Category Archives: Thankful

Thanksgiving Traditions

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What are your Thanksgiving traditions?

We often host dinner and have family and friends join us. My husband makes cranberry sauce. It was one of the things he does that I love. I’m not sure I’d ever had true cranberry sauce before I met him. I only had the sauce from the can. 😂 The kind he makes is quite good and very popular with our guests.

I like having the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade on TV. No one else seems to care about it. The kids prefer to sleep in. I start cooking the day before and enjoy getting the house ready (great reason to clean), and enjoy the smells of everything cooking, and keep it going through Thanksgiving day. The kids will help their father with any yard work that needs to be done, and if I’m lucky, one of them may help me in the kitchen.

We do have an adult table and a kids table. We didn’t plan it that way, but my boys and their cousins prefer to eat together and then hangout vs stay and talk with the adults. Now that my boys are older, my oldest has expressed an interest in joining the adult table, which I welcome, we just have to figure out where we can squeeze in more chairs. 😊

We are very blessed, and very thankful — for the roof over our heads, clothes on our back, and for our friends and family.

What are your family traditions? What are you thankful for?

I’ll be taking next week off to enjoy the holiday weekend and be back in December.

Getting into the Holiday Spirit

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I can’t lie the election took a lot out of me, it was the same for my youngest too. He was really into the election, even going to school like a walking billboard advertising how the electorate works and the timing. I was a little afraid others might be annoyed or stressed by this, but his classmates seemed to get caught up in his enthusiasm and his teachers beyond thrilled a student would make this type of effort on their own.

The election was over more quickly than anticipated, the majority vote also won (fair and square) and I felt exhausted and well, numb. My son was so caught up in it, he got physically ill late into election night. None of us slept well. It was hard to muster joy the next few days. We were hoping for less stress, which requires less drama and scare tactics, and more unity and discussion around us coming together as a country. I don’t have a lot of confidence this will come from our incoming leadership so it will be left up to us, the citizens, to make this happen. The reality is we are more alike than we are different, and want the same things. We need to help each other to feel safe — housing, food, fiscal security, control over your own body, and bring more resources to address mental health struggles. We need to drop the stereotypes, because if we’re being honest, it’s a lazy way to identify a group different than you, and differences in our country is what really makes us great — different perspectives, backgrounds, and cultures.

My life has taken me from living in the suburbs, to a small rural town, and then to a larger city. Each environment I saw the good in everyone around me, regardless their income, background, culture or beliefs. I was thankful when a perception was changed or a stereotype flipped upside down — it quickly taught me that getting to know individuals is most valuable and to remember whatever stereotype I’ve been exposed to is just plain wrong. My husband and I have attempted to instill this in our kids — keep an open mind, get to know someone before you pass judgement, and look for the good.

There is a lot of good out there. There is so much to be thankful for, even when things don’t always feel good. You just have to be on the lookout. The holidays are just around the corner and having something to look forward to is comforting (and a good distraction). Getting into the holiday spirit varies for everyone. I’m going to lean in and look for the good all around.

How are you finding your holiday spirit? What good have you found in unforeseen places?

I’ll be off next week celebrating the holiday with friends and family and back in December. Happy Thanksgiving.

Parental Support

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Who has helped you through your parenting journey?

We are fortunate to live in a part of the country that has a structured program called Program for Early Parenthood Support (PEPS). It brings together parents with newborns that are close in age (1-3 months, typically). We were able to join a group when our oldest was born.

The support we received from the official PEPS program (which, at the time, ran 12 weeks), with a moderator, topics, sometimes guest/expert speakers, and families (including babies) meeting once a week in each other’s home was invaluable. Following the program most of the parents in our group wanted to keep meeting. Just getting together, knowing we weren’t alone, having others to bounce questions, challenges, and fears set the foundation for a strong community.

Our oldests are seniors in high school now with graduation just around the corner. It’s bittersweet to realize how much time has gone by. The slowness of the early years, the angst of sending them off to school, puberty hitting, teen angst, and now coming into their own.

