Category Archives: Passion

Having Your Passion Acknowledged

Posted on by

0

My youngest has always had a creative side to him. When he was younger, he’d sit in his room and write, and write, and write. When he shared what he was working on, he’d essentially written several TV episodes, a season or twos worth. It was a story line he had in his head that he just had to get out on paper.

While very impressive, when I tried reading the dialogue and tried to understand what was going on, it was hard to follow. I told this to me son (gently), and he understood saying what connected things (stage direction, narration, cues) was in this head.

He has been in theatre for the past several years. His school has a well respected program that teaches students not only to act, but do set production, tech crew, be a playwright, producer, and more. They really help prepare all students interested in pursuing this field.

He took a play writing course in the Spring. He and his peers submitted their plays, which included stage direction, narration, and acting cues that he’d previously left out (or been unaware of how to integrate into his TV episodes years earlier). All submissions (approx. 16) were handed in and then a brief segment acted out from each during a playwright’s workshop. They announced at the workshop they’d select around half the shows to be performed (in full) in the Fall showcase. My son was excited to submit his play, see part of it acted out then, with hopes of having his script being selected and the entire play come to life in the Fall show.

The beginning of school brought new hope and anxiety for my youngest — a new grade with harder classes, and waiting to see if his script was picked for the Fall show. Thankfully within the first two weeks of school they made the announcement. I was anxiously awaiting his arrival home the day he would find out. “Well, did your show get picked?,” I asked. He acted disappointed, and while I’d prepared for this scenario, there was something about his body language that clued me into him trying to trick me into thinking it hadn’t, when it had. “Your play got picked didn’t it?” I said. After a pause and one last attempt to make a sad face, his mouth broke into a wide smile. “Yes! They announced my play last! I was sure I wasn’t going to get picked.” He beamed. You could see how much this meant to him. It validated his passion, and his work (and the love he’d put into it). This acknowledgment made my son practically burst with pride and his capabilities. I couldn’t have been prouder, or happier for him.

He has been walking on air a bit since the announcement. It’s been a confidence boost to him. He now is starting to think like a director, producer, and playwright — wanting to work with the director (a fellow student (as no playwright directs their own show) — to ensure his vision for the show is realized. I’m excited for him.

It’s not often in life we get positive reinforcement doing the things we love. The acknowledgment is helping my son come into his own — realizing he does have talents (beyond what mom, dad, and close family and friends tell him). It’s a gift when this happens. Rare and wonderful.

What is your child’s passion? How has it been acknowledged?

Model Building

Posted on by

1

What is your kid enthusiastic about?

When my youngest was small (ages 3-8), he was obsessed with Cars (yes, capitalized, because I’m referring to the Pixar movie). 🥰 He developed a love of (lower case) cars as a result of the film (the best my husband and I can tell). This love of cars went up through his early teens. I can remember the countless hours of him playing with matchbox-sized cars (many in the form of Cars characters), lining them up, creating storylines, and making his own story with them coming to life (stop motion app, using mom or dad’s phone).

He’s older now and his tastes have changed. Cars (upper or lower case) no longer hold his attention. His loves have changed: geography, maps of the world, to trains, and then subway/transit systems. He is so interested (remember being on the spectrum, a super power is having clarity about your passion), he is participating in community board on transit for teens, various community events (openings, trivia nights, etc.), and wants to go into this field (city planning, transit advisor) as a career.

He has started collecting model subway cars to add to his already vast transit map collection. For his birthday, he asked for more models. He has traditionally wanted only completed models, but we thought we’d get him a kit and see if he’d enjoy building one. My husband has built model kits before (planes), so our sons have seen some of the joy this brings to their dad.

