ll be off for the next few weeks and back mid-August.

Zoom Graduation

Time flies.

My youngest finished middle school this past week. In advance of the in-person ceremony there was much preparation—practicing his speech (all students at his school that are graduating do a short speech reflecting on their time there), figuring out what to wear, etc.. There was much preparation for us parents as well—ensuring family members had all the details, the after celebration for the students being cared for, etc.. COVID threw a wrinkle into the plans when it hit a good portion of the school’s small student body and forced the school to move the graduation to Zoom (we thought we were past that, but … not), 😬 and the after celebration pushed out. A bummer in the moment, but the right thing to do.

Zoom may have actually made the graduation ceremony better—family from afar could still participate and support their grandson or nephew. The kids were in more comfortable (natural) surroundings which helped lessen anxiety around their public speech, and no one felt pressured to “keep things moving along,” — it was nice.

The benefit of Zoom was also watching the students encouraging and supporting each other through the chat feature throughout the ceremony. When they weren’t encouraging and supporting each other, they were sharing inside jokes or being funny (nice for a parent to get insight first hand in what kids find funny these days). 😊

While watching the ceremony there was a strong sense of how fast time has gone by, and the milestone moment we were going through. I desperately wished time would slow down, even just a little. The ceremony concluded. My son was proud of his speech and how he delivered it, and we all reflected on his growth, and maturity, and being excited for him in what comes next.

Time flies. Oh, how in these moments, I wish it didn’t.

What milestone(s) is your child/family celebrating? What are (have) you doing to commemorate the milestone?

Crossroads

My oldest has asked to play football since he was very young. We were against tackle (due to brain injury concern, and the potential for him being exposed and potentially embracing toxic masculinity), but relented following our son being in flag football for many years, COVID isolating us all, and his need to see his dream through.

His first year, it was a shortened season—only four games, but they won most, and he had fun. The second year was a bit more eye-opening for him. He’d get overly anxious before each game — being unable to eat and/or keep anything down. He’d have no energy during the games (you don’t play optimally when you’re tired), and would be starving. All distractions. Workouts were more intense, but that didn’t bother him—he likes pushing himself to be fitter. His teammates were all over the place. Seniors making the season as if it were life and death, and his peers goofing off half the time. It’s left him questioning ‘do I really want to keep doing this?’

My oldest shared with his father he was considering walking away from the game. My husband was taken aback and needed a few minutes to let it sync in. My husband shared what he’d heard when I got home later that evening. “He said he has an important decision to make here in a few weeks about whether he’ll play football or not next year.” We we’re both caught by surprise. I wanted to talk to my son and see if I could understand more of what was driving this.

Thankfully he was willing to talk. I asked him why his was questioning playing with the team. He had clearly been putting some thought into it as he’d put a pros and cons list together mental which he recited. He shared that he loves the team and preparing for the game (though grueling). He hated how anxious he got, and it not allowing him to perform to his ability. He hated the range of attitudes by the players—overly serious (this is life and death), or immaturity, and some toxic masculinity (let’s hit something, pound chests, etc.). I could see how conflicted he was — loving the game, not loving all the comes with it. He was at a crossroads.

I started by telling him that playing, or not playing, was his decision but wanted to give him some things to consider before making the call. I started by talking about his teammates and the effect the pandemic had (which we all don’t fully understand yet) on younger people. “The seniors were overly serious because they got gypped out of two regular seasons due to the virus. They had a brief taste in the shortened season in the Spring of last year and wanted to see what they were capable of. Regarding your peers, studies have already shown maturity lacking in teen age groups due to the virus. Give tour peers through the summer and I’d guess they’ll act more age-appropriate.” I let that sink in for a minute then continued, “Regarding pre-game nerves. We can get you help with that through the doctor and bring in others like a sports psychologist to give you tools. The coach talked to you already about the leadership potential he sees in you, right?” My son nodded his head. “You have the opportunity to lean into being a leader. You followed last year because you thought that was your place, but you are growing and others see the potential in you. You have the opportunity to lead, people respect and listen to what you have to say.” This seemed to get him thinking based on his facial expression. “The last thing I’d like you to think about is not having regrets. You need to think through would you regret not playing sometime down the road, and if the answer is yes, than reconsider.” I shared a story with him about my own high school sports experience. I’d played on the golf team. The game was mentally taxing. I was good, but not great. I took it seriously, but not life or death. I recall questioning myself each year, but particularly before my senior year if I really wanted to subject myself to all the mental stress again. I ultimately decided I would regret it if I didn’t see it through, and I’m so glad I did. I have great memories, continued to improve my game, and got to be a mentor/roll model to the younger players. It was very satisfying.

