A Good Day

If your child is 10 or older, how often do they tell you they’ve had a good day at school?

In our house it’s normal, particularly from our oldest, to get one of the following responses: it was okay, or terrible (which usually means it was boring or not being prepared for a test or quiz). Rarely is the response good (or anything better than okay). 😊

My oldest needed a ride home from practice. He normally will call me when he’s ready to be picked up. My husband decided to go to the school, in my place, to see what was going on when we still hadn’t received a call or text from our son at the usual time. Of course my son didn’t know his father was already there, so he called me. When I answered his call to let him know his father was there, I noticed a lift (or happiness) in his voice. I was bummed I wasn’t the one going to pick him up, his tone indicated he had something he wanted to either share or talk about. I live for these moments.

My son got home and seemed to be in a good mood, not an overly good mood, but better than your average day. His father mentioned, while my son was getting cleaned up for dinner, that he’d had a good day, and nothing more. As we were eating dinner I inquired with our son, “I heard you had a good day. What was good about it?” He responded, “Dad, have you been gossiping?” This reaction surprised me, I thought my son would just answer the question. My husband said, “All I told Mom was that you had a good day.” I chimed in again, because now my son had me really curious, “so, what was good about your day?” He paused, then said, “the weight room is open after school and they said I can use it.” He looked like he wanted to share more but wouldn’t. I let silence settle in as we continued with our meal. Finally, I had to take another try at finding out what he was holding back. “Was there anything else good about your day?” He thought, then carefully chose his words, “I guess it’s just how the day went. The first four periods, not so great, not so bad. Second part of day went better and knowing I could use the workout room and get all my exercises in felt great.” I knew he was holding something back, but decided not to pry further.

Later that evening, when it was just my husband and I, he gave me a little more insight into my son’s good day, sharing that my son had gotten paired with a classmate he was interested in and the conversation had gone very well. I could understand why my son wouldn’t want to share that in front of us. Liking someone and wanting/hoping to be liked back is when we are most vulnerable. The fact that he’s starting to explore this is exciting and scary (more so for him, but also for his father and I – will it work out, what happens if it doesn’t, we should probably revisit talking with him about healthy relationships, intimacy, sex and responsibilities as those are topics worth going over time and again, even when they’re uncomfortable).

I’m happy my son had a good day. I’m hopeful his confidence in himself and what he has to offer others (in a relationship) will grow. I look forward to the day he feels comfortable talking to me openly about it. And most of all, I hope I’m the one picking him up on his next good day. 😊

How do you get your child/teen to share how their day went? How are you making them comfortable so they can share uncomfortable information?

Showing Your Love

When I was a child, I took love for what I saw around me — in movies, kid/tween shows, saw in advertisements or read in books. As I grew I saw the disconnect between fiction (what I based on TV and books) and real life.

I learned that love doesn’t come in the form of diamonds or chocolate, though they can be nice gestures, but comes in real moments, vulnerable moments, when someone loves you just for being you and let’s you know it all of the time, not just on certain days or occasions.

I have tried to shortcut my sons journey in understanding what love truly is. I remind them that what they see on TV or internet is ENTERTAINMENT not real life (though yes, there are some exceptions), but to take what they’re watching with a grain of salt. Love is putting yourself out there, not pretending or portraying an image you think someone else wants. It’s just being you. Romantic love can be scary, but all other love is not because you decide singularly how to give and receive it.

This Valentines Day there is much that I love. My husband, my boys, my parents, siblings, and friends. A simple hug, a “love you” reply from one of my sons, and a friend checking in, are the gestures that mean the most. It’s true signs of caring and love. It’s the real treasure love provides.

What do you love? How are you helping your child understand what love is?

Difficult Conversations

Talking honestly about what happened with George Floyd and the aftermath can be difficult, regardless if the conversation is with your child, friends, or family.

I feel fortunate to have a diverse set of friends who have been willing to engage in these conversations that have been uncomfortable but needed. Being honest, owning our truths, and experiences reminds me that with knowledge comes power, and together we can make our community and country better.

In addition to my friends near me, the pandemic has allowed me to talk to my best friends who live far away each week. It has been a blessing to be able to connect with them more often. Typically when we talk I go where I can have privacy and speak freely — after all our talks include discussions about our kids, and spouses. 😊 As the issue of systemic racism, and the call for reform and an end to injustice and a need to address equality has gained traction the topic of discussion came up with my friends. I saw an opportunity to have a potentially uncomfortable conversation with them out in the open (having close friendships doesn’t mean you all think alike — true friendship allows for truths to be spoken, and vulnerability, and love for each other regardless), instead of going into a room and closing the door for privacy, I FaceTime’d with my friends without earbuds in my living room. My youngest son was on our computer in the kitchen. I felt like even if my son wasn’t fully listening to the conversation I needed to do it this way — out in the open not in private. I needed to show him there is value, bravery and strength when you speak from your heart, especially on topics like this. The fact that my friends are willing to listen, respect what i have to say, and still love me makes for wonderful and sustainable friendships. I treasure them.

Change will only happen if we are willing to talk (even when it might be uncomfortable), and really listen to each other.

How are you having these conversations? How are you modeling for or teaching your child how to have them?

You’ve Got Talent

What is your child talented at?

My youngest loves geography, but showing his passion, or talent, for knowing every country in the world (not just be able to identify it by shape, but can also identify the flag, and key facts) can be a bit of a challenge for a talent show — especially when they asked each kid to keep their routine under two minutes, and entertaining, engaging, or, at least, interesting to the audience. I never thought I’d say this, but thanks to internet my son found Yacko’s World (Yacko is a character from Animaniacs — a cartoon from the 90s). In the video, Yacko sings the countries of the world to a catchy tune. My son decided he could do that. He can also sing, so combining his talents (geography and singing) made sense.

He practiced and practiced. He decided on his ‘costume’ — a travel shirt and two flags he could hold while singing. When it was his turn, he walked up, they started the music and he started. He added a silly dance in between the stanzas and the audience loved it. He loved share his passion, engaging the audience and being brave. It was a very good night for our son.

What I love about talent shows is that it gives you an opportunity to do something brave, step out and be vulnerable to a crowd, to show what they love and/or can do well. My husband and I commented after the show, the kids weren’t all ready for Kids Got Talent or Little Big Shots, but they had all been very brave and we’re proud of themselves for putting themselves out there.

How are you helping your child identify their talent or passion? How are you helping them to be brave and showcase it?

I’ll be off next week to spend time with family.