When our son opened the kit, we thought our chances were 50-50 that he’d want to build it, vs. having us send it back. I asked him if he’d like to work on it together and he said, “I’d like to work on this with dad because he’s done these things before.” I smiled—partially because he wanted to build it, and two, he wanted my husband’s help and not mine (I’m sure I could have helped him, but not sure I would have been the best partner). 😊

He and my husband set out working on the model subway car each night. Watching them work together on the build was something. There was excitement (for the model taking form), stress (oh no, we threw out the roof think it was trash, go check the recycling!), relief (thank goodness it wasn’t recycle pick-up week), and quiet love as they worked on the model figuring it out piece by piece. This model build may be the most special one for my son (and husband), since they built it together.

What have you and your child done together that’s been special and/or brought you closer?

Advocating for Yourself

Posted on by

0

How do you get what you want?

No, it’s not a trick question. You ask for it, is a typical response to this question. Another, to get what you want is to advocate for yourself.

Our oldest has decided after a less-than-disappointing season last year to come back out for football. New coach, new staff, new approach. My son went to the first day of practice and came home frustrated. His former coach had relegated him to center and line positions defending. My son is tall, muscular, and lean. Not ideal for these positions. He’s always wanted to play tight-end or receiver, but hasn’t been asked to play either role. It felt deflating to him after the first day when he thought he might not get a chance to try something different. My husband and I talked to him. We shared that he has to ask for what he wants, he has to advocate for himself. It might feel uncomfortable, but it’s how he’ll give himself an opportunity to play in a new position.

We discussed while others may see your talents, or your challenges, or your passions, rarely does anyone advocate on your behalf unless they believe you are at risk (getting hurt, falling behind, being unfairly treated). Teachers, mentors, coaches, friends, and family may give you ideas or suggestions on how to achieve your goals, and may even make introductions for you, but you have to take the next step of engaging and asking for what you want.

We talked about how you have to advocate for yourself throughout life — advance in work, take on new roles and responsibilities, to ensure you’re getting the proper medical care, etc., — and shared personal examples where his father and I did this in our own lives. We shared that while he might not always like the answer he gets after asking, he can take pride in knowing he took action to make something happen for himself.

We encouraged him to talk to his coach, and role-played what he might say, communicate his commitment to the team, and his desire to contribute. We’ll see what happens, but I feel good knowing my son realizes the importance on advocating for himself, and can start getting practice in asking for what he wants.

How are you helping your kid ask for what they want?

In Train-ing

Posted on by

0

How will you get to your holiday destination(s) this year?

Our youngest is a huge fan of public transit and rail. My husband first introduced our boys to riding the bus when they were younger to get around town for their activities. Our youngest learned to get to middle school via light rail and bus when he entered sixth grade. That’s when we think the bug hit. He loved transit, the paths it takes, how it moves people around with relative ease. He was hooked.

You can say he’s a bit of an expert as he spends hours researching about metro and light rail lines around the world. Our summer vacation we used public transportation most of the time because of him. He planned it out for us — where to go, what line to take, knew the time tables — it was impressive. For his birthday, he took his friends on the train to the next city over to explore and celebrate (thank goodness the teens fare was free!😊).

His comfort with transit, and love for it, is infectious. I rarely took public transit before my son became so enthralled. He’s helped even his old mom learn a new trick. 😄

When we plan trips or go anywhere using transit is now part of the equation. Pluses of transit — it saves you money (no airport or downtown parking), is less stressful (you don’t have to deal with traffic), and for our son gives him greater independence (replaces what a bike did for me in my childhood); downsides — sometimes it can be unpredictable (running behind) and riding with others.

While we have no near term plans to travel I know many do. While my son is bummed he’s not mapping out a journey for us, he’s continuing to learn as much as he can on light rail and other public transit around the world so he can guide us on future trips. You could say he’s in training for his future (whether it manifests into a job, or just remains a passion). He makes me see travel in a different way. Holiday travel doesn’t have to be running around to catch your flight, or stuck on the interstate with everyone else. You have another option, the train. Depending on your destination, it might take longer but with way less stress, interesting scenery, and an opportunity to actually enjoy the ride.

How will you get to your holiday gatherings? What would make your holiday travel with your child or teen less stressful?

