Category Archives: Teen

Going to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo…

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…how about you, you, you? Do you know this song by Raffi? We sang it many times with our boys when they were little.

When our boys were young, our local zoo was a godsend. Going to the zoo got us out of the house, and was a good way to spend a few hours outside, getting out energy while seeing interesting animals and surroundings.

Over Labor Day weekend, we decided we wanted to get outside and decided to go to a different zoo that is in a nearby city, but because of normal traffic challenging to get to (who wants to spend an hour + each way dealing with heavy traffic?). Thankfully traffic was a breeze on this particular day, and the zoo was amazing—I thought more than once how much we would have visited this place if it were easier to get to.

My favorite part was seeing my sons tapping into their younger selves. My oldest made a beeline to check out the wolves, the tiger, and ultimately the polar bear (I had to ask myself — when was the last time I’d seen a live polar bear? It clearly was a long time, because I questioned if I’d ever seen one before). My youngest was a little less enthusiastic at the get-to, but warmed up as we traversed the park. The grounds were beautiful, views of surrounding area amazing, the animals plentiful, and sun was shining.

My husband and I tapped into our younger selves too. We reminisced with the kids when we saw a meerkat (that the kids remembered seeing at our local zoo when they were much younger), talked about how much we sang, “we’re going to the zoo, zoo, zoo…”, and seeing the Kids Zone and how my kids had outgrown this area what seemed like forever ago.

We left the zoo and had dinner at a nearby restaurant and continued reminiscing. It was one of those days you hold onto (in the memory bank of great days).

What special place(s) or day(s) have you had with your kiddo?

A Game of Catch

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What is a favorite memory of something you and your child have done together?

Memories that come to mind for me include my boys jumping into my arms in the pool when they were small, going to the zoo together, and teaching them to ride their bikes. As they grew older, the opportunities lessened for us to do things together — they preferred to be with friends, or off on their own. I was grateful for the memories, but yearned for more.

Imagine my surprise when we went away for a long weekend as a family to a place we often visit — with hiking, and the opportunity to get into the water, or just take in the scenery nature provides — when late one afternoon my oldest pulled out a corn hole board and bean bags that was amongst many various games available to anyone there and asked me to play with him. This was a rare ask. I jumped at the chance. We tossed the bags, laughed at how mediocre we were and decided whomever got the next bag in the hole would win. Somehow I was the victor and we laughed as we went back to our room.

The night before we headed home, it was near dusk, and my oldest walked back over to the game bin. He found a baseball glove and a soft-core baseball. “Want to have a catch?,” I asked, fully expecting him to turn me down. Instead he eagerly agreed. He’s been really into baseball lately, particularly watching minor league teams, and I think he has a yearning to play the game (baseball is one of the few sports he didn’t play growing up).

We threw the ball back and forth. After a couple of times he asked me to change things up — throw him a grounder or pop fly — so I changed it up. It reminded me of when I used to practice with my dad when I played softball as a kid. He smiled every time he caught the ball, and even smiled when he missed at first but stopped the ball on the second try. We threw for quite a while. We practiced him dropping back to catch longer and higher balls, and got him running forward to catch shorter balls. I would have stayed out there with him however long he would allow. I was very present in the moment. He decided we’d end throwing the ball once he made one more ‘cool’ catch. He ended up jumping high after dropping back and caught the ball. He was satisfied.

As he returned the glove and ball to the bin he’d gotten it from I said, “Mom’s going to remember this for a long time.” I wanted him to know it was a special time for me. “I’ll probably going to remember it too,” he replied, which was a bit shocking because he rarely admits he enjoys anything, 😊, but he said it in a way I knew was truthful. These moments are so fleeting. I’m grateful my son wanted to have one more catch with his mom. I can only hope there are a few more of these special moments in our future still. 🥰

What’s a treasured memory with your child?

I will be away enjoying some of the last of summer and will return in September.

From Uncomfortable to Comfortable

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What are you uncomfortable talking about with your kid?

