Tag Archives: Alcohol

Taking a Stand

Posted on by

0

It isn’t easy to speak your mind in front of a crowd.

That’s exactly what my youngest did during Senior Speeches following his theater troop’s performances. It’s an annual tradition — they give out awards and the seniors give speeches—largely it’s about what theater has meant to them, individuals that made a difference, or a legacy they want to pass on.

My husband and I attended the awards and senior speeches in support of our son and were curious to hear what he’d have to say. Imagine our surprise when he started with, “I’m not going to do a traditional senior speech. I’m going to talk about something that’s been bothering me for a while…”. He proceeded to tell his theater peers that he was disappointed in a small group of individuals that appeared to be engaging in dangerous behavior and brag about it in the guys dressing room — mainly excessive alcohol consumption and drugs. He stated he understood that him saying this likely made him sound like an old person but he felt it was important and begged that those who were doing this (he didn’t name names) would choose a different path.

He finished and walked away. I was both proud of him and a little uncomfortable. Did he just ruin senior speeches for everyone else?

We got home and discussed what he had said. He didn’t start that day thinking he’d talk about what he did. It was only after being in the guys dressing room before their final performance and hearing some of his peers talk this way that he made up his mind. He’d seen this behavior before and this was his last opportunity to try to address it. It took guts.

I wish we’d known this was on his mind, because we could have helped his speech land in a way that might have had more of an impact. As it was, it came across as I’m disappointed in you and finished with a plea. Unless you’re someone’s kid, saying you’re disappointed in someone else typically doesn’t carry much weight (it’s usually met with indifference or I’ll show you). 😳 A friend, who was also at the speeches to support her daughter, shared afterwards that it didn’t take away from the speeches and was heart-felt. My son did have several of his peers that acknowledged his speech the following day and told him it was brave, and glad someone finally called the others out (without using names).

My son, being on the spectrum, struggles sometimes with how his messaging is received, but his heart is always in the right place. I know I wouldn’t have had the guts to do what he did at his age. Most people of my generation thought drinking was cool and the talk in the dressing room I’d guess was much more common place than it is today. Yikes!

It is never easy to take a stand. I can pretty much guarantee his speech will not be forgotten—whether because it made folks mad, uncomfortable, or they witnessed his bravery (and are inspired to take a stand of their own someday) they won’t forget it. I guess it’s a good thing he didn’t make valedictorian…I wonder what he’d say?🥰

Have you or your child taken a stand? What inspired you to do it?

From Uncomfortable to Comfortable

Posted on by

0

What are you uncomfortable talking about with your kid?

Sex was the one I knew I’d struggle the most with, and while we’ve had several conversations with our boys, and I’ve tried to get more comfortable, I haven’t reached a point where I’m at ease with the topic. I am committed to continue working on it. ☺️

As my boys enter adulthood, finding out who they are and trying new things, I know they will experience vulnerability and may make choices they don’t feel good about (even regret), but that’s part of growing up — making mistakes and learning from them.

I happed to be watching a show on escaping a cult, and it reminded me how no one sets out to join a cult, or abuse prescription drugs, or become an alcoholic. It’s something that can happen gradually and can happen to anyone regardless of your background or circumstances. We discussed the show and my thoughts over dinner. I was more comfortable having this conversation, because I had been recruited to join a multi-level marketing scheme when I was a little older than my oldest is now; and have experienced friends and family members who’ve suffered with addiction, including dying from it.

The reason I have experience with cults (or cult-like) was when I was a young adult I was at my parents house my dad found out I was going to a meeting. He inquired what the meeting was about, I told him and he said, “No, you’re not going.” It surprised me because he’d never done that before and took me aback because I could see how serious he was. I heard my dad out, and he shared how the same thing had happened to him when he was my age and it was some good luck that helped him out of the situation. He shared what I was in for if I went. I agreed not to go and am grateful. I’ve heard horror stories from others who got sucked in to this organization. In my situation what was disappointing was the “recruiters” had been a good friend from high school and his parents, who were well-respected in the small town I lived in.

My kids have heard these stories before so I didn’t rehash them. Instead I tested them on what they remembered about our previous talks. “What’s a sign of a cult?” My oldest looked at me quizzically. I prompted him. “They ask you for…” He responded, “money.” I acknowledged he’d got it right. My husband chimed in, “if they try to separate you from your loved ones, that’s a sign too.” We discussed various ways you can get recruited including the lure of self-help or finding love, maybe even offering free courses for a period of time. The big thing I wanted the boys to be aware of was that this could happen, and there is probably recruiting methods that we’re not even aware of, but if they got themselves in a situation where it didn’t feel right — being in a group that might be a cult, noticing the desire to drink or do drugs or other things that might not be best for them — not to get caught in the trap of feeling embarrassed or ashamed, but talking to us about it, or a trusted friend or other adult.

My kids will absolutely make mistakes (I still do at my age, grrrr), but I’m determined to let them know we are here for them, and are a safe space, mistakes and all. It isn’t comfortable having discussions on certain topics, but avoiding them isn’t an option.

What uncomfortable conversations do you struggle with? Which are you getting more comfortable with?