LUCKY

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In honor of St. Patrick’s day ☘️ and the four-leaf clovers’ association with luck, I thought it timely to consider how luck plays into parenthood.

Per Thomas Jefferson, “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.“

Parenting is hard work. Really hard work that’s 24/7/365. It’s exhausting, it’s rewarding, and more often than not I feel lucky for having the experience.

L – Lots of hard work

U – Unexpected things will happen (all the time)

C – Caregiver, Coach, Champion

K – Kin, Being Kind

Y – Yea! Yahoo! Or whatever word you associate with having fun, celebrating or enjoying the experience. 🎉🥳

Where have you experienced luck in your parenting journey?

Parental Care

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When I started my parenting journey I never thought how I might have to parent my parents one day.

I don’t think any of us like to think about our parents aging, or struggling to do what they’ve done with ease up to this point.

One of my parent’s has cancer and dementia. The other is their primary caregiver. Both are doing relatively well considering the circumstances. It’s hard to see someone who raised you lose their capabilities and contrast it with your own journey of becoming a parent and being excited when your children achieved the capabilities my parent is now losing — mobility, ability to cook, and drive. I now get to take care of my parent the way they took care of me growing up — helping them up, lending an arm for stability, cooking a meal for them, driving them to an appointment. It’s both joyful and heartbreaking.

I don’t know what all is ahead of me on this journey, but I’m taking in all that I can, while I can — learning more about my parents’ lives, how they want to be remembered when they’re no longer with us, and what I can do to help them during this transition — and learning all the things that go into end of life preparation beyond having a will in place. It’s good for my husband and I to know so we can better plan for our own future hopefully a few decades from now.

I’m grateful for the time we have, whatever that is. I’m grateful for what I’m learning, and I’m grateful for my parents and the loving and stable environment I was raised in.

Are you dealing with an aging parent? What similarities are you seeing between your parenting journey and caring for your parent(s)?

School Vacations

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Do you take vacation during your child’s school breaks?

We’ve been vacationing based on the public school calendar for a long time. With our oldest out of the house and our youngest a senior, we’re realizing we’re nearing an end to being tied to the school calendar. Partially a relief, and the other part sadness.

We most recently drove through the southeast during midwinter break, my youngest eager to visit a part of the country he’s not familiar with. We recognize how fortunate we are that we can take trips, and while hours in the car might not sound fun to most, it was worth it — especially since my son loves history and geography. Just listening to him share bits of information along the way made the trip memorable and more enjoyable. I’ll miss how he can create interest in something or some place that might seem otherwise uninteresting.

We’re going to try to pack in as much adventure as we can before he graduates. It’s still hard to believe we won’t be tied to the school calendar much longer.

How has the school calendar changed how you vacation? What trips have been the most memorable for you and your family?

First Kiss Update

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Son proposing in school play (female character not his girlfriend) 🥰

It’s been almost 10 years since my original post, and still one of my favorites. It’s funny how kids change over the years, including their likes and interests. My son and his then “girlfriend” remain friends, but there is no longer any love interest. They do share a love for the theater – performing, writing, and directing. It’s been really neat to see them not only take on these roles, but encourage each other.

Love doesn’t always last, but it does leave an impression. My son lucked out with his first love. I hope your child did too.

I will be away on vacation and back in March.

** ** ** Original Post from 2016 ** ** **

Do you remember your first kiss?

My youngest has a ‘girlfriend’ that he’s known since kindergarten. Now, you wouldn’t know they are boyfriend and girlfriend because they barely interact with each other when in close proximity. But there are these moments when they are inseparable. It doesn’t take much, when one of them initiates doing something with the other.

There was an “engagement” last summer when, during a day at summer camp, they decided they wanted to plan out their life and make it official. Our families had a picnic to celebrate their plans. We have some great pictures of them. While their pretend ceremony was very innocent, and they posed for pictures as though they were kissing, they actually did not. My youngest was fine with this, and thought all of it was good fun.

His girlfriend moved to another school this year, so their interaction has been even less with the exception of the occasional playdate. When she last came over to play, they did what the normally do, they sat in the same room, but proceeded to read books and not actually play together. As their playdate was ending, his friend suddenly decided they needed to play a quick board game (is that even possible?) and while her mom and I allowed them to play for a few minutes, we were working to wrap it up so everyone could go home. While her mother and I were talking, the kids decided to resume their almost ceremonially kiss pose they had at the picnic. I have no idea what prompted this, as it happened so quickly. After seeing what they were up to, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but it didn’t take long to figure it out. My son went in for the kiss this time and was smiling from ear-to-ear following. It was very sweet. I was happy for him that his first kiss was with a girl he really liked. I was happy that he didn’t have to go through the fretting I did in wondering when the first kiss would happen and who would it be with. It also felt like I just passed a milestone with my son way earlier than I’d anticipated. Of course, every milestone that occurs reminds me how quickly my sons are growing up. And while things can move fast in life, I’m don’t want it to go by at such a rapid pace.  I realize this is a bit out of my control, but boy, would I love to slow down time sometimes.

How do you experience milestones with your child?
 

Pride (and Prejudice)

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My youngest finally got a main speaking role in his high school production. Up to this point, during his time in high school, he’s had one line in a musical and always been part of the ensemble cast. He’s yearned for a lead role every year, and been understandably upset when not picked. He is a senior this year, and knowing time is limited to get roles, he was thrilled when he was cast as Mr. Collins, in Pride and Prejudice. Of course, he would have loved to been cast as Mr. Darcy, but grateful he got a role.