Sex was the one I knew I’d struggle the most with, and while we’ve had several conversations with our boys, and I’ve tried to get more comfortable, I haven’t reached a point where I’m at ease with the topic. I am committed to continue working on it. ☺️

As my boys enter adulthood, finding out who they are and trying new things, I know they will experience vulnerability and may make choices they don’t feel good about (even regret), but that’s part of growing up — making mistakes and learning from them.

I happed to be watching a show on escaping a cult, and it reminded me how no one sets out to join a cult, or abuse prescription drugs, or become an alcoholic. It’s something that can happen gradually and can happen to anyone regardless of your background or circumstances. We discussed the show and my thoughts over dinner. I was more comfortable having this conversation, because I had been recruited to join a multi-level marketing scheme when I was a little older than my oldest is now; and have experienced friends and family members who’ve suffered with addiction, including dying from it.

The reason I have experience with cults (or cult-like) was when I was a young adult I was at my parents house my dad found out I was going to a meeting. He inquired what the meeting was about, I told him and he said, “No, you’re not going.” It surprised me because he’d never done that before and took me aback because I could see how serious he was. I heard my dad out, and he shared how the same thing had happened to him when he was my age and it was some good luck that helped him out of the situation. He shared what I was in for if I went. I agreed not to go and am grateful. I’ve heard horror stories from others who got sucked in to this organization. In my situation what was disappointing was the “recruiters” had been a good friend from high school and his parents, who were well-respected in the small town I lived in.

My kids have heard these stories before so I didn’t rehash them. Instead I tested them on what they remembered about our previous talks. “What’s a sign of a cult?” My oldest looked at me quizzically. I prompted him. “They ask you for…” He responded, “money.” I acknowledged he’d got it right. My husband chimed in, “if they try to separate you from your loved ones, that’s a sign too.” We discussed various ways you can get recruited including the lure of self-help or finding love, maybe even offering free courses for a period of time. The big thing I wanted the boys to be aware of was that this could happen, and there is probably recruiting methods that we’re not even aware of, but if they got themselves in a situation where it didn’t feel right — being in a group that might be a cult, noticing the desire to drink or do drugs or other things that might not be best for them — not to get caught in the trap of feeling embarrassed or ashamed, but talking to us about it, or a trusted friend or other adult.

My kids will absolutely make mistakes (I still do at my age, grrrr), but I’m determined to let them know we are here for them, and are a safe space, mistakes and all. It isn’t comfortable having discussions on certain topics, but avoiding them isn’t an option.

What uncomfortable conversations do you struggle with? Which are you getting more comfortable with?

Roller Coaster

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Do you like thrill rides?

We went on vacation and were fortunate to have our nephew join us. Our nephew and my boys cousin live far from each other, so getting to spend this extended time with him was special.

We decided to check out an amusement park one day while we were together. It was large park, but not too large. The first ride my son and I did was a ride where you sit in a swing, get lifted a couple hundred feet in the air and spin. It felt like flying. My nephew wasn’t a fan of heights and decided to pass. Since our youngest and his cousin are close in age, we allowed them to go off on their own to explore the park and agreed to meet up later.

My husband and I decided to ride a roller coaster. It had been forever since I’d last been on one, so it was fun to find out I could still do it. 😊 After walking around a bit, we realized a lot of rides were closed and we weren’t finding a whole lot of things we wanted to do at the park. We met up with the kids to find out how they were doing.

It turns out the kids were as bored as we were and hadn’t found much to do (frustrating after paying so much money and hoping to have a fun day). We agreed we’d do the log flume ride. Of course, it was closed. 🙁 Then my nephew suggested we all ride the wooden roller coaster. I was surprised he recommended it since it went high and I knew he wasn’t a fan of heights. My youngest, who has only recently done a roller coaster was game, so we were off.

We walked towards the roller coaster and went into the entrance. We were talking excitedly about the ride when my husband asked where our nephew was. I thought he was still with us. We turned around and walked out finding him on a bench just outside the ride. “Nope, I’m not doing it,” he said. Getting up close to the ride made him rethink wanting to do it. We discussed the ride. I looked at my son and asked what the good part was about coming to an amusement park. He looked at me quizzically and after some prompting said, “oh right, it gives us a chance to be brave.” We talked about the ride and how it works, with gravity mainly thrusting the ride forward in hopes it would calm our nephew’s anxiety. He seemed good, so I said, “okay, so are we going to do this?” Thinking it was a done deal and we were going to go. My nephew responded, “are you crazy? I’m not doing that!” I found it both shocking (because I really thought we’d convinced him he could do the ride), and humorous ( how wrong I had been!). I loved how he advocated for himself though and was firm on what he was comfortable with.

