Category Archives: Teen

Temptation

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How do you resist temptation?

It’s tough, right? My youngest asked for a wide-range on video game modules for his birthday. I encouraged him to limit the list (it was that vast), and instead he put them in priority order. 😂

For his birthday he was gifted money he could put towards the modules or anything else he might want. Without hesitation, he proceeded to fill up the shopping cart online with the games he wanted. I encouraged him to use some of his money now, but wait for Black Friday to use the rest in case there were discounts or coupons that might help his money go further and he could get more modules. “But what if there aren’t any discounts? I don’t want to wait.” he said. “It’s two weeks away. It will be here before you know it.” I responded. He paused for a minute, then proceeded to spend all of his money. He had folded to temptation, and I felt I had failed at getting him to have some restraint. He saw my concern, “Mom, I can just ask for more money for modules for Christmas!” 😳 He was right, but still. He also reminded me that he rarely spends money, which is true. Still, I have to revisit how we are teaching our boys how to resist temptation and make sure they have tools to help them. I’d hate for our boys to buy impulsively, and struggle to save their money and spend it wisely. Hopefully this is just a blip, and once our son gets bored with some of the games, the draw won’t be so great. We’ll have to find other opportunities to teach about fiscal responsibility too. 😬

How are you teaching your child the risks of caving to temptation, and fiscal responsibility?

Fun by the Campfire

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What’s something fun you’ve done this Fall?

Where I live, this time of year is iffy weather wise. It can be cool enough for a fire outdoors, but wet and rainy, or dry and too cold regardless how big the fire is. We’ve been fortunate enough to have some cool and dry weather nights where the temperature is ‘just right’, and done impromptu fires — for ourselves and inviting friends that live nearby to drop over, if they can.

On our most recent night outside, my youngest and our exchange student did some bonding. He shared that he was feeling down over several back-to-back disappointments he’d experienced during the week, and our student offered him advice and to be someone he could talk to (it was so great seeing). Our exchange student loved the fire and is interested in roasting marshmallows in the future like they’ve seen in American movies (we can help them with that. 🥰). My favorite part was when our student encouraged my son to sing his audition song (that he plans to use for Spring Musical tryouts in a few weeks) for us. My youngest paused, but then found the song and sang it. You could hear his nerves as he sang — we were outside, with neighbors in hearing distance — but he did well and we told him so. Then I encouraged our student to do the same. She sang her song (with similar nerves), but I was so impressed of her willingness to do this in front of us while only knowing us a short time. I think she’s pretty fearless (I’ve told her as much).

There was singing, giggling, sharing stories, and just a general ‘nice’ feeling about it all. The fire died down, we all were content to go inside for the night. Oh, how I hope we have a few more of these types of evenings.

What is something outdoors you and your family like to do as the seasons change?

The Eye Roll

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If you have teens you have experienced the eye roll anytime you do something annoying or ‘uncool’. I pretty much am annoying and uncool to my boys all the time. 😂

I’m the photographer in the family and was taking pictures of us at a sporting event. My oldest met a friend there. I asked if I could get a quick pic. My son’s facial expression said “ugh”. His friend laughed (probably grateful his parents weren’t there as they’d have likely done the same). My son rolled his eyes and said, “okay”. I took one pic and let it go. I don’t want to embarrass my son, but didn’t want to miss the opportunity to capture the memory either. I suppose I’ll be annoying and uncool for the foreseeable future. I know I felt the same way about my poor parents until I was older (and being seen as cool not do important things).

What uncool or annoying things do you do that make your kid’s eyes roll?

Change is in the Air

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What has changed recently in your family?

I received a weekly school announcements newsletter from our youngest’s school. Normally I open and discard these notices within a few seconds of receiving them. This particular week, something caught my eye. An urgent need for student housing so they could stay at my son’s school. With our oldest out of the house, we had the space. I empathized with the student’s situation and had a strong feeling that not only that we could help, but we should.

We discussed the situation as a family — would everyone be okay if we let this new person become a family member for the remainder of the school year. Everyone agreed. My youngest loved the idea of having another sibling. 😊

We made inquiries and the student will be joining us soon. There is a mixture of excitement and nerves. Similar to the feeling I had before our children arrived, and the weight of the commitment sinking in — what exactly are we getting ourselves into? I’m going in with a sense of adventure—and hoping we learn as much from them as they us, and that they like us, and feel cared for a safe.

