Category Archives: School

Rounding the Bases and Sliding into Home

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That’s what this time of year feels like to me. It’s filled with of end of the year activities — the school play wrapping up for my youngest, graduation upcoming for our exchange student, our oldest wrapping up his first year of college and coming home for the summer, and family in town to visit and celebrate milestones.

It can be a lot in a few short weeks. It can feel intense with the schedule – get kid x here and kid y there, keeping track of where kids are 😂 as there seem to be a flurry of friend meet-ups jammed in right at the end of the school year, get everyone fed, get work done, etc. It can feel intense, but also memorable and I really try to stay present though it isn’t always easy.

Our exchange student leaves us in a few weeks 🥹, I haven’t even let myself really come to terms with that yet, or that my youngest will be a senior next year, and I only have one more “rounding-of-the-bases” from a school year perspective to go. Gulp!

What is the end of the school year like for your family? What are you glad is over and what do (or will) you miss?

Tryouts

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Did you ever try out for a sport or role when you were growing up?

I tried out for a sporting team in high school that had the minimum number of players needed when I tried out, so I wasn’t cut (phew!). I had to practice, and practice, and practice, and eventually became proficient at the sport and played for my three years.

My oldest has tried out for two sports. Basketball, when he was in middle school; and football in high school. He didn’t make the basketball team, which he was disappointed by, but also didn’t have much playing time under his belt (he shot hoops with friends occasionally, but hadn’t played a game, even in a rec league). He played flag football throughout his younger years, and made the high school football team based on his skills and knowledge of the game.

My youngest, tried out for theater roles, and has been fortunate to get selected to participate in his high school productions each year. His elementary theater experience really helped him prepare.

Our exchange student has now decided to try out for a sport. Her experience is limited, but her enthusiasm and determination to do well, impressive. As a host parent, I want to encourage her, yet, don’t want her to be too disappointed should she not make the team. It’s a tough balancing act in my experience. My oldest knew two days into his basketball tryouts he likely wouldn’t make the team. I strongly encouraged him to keep with the tryouts (don’t regret not seeing something through — hood or bad), and he was released from moving forward in the tryout process the following day. I’ve reflected on this numerous times wondering if I did the right (or wrong) thing by pushing him to continue. My thinking was, he would regret his decision if he stopped early and didn’t see the tryouts through.

I’ve decided this time with our exchange student, I’m just going to be supportive and if she chooses to stop the tryout process, help her work through any negative feelings she experiences. It may dampen her otherwise positive experience here in America, but I’m sure she’ll take something positive from the situation regardless of the outcome.

Tryouts are hard. Of course you want to see your child succeed, but how do you handle it when they get cut, or it looks like they won’t make the team? How do you help them put the disappointment into perspective and use the situation to help them do something different in the future (prepare more, focus on other interests, etc.)?

Back to School – Highs and Lows

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What do you like best about your child going back to school?

Over the years, the highs and lows have changed. When they were young, highs included them being under someone else’s care, learning, and growing; lows – potentially missing new things they did, not being with them all the time.

In elementary, highs were having them learn, build social skills, and get out energy. 😊 Lows – all the paperwork required to be filled out by the school and before and after care, countless demands on time (carpooling, errands, work!), and exhaustion.

Middle school, highs were watching our boys mature, and pushed to grow intellectually, physically, and mentally. Lows – paperwork!, demands on time, and seeing my boys start to separate (stepping into independence).

High school, highs include seeing my boys grow into their adult bodies, become young adults, and more independent. Lows – paperwork!, more separation, puberty at full strength (p-u!), and awareness of them one day leaving the nest.

Our oldest is off to college. Highs – seeing his excitement in the prospect of being a full-fledged adult. Lows – not being able to see him, know what he’s up to, or what’s on his mind. I know I can communicate with him whenever I want, but believe this is the moment I need to push my bird from the nest…let him make the necessary adjustments (without my help), so he can fly. I know he can do it, and as hard as it will be for me, I can too.

What are your highs and lows as your child grows?

Decisions

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Certain decisions in our life can have big(ger) consequences than others. I’ve shared before about how my oldest is figuring out where he wants to go after high school — college or trade route.

He ended up applying to a couple of universities and is starting to get decisions from them. His most recent was a deferment. He was crushed (which makes me think he’s more interested in going to college than he’s let on), but we reminded him the school is still reviewing his application and there is still a chance he’ll get in.

The bigger thing I wanted him to take away from all of this is to think of where he goes next in different terms. If he doesn’t get accepted, maybe it will allow another student who will benefit more than he would (based on opportunities he has that others may not) from going to that school; or that the school may not be where he needs to be (I believe we are put where we need to be even when we can’t understand it at the time — I get this may be flawed thinking but it helps me in trying times). I also shared if he has his heart set on this school, he can go to another school for his first two years and then transfer. He has options, many others don’t.