Life can throw scary things in your path. Sometimes you get to be brave, and sometimes you opt-out. It can be thrilling but also terrifying, and but there is nothing more important than knowing what your limits are.

How does your child advocate for themselves? How have you helped them overcome a fear?

Off They Go

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When my boys were young we came across the book Off We Go to Mexico by Laurie Krebs, a fun book taking the reader through some of the wonders of Mexico. It starts with, “Off we go, off we go, off we go to Mexico.” The kids loved the repetitiveness of ‘off we go,’ and we applied it freely for any adventure we were going to have — ‘off we go, off we go, off we go to…the park, on a walk, or the zoo’ — you get the drift. Everyone loved the silliness of it, and it did make our journey feel more like a try adventure when the sing-song intro of ‘off we go’ got us started.

We took a trip in eastern Canada via rail. Our youngest planned logistics for our trip, with cities we’d visit, days we’d stay, and ideas for things to do including visiting family, seeing some sites, and building in ‘free time’ for everyone to be able to do what they wanted including relaxing or doing something on your own.

Our youngest really wanted to explore the metro system of one of the cities we visited by himself. He’d previously had done this without issue so we allowed him to go off and do it again with parameters — keeping us posted, updating us on his whereabouts, and when he’d be back. He went off on his adventure but shared he was coming back to the hotel earlier than we expected. “Everything okay?,” I asked. “Yes,” he replied. “Did something happen?” I asked. “No,” he shared, “I just got anxious and scared and bored.” His awareness of his own feelings always blows me away. “Okay,” I said, “you sure you’re okay? You can come meet us?” He declined and said he’d see us back at the hotel.

We talked at dinner about his day. He shared where he’d gone, and the routes he hadn’t. “Are you disappointed you didn’t go everywhere you wanted?” and he said, “I can do it when I come back.” We have no plans as a family to go there again, but my son does. I loved he can visualize himself getting back there.

I’m so proud of my son and his desire to break out on his own, and find his own adventures. I’m so grateful I’ve been able to not let my fears of letting him g(r)ow hold him back (not always easy). The words keep running through my mind every time he decides a new adventure (local or away) he plans to take. Off he goes, off he goes, off he goes to…

What adventures are you and your kid(s) having? Any books that your kid(s) haven’t grown out of?

Whose House is This?

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Anyone else worried about letting your older teen housesit while you’re out of town?

Our oldest decided to forego joining us on a family trip so he could work and make money. We respected his decision though we’re bummed he wouldn’t be joining us. My husband and I agreed him staying behind, watching the house, and caring for our family pet would be a good opportunity for him to be on his own with responsibilities and no one to pick up the slack for him.

There were two things I was concerned about — us coming back to the house being dirty (because we have been unsuccessful getting our son to clean to the standards we do), and a lesser one to him having a party and not so much what he would do, but people that might come over and what they would do. My fear may have been heightened from a recent viewing of the play Mean Girls that my youngest participated in. There is a scene in the play (which is based on the movie) of a house party where the kids sing, “Whose house is it? It’s my house now! Who house is it? It’s my house now!” Funny for the play. Terrifying for the parent whose older child, who will be watching the house, is sitting next to them. 😬 The song had him smiling from ear-to-ear.

Before we left for our trip, we went over things he needed to stay on top of and discussed having friends over being fine, but a party not being okay. He talked about the risks of partying (people getting hurt, property destroyed, etc.). We tried not to lay it on too thick, but present him with facts in the hopes he’d make choices he felt good about.

We checked in with him daily. We could tell he had mixed feelings (as did we) about not being with us. Enjoying being on his own with no one to answer to (at least in the moment) and missing us (even if it was only just a tiny bit). Towards the end of our trip, our son shared how he was growing bored on his own, and feeling a bit lonely. We encouraged him to reach out to friends, or busy himself with things around the house, or just get outside for a walk or a run to break-up the day. We shared with him the growth he was experiencing and how this adjustment time was good for him to figure out how to spend his time and not waste or worry it away.