What new people (or pets) have come into your families lives and how have they changed it?

Neighborhood (Pet) Watch

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What are you on the lookout for in your neighborhood?

We take evening walks when the weather is nice in our neighborhood. A favorite pastime during these walks is to find neighborhood cats. Finding a new one is even better.

My husband texted me during a walk he and my son were on, and asked if I’d prepare a bag of cat food for him. They had found a new cat that was skin and bones and they wanted to feed it. They did, and came back sharing news about the cat they found and the concern it had a home. My youngest made it his mission each day after to go back to that part of the neighborhood to find the cat again. While it had a flea collar on (indicating it had a pet parent), its size had us concerned. Maybe the pet parent had fallen ill, or could no longer afford to feed the animal.

My son turned detective and became relentless at solving the case. If the cat had owners, they needed to take better care of the cat. If the cat was lost, he wanted to reunite it with it’s pet parent (though I have a sneaking suspicion he would have been okay if no parents could be located and he could adopt the cat). 🥰 He knocked on doors (no one answered). He talked to a nearby neighbor out in their yard. He even called the local vet and animal rescue to get advice from them on what he should do. It was a growing experience for him. Engaging with neighbors in this way, and making phone calls to inquire about the animal were new to him.

At the encouragement of his father he made a sign to hang in the neighborhood near where he’d seen the cat.

Sign for Neighborhood Cat

I didn’t see the poster before he left the house armed with food, water, bowls, the poster and a stapler. He was going to make sure this cat was cared for. I did see it once he was back, reporting the cat did have a pet parent, and he saw the cat eating from a bowl outside. You could tell it was bittersweet for him — happy the cat was being cared for after all, but sad he couldn’t be the one to do it.

I suspect we’ll continue our walks and check in on this cat each time we’re out (for the foreseeable future). It’s good to keep an eye on those that are vulnerable and do whatever it takes to get them help. I’m proud of my son for his commitment to this cat’s well-being.

What do you keep an eye out for in your neighborhood?

Losing Control

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What do you want to have control over?

I might answer, “Everything?” The question mark is on purpose…having control of everything, in theory, sounds ideal, but could also quickly become overwhelming and problematic.

My youngest’s play will be performed on stage in the upcoming weeks. While he is beyond excited his work was picked, anxiety has crept in. Other students are producing the play and he hasn’t been asked for any input. While he was able to produce a snippet in the Spring playwright show, it was limited in showing his full intention for how the play should be preformed. The students producing the play have creative liberty to interpret and make the show as they see fit, with the characters and lines remaining as my son wrote them.

My youngest has extended his desire to help the producers as they work on his show, but they haven’t taken him up on it. Two things are causing his angst — being on the spectrum he wants things a certain way (don’t we all?) and fears too much of the play details are in his head (vs on paper), and he has essentially lost creative control of his baby. You pour your heart and soul into something — a book, music, or a play! — and someone might see it through a different lens than you, and not perform it the way you intended (content serious, not funny, music fast, not slow, etc.). There really isn’t anything he can do about this.

My son asked my husband and I for advice. “No one has reached out to me for my input on the show. Should I ask them again? Or maybe I should just drop by when they’re practicing?” We responded with a resounding, “No!” We talked to him about his concerns and how he doesn’t have control and how uncomfortable it can be, but he needs to trust his peers will do their best. He heard us, but having a hard time letting go of the idea he’ll have more influence or say in what gets performed. We also discussed what he might take away from this — can he be more detailed in his notes and stage direction, or anything else to lessen his concern in the future?

Losing control is almost always unsettling. It can leave you feeling untethered which can be scary, frustrating, and more. How do you or your child handle times when you don’t have control?

Having Your Passion Acknowledged

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My youngest has always had a creative side to him. When he was younger, he’d sit in his room and write, and write, and write. When he shared what he was working on, he’d essentially written several TV episodes, a season or twos worth. It was a story line he had in his head that he just had to get out on paper.

While very impressive, when I tried reading the dialogue and tried to understand what was going on, it was hard to follow. I told this to me son (gently), and he understood saying what connected things (stage direction, narration, cues) was in this head.

