Tag Archives: Summer

18 Summers

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I received a marketing email from a local resort we like to visit that was targeted parents of young children. It’s message in summary — you have 18 summers to make lasting memories with your child(ren) (why not here).

18 summers goes quickly. Whether it’s vacations, dinners in the backyard, walks in the neighborhood, community events, swimming, sporting events, picnics, or camping, there have been lots of wonderful memories.

As my children age, become more independent and less inclined to hang out with mom and dad, I reflect on the time we have had together in summers past. When they join us this summer, even for small things like sitting down with us for dinner, I consider it another treasured memory.

18 summers. That went by fast.

Where are some favorite memories for your family over the summer?

I’ll be off making some new family memories the next two weeks and will be back in September.

Summer BBQ

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Are BBQs one of your favorite summer activities?

We host an annual summer BBQ. It’s informal, the date varies, but it’s annual because we soooo look forward to seeing our friends and catching up in a relaxed setting.

My boys love it because their friends come, and they can easily hang out with us (for food) or go off with their friends and just hang out.

We coordinated this year’s event while our exchange students with us. I believe cookouts are fairly universal, so doubtful this will be a new experience for him, but still fun to show him how we do it here.

What’s your favorite summer tradition?

Summer Exploration

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What’s something new you’ve tried during the summer?

Our youngest is showing the city to our French exchange student. Taking him to popular tourists sites and having him experience a more typical day-in-the-life (going to the grocery store, checking out the library, helping around the house, hanging out on the deck). You can see my son learning him to host (while his dad and I work), and protect space for himself. It’s taken a few days, but he seems to be getting better at hosting, though I know there is a part of him that desperately wants to do whatever he wants without taking into consideration what our exchange student wants to do. As a spectrum kid, we keep encouraging him to have a more flexible mindset. Easier said than done, but we can see he is trying.

Our oldest is home for the summer, but out and about so much, it’s often like he isn’t here. If he isn’t working, he’s typically with his friends doing something regarding exercise, working on cars, or exploring. He recently joined some newer friends and went on a hike that had a 6000 ft elevation gain and required having an ice axe ( yikes!), and scrambling at that top. That’s too adventurous for me, but my son was eager to go. I was worried the entire day for his safety (would he push himself, get injured, or worse fall) until he texted to let me know he was okay. Worrying — something I suppose we’ll always do as parents, regardless our child’s age, right?

Summer is the longest stretch where the weather tends to be nicer (if not too hot) and ripe for exploring — a place or things to do. What exploring has your child or family done this summer?

Foreign Communication

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My youngest has been accepted into a foreign exchange summer program. He’s thrilled to go explore a new country, and being a kid on the spectrum lies the (potential) problem.

When he gets an idea in his mind, particularly in something he’s interested in doing, his mindset becomes more rigid and narrowly focused. It can be a strength (knowing how to navigate a large public transit system without ever having to look at a map or timetable) and a weakness (going into a situation where he doesn’t have control). Note: many of us (neuro-diverse or not), struggle with control and a rigid from time to time.

We met the family he will be living with over video. The boys started communicating via text following. My son went into “all things travel” mode — asking questions about where they could travel to, transit options, and ideas he had. Yikes. I can only imagine what the host family is thinking.

The good (great) news is that we have our exchange student who has been with us, and knows something about connecting with host families prior to arriving. 😊 My son was sharing some of his disappointment in how some of his initial excitement had waned and he wasn’t hearing much from his peer. Once our exchange student and I listened she offered some ideas (I did too, but think he really took her ideas to heart). “Share something about you. Take a picture of your walk home. Show them the neighborhood or where we go to school. Ask them to show you where they live,” she recommended. He recognized his communication had been one-sided up to that point (all about him and his interests), and he understood the was value in starting over and them getting to know one another. He sent a text to say as such and felt better about things.