It was great to return and find no party occurred (or there was a heck of a cleaning job), but the dirt (though not as extensive as I feared) was there. Phew! Our son proved our trust in us, and more importantly in himself. Now, if I could just get that song out of my head.

Anyone else let their teen housesit? What stories or insights can you share?

Growing, Growing, Gone

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How prepared is your child to go off on their own?

Our youngest decided to go to an overnight camp on the other side of the country. Worrisome enough for any parent, but throw in the fact that he’s 16, going on his own, and wanted to explore the transit in a large urban area he hadn’t explored (as much as he wanted) before made my nerves go through the roof. Not because my son isn’t capable — he navigated the tube in London flawlessly without ever consulting a map, but because he was going to be doing this on his own. What if he ran into a problem? Or people who were looking to take advantage of a younger person? It helps that my son is tall and people often think he is older than he is, but that can go both ways (good/bad) too. He showed us his itinerary and what he planned to do on his day in the city before the camp came and picked him up.

My husband and I spent time prepping my son. Bringing up scenarios and asking how he would handle or what he would do if he got into a situation where he needed help. It was a moment where we had to let him g(r)o(w) regardless how hard it was for us.

Because my son was going to the other coast there was a time difference and he would already be well on his journey before we woke up. He kept us posted on his stays, checking his luggage, paying train tickets, what routes he was on, etc. via text. I was calm but nervous. I looked forward to him being with the camp folks knowing he was safe.

The day went on, he was fine, and the camp got him safely mid-afternoon. I was relieved, and so proud of my son being able to do what he did. That night when we talked he shared how kind people had been, and how fortunate he’d been to make (train) connections and do all that he did. “We’re proud of you, you know?,” I said as we talked that evening, “but you should be even more proud of what you did yourself. You now know you can do this, and if traveling is something you want to do more of, you took a big step towards doing that.” He smiled and shared that he was proud of himself.

Gaining independence and confidence as you grow helps lessen the scariness of leaving the nest. Even though this mother bird still wants to protect her kids, I know I have to let them g(r)o(w).

How are you helping your child grow confidence in their abilities and independence?

Happy 4th. I’ll be away enjoying time with family and back later in July.

Leaving the Nest

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Where has time gone?

Our oldest graduated from high school and is preparing for what comes next for him in the fall. We anticipate him living on his own and officially leaving the nest, at least for the time being.

At his graduation ceremony I tried to wrap my head around how fast time had gone. When he was born, time seemed to go sooooooo slow. When would he nap? When could we move to the next activity and break up the monotony? How much longer would we be at the park? Or on a walk? When would I talk to another adult about something other than my child? When would I get my body back? Etc.

Time, of course, started to go faster, at least a little, as my son grew, and became more independent—able to dress himself, get himself into the car and more. Time still seemed slower, but faster than it previously was.

When he went to middle school time picked up noticeably, until COVID hit, and it felt like we were back in the early parenting days when time moved like molasses.

In high school, COVID still slowed things but as it lifted time started speeding up. Him getting his drivers license and having more freedom really accelerated time. The last two years a blur. I can remember clearly the permanence of parenthood setting in when he was a few weeks old, and how fleeting the next 18 years had gone by.

It’s a bittersweet feeling. You’ve raised your child, your main role and responsibilities over. And, we’ve raised our child and our main role and responsibilities over.

This is a transition for sure, and I’m working to take it all in. Where we’ve been, where we are, and what comes next. I’d love to slow time, but it’s out of my hands. I’m hopeful we’ve given our son roots with wings, so he flies and wants to spend time with mom and dad in the future.

What milestones are going (or have gone) through? How do you view time?

Dad Moments

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I told my husband, when our first child was born, he’d be closest to him since they shared the same gender. I had read that somewhere (article, or parenting book) and it made sense to me. I had most certainly looked toward my mom to guide me in gender cues and how to behave while growing up. My husband was a little surprised by my comment, not putting much thought into it prior to me raising the point, but he quickly accepted it, as he realized he’d learned gender cues from his father.