He has been in theatre for the past several years. His school has a well respected program that teaches students not only to act, but do set production, tech crew, be a playwright, producer, and more. They really help prepare all students interested in pursuing this field.

He took a play writing course in the Spring. He and his peers submitted their plays, which included stage direction, narration, and acting cues that he’d previously left out (or been unaware of how to integrate into his TV episodes years earlier). All submissions (approx. 16) were handed in and then a brief segment acted out from each during a playwright’s workshop. They announced at the workshop they’d select around half the shows to be performed (in full) in the Fall showcase. My son was excited to submit his play, see part of it acted out then, with hopes of having his script being selected and the entire play come to life in the Fall show.

The beginning of school brought new hope and anxiety for my youngest — a new grade with harder classes, and waiting to see if his script was picked for the Fall show. Thankfully within the first two weeks of school they made the announcement. I was anxiously awaiting his arrival home the day he would find out. “Well, did your show get picked?,” I asked. He acted disappointed, and while I’d prepared for this scenario, there was something about his body language that clued me into him trying to trick me into thinking it hadn’t, when it had. “Your play got picked didn’t it?” I said. After a pause and one last attempt to make a sad face, his mouth broke into a wide smile. “Yes! They announced my play last! I was sure I wasn’t going to get picked.” He beamed. You could see how much this meant to him. It validated his passion, and his work (and the love he’d put into it). This acknowledgment made my son practically burst with pride and his capabilities. I couldn’t have been prouder, or happier for him.

He has been walking on air a bit since the announcement. It’s been a confidence boost to him. He now is starting to think like a director, producer, and playwright — wanting to work with the director (a fellow student (as no playwright directs their own show) — to ensure his vision for the show is realized. I’m excited for him.

It’s not often in life we get positive reinforcement doing the things we love. The acknowledgment is helping my son come into his own — realizing he does have talents (beyond what mom, dad, and close family and friends tell him). It’s a gift when this happens. Rare and wonderful.

What is your child’s passion? How has it been acknowledged?

Going to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo…

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…how about you, you, you? Do you know this song by Raffi? We sang it many times with our boys when they were little.

When our boys were young, our local zoo was a godsend. Going to the zoo got us out of the house, and was a good way to spend a few hours outside, getting out energy while seeing interesting animals and surroundings.

Over Labor Day weekend, we decided we wanted to get outside and decided to go to a different zoo that is in a nearby city, but because of normal traffic challenging to get to (who wants to spend an hour + each way dealing with heavy traffic?). Thankfully traffic was a breeze on this particular day, and the zoo was amazing—I thought more than once how much we would have visited this place if it were easier to get to.

My favorite part was seeing my sons tapping into their younger selves. My oldest made a beeline to check out the wolves, the tiger, and ultimately the polar bear (I had to ask myself — when was the last time I’d seen a live polar bear? It clearly was a long time, because I questioned if I’d ever seen one before). My youngest was a little less enthusiastic at the get-to, but warmed up as we traversed the park. The grounds were beautiful, views of surrounding area amazing, the animals plentiful, and sun was shining.

My husband and I tapped into our younger selves too. We reminisced with the kids when we saw a meerkat (that the kids remembered seeing at our local zoo when they were much younger), talked about how much we sang, “we’re going to the zoo, zoo, zoo…”, and seeing the Kids Zone and how my kids had outgrown this area what seemed like forever ago.

We left the zoo and had dinner at a nearby restaurant and continued reminiscing. It was one of those days you hold onto (in the memory bank of great days).

What special place(s) or day(s) have you had with your kiddo?

A Game of Catch

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What is a favorite memory of something you and your child have done together?

Memories that come to mind for me include my boys jumping into my arms in the pool when they were small, going to the zoo together, and teaching them to ride their bikes. As they grew older, the opportunities lessened for us to do things together — they preferred to be with friends, or off on their own. I was grateful for the memories, but yearned for more.

Imagine my surprise when we went away for a long weekend as a family to a place we often visit — with hiking, and the opportunity to get into the water, or just take in the scenery nature provides — when late one afternoon my oldest pulled out a corn hole board and bean bags that was amongst many various games available to anyone there and asked me to play with him. This was a rare ask. I jumped at the chance. We tossed the bags, laughed at how mediocre we were and decided whomever got the next bag in the hole would win. Somehow I was the victor and we laughed as we went back to our room.

