Tag Archives: Advice

Sunburn Pain

Posted on by

0

Having a sunburn is no fun, regardless of how it happens.

We traveled for Spring Break and our exchange student was excited about being in sunny weather. She asked if she could spend some time at the pool to get a tan. We gave her sunscreen, told her to put it on, and reiterated we were at the start of our trip, so if she did get sunburned it would make the remainder of the trip less enjoyable.

She laid out in the sun and proceeded to get a pretty bad sunburn. šŸ˜ž She powered through the next few days complaining about the pain (we understood), but when it still hadnā€™t stopped hurting once we returned home several days later, we realized it was worse than we imagined. She went to the doctor and learned she had a third degree burn in a small area and would likely have a scar (or discoloration for a while). She went from loving the sun and not being able to get enough of it, to wearing sunscreen and covering herself constantly. I hate that she had to learn this lesson, but donā€™t we have to learn from our own mistakes?

I know parenting teens has it challenges and getting your teen to listen to you, and/or take our advice can feel impossible. I remember hearing from MANY people how dangerous the sun can be growing up and have to admit I didnā€™t wear sunscreen constantly until I was much older. I see the dermatologist once a year now. šŸ˜‰ It can be painful to see your child suffer, especially when it feels like the situation could be avoided.

Parenting and getting your kids to buy-in to your insights, advice, and recommendations is frustrating when they resist or out-right ignore you, but thatā€™s how we grow (our kids and us). We can guide and do our best to protect, but in the end they are their own person who will have to learn for themselves.

How have you gotten your teen to listen to and take your advice when given?

Finding Your Person

Posted on by

0

The journey of love differs for everyone. For some it comes easy, others it is (or feels) harder, and others experience something or everything in between.

My youngest is interested in finding love but in no hurry. Our exchange student would love to find love, but also realizes sheā€™s only here for a limited amount of time. After much hesitation, my oldest has finally decided to start putting himself out there.

While I think my oldest has been interested in testing the dating waters for a while, fear, anxiety, and doubt have held him back. When friends would ask me who he is dating, Iā€™d reply that he wasnā€™t dating anyone yet, because in order for that to happen a girl would have to go up to him, tell him she was interested and ask him to take her on a date. Not too many people I can think of that would be up for that. And honestly if they did, he still probably would have been freaked out. šŸ˜Š

Heā€™s matured and has started to lean into his feelings of attraction (admitted heā€™s having these feelings ā€” progress!), and asking advice on what to do with these feelings (in my opinion, he is WAY braver than I ever was growing up. I was convinced I had to figure it out on my own. Not that I wanted my parents to help me find a mate, but if I had felt comfortable asking them about how dating works and how you know if someone likes you or not, it would have helped me).

The fact that my oldest wants to talk to me and better understand the female mindset makes me so happy. Itā€™s a nice feeling when you can pass along information that might be useful. Of course, Iā€™ve also talked with him about how itā€™s almost impossible to understand why another person may or may not be interested in you (past relationships, whatā€™s going on in their life, and a whole host of other things you would have no way of knowing can factor in).

I shared with my son how I developed this idea that I wasnā€™t good enough (for another person to date me, I guess šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø) when I was in my teens. Anytime someone showed interest in me, I ruled it out and thought it couldnā€™t be true or if it was, there was clearly something wrong with the person (donā€™t they know how defective I am? #sad). It took me until the second time I went out with a guy Iā€™d had a major crush on in my mid-teens, and re-connected with him many years later. We didnā€™t date in my mid-teens, and when we re-connected, I still had a slight crush, but wasnā€™t going to rush in. I figured he just wanted to be friends. The first time we went out, we drove to a dance club, had a good time, came home. I got out of the car and said I had fun and weā€™d talk soon. The next week, we went back to the dance club and as we approached my driveway he got quiet then said, ā€œWill you not jump out of the car when we get to your house?ā€ I was surprised, but in the best way possible.

