Tag Archives: Brother

Graduation

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I’m struggling to grasp that my youngest is graduating from high school. I can remember when I brought him home from the hospital as a newborn thinking we’ve got the next 18 years together. There were times, particularly when my boys were little, that time moved slow. As they aged, time sped up.

What’s particularly bittersweet about this moment is the progress I’ve seen my son make over his life to this point. His autism was diagnosed around age 5, prior to his diagnosis, we’d thought he was a little quirky and possibly had sensory issues (and maybe just didn’t want to believe he had it). We didn’t know what an autism diagnosis would mean for us, because it impacts those with it differently.

He’s struggled with social cues mainly. Missing out on some potential friendships because he didn’t have the innate know-how to connect with his peers. But he’s had so many highs over the course of growing up — joining theater in elementary school put him on a path to better expressing himself, taking on leading roles and nailing it, and being quite the comedian; he went to a middle school that focused on emotional intelligence for teen boys (in addition to academics) and learned more about his feelings and others and leaned into what healthy relationships look like (thank you @join1love) and grew his confidence in being himself; he navigated transit systems locally on his own to get himself to and from school and his love of transit was born; he went to high school and continued in theatre mastering his craft by senior year; he made friends along the way; did a foreign exchange; went to prom with a girl that asked him! And took a stand for his principles with his peers in a public setting.

There is a time in your child’s life — such as graduation — when you reflect and ask yourself if there was anything you missed, didn’t teach or share, to help them as they move into adulthood. I’m sure there are things I’ve missed, didn’t teach or share, but I’m not sure I’ll fully understand that for many years. I can say my son (both my boys) have blown me away throughout this journey. Doing things I didn’t know they could or would do, initiative they took on their own, and showing their unique abilities and ways they want to navigate their life and the world.

I’ve been blessed beyond measure. This journey has been a gift. It might not have felt like it when I was sleep deprived, or disciplining one of the kids, or when the boys was unhappy with me, but I’m overwhelmed with how much this entire experience meant for me and how it shaped me and how I grew as a person and parent because of it.

My son is graduating, but I feel like I am too. My boys have finished this chapter and moving on to the next.

What does your child’s graduation mean to you?

My final post will come out next week.

Brothers in Need

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Do you always get along with your sibling(s)?

My oldest often thinks his younger brother is super annoying. I remember my sister feeling the same way about me when we were in high school. It isn’t often you see my oldest interacting with his brother outside of meal time or out in front of the TV. They have different interests, friend groups, activities, etc.

We went hiking over the long weekend. We were nearing the last steep climb when my youngest, who was trailing us all, yelled “stop! I need help.” We turned to find him off to the side of the trail in pain. He’d lost his footing, his ankle rolled and he heard a pop sound. 😬 We were at least a mile away from getting to flat ground and where he could be helped. It was one of those moments where you think how are we going to get through this? We had him rest on the side of a hill, while we dug through our packs to see what we had (of course, we’d ran out of ace bandages and hadn’t replenished the pack, and started to think in terms of building a splint out of sticks). Before we proceeded we asked our son if he could move his foot – it hurt, but he could. We asked if he could put weight on it – it hurt, but he could. We asked if he could walk – it hurt, but if we went slowly, he could.

His father and I attempted to have him walk and lean on us, but both of us are shorter than both of our sons by 4 to 5 inches. Our oldest is about the same height as his brother and works our regularly, so being able to support his brother was a better fit, but would he do it?

Once he saw the pain his brother was in, he agreed to help without any opposition. He had his brother put his arm across his back and told him to take weight off his injured foot. He encouraged his brother, “it’s going to be okay. Make sure you watch where you’re putting your feet. You can put more of your weight on me, I can take it.” It was a wonderful moment to witness. It took considerably longer for us to finish our hike, but we were able to get our son out without issue.

We talked afterwards about what we’d remember most from this trip. The fun we’d had together, or our son hurting his ankle? While his ankle still hurts, I’m guessing his older brother showing his love for him might be what he (and his father and I) remember most from this trip.

When have you experienced (or witnessed) sibling love?

Enjoying Exercise

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Have you found your child more sedentary since COVID began?

My oldest has always been active. You rarely see him sitting or laying around, he’s always moving, dribbling or throwing a ball, or getting out doors. My youngest has been active-resistant. 😊 We’ve always encouraged moving your body as something needed to live a long healthy life. My son gets it, but it’s not been a great motivator for him. We’ve exposed him to different ways he can move (outside of walking and exercise), but he’s resisted. Until his older brother asked him to work out with him.

Imagine our surprise when our youngest eagerly went to work out with his brother. Our oldest has really taken to physical fitness and saw an opportunity to engage with his brother. He asked me about it prior to asking his brother. “I want him to live a long, healthy life. I want him to be around for a while.” I smiled and said, “You know what this says about you, right?” “I don’t know,” he answered, “that he should exercise?” “No,” I said, “that you care about your brother. That you love him.” He suppressed his smile until he couldn’t any longer. “Yea, I guess you’re right,” he concluded.

It is neat to see our sons come together with this activity. My husband and I have done some self-reflection and asked ourselves —shouldn’t we be doing this for our youngest son? But we agreed that he would have fought us, and done anything we asked half-heartedly, while working out with his brother is something he enjoys. And instead of doing the minimum being asked, he’s doing his best. I think he realizes he’s brother cares about him too. Bonus!

What is your child doing to stay active during the pandemic? How are you or a family member helping them?