My son is at a crossroads. My husband and I can only guide him at this point. I don’t want him making a decision he’ll wish he hadn’t later. As a parent, I feel the need to step back and let him make up his mind, and show that we trust him to make decisions that are right for him. He’s becoming an adult after all and needs to learn how to make ‘big’ decisions he can live with. It’s a bit unsettling as a parent to start letting go, but that’s the only way he’ll grow.

What crossroads has your child faced? How are you helping them make decisions for themselves that they feel good about?

The Great Pumpkin Carving

What’s a favorite Fall tradition for your family?

We have several including going to our favorite pumpkin patch, but the tradition I look most forward to is pumpkin carving. The pumpkin carving is fun, but I enjoy the company, seeing everyone, talking, catching up, sharing a meal, and feeling connected.

Last year, we skipped the tradition as a precaution due to COVID. We all missed it. My niece is a senior in high school and will be heading off to college next year. This being her last pumpkin carving (at least for a while) is really hitting home. My sons and I talked about it when we went to the pumpkin patch with their cousins. We are all in a bit of denial this tradition will come to an end-of-sorts after this year. Yes, it will still go on, but it will be different without her with us. I’m reminded again of how quickly time is going and trying to be truly present so I can fully take in the joy of the experience and all of us being back together again.

What traditions are you most looking forward to resuming? What will it mean to you and your family to be back with others again?

Transitions

What transitions are you currently facing?

Transitions are a normal part of life. We’ve all experienced more dramatic transitions in the past year with COVID — being apart, remote work and schooling, etc. We’re transitioning again as those with vaccinations increase and COVID cases drop.

Coming out of COVID, there seems to be a heightened awareness of what each transition means – a BBQ with friends (luxury), attending an event with more than five people (a little anxiety producing at risk – it feels uncomfortable still, but then joy), and so on.

My youngest son’s school had its graduation ceremony since COVID that was both in-person and live-streamed. It was the first time our family, and many others had been in such a large group setting. We wore masks since many students are still not fully vaccinated and in a desire to be cautious and respectful of others comfort levels with masking.

After the ceremony was over, we went outside to a large open parking lot to congratulate the graduates and parents, and socialize. Being in the open, many folks removed their masks — another transition. It was freeing to see and experience for myself.

As we move out of the isolation and separation COVID brought, more noticeable transitions will come — returning to the office, school or not, for example. We’ll have a heightened awareness of them, and then we’ll get used to them and (potentially) take them for granted as part of life once more. Funny how transitions always seem to have a thread of “hard” (to do) in them, right? But transitions are essentially change and we know that change is rarely easy.

What transitions have you and your family already made? What transitions still await? How are you helping your child make transitions (back to school, parties, being with friends, etc.)?

Vaccination

Shots are never fun regardless of your age, but when has a shot ever been something you looked forward to?

My boys were happy when my husband and I became eligible for the COVID vaccine in our state. They were elated when they were able to sign up to get their shots more recently.

One the day of his first vaccination shot, my youngest (who hates shots) was so excited he practically ran to the chair when it was his turn. No hesitancy to give the nurse his arm, relax, etc. Once he had his shot, he was elated. His reaction was much like my husband’s and mine — excited, relieved, hopeful. My oldest was the same with his shot, but played it much cooler – that’s what 15 year olds do, right?

The boys have figured out when they will be fully vaccinated, have made notes on their respective days on the family calendar, and can’t wait to fully re-engage with friends, in activities, and more once the date arrives and beyond.

There is a collective sigh of relief from us all. How fortunate are we that we lived through this. How fortunate that we’ll get to (more fully) live again. So grateful for science and medical folks that figured this out. My boys saw the shot as a gift, and I do too.

How is your child with shots? How are you re-engaging in activities as things start to re-open?

I will be off next week to enjoy the long weekend with family and will be back in June.

The Nutcracker and a New Year

What has reminded you most of the holidays being different this year?

Not being able to be with family and friends really struck home during Thanksgiving. Turning on the TV this past week and seeing The Nutcracker performed, really drove it home for me for Christmas. I was ready for no parties, or gatherings. I was ready not to go to any shows, movies or ballets. But seeing The Nutcracker on a local station being performed by our local ballet company solidified how different things are.

My youngest son joined me to see The Nutcracker at our local theater a few years back. Being there in person, hearing the music and feeling the vibrations from the orchestra as they play, watching talented dancers of all ages perform, and the excitement and gratitude the crowd felt just to be there appeared universal by all in attendance. It was special. Yet, sitting here in my home, seeing the ballet felt equally special. I didn’t have to go out into public, risk exposure to the virus to see a performance that can bring such joy.

I attempted to get my boys to join me to watch the performance. My youngest was playing Minecraft with friends online. My other on the phone with a friend. Ah, teens. It didn’t really matter. I lowered the lights to mimic the theatre and sat back. I could imagine being there in person with my family beside me. It was a mixture of nostalgia for what was, and hope for what can be — seeing the ballet live again one day soon.