When we first started meeting, post program, everyone attended. We talked about the kids, because — for the most part — they were too young to know what we were talking about or in another room playing games. As they got older some of the kids connected, others didn’t. The kids would come, but you knew they’d probably rather be somewhere else. 😊 When the kids reached middle school we started to let them decide if they wanted to join us or not. The connection of this group was more meaningful to us parents, because we wanted (needed?) to talk about the kids and struggles we faced, joys we were experiencing, or things that surprised us (my kid is capable of that?!).

None of us know what our kids will eventually end up doing, where they’ll live, etc.. We know just because they are now “adults” we won’t have a say, but hopefully modeled getting support to thrive in tough environments (not sure many environments tougher than parenting). We still very much want to stay connected with this community. We’ve been through so much together.

Parental support is what gets you through the tough times and lets you know you’re not only, and you’ll figure it out. It’s those people — family, friends, doctors, teachers, coaches, mentors, that help us get through the journey together.

Who supports you and your family? Who do you support in return?

Getting and Giving — a Santa Mom confession

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Who gets the presents for your family?

If each of you buy for each other, I’m jealous. I am the chief gift buyer for holidays, birthdays, and milestones, and events. I have given my husband the responsibility of ensuring his family is cared for, and well, have taken some of that back because he procrastinates (and stresses? (though he’s never shared this out loud with me) about it). I enjoy giving. Sometime in my teen years I crossed over (from the thrill/excitement of getting a present, to experiencing the same joy /thrill/excitement giving something to others). Don’t get me wrong, I love getting gifts, but really love giving, particularly when I think I’ve found something that will be meaningful for the recipient(s).

As our boys have aged, we’ve encouraged them to give to others. They don’t necessarily have money to contribute to charities, but do have time which they donate throughout the year to a meal program that brings homeless and housed together to feed, nourish, and build community. We’ve encouraged them to give gifts to each other. Suggesting they put thought into what the other might like. There is still work to do here. 😊 Most recently they individually came to me and asked what they should get for each other for Christmas. Both boys had given me their lists back in November (they have mastered thinking through and giving me their lists😂), and when Black Friday happened I proceeded to shop. I admit I went a little overboard. When each boy asked for a recommendation I gave a few ideas, I suggested they come up with their own idea, and then after they came back asking for help, said “just tell me how much you want to spend (of their allowance or saved money) and I’ll tell you what I bought for your brother, and you can give it to them instead.” I basically became their Target. 😊

Giving is an act — of generosity, thoughtfulness, love, and so much more. You have to invest time getting and giving (whether time and effort is the gift, or something physical). Our boys have some experience, but I do hope they’ll lean into the joy of giving and maybe even find something on their own for each other in the not too distant future (this Santa Mom’s “shop” won’t be open forever). 😊

What is the best gift you’ve given or received? What is the best gift your child has given or received from you?

Enjoy the holidays! I’ll be off for a few weeks and back in the New Year!

The Attitude of Gratitude

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Being grateful for the gifts in life is a daily practice for our family.

At dinner, we pray before eating focusing, most often, on what we are grateful for — the sun being out, doing better on a test than we thought we would, having a work project completed, our cat being cute and doing cute things (almost always included by my youngest). We sometimes get more serious and talk about the basics that we are thankful for—food to eat, a warm place to stay, our loved ones, our health, and the health of loved ones. The basics are what we are most grateful for. It’s hard to imagine (bear the thought) of those without. Never wanting to take the basics for granted or helping those without when we can.

There is much to be concerned about in the world, that can feel overwhelming (How can we help? What will it take to stop others suffering from war, abuse, or lack of resources?). If we’re not careful we can lose sight of the good things happening around us.

My husband works weekly with a program that serves hot meals to an often neglected part of the community. The guests may have mental health struggles, addiction, homelessness, or a combination of these things and more. He enlisted our sons to help when they were in middle school, having them join him periodically to help dish up, or serve/hand-out the meals. I join them, as well, from time to time.