It is hard when someone you love so dearly struggles with understanding social cues, but I love that our exchange student was here, willing to help, and my son willing to listen. He has a new friend/sister who can help him (assuming he continues to be willing to ask). 😊 The rigid mindset, he’s aware of and we’ll continue to work on making it more flexible.

What’s hard for your child? How are you helping them work through or overcome their challenge?

A Game of Catch

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What is a favorite memory of something you and your child have done together?

Memories that come to mind for me include my boys jumping into my arms in the pool when they were small, going to the zoo together, and teaching them to ride their bikes. As they grew older, the opportunities lessened for us to do things together — they preferred to be with friends, or off on their own. I was grateful for the memories, but yearned for more.

Imagine my surprise when we went away for a long weekend as a family to a place we often visit — with hiking, and the opportunity to get into the water, or just take in the scenery nature provides — when late one afternoon my oldest pulled out a corn hole board and bean bags that was amongst many various games available to anyone there and asked me to play with him. This was a rare ask. I jumped at the chance. We tossed the bags, laughed at how mediocre we were and decided whomever got the next bag in the hole would win. Somehow I was the victor and we laughed as we went back to our room.

The night before we headed home, it was near dusk, and my oldest walked back over to the game bin. He found a baseball glove and a soft-core baseball. “Want to have a catch?,” I asked, fully expecting him to turn me down. Instead he eagerly agreed. He’s been really into baseball lately, particularly watching minor league teams, and I think he has a yearning to play the game (baseball is one of the few sports he didn’t play growing up).

We threw the ball back and forth. After a couple of times he asked me to change things up — throw him a grounder or pop fly — so I changed it up. It reminded me of when I used to practice with my dad when I played softball as a kid. He smiled every time he caught the ball, and even smiled when he missed at first but stopped the ball on the second try. We threw for quite a while. We practiced him dropping back to catch longer and higher balls, and got him running forward to catch shorter balls. I would have stayed out there with him however long he would allow. I was very present in the moment. He decided we’d end throwing the ball once he made one more ‘cool’ catch. He ended up jumping high after dropping back and caught the ball. He was satisfied.

As he returned the glove and ball to the bin he’d gotten it from I said, “Mom’s going to remember this for a long time.” I wanted him to know it was a special time for me. “I’ll probably going to remember it too,” he replied, which was a bit shocking because he rarely admits he enjoys anything, 😊, but he said it in a way I knew was truthful. These moments are so fleeting. I’m grateful my son wanted to have one more catch with his mom. I can only hope there are a few more of these special moments in our future still. 🥰

What’s a treasured memory with your child?

I will be away enjoying some of the last of summer and will return in September.

Growing, Growing, Gone

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How prepared is your child to go off on their own?

Our youngest decided to go to an overnight camp on the other side of the country. Worrisome enough for any parent, but throw in the fact that he’s 16, going on his own, and wanted to explore the transit in a large urban area he hadn’t explored (as much as he wanted) before made my nerves go through the roof. Not because my son isn’t capable — he navigated the tube in London flawlessly without ever consulting a map, but because he was going to be doing this on his own. What if he ran into a problem? Or people who were looking to take advantage of a younger person? It helps that my son is tall and people often think he is older than he is, but that can go both ways (good/bad) too. He showed us his itinerary and what he planned to do on his day in the city before the camp came and picked him up.

My husband and I spent time prepping my son. Bringing up scenarios and asking how he would handle or what he would do if he got into a situation where he needed help. It was a moment where we had to let him g(r)o(w) regardless how hard it was for us.

Because my son was going to the other coast there was a time difference and he would already be well on his journey before we woke up. He kept us posted on his stays, checking his luggage, paying train tickets, what routes he was on, etc. via text. I was calm but nervous. I looked forward to him being with the camp folks knowing he was safe.