I will be away next weekend celebrating Thanksgiving with family and friends and will return in December. Happy Thanksgiving!

Having a Me Moment

Posted on by

1

My youngest is into transit — it doesn’t matter which kind — light rail, water taxi, metro/subway, train — he studies them (thanks to the internet) and enjoys learning all the ins and outs, including their layouts, how to navigate/makes transfers, payment accepted, hours of operation, etc. To most, that might seem boring. To him, it brings him to life.

We decided to go east for Spring Break. My youngest was the navigator as we used mass transit for most of our travel to get around. We took a light rail from the airport, then transferred to a metro line. We/He learned things as we went — what was running on time or delayed, payment challenges (for those who ride transit and have struggled with a ticket kiosk, you know what I’m referring to), poorly marked transfers (how in the world do we get to the green line, I only see an exit?), and entering the metro on the wrong side of the platform (oh no, is that the train we want to be on over there?).

My favorite was when we entered the DC metro for the first time. Clearly, this is what my son had been waiting for. He had the biggest smile on his face that expressed immense joy. “You look happy,” I said. “Mom,” my son replied with a smile even bigger, “This is one of the best transit systems in the US, even in the world. I’m having a me moment.” I just watched him as he took it all in. Side note: for those that aren’t familiar with kids on the autism spectrum like my son is, you may not know that one of their super powers is knowing what they like/are interested in/their passion. It is super inspiring to see.

While my son was loving our journey for the most part, he’d get upset with himself anytime a mistake happened. He prides himself of his knowledge and likes being thought of as ‘the guy that doesn’t need no stinking map’ (his grandfather coined that phrase for my son after my son told his grandparents he knew the full layout of an amusement park they’d taken he and his brother to and weren’t sure how to navigate without a map. He told them “we don’t need no stinking map. I know how to navigate this place!” And he did.😊).

I had to remind my son that mistakes happening is how we learn, and yes, it can be frustrating and doesn’t feel great, but we’re better for it, when we take something away we’ll do differently. He understood but didn’t like it.😊

My son having his ‘Me Moment’ stayed with me. How fortunate we are as parents when we see our child(ren) come to life —literally seeing their dream coming true before your eyes. It’s rare. Very rare. And, while at the time I don’t think I realized it, I (likely along with my husband) were having a ‘me moment’ too as parents witnessing this/experiencing this with our son.

What is your child passionate about? What ‘Me Moments’ have you witnessed/experienced?

You’ve Got Talent

Posted on by

0

What is your child talented at?

My youngest loves geography, but showing his passion, or talent, for knowing every country in the world (not just be able to identify it by shape, but can also identify the flag, and key facts) can be a bit of a challenge for a talent show — especially when they asked each kid to keep their routine under two minutes, and entertaining, engaging, or, at least, interesting to the audience. I never thought I’d say this, but thanks to internet my son found Yacko’s World (Yacko is a character from Animaniacs — a cartoon from the 90s). In the video, Yacko sings the countries of the world to a catchy tune. My son decided he could do that. He can also sing, so combining his talents (geography and singing) made sense.

He practiced and practiced. He decided on his ‘costume’ — a travel shirt and two flags he could hold while singing. When it was his turn, he walked up, they started the music and he started. He added a silly dance in between the stanzas and the audience loved it. He loved share his passion, engaging the audience and being brave. It was a very good night for our son.

What I love about talent shows is that it gives you an opportunity to do something brave, step out and be vulnerable to a crowd, to show what they love and/or can do well. My husband and I commented after the show, the kids weren’t all ready for Kids Got Talent or Little Big Shots, but they had all been very brave and we’re proud of themselves for putting themselves out there.

How are you helping your child identify their talent or passion? How are you helping them to be brave and showcase it?

I’ll be off next week to spend time with family.

When I Grow Up I Want to Be…

Posted on by

3

Did you know what you wanted your profession to be when you were a kid?  When did you figure it out or are you (like me and) still trying to?