The boys have learned a few things by doing this—there are a lot of good people out there (despite our political views, socioeconomic status, or education level), we are more alike than different; we all want the same basics—food, shelter, and connection; and what brings us together is an attitude of gratitude. Those cooking and serving want to help ease the suffering of others, or, at least, provide respite for a few hours. Those that receive are allowing themselves to be vulnerable to this community with the hopes of filling their often empty stomachs, and feeling warmth (literally and figuratively) and connection from those welcoming them in. It is a two-way street of gratitude.

What are you and your family thankful for?

I’ll be off for the Thanksgiving holiday and back in December.

Thank You for Being a Friend

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I recently lost one of my best friends, rather unexpectedly. I got the news while I was on Spring Break vacation so my family saw my reaction to the news — dropping to the floor, and crying. Not pretty. I had to figure out how to talk to my boys about my friend’s passing, what happened, and how I was processing the information. My stages of grief go from denial to trying to come to acceptance back to denial.

What has impacted me the most to this point is the loss my friend’s family will feel. She leaves behind twin 13 year olds. They are just at the age where they are becoming young women, their bodies are changing, puberty setting in, and they are starting to navigate who they are and want to be. I know their father is strong, and they are surrounded by loving friends, and family, but it is still tough to absorb.

On this Mother’s Day we honor those women who have loved, raised, cared, fed, sheltered, guided, mentored, and done so much more to help us become the girls or women we are. I would be remiss if I didn’t honor my friend on this Mother’s Day, and acknowledge beyond her being an awesome mom, what a great friend she was. She’ll be with me forever, much like those she touched.

Happy Mothers Day to all!

Relief

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How did COVID impact you and your family?

I feel like my family was one of the lucky ones. We have a house (vs small space), with a yard, and an ability to get out and walk around our neighborhood without issue. I know for many others this would have been a luxury during COVID. I’m still coming to terms with the impact it had on our kids (we all are). How did this disruption change their course in life, or did it? How many of them are dealing with undiagnosed stress, anxiety, etc.? Including my own kids. They appear fine, but what if they aren’t?

A big part of parenting is helping your child and trying to keep them safe. COVID threw us all into unchartered waters and it feels like we’ll be finding out the true impact of the pandemic in the coming years. The pandemic impacted/continues to impact all of us.

Like many health care workers during the pandemic, our youngest son’s therapist decided to leave the profession. They needed a change. We couldn’t fault them. Finding a new psychologist for our son proved challenging—therapists not taking new clients, long wait lists, and more. And the days of “seeing if the therapist is a good fit” seem long gone, when you feel fortunate to have gotten an appointment with anyone at all.

After many calls, emails, and follow-up calls and emails, and research. We found someone for our son. What a relief. At least for now. My son is getting to know the therapist, and we’re providing feedback to them on what’s working for my son and what isn’t. What gives you even more relief is my son being advocating for himself and his therapist being open to the feedback.

How did the pandemic impact your child? What brings you relief now that we’re coming out of it?

I will be stepping away to enjoy Spring Break with the family and back later this month.

Gratitude and Giving Thanks

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As we emerge (fingers crossed) from the pandemic, what are you most grateful for?

My youngest son’s school wanted to start a new annual tradition this school year to celebrate being able to come together as a community. They decided to hold a Gratitude Festival—to not only celebrate community, but honor the things we are grateful for — teachers, parents, administrators, friends, health, education, the community, and much more.

Being grateful has given me so much – it helps me be present and notice all the wonderful things around me (people, nature, animals, etc.). Everyday I’m reminded of all the things I have to be thankful for. I’ve tried to instill gratitude in my children. At meals we often share what we are grateful for. I’m hopeful they see the joy in being grateful too.

With Thanksgiving coming up, we often reflect on what we are thankful for. I hope events such as the Gratitude Festival at my son’s school, is one of many events that are held across the country, throughout the year, that provides each of us the opportunity to acknowledge the gifts all around us. After all, realizing the gifts in your life is a catalyst for experiencing gratitude, and when you’re grateful you feel blessed or fortunate. That usually means you feel good. And if you feel good, you’re more likely to spread your good feelings to others. Spreading happiness. What a wonderful thing.