The day went on, he was fine, and the camp got him safely mid-afternoon. I was relieved, and so proud of my son being able to do what he did. That night when we talked he shared how kind people had been, and how fortunate he’d been to make (train) connections and do all that he did. “We’re proud of you, you know?,” I said as we talked that evening, “but you should be even more proud of what you did yourself. You now know you can do this, and if traveling is something you want to do more of, you took a big step towards doing that.” He smiled and shared that he was proud of himself.

Gaining independence and confidence as you grow helps lessen the scariness of leaving the nest. Even though this mother bird still wants to protect her kids, I know I have to let them g(r)o(w).

How are you helping your child grow confidence in their abilities and independence?

Happy 4th. I’ll be away enjoying time with family and back later in July.

Thank You, Supporters

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It takes a village to raise a kid. It takes special folks in that village to help your child excel — be exposed to opportunities outside of your area of influence, knowledge, or experience; get a recommendation or be a reference to help your child get where they want to go (school, job, camp, etc.); give them a different view of who they are and what they can offer the world.

My youngest submitted for a summer camp that aligns with his passion in transit. We knew it would be a competitive process when we saw the paperwork (it was similar to applying to college minus having to send your grades and transcript). He had to submit three references in his application. He reached out to three adults who have been influential in his life — a past teacher, a present teacher, and a community leader in transit. He reached out to ask these folks to be references — a bit nervous and uncomfortable in the ask (understandable when you haven’t done this before and afraid you might be burdening someone). He was a bit more comfortable after his dad and I shared that most people want to help other people and most likely these folks would gladly support him, which they did (thank you!!!).

My son had to wait several months to get notified if he’d been accepted. We learned during the parent interview process (yes, this camp is that thorough) that 40 applicants had submitted and they only had room for 20. While good odds (50-50), it upped the anxiety knowing half the kids, who were likely eager to attend this camp might not get to go (including possibly mine). ☹️

The wait ended when our youngest ran out of his room shouting, “I’ve been accepted!” It’s rare you get to see your child so happy. The first thing we discussed was thanking his teachers, and the community leader that supported him as an applicant. I have no doubt their input made the difference.

Who makes up your kid’s village? Who are those supporters you are grateful for?

Summertime Summertime Sum Sum Summertime…

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If you know the song, I won’t ask you to resist the urge to stop singing it.😊

The arrival of summer makes me happy — sunshine, warmer weather, and vacation around the corner. Whether it’s a camping trip, driving or flying to a new destination, BBQ, pool party, or just doing something different over the weekends, there is something special about summer. The cherry on top for me is the break from shuttling kids around, appointments and everything else that goes along with kids and school.😎

We all have the itch for our summer vacation this year. It’s a trip that was postponed in 2020. My guess is many of you are catching up on delayed trips/time away. My sons can’t wait. We talk about the trip almost daily (even our oldest who doesn’t excite easily is joining in, asking questions, and seems to share our anticipation). We all just…can’t…wait.

What are you most looking forward to this summer?

Have a wonderful Fourth. I’ll be away for a few weeks and back the latter part of July.

Summer Camp Inspiration

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What is keeping your child busy this summer?

Summer camps can be a godsend for parents when school is out — with the exception of the carpooling, odd hours, and cost, right?

My oldest decided he wanted to go to a specialty sports camp. It was a single day and very intensive. He was excited to go as the camp was touted as preparing the participants to become college athletes some day. I expected to hear all about how awesome the camp was when my son got home, but he was more in a daze (he got sunburned and had been outside for ten hours, but still).

“How’d it go?,” I asked. “Okay,” my son said. He was quiet. I had expected him to add more without prompting, but to no avail, so I continued, “was it all you were hoping for?” “Not exactly,” he said. He drew out the word not. “How so?” I asked. “We’ll, they had us run drills and this one coach kept yelling at me. I thought they were going to teach me, but I don’t feel like I learned anything new.” I asked him a few more questions then gave it a rest. He was clearly disappointed with the experience and exhausted.