My son was sharing a fictional story one of his friends had shared. The main character was Bill Gates, but not like we know him. In this story, there was a war and Bill Gates was ridding the world of bad people and getting paid money to do so. In a time when super heroes, and good guys and bad guys run rampant, these kind of stories don’t shock me like they used to. I asked my son if he knew who Bill Gates was. He said, “Sorta?” with an uplift in tone that indicated he clearly did not. I explained that Bill Gates did make a lot of money, but it wasn’t from getting rid of bad people, it was from inventing (along with many others) the personal computer. He happened to have a passion for learning about computers, and was visionary in how people could use them. I continued that while he had made a lot of money, he had started a foundation that was focused on giving most of his money away to help others through education and healthcare; and that he was so passionate about this work, that he was encouraging other wealthy people to do the same thing (give their money away towards helping others).

My son was curious about a man making so much money, and instead of spending it all or giving it to his children, he would give it away. “Well, you can’t take it with you when you die. And the money would be more than his kids would ever need,” I explained. I decided to explore with both my sons what they were interested in doing when they grew up. My oldest quickly chimed in that he wanted to build a robot–like Iron Man, or Baemax from Big Hero 6, but for real, not pretend. Or maybe he’d create a new Pokémon card. You could see his creative wheels turning. My youngest chimed in. “I want to do construction. Maybe build things. Or maybe paint cars.” I reiterated that they could do whatever they wanted to do when they got older…the only one that would prevent them from doing it was them. I noticed my oldest looked a bit concerned. “But I don’t really know what I want to be when I grow up.” He was clearly upset at knowing for certain what he would be when he grew up, “What am I going to do?” I was not expecting him to feel this pressure to know what he wanted to do. I certainly had some ideas when I was his age, but that was all they were ideas, or fantasies. I reminded both boys that my husband’s and my job is to teach them things, including exposing them to new things and encouraging them to try them so they can know if it’s something that is a passion or interest for them, “Without trying, you’ll never know,and that no one expects you to know what you want to be or do at such a young age,” I finished. That seemed to suffice for my boys and we went on to talk of other things.

Life is precious, and goes by so quickly. What would the world be like if we all followed our passion? Pretty good, right?  When you are enthusiastic about something it’s natural to want to share it with others. While not everyone has money to share, everyone has the ability to share what they are passionate about.

How are you helping your child find what they are passionate about? How are you helping them figure out what they want to be when they grow up?

Masterminds and Wingmen

Posted on by

0

I had taken my boys in for haircuts when one of the employees came to me and said, “I know your boys are a little young for this, but you just have to read this book,” and proceeded to tell me about Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World by Rosalind Wisemen. I was a bit skeptical, but her enthusiasm convinced me to check it out. I have not been disappointed.

The book is written to help parents better understand their sons and provides strategies for how to better handle situations. With each page I read of the book, I felt like I was discovering something new about the opposite sex. I was amazed how little I felt I truly understood about the male experience growing up. I immediately went to my husband and said, “I need you to read this, and tell me if there is any truth to it…if there is, I feel like we’ve struck gold!”

I am passionate about parenting with no regrets and this book is greatly appreciated. It’s hard to get something right when you don’t know what you don’t know. What struck me about this book is how little of us are talking about this (the differences between sexes and our experiences growing up)…there is great information in here, why wouldn’t we want to use this to have more open dialogue with our sons and daughters. Reading this book feels like something that needs to be shared and discussed.

The book has made such an impression on me, I’ve recently picked another Rosalind Wiseman book: Queen Bees and Wannabees: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World. Based on the reviews I’m guessing it’s as good as Masterminds and Wingmen. Assuming so, while the book is targeted at parents, I’m leaning towards sharing both books with my boys in their teens. Parents may need to understand their sons and daughters, but kids need helping understanding themselves and the dynamics potentially going on around them. I’m hoping these books will help shed insight I would have benefitted from growing up. Don’t just watch me navigate child and teen-hood, help me understand what is happening and why, so I can have a better understand what is happening and why.