Over the years, my husband has leaned into his role, trying to set a good example for his son and raise him to be not only a good person, but someone who’s involved and contributes (in the community and beyond). It’s allowed him to have many memorable moments with our son, in one-on-one interactions — going for runs or walk together to talk “guy” stuff; involvement in Scouts, and exposing our son to the outdoors — caring for the environment while appreciating the beauty and even struggle (making a campfire, climbing a challenging trail; building a shelter); getting him involved in a local soup kitchen to expose him to others different from him — teaching compassion and empathy.

Fathers have a big impact on their children lives, regardless of gender. Being present is the present every child longs for (whether they realize it and appreciate it or not at the time). 😊

Thank you to my husband and all the fathers out there that care, are engaged, and create those moments that are meaningful and impactful.

Happy Father’s Day!

Your Attention, Please

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When was the last time you felt ignored?

With the school year coming to a close there is much going on. Our oldest is graduating and preparing for what comes beyond, our youngest in the school play and planning out how he’d like to spend his time over summer break.

My youngest got upset with me when I told him one evening we’d need him to walk to school the following morning (something he does often, but his preference is to get a ride). With his father, I, and his brother working, and only 2 cars, we are often coordinating on who has which car when. The next afternoon I saw my son and asked how his day was. He pretended to ignore me. I asked again. He continued to ignore me. “Are you ignoring me?”, I asked. I small momentary smile crept into his lips, then the straight face returned. “Why are you ignoring me?,” I asked. He stood up and went into his room. The only thing I could think of was me having him walk to school. He could be upset about that if he needed to be.

I didn’t get much out of him that day which was odd, because he’s more of a talker than his older brother. The next day I was ignored again, asking the same questions and not sure why he was doing it. Was this really over him having to walk to school? I went into his bedroom and he continued to try to ignore until I started trying to tickle his feet (laughter, in my opinion, can sometimes break the mood and get the kids to open up. Jokes, in these situations don’t work, tickling does). He started laughing and squirming his feet away for me. “Mom!” followed by laughter, “Mom, stop!” I stopped. “Then tell me why you’re ignoring me,” I said. He went quiet, but was smiling and walked out of the room towards where our family computer is. “Just tell me what’s going on,” I asked.

He sat down at the computer and when he saw me not leaving he paused and said, “well, if I’m going to be honest, it feels like you’ve been ignoring me lately.” This stunned me. I couldn’t think of where this was coming from but needed to hear him out. “What makes you say that?,” I said. “Well, I know you’re really busy but it doesn’t feel like you’ve been listening to me, or you’re bored when I’m talking to you.” Again, I racked my brain trying to think of when I may have done this. I attempted to briefly defend myself. “What are you talking about? I was the front-of-house stage parent for the show two times last week, I’ve taken you to your appointments…” I stopped. Yes, I did these things, but he said he felt ignored. “Can you give me some examples of when I ignored you?,” I asked hoping he could. “I don’t know, we just haven’t been talking as much and it feels like (older brother) is getting more attention.” I was still perplexed, but acknowledged his feelings, apologized, and empowered him to call me out when he felt I wasn’t paying attention to him.

I discussed it later with my husband. “Do you think this is jealousy?” I asked. My husband thought it might be that we’ve been giving our oldest more positive affirmation in front of his brother, not to make anyone feel better or worse, but it was when the opportunity presented itself. Our oldest for several years kept conversation to a minimum at the dinner table and left as soon as he could. This has changed since he started his senior year (maybe realizing this family time is drawing to a close) and he has been more talkative and engaging at dinner, not always wanting to leave at the first given chance. Hence we’ve had more discussions with and about things going on with him (and including listening to, guiding, challenging him (to think, reflect), and positive affirmation).

It was a good conversation to have with my youngest and my husband. I still believe I am giving my youngest as much attention as I always have, but realize there is more focus and celebration on my oldest with his upcoming graduation. Now that I’m aware based on my youngest being willing to share (I’m often in awe of his emotional intelligence and his ability to communicate his feelings) I know I need to pay better attention to him, and really every member of our family.

Has your child ever ignored you? How did you handle it?