This year has been one that required awareness, guidance, patience, reflection, support, community, and love to make it through. While a hard year, it was a year of growth for our family, and I’m guessing for many of yours. I look forward to how 2021 will be different. How we grow together. I’d say ‘go back to normal’ but my sense is even that will have changed. I look forward most to reconnecting, and being able to hug others again. I do so look forward to the New Year.

What is bringing you and your family joy this holiday season? What are you most looking forward to in the New Year?

I will be off the next few weeks to enjoy time with family and will be back in January.

Anxiety, Stress, and Gratefulness

What sums up 2020 for you and your family?

For us, it’s been anxiety, stress, and gratefulness.

Anxiety – the virus turning into a global pandemic reminded me of when I first became a parent. What is happening? How do I get myself through this? How do I help my sons get through this? Time shifted. It slowed much like it did when my sons were newborns, not knowing what each new day would bring, and bracing myself as I learned and adjusted.

Stress – much like giving birth trying to figure out how to survive — what we were seeing on the news, schools shutting down, work going remote, isolation, boredom, not knowing, toxic politics, people suffering, inequality and injustice, and longevity of the situation setting in — could be overwhelming and feel like you were surviving a trauma over and over. Putting one foot in front of the other to make it through the day could be challenging, but you put on your survivor face cause you had kids that needed to know everything would be okay, even when you didn’t.

Gratefulness – nature and our cat have been lifelines for us this year. Simple things — a sunny day, a rainbow, petting our cat (or simply watching him play, run, or hunt), brought us great joy. Virtual dinner parties, friends reaching out to check in, our boys finding ways to physically distance but still be with their friends, are things we are grateful for. Our health. Masks. People taking the virus seriously. All things we are thankful for. A vaccine, maybe two, coming, hallelujah! Time picking back up, adjusting to our new normal, being healthy. Grateful. Grateful. Grateful.

What sums up 2020 for you and your family? What are you grateful for this year?

Happy Thanksgiving. I’ll be off next week, but back in December.

Wait For It

Since the pandemic started time has been a funny thing. Dragging by and then suddenly speeding up, then slowing, speeding up, and so on.

The summer was probably the hardest for us. With school over, and no ability to really do anything with friends or travel, the long-ness of the situation set in. My kids complained often how bored they were. We all were.

Then school started back up and time picked back up with it. Not to the pace it was pre-pandemic but faster than it had been. We were grateful. Then the anxiety of the upcoming election set in, the economy crumbling, people suffering increased, and time almost seemed suspended — like being in an alternate universe. Yet time marched on.

Halloween came and went, and we got a sense for how the holidays will be different this year, foregoing some of our annual traditions to be safe. We held our breathe with the election. Then it was over and we exhaled. We almost shout with glee when we learned a vaccine is coming. But time is funny. The virus starts spiking, the vaccine will come but time slows, we have more waiting to do.

My boys are desperate to be with their friends again. We’re all having quarantine fatigue but have to stay the course until we’re actually vaccinated—so we play the waiting game.

It’s hard to be still and wait. You learn patience as a parent, or at least I did, with my kids. When you’re young, waiting for something can be so hard. Remember what it felt like on Christmas Eve (or morning) when you had to wait just a little longer to see what Santa brought? Waiting can feel like torture, but it does eventually pass. It almost always does. We just have to wait for it.

How are you and your family making it through the pandemic? What helps you make waiting easier or more bearable?

Exhausted

Does your child ever struggle with sleep?

My youngest became a good sleeper after we put him in the same bedroom with his older brother at the age of one. He has been our power sleeper for many years. We’ve often joke at how he can sleep through anything — high winds (he slept through it), rain coming into our tent (he slept thorough it), and the list goes on.

Lately our son has been having trouble sleeping — either having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. We’ve talked about ways to help – no food or water near bedtime, no screen time leading up to bed, and nothing seems to help. He’s not overly worried about it, but you can tell it’s bothering him. He rather liked thinking of himself as a power sleeper.

He was asked to watch the Presidential Debate for school so his class could discuss our political process the following day. Thank goodness he was only required to watch 30 minutes. He and I agreed, every minute of it was painful. It was only a few nights after that he shared he’d woken in the middle of the night and for whatever reason he was feeling anxious and scared. When I asked him if he knew what caused him to feel this way he couldn’t point to anything in particular. The way he described it it sounded like generalized anxiety. Like many these days there is much to worry about — COVID-19, equal justice, climate change, the economy, and politics. It’s enough to make anyone lose sleep.

As a family, we agreed that since the kids can remote school from anywhere we might as well take advantage of it. Because we’re all exhausted we need to take the opportunity for change in scenery. We need to find joy in the new, and gratitude for all the things we have. We’re hoping we’ll even get some good sleep. That would be amazing.

How does your child sleep? How do you help them when they struggle to get a good night’s rest?

I’ll be away for the next few weeks spending time with family and will be back in November.