I’m grateful the hairdresser made a point to let me know about this book. She inspired me to share it with you.

What parenting information has inspired you?

 

The Great Football Debate

Posted on by

2

Are you a parent who has concerns about letting your child play football?

I have shared in previous posts that my oldest son loves football and really wants to play. I love watching college football, and partly blame myself for getting him interested in the sport to begin with. My husband and I have allowed our son to play flag football up to this point. While we were hoping that would appease his desire to play the game, you can see his desire to play full-contact football everytime he watches a game, sees a high school player suited up, or walks into a sporting goods store. When he saw that you could buy football pads and helmets in a store you could see his eyes light up with delight. You could almost read his mind. I want those pads.

Our son recently asked about playing contact football with my husband and I. “I want to play!” he pleaded. My immediate response was “no way.” I followed it up with many talking points that backed up my position — it’s not safe, too many people get hurt, it can negatively impact your long-term quality of life, etc. My son didn’t hear anything after I said “no.” Instead of hearing me out, like any nine year old, he got more passionate with his plea. “You have to let me play. You just have to.” His petition lasted a full five minutes. He seems to have some talent (according to his biased mom), but even if he physically can compete, I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for him to. While I wasn’t willing to budge, my husband was willing to hear him out. “We’ll consider it when you are in high school, and you show us you can compete, not get hurt and keep up your grades.”  My initial reaction was “what?”, but after thinking about it for a minute it made sense. Forbidding our son from playing would only make him want to play it more. I don’t want my child to miss out on experiencing something he wants to, but I also want to protect him and am responsible for helping him make good decisions. Allowing him to play football right now isn’t something I’m willing to do. I’m hoping (hopeful?) that with all the evidence and news around body and brain injuries in the sport, more will be done to make it safer so kids can enjoy the sport without having to sacrifice long-term health.

How do you talk to your child when they want to try something you’re not comfortable with them doing?

 

Silence = Acceptance

Posted on by

0

I was recently flipping through the December issue of O Magazine when I came across an article capturing Oprah interviewing a Sandy Hook family that had lost a child. At first, I was uneasy reading the article. I have cried many times thinking about what occurred and what difficulty the families left behind have gone through. The article made the feelings fresh again.

Not long after the Sandy Hook shootings occurred, I was part of an audience that was encouraged not to be the silent majority any more, but to speak out to our government and school leaders and have our voices be heard in regards to violence and gun safety. I believe most of us in this country agree that there are measures we can and should take to make school environments safer and provide more assistance to those suffering from mental illness. I certainly don’t have the answers, but I cannot allow myself to do nothing. Silence = Acceptance. And while there is a part of me that is still working on gaining my confidence in finding my voice, I have great motivation to do so…my children. I certainly don’t want them asking me later in life, “Why didn’t you take a stand?” or “Why didn’t you do something? Why didn’t you try?” If I expect my children to find their voice and make a difference in the world, working with others to solve big problems, it starts with me as their parent.

While I would prefer a gun-free world, I know that’s not possible, and see no benefit in trying to pursue that as an avenue to solve this issue. Guns exist and will continue to do so. I am suggesting that we, as parents and as a country, have an opportunity to discuss these really important issues that we are not talking about because we are divided and or fear there is no middle ground. To me, gun safety isn’t an us versus them discussion. We collectively have to figure out how to address this issue.

The Sandy Hook families are not slipping into silence. In fact, they are leading the way in how we solve this problem together by forming a community around the discussion The Sandy Hook Promise: Parent Together to Prevent Gun Violence in Our Communities. It’s simple to join the community and be part of the conversation. Participate and let your voice be heard. Let’s figure out how we solve this problem together.

Silence = Acceptance. I won’t accept silence anymore.

How are you making your voice heard? How do you take action when it may be uncomfortable or not easy to do?