Birthday Smirthday

What’s your most memorable birthday?

My oldest son decided he wasn’t in the mood to celebrate his birthday this year, with the exception of receiving presents, of course. šŸ˜Š I asked him what he wanted for breakfast and dinner — as that is a tradition in our family, the person having the birthday gets to pick. “Nothing,” he replied. “Nothing? I asked, “I can’t make you something or pick you up something from the store?” “Nope,” he said. Hmmm. I thought, this is something I like to do. It made me uncomfortable not to celebrate his birthday in our traditional way. So I decided to make him some of his favorite foods without his knowledge. I even took the steps of baking while he was out of the house, and opened doors and windows to air the house out so he wouldn’t know.

On the morning of the big day I put out some of the food I made and left a sticky note alerting him to where he could find it should he want it. I gave it a 50-50 chance whether he would eat what I made or not. Without any acknowledgment from my son, later in the day I found he had eaten the food I made. Now, it was time to address dinner. He wouldn’t budge on not wanting to eat anything special. Instead he said,”why don’t you all go out and give me some alone time here?” My husband didn’t miss a beat, “Done,” he said, and we were out the door. When we returned, I brought out his favorite dessert so we could sing to him. He tried to outwardly show his disdain with a grunt, though I did see a slight smile that acknowledged he was surprised, maybe even appreciated the gesture. We sang while my son grimaced and then I put the dessert in the fridge and told him it was there should he want it.

I had postponed going on a business trip because I wasn’t going to miss his big day. With how my son acted, it made me second guess my decision if only for a moment, because I genuinely believe on this particular day my son could have cared less if I was there or not. But I would care. I would regret it and I believe when he’s older any memory of me not being there on his birthday would have bothered him too. It would have bothered me if my parents had missed one of mine (they never have).

I’m glad I did what I did for my son even if he didn’t fully embrace the love and effort behind it. I always want my boys to know they are tops with me. Work or anything else will never take priority. He may think birthday celebrations aren’t for him, and that’s okay, but he needs to know his Mom is always going to do her best to make him feel loved, particularly on his special day.

What’s the best thing you’ve done for your child on their birthday? What do you do to celebrate?

The Gift of Friendship

How is your oldest and dearest friend? What drew you to them when you met? What has kept you friends all these years?

My youngest son is a very friendly kid–he can talk to people easily and engage in new situations without being prompted. He loves to laugh, and be silly. He struggles though, with making friends. He’s likable enough, and people want to be around him, he just struggles to do simple things like: introducing himself (he can play with someone for hours, walk away and we can ask, “Who’s your new friend?” and he’ll reply, “I don’t know.” “Did you ask him his name?,” we’ll continue, and he’ll share, “No, I didn’t think about it.”); or engaging in other’s interests–he is happy to have people engage with him if it’s something he’s interested in, but when it’s not–he’s not as willing. We’re working with him, along with his teachers and others, to help him develop these social skills.

He shared some frustration in lacking strong connection with his peers–even though he’s only seven years old. “I don’t have any friends, and I’m not going to.” When I asked, “What are you talking about?”, he replied, “I haven’t gotten invited to a birthday party in a long time.” He was measuring his friendships by the number of birthday parties he was invited to–I probably did the same thing when I was his age. And while he doesn’t yet understand that friendship is more than getting invited to a birthday party, it still broke my heart when he said this–one, because I could see the pain in his face; and two, I knew he was experiencing self-doubt and feeling hopeless thatĀ his situation would never change. We talked about friendship, what goes into being a good friend to someone and how it happens over time. My husband and I shared our own experiences with him and friendships, how some come and go, and some stay when you work on them. Those friendships are gifts that keep on giving. They are the relationships you ultimately want to develop and cultivate. We encouraged him and said his efforts to make lasting friendships would pay off.

Without any intervention or action on my husband’s or my part, within days of this conversation with our son, a flurry of birthday invitations arrived for him. It was almost like the cosmos or God heard our plea and responded in kind (and then some). He ended up getting invited to three birthday parties being held over the sameĀ weekend. He was ecstatic. What a wonderful gift those birthday invitations were for him. His demeanor changed, and hope for making meaningful connections with others returned. As a parent, you couldn’t help but share in his joy.

What gifts of friendship have you received or shared with others? How is your child experiencing friendship?