Still, I feel for him. Rejection (real or perceived) is painful. He will learn from this (and his own resilience), regardless of what happens. I just continue to remind myself to walk with him as long as he’ll allow me to.

How do you support your child through a disappointing experience?

I’ll be off next week and back in March.

Back to School Blues

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What did your child think about returning to school?

My youngest loved the lazy summer days of sleeping in late, with an open schedule. He’s big into transit and made new friends and spent time exploring via bus, light rail, and street car (it helps that our state makes these services free of charge for students year-round). As the school year approached, the realization he’d soon go from having nothing-to-do to going all-the-time seriously bummed my normally cheery guy out.

He talked with his father and I about how short this summer was, and how he wished the break were longer (my husband and I smiled, remembering our own childhood memories of summer vacation, and sighed knowing you never get that back).

My son adjusted to the new school year quickly. He reconnected with friends, and is excited for several of his classes and new teachers. The blues he was feeling were gone.

We’ve all experienced that dread (and/or nerves) of something new starting (school, job, place) and wishing for nothing to change, knowing we have to move forward into the dread, realizing our dread is (almost always) worse than the reality. And relieved when we adjust to the new situation. Phew!

How has your child adjusted to the new school year? How do you help them work through nerves or dread around a situation?

Public Speaking

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How comfortable are you speaking in front of others?

My youngest had an opportunity to return to his former middle school to share his experience and how prepared he was for high school. He was eager to go in hopes he’d see some former faculty or classmates. The community event for the school was moms (no students past or present), and no former faculty and administration. It was a bit of a bummer, but he loves the school so much he easily adjusted talking to new teachers about his experience.

The event had us sit down in a circle and the head of school asked us to give our feedback on why we’d picked the middle school, the best thing about the middle school, and how well my son was prepared for high school. I provided my input, but turned the floor over to my son since I knew the parents would like to hear from him directly. He did a great job sharing his thoughts, and needed little prompting to answer questions and provide insights. He went from looking down at first when he responded, to making eye contact, to joking with the crowd towards the end. It was like watching a flower bloom. I couldn’t help but smile.

On the way home my son and I discussed how things went. We both reflected on how some of the questions asked helped us see even more benefits of him going to the school than we’d previously realized. He was proud of his ability to talk in front of so many strangers and attributed his comfort with the confidence the school gave him regarding who he is (e.g., you’re great just the way you are). I was so happy for him that he recognizes the gifts the school has given him, how he’s been able to use them to excel in high school, and be confident in who he is enough to do public speaking at such a young age. It makes me wonder what else he can do that even he doesn’t know yet. 😊 I can’t wait to find out.

What gives your child confidence?

Thinking Ahead

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Clearly, moving from middle school to high school in the Fall is top-of-mind for my youngest.

My youngest was out in our living room pacing ever so slightly back and forth. “What’s up,” I asked. “Nothing,” he replied, and then he stopped walking and made a hmmm noise. “Well, actually…” he said, “I’m thinking about high school and what those changes will mean for me.” His facial expression was a mix of anticipation and fear. His older brother just went through enrollment for his classes, so it would make sense this was on his mind.

“Are you concerned about something?” I asked. “Well, maybe. I’m concerned it’s going to be a lot more. Classes. The teachers are going to be strict. There’s going to be more homework.” I could see he was stressed about the upcoming change (though it’s still months away). I thought for a minute before responding. “You’re right that change is coming, and I’ve yet to meet anyone that likes change, especially when it’s unclear what exactly the change will be. The good news is, while change isn’t easy, it’s something we all have to go through throughout life, and each time you show yourself you’re able to adapt and successfully make the change, the more confidence you have the next time round. You’ve already gone through some big changes—moving homes, moving from elementary to middle school, learning to navigate public transit and more. Yes, it will be different, but you should grow in your capabilities and feel good about it.”

He exhaled, lowered his shoulders, and smiled. “You’re right, I can do this. Thanks.” That ended the conversation.

We can, too often, look ahead and get anxious, worried, or concerned about the unknown. Change is hard, regardless the age — whether it’s planned or thrust upon you. It’s how you use the tools, including experience, you have to know you can get through whatever life throws at you next.

How do you handle change? How are you helping your child navigate it?

Time Management

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Are you good at managing your time?

Before my oldest started school this Fall we talked about juggling priorities — school, sports, and other activities. We discussed he’d be learning time management and how to prioritize and get what’s needed done first, and wants second. We’re nearing the end of his first term and grades will be coming out soon. His sports season is wrapping up as well. He has expressed he is struggling juggling with it all.