About a week after this my son asked me to go for a walk. That rarely happens, so I jumped at the chance to get outside and have one-on-one time with him. As we walked he talked about his plans for the summer and things he wanted to do. As we walked the conversation went back to the camp he had attended. “I just can’t get it out of my mind what that coach said,” he started, “what he was asking me to do made sense but it was my first time doing it, so unsure why he kept singling me out and yelling at me.” We talked for a while about how the coach gave his critiques. Based on how my son described it the coach ‘motivated’ by shaming. I had to stop my son and make sure he understood something very clearly. “There are different ‘leaders’ that will come in and out of your life and will come in the form of teacher, your boss, and even coach. Leadership styles vary, but the best leaders know how to get the best out of you without having to break you down. When a leader feels this is the only way they can motivate you, it says more about them, than it says about you.” I corrected myself, “It says everything about them and nothing about you.” I explained further, “When you use shame or intimidation to motivate, it will work but there can be collateral damage, I.e., devastating consequences. You don’t want someone to be the best athlete or musician or dancer or worker or (fill in the blank), but be stressed all the time, hate themselves, and/or suffer mentally. You want to be led by someone who inspires you, understands how to get you to push beyond your comfort zone, and get the best out of you. When that happens you thrive vs. survive.” I took a breathe with the hopes that what I was saying was sinking in. “If the coach taught you a new approach and you think it’s a good one, then work on getting comfortable with it, and better at it, but do not waste one second allowing how he delivered his assessment to you sink it. Just let it fall on the ground where it belongs. He doesn’t know you or your capabilities. My guess is he would single out anyone he thought might make him look bad. Pitiful.” I rested my case.

My son was still taking in what I said. He shared other comments the coach had made that were directed at the larger group that confirmed my suspicion that this coach wasn’t someone I wanted my son around, and was grateful it had only been for the one day.

We’ve all had experiences in our lives where a leader didn’t necessarily show good character. It’s disappointing when you experience it, and angering when you see (of hear after the fact) your child did. I’m just glad my son shared. I hope he’ll take this lessen on leadership and look for leadership that will help him grow in a positive and healthy way — leaders who inspire him, push him to be his best, while appreciating him for who he is as he is.

What is your child doing this summer? Who are the leaders inspiring your child?

I will be off next week enjoying the long weekend with family and friends, and will return in July.

Summer Reading

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What book(s) is your child reading this summer?

When I was growing up there was a summer reading challenge and I couldn’t wait to see how many books I could get done during the competition. I wanted to get the award. I don’t recall if it was a certificate only, or if there was any tangible prize, but it felt good to have the achievement under my belt.

Oh, how times have changed. Maybe I was so excited to read because my mom limited our TV time during the summer, and reading was the next best thing. Or maybe I really wanted the recognition that came from doing the challenge. Or maybe I just liked reading. Probably a little bit of all. What I can say is that my children have only shown mild to no interest in participating in a summer reading challenge. I thought I could get them enthused in this when they were younger. There was some interest when they learned the winners got to eat a meal at the top of the Space Needle (a pricey treat indeed), but when they realized how much reading it would take to win, their enthusiasm waned. When the top prize wasn’t as attractive the following year they pretty much lost whatever remaining interest they had left. 😞

While participating in a summer reading challenge didn’t take with my boys, getting them to read a (chapter) book or two has. My oldest has been reading fiction and non-fiction. I like that he’s taken an interest in finding topics he likes to read (sci-if, military and history). My youngest is still figuring out what he likes. We picked up The Haunting of Henry Davis by Kathryn Siebel. As a parent you aren’t always the intended audience when your child reads a book to you, but I have to say both my son and I really enjoyed this book. It was much more than a ghost story. It was about finding out who you are, taking risks, and learning what true friendship means. We had a hard time putting the book down. I loved that I enjoyed the book, but that my son now knows there are really good books out there just waiting to be read. Will he be in a summer book reading challenge next summer? I doubt it, but I do believe he’ll have a better understanding of what he likes to read.

What good books has your child read lately? How are you getting them to read during the summer?