The show had six performances. We decided we’d see him on closing weekend. A friend, whose daughter is also in theatre, saw the show opening night. I received a text from her during the show’s intermission “Your son makes a great Mr. Collins.” I replied with a ❤️ emoji and shared we’d be seeing a later performance. I received another text from her following the show, “He had the audience in the palm of his hand. Kudos.” WOW! I thought. What a great compliment for my son (or anyone) to receive. I was bursting with PRIDE for my son, thinking of all the hard work he’d put in over the years and getting this type of recognition.

The compliment was backed up by another when my son received a senior superlative (think most likely to succeed, most athletic, best all around, etc.). When he told friends he won, they asked in what category? He asked them to guess. Two that saw the show said, “you got it for acting, didn’t you?” He didn’t, he got it for being a school history buff, but again, having both adults and your peers acknowledge your work, I’m not sure there’s anything much better. Unless, of course, he played Mr. Darcy, but I suppose that’s just his mom being PREJUDICE. 😂

When have you felt tremendous pride for your child?

Protecting Your Nest

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What lengths will you go to protect your kid?

What prompted me to think of this were birds interacting outside my window. An eagle perched itself on top of a tree, and crows started swooping at it. I can only assume a nest with eggs or hatchlings were nearby. The eagle seemed undeterred by the birds, and more annoyed than anything. I thought the crows were rather brave. It seemed the eagle could easily hurt them if it wanted.

It reminded me of what we’ll do to protect our child — hold their hand to cross a road, speak up for them when they can’t, and sometimes the need to physically protect or defend them (I’m grateful I can’t recall a situation outside of standing in front of them when it was unclear if the person or group was safe, or guiding them past someone having a mental breakdown), but I do know there are times, when an inner alert goes off and we move into protect mode.

After a minute or so of nonstop swooping, the eagle stretched (it almost looked like it yawned) and sly off. One of the three crows followed it. If I had to guess, it was the mom. 😉

What lengths have (or would you go to) to protect your child?

Memphis

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What’s a family trip that’s stayed with you? Our family visited New Orleans, Memphis, and Chicago last year. Taking a train to get us to our destinations (of course, my youngest wouldn’t have it any other way). Memphis stood out … Continue reading →

Grown Up Conversations

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Have you had a grown up conversation with your child? It’s never easy, at least for me.

My youngest came home after seeing three short productions put on by his classmates one evening, and one particular play stuck with him. “Mom, it was about domestic abuse,” he said. “Did they show the woman getting hit?,” I asked. He shared that there was no violence throughout the play, but it was a telling of a story — that ran in The New Yorker called The Wind by Lauren Goff — of a mother and her children who attempt to flee her abusive husband, who had standing in society. Not everyone gets a happy ending.

My son had empathy for everyone in the story. He couldn’t shake the story (and the truths that the story mirrored reality for real people – male and female in these situations) he had heard. I knew I had to discuss it with him.

“Abuse is scary, and it can happen to anyone,” I started. “No one knowingly sets out to be in an abusive relationship.” I reminded him of the organization that had come to talk to him and his classmates in middle school, The One Love Foundation, and how it’s important to keep in mind what makes a healthy, and loving relationship. He agreed but was still shaken by what humans are capable of doing to one another. I’m shaken too.

My son shared he was grateful he grew up in a loving household and I echo’ed that his father and I were grateful we too had been raised in safe spaces. It hurts my soul to know not everyone gets that.

My son is an empathy with off-the-charts emotional intelligence (per my ranking scale 😉), and cares deeply about others and their wellbeing. I think the world would be a little better if we were more like my son in this way.

How do you talk to your kids about serious/grown up topics? How are you creating a safe space for them?

Crashing into the New Year

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Have you experienced a scare with your child?

I was out of town when I got a text message from my oldest, “we were in an accident.” It took me a second to register what I was reading. I knew my oldest was out of town with friends hiking and they were likely on their way back home. Was he telling me after the fact (the accident happened while they were away) or had it just happened? I texted back asking if they were okay and what happened. No response. I tried calling, no answer. I decided to try FaceTime— knowing it has a different ring and might get my son’s attention.

My question regarding timing of the accident was answered when my son answered. He had a lot of blood running down the left side of his face. He must have seen my expression of surprise and fear, because he quickly said, “don’t worry, mom, I can see fine out of my left eye.” The airbags had deployed after they hit some ice and their car spun into a snowbank and stopped after hitting the rear of a semi. 😳 My son wasn’t driving, his friend who was was hurt badly. My son kept stopping our conversation to yell to his friend not to move. It was terrifying to see my son go through this, know one of his friends was badly hurt and to be so far away. I sent him photos of insurance card and he confirmed help was on the way. I got off the phone with him and immediately reached out to my husband, who was closer to where my son was and could get to him.

The next few hours were hard. It was a waiting game to make sure everyone was okay. My son and another friend, who was riding in the backseat, were treated at the scene and dropped off at the closest exit. Their friend, who was driving, was sent to a hospital about 90 miles away. The unknown (his friend’s condition, how were his parents going to be notified, (as we don’t know them), and was everyone going to be okay) was toughest.

My husband got to the boys and was able to get them home, while their friend required to be hospitalized for a few days. My son hasn’t really wanted to talk about the accident since it happened, which is understandable, but my husband and I have told him repeatedly how glad we are that he is okay.

We can’t keep our kids fully safe, regardless of the precautions we take, or lessons we instill. They hit a patch of ice, which can happen to anyone. I was reminded of the fragility of life and grateful my son and his friends have more days ahead of them. I’m aware, that’s not always the case.

My son has a better appreciation for driving in snow and ice and the caution that’s needed. I’m guessing he’ll avoid driving in wintry conditions for the foreseeable future, which, honestly brings me some relief, though accidents can happen rain, snow/ice, or shine.

I’m reminded of how fortunate I am for every day I get with my kids, and how lucky and blessed I am to have them as we come into the New Year.

What are you thankful for as we move into another year?