What traditions do you have that are teaching your child gratitude? How are you and/or your child spreading happiness?

I will be away the next few weeks while spending times with friends and family, and will be back in December. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Anxiety, Stress, and Gratefulness

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What sums up 2020 for you and your family?

For us, it’s been anxiety, stress, and gratefulness.

Anxiety – the virus turning into a global pandemic reminded me of when I first became a parent. What is happening? How do I get myself through this? How do I help my sons get through this? Time shifted. It slowed much like it did when my sons were newborns, not knowing what each new day would bring, and bracing myself as I learned and adjusted.

Stress – much like giving birth trying to figure out how to survive — what we were seeing on the news, schools shutting down, work going remote, isolation, boredom, not knowing, toxic politics, people suffering, inequality and injustice, and longevity of the situation setting in — could be overwhelming and feel like you were surviving a trauma over and over. Putting one foot in front of the other to make it through the day could be challenging, but you put on your survivor face cause you had kids that needed to know everything would be okay, even when you didn’t.

Gratefulness – nature and our cat have been lifelines for us this year. Simple things — a sunny day, a rainbow, petting our cat (or simply watching him play, run, or hunt), brought us great joy. Virtual dinner parties, friends reaching out to check in, our boys finding ways to physically distance but still be with their friends, are things we are grateful for. Our health. Masks. People taking the virus seriously. All things we are thankful for. A vaccine, maybe two, coming, hallelujah! Time picking back up, adjusting to our new normal, being healthy. Grateful. Grateful. Grateful.

What sums up 2020 for you and your family? What are you grateful for this year?

Happy Thanksgiving. I’ll be off next week, but back in December.

So Thankful

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What are you most thankful for this year?

There is much to be thankful for me — my family’s health, having shelter and food, support and love from family and friends, and I can’t forget our cat who brings us so much joy.

Something I didn’t realize how much I appreciated was my sons willingness to talk openly to me. My oldest seemed quieter than usual and less interested in wanting to talk to me. When I’d try to engage him he’d grunt, roll his eyes, or get defensive, “I’m fine. Why do you keep asking me that?” I wasn’t alone in noticing how my son was acting. When this behavior carried over into the following week I decided I was going to have to do something drastic to get him to talk to me so I could better understand what was going on. I did the only thing I knew to do — I asked him to go for a walk.

“Fine,” he said in a tone indicating going on a walk with his mom was the last thing he wanted to do. I think he resolved himself to the idea that I wasn’t just going to leave him alone. We walked for a few blocks and I asked, “What’s going on with you? You seem almost angry at me. If there’s something we need to talk about, let’s talk about it.” He seemed surprised by my question. “I’m not angry at you. My mood has nothing to do with you.” “What does it have to do with because you’ve been acting differently lately and I can’t help you if I don’t know,” I asked. He made a sound of frustration and finally said, “Everything sucks.” Okay, we’re getting somewhere now, I thought. “What sucks exactly,” I asked. “School for one.” “Is it classes, or your teachers or your friends…” my question trailed off. “My teachers are great, classes are fine. It’s all the stupid kids who go to that school. They’re all dumb and judgmental, and it makes me mad because most of the people don’t know anything about me.” I could tell from the way he was talking we’d gotten to the heart of the matter — he was struggling with how you show up to others, what value you bring, how others see you. How bad it can feel when you’re ignored, or feel like you’re being judged. We talked about friendship and how it’s like growing a plant — you have to care for it and feed it, or over time it won’t survive. We arrived back at our house and my son seemed more at ease. His dark mood seemed to subside. I was grateful he agreed to go on the walk. I’ve been where he’s been — we probably all have as teenagers — trying to figure who we are and where we fit in. I’m grateful he was willing to listen and take in what I had to offer, and I’m thankful he no longer felt that he had to try to navigate this on his own.

What are you thankful for this holiday?

I’ll be taking time off to spend time with family and will be back in December.