I relayed this story to my son and encouraged him, ā€œyou are just starting your journey to finding your person. You will have highs, lows, disappointment, glee, anxiety, joy, sadness, and a whole range of other experiences. The road will take you different places, but each experience you will gain clarity in what you want in a life partner, and it will get you one step closer to them.ā€

Iā€™m impressed by his maturity and willingness to start being vulnerable (be himself) with others. And happy anytime he wants my advice. šŸ„°

How are you helping your young person navigate feelings, and relationships?

Gift Exchange

Posted on by

0

What is the best unexpected gift you received?

Our exchange student is giving us gifts in unexpected ways. Taking them to our favorite parts of town, trying new foods (for them and us), sharing traditions and learning how ours are different from theirā€™s. Itā€™s seeing and appreciating the world in a whole new way for our family.

Most days, there is a period of time where we sit and have long discussions. It can be about their day, whatā€™s going on, explaining to each other our differences. These talks often end with her and I left at the table or on the couch and the topic will turn to boys, what comes after she returns home (university, field of study, making up for missed time with family and friends, etc.). I find in these times I listen (or try to be a good listener), but have an almost uncontrollably urge to share knowledge and give advice. When the student talks, itā€™s like Iā€™m listening to myself and want to have the conversations with her no one had with me at her age. Iā€™m cognizant Iā€™m not her parent, and stress cultures are different but try to boil anything I say down to what I would have benefited from (respecting yourself, getting clarity on your skills and interests for example) without any judgement. It is a wonderful gift to receive and Iā€™m hopeful a gift to our student (I also feel like I have a small window into some of the joys of grand-parenting and seeing the world through new eyes). šŸ„°

Itā€™s a gift to be able to share knowledge with others, and learn from others ā€” something our exchange student being here is allowing us to do. We hope they see it as a gift too.

What knowledge is it important for you to share with your child? What are you learning from them?

Parenthood – Cracking the Code

Posted on by

0

What’s the best parenting advice you’ve ever received?

A good friend recently had a baby and was asking for advice and my take on her baby’s progress. The baby, who had once been a good sleeper, was now sleeping in short stints which concerned her.Ā  As we talked about the situation she shared how much she craves learning parenting tricks-of-the-trade, in hopes of shortening the length of time she continues to feel anxietyĀ as a new parent, and fearing sheĀ is somehow unknowingly doing wrong by her child simply because she doesn’t know everything.

“No one knows everything,” I told her, “No matter how long you parent. Much like you’re child is learning, so are you. But let’s think about what insights I can share that might help.” I don’t know if I came up with anything profound. I think I shared what most parents do…what worked for them.Ā  “The bouncy ball was a miracle worker for me and getting my son to sleep.” “Rubbing the baby’s back helped calm him down.” “Swaddling stopped him from startling himself.” It was frivolous insight. It was my experience and what had worked for me. I decided instead to turn the conversation back to what seemed more truthful and valuable. “Parenting is hard and scary, and what you are feeling is normal. I wish there were shortcuts, but everyone’s parenting experience is different. You will get through this phase with your child and their sleeping pattern, and then something new will come up and you’ll figure that out as well. If you make your decisions based on what you think is best for you and your family, you are probably doing justĀ fine.” I knew she was hoping I was going to give herĀ some silver bullets around how to get through parenting, but in my time as one, I’ve never seen two parenting experiences that were the same.

I admire my friend’s desire to be the best parent she can as fast as she can be, and look forward to watching her son grow, and her as a parent. As much as she thinks she may be learning from me (and others), I will be learning from her too. It’s reinvigorates me as a parent to see a new parent starting from scratch. I’m reminded of my own anxiety from way back then and how far I’ve come. I am grateful to those who helped share their advice and insights along the way that helped me be a better parentĀ and look forward to continuing to gain knowledge from others who are further along in their journeys than I.

What advice has helped you as a parent? What advice have you shared with others that helped them?