His school gives parents access online to a student’s grades and assignments. It’s a way for parents to have a view into how their child is doing along the way. My husband and I rarely go in, not because it might be helpful or useful, but because we want our son to learn he has to stay on top of his studies without us watching him like a hawk. He is in an Advanced Placement (AP) class that allows students to gain college credit while in high school if they can pass the given exam at the end of the year. In order to get him signed up for the end of year exam, I had to go into the site that shows his grades and assignment completions to find the name of the teacher and class he’d be taking the test we needed to pay for. I couldn’t help but notice there were several assignments he hadn’t turned in (thankfully his grades looked pretty good). I asked him later that day about the assignments. He was surprised — not that I had looked, but that he hadn’t gotten all of his assignments in. He checked in with his teachers the following day, turned in the missing assignments, and was actually thankful it had been caught as it would have lowered his grade if it had not been addressed.

After some particularly long days for my son, which seemed to consist of wake-up, go to school, go to practice, eat dinner, sleep, he had little time to get his schoolwork done. He shared he was struggling, I asked him,”What did we say you’d have to learn and start to master this year?” He responded, “Time management.” I was glad he remembered without any prompting for me. “That’s right,” I said, “We need to think through what tools will help you.” He jumped in, “But I’m so tired when I get home and just want to zone out for a little while.” I completely understood how he felt. I, too, remember the stress increasing as I progressed in high school. I asked him what he was struggling with most. “Homework,” he shared, “when I get home I eat dinner then go through all my classes to see what homework I have.” I shared that was a good start, and suggested he add a designated time to do homework as a way to help — give him a little time to relax after practice, but time enough to get homework done before he goes to bed. “It’s hard,” he said. I agreed with him, but reminded him that learning these skills now will help him as he gets older.

Do you have a child who has a busy schedule and is struggling to manage it all? What strategies or tools are you sharing with them to help them better manage their time?

Facing Fear

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While Halloween is this weekend and many are looking to be scared, my youngest was faced with a fear unrelated to ghosts and goblins, but something that had been haunting him for a while — riding a bike on public streets.

My son’s school has teamed up with an organization that has the students ride bikes to a destination within a few miles of the school one day a week. When they reach their destination they do a service project and then bike back to school. It’s been a great activity for the kids. My husband and I were curious how our son was doing. He had had a bad experience at a younger age when he biked on a public road accidentally running his bike into a car (I blogged about it previously). When we asked how biking went he gave short answers, and was vague. We started pressing him for further details and he confessed that he hadn’t been riding bikes with his classmates and had been staying behind at school with the teachers. We asked him why he hadn’t talked about this before, and he shared he had been embarrassed that he couldn’t do it. We talked through options: we could help him practice riding with us at home in our neighborhood to get him more comfortable, he could talk to his teachers about ways to help him get more comfortable. He didn’t take us up on our suggestions. Another week went by, another excuse why he didn’t ride.

The night before our son’s school was due to ride bikes again, my husband and I sat our son down. We stressed the importance of pushing his comfort zone, and his need to have success riding his bike. We told him our expectation was he would ride, and working through his fear was a skill he needed to develop, and that building it now, would help him when he needs to face uncomfortable situations in the future. He agreed he would ride.

I half expected to learn my son didn’t ride his bike again, but was pleasantly surprised when he texted me on his way home from school alerting me that he had ridden with the group the entire time. I was so proud of him, but what made me happiest was seeing how proud my son was of himself. He was glowing. What a wonderful moment to share.

What does your child fear? How are you helping them work through any fears?

Silver Linings

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What’s grabbing your attention during the pandemic?

The first few weeks, news of the virus held my attention, but as time has gone on, I’ve started tuning more into the needs of myself, my family and others. Just paying attention– really close attention — to my boys and how they are doing has led my husband and I to have some ‘aha’ moments we easily would have missed if the pre-Covid-19 busyness was still around — be it how they are doing with school, dealing with isolation, and their overall health.

We did have a moment this week, where being tuned in to my kids felt really nice. My oldest got a notification that it was time to register for high school and the classes he’d like to take (electives beyond mandatory courses). I knew it might create stress for him since it’s the first time he’s had to make these types of choices in this way. We sat down together and watched the tutorials and downloaded the course catalogue and after awhile, got the hang for what he needed to do. It probably took all of 30 minutes, but I realized how having no distractions (nothing else my mind was focused on — such as an upcoming work day or appointment I needed to keep) allowed me to relax and have patience to spend the needed time with him. It showed me how impatient I’ve been in the past in these types of situations, and provided me an opportunity to be there for my son — truly be there for him — to help him. I knew he was fine once he started reaching out to his friends so they could try to coordinate schedules. 😊

I sometimes miss the rush of my previously busy life, but continue to look for the silver linings. Being able to pay attention fully has been one of those gifts.

What silver linings are you experiencing as a result of the pandemic?