The night before we headed home, it was near dusk, and my oldest walked back over to the game bin. He found a baseball glove and a soft-core baseball. “Want to have a catch?,” I asked, fully expecting him to turn me down. Instead he eagerly agreed. He’s been really into baseball lately, particularly watching minor league teams, and I think he has a yearning to play the game (baseball is one of the few sports he didn’t play growing up).

We threw the ball back and forth. After a couple of times he asked me to change things up — throw him a grounder or pop fly — so I changed it up. It reminded me of when I used to practice with my dad when I played softball as a kid. He smiled every time he caught the ball, and even smiled when he missed at first but stopped the ball on the second try. We threw for quite a while. We practiced him dropping back to catch longer and higher balls, and got him running forward to catch shorter balls. I would have stayed out there with him however long he would allow. I was very present in the moment. He decided we’d end throwing the ball once he made one more ‘cool’ catch. He ended up jumping high after dropping back and caught the ball. He was satisfied.

As he returned the glove and ball to the bin he’d gotten it from I said, “Mom’s going to remember this for a long time.” I wanted him to know it was a special time for me. “I’ll probably going to remember it too,” he replied, which was a bit shocking because he rarely admits he enjoys anything, 😊, but he said it in a way I knew was truthful. These moments are so fleeting. I’m grateful my son wanted to have one more catch with his mom. I can only hope there are a few more of these special moments in our future still. 🥰

What’s a treasured memory with your child?

I will be away enjoying some of the last of summer and will return in September.

From Uncomfortable to Comfortable

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What are you uncomfortable talking about with your kid?

Sex was the one I knew I’d struggle the most with, and while we’ve had several conversations with our boys, and I’ve tried to get more comfortable, I haven’t reached a point where I’m at ease with the topic. I am committed to continue working on it. ☺️

As my boys enter adulthood, finding out who they are and trying new things, I know they will experience vulnerability and may make choices they don’t feel good about (even regret), but that’s part of growing up — making mistakes and learning from them.

I happed to be watching a show on escaping a cult, and it reminded me how no one sets out to join a cult, or abuse prescription drugs, or become an alcoholic. It’s something that can happen gradually and can happen to anyone regardless of your background or circumstances. We discussed the show and my thoughts over dinner. I was more comfortable having this conversation, because I had been recruited to join a multi-level marketing scheme when I was a little older than my oldest is now; and have experienced friends and family members who’ve suffered with addiction, including dying from it.

The reason I have experience with cults (or cult-like) was when I was a young adult I was at my parents house my dad found out I was going to a meeting. He inquired what the meeting was about, I told him and he said, “No, you’re not going.” It surprised me because he’d never done that before and took me aback because I could see how serious he was. I heard my dad out, and he shared how the same thing had happened to him when he was my age and it was some good luck that helped him out of the situation. He shared what I was in for if I went. I agreed not to go and am grateful. I’ve heard horror stories from others who got sucked in to this organization. In my situation what was disappointing was the “recruiters” had been a good friend from high school and his parents, who were well-respected in the small town I lived in.

My kids have heard these stories before so I didn’t rehash them. Instead I tested them on what they remembered about our previous talks. “What’s a sign of a cult?” My oldest looked at me quizzically. I prompted him. “They ask you for…” He responded, “money.” I acknowledged he’d got it right. My husband chimed in, “if they try to separate you from your loved ones, that’s a sign too.” We discussed various ways you can get recruited including the lure of self-help or finding love, maybe even offering free courses for a period of time. The big thing I wanted the boys to be aware of was that this could happen, and there is probably recruiting methods that we’re not even aware of, but if they got themselves in a situation where it didn’t feel right — being in a group that might be a cult, noticing the desire to drink or do drugs or other things that might not be best for them — not to get caught in the trap of feeling embarrassed or ashamed, but talking to us about it, or a trusted friend or other adult.

My kids will absolutely make mistakes (I still do at my age, grrrr), but I’m determined to let them know we are here for them, and are a safe space, mistakes and all. It isn’t comfortable having discussions on certain topics, but avoiding them isn’t an option.

What uncomfortable conversations do you struggle with? Which are you getting more comfortable with?