Category Archives: Love

Mr. Incredible

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Dad’s don’t always get the (parenting) glory. My dad is human, so not perfect, but he’s pretty incredible — being present, acknowledging me in ways that showed he was paying attention, guiding me, teaching me, prompting me, pushing me to be my best, and letting me know he loves me. While I’m an adult, I still see my dad through my childhood eyes.

My husband is incredible with our boys — he’s present, shares wisdom, listens, teaches skills, shows an interest in their interests, gets involved, and lets my sons know they’re loved. My kids are fortunate.

Dads play an equally important role in raising our children. To those that are showing up and leaning in to be the best dad you can be, thank you!

Your kid(s) may not say it, but I’m guessing they’d agree they think you’re pretty incredible too.

Happy Father’s Day! I’ll be off next week for some family time and back again later this month.

Navigating Teen Love

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Who was your first crush?

There were several I had in my youth. A boy, named, Brian, gave me butterflies in my stomach in the 3rd grade. 😊

Navigating love isn’t easy for most. There is risk, joy and pain. Our exchange student went to prom and had a great time. The hem fabric solution we used to shorten her dress worked great (the pre-prom panic all for naught). She was excited to be asked and to go, but wasn’t particularly interested in her date. Not because he wasn’t handsome or nice, but because she is going home soon and didn’t see the benefit of starting anything with anyone with so little time left. Let’s just say, the poor guy was a little heartbroken. He clearly hoped there could be something between them, even if it was short lived.

As a parent, I’ve tried to be as honest with my kids (and our exchange student) on things I’ve learned during my life around relationships, communication, empathy, and confidence (in who you are, and what you have to offer others). My hope is that by sharing, the kids have some perspective, don’t feel alone, or draw conclusions that are negative about themselves (I’m not good enough, no one will ever like me). The boy wanting something to happen made it a bit awkward for our exchange student, put I was proud of her for speaking honestly with him about her feelings. It is hard to let someone down.

I had several crushes through my teens and early 20s, and only in hindsight am I glad they didn’t work out. There was heartbreak — and boy did it hurt. But we get back up and try again, and if we’re lucky we find our person.

Helping teens navigate love is hard. Social media, and smartphones (everything can be captured) puts another lens or pressure I didn’t experience. I’m grateful, but at the same time, finding love is the same regardless of the day and age — knowing who you are, knowing the key qualities you want in a partner, and chemistry. You have to be willing to invest, be vulnerable (brave), and tenacious. Particularly hard when you are experiencing heartbreak.

How are you helping your teen navigate love?

Finding Your Person

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The journey of love differs for everyone. For some it comes easy, others it is (or feels) harder, and others experience something or everything in between.

My youngest is interested in finding love but in no hurry. Our exchange student would love to find love, but also realizes she’s only here for a limited amount of time. After much hesitation, my oldest has finally decided to start putting himself out there.

While I think my oldest has been interested in testing the dating waters for a while, fear, anxiety, and doubt have held him back. When friends would ask me who he is dating, I’d reply that he wasn’t dating anyone yet, because in order for that to happen a girl would have to go up to him, tell him she was interested and ask him to take her on a date. Not too many people I can think of that would be up for that. And honestly if they did, he still probably would have been freaked out. 😊

He’s matured and has started to lean into his feelings of attraction (admitted he’s having these feelings — progress!), and asking advice on what to do with these feelings (in my opinion, he is WAY braver than I ever was growing up. I was convinced I had to figure it out on my own. Not that I wanted my parents to help me find a mate, but if I had felt comfortable asking them about how dating works and how you know if someone likes you or not, it would have helped me).

The fact that my oldest wants to talk to me and better understand the female mindset makes me so happy. It’s a nice feeling when you can pass along information that might be useful. Of course, I’ve also talked with him about how it’s almost impossible to understand why another person may or may not be interested in you (past relationships, what’s going on in their life, and a whole host of other things you would have no way of knowing can factor in).

I shared with my son how I developed this idea that I wasn’t good enough (for another person to date me, I guess 🤷‍♀️) when I was in my teens. Anytime someone showed interest in me, I ruled it out and thought it couldn’t be true or if it was, there was clearly something wrong with the person (don’t they know how defective I am? #sad). It took me until the second time I went out with a guy I’d had a major crush on in my mid-teens, and re-connected with him many years later. We didn’t date in my mid-teens, and when we re-connected, I still had a slight crush, but wasn’t going to rush in. I figured he just wanted to be friends. The first time we went out, we drove to a dance club, had a good time, came home. I got out of the car and said I had fun and we’d talk soon. The next week, we went back to the dance club and as we approached my driveway he got quiet then said, “Will you not jump out of the car when we get to your house?” I was surprised, but in the best way possible.

I relayed this story to my son and encouraged him, “you are just starting your journey to finding your person. You will have highs, lows, disappointment, glee, anxiety, joy, sadness, and a whole range of other experiences. The road will take you different places, but each experience you will gain clarity in what you want in a life partner, and it will get you one step closer to them.”

I’m impressed by his maturity and willingness to start being vulnerable (be himself) with others. And happy anytime he wants my advice. 🥰

How are you helping your young person navigate feelings, and relationships?

Love is in the Air

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How was your Valentine’s Day?

Around the dinner table we noted Valentine’s Day was coming up. We asked our exchange student if this was a day celebrated in Spain. She said it wasn’t, but she was intrigued by the notion. We talked about how a lot of holidays in America are commercialized and sometimes feel forced vs. enjoyable. She sighed as she noted she didn’t have a boyfriend (though I suspect she easily could if she wanted).

She asked how many Valentines I’d had over the years. “Not many,” I replied. Thankfully being married to my husband took my stress over being untethered off my “things to worry about (for no good reason)” off the board many years ago. It’s terrible (IMO) how much weight we put on this holiday and how much anxiety, or disappointment it can bring. It should be fun, but it can too often feel like pressure. And it can kill confidence in some of the most confident people I know (my younger self included).

She and her friends decided to celebrate the day together, sharing homemade treats, watching movies, and having fun. Love takes many forms, but having fun with people you truly enjoy being around and care about (perhaps love, though not romantically) is better than just about anything else. Don’t get me wrong, I love flowers. But shared experiences, where you laugh and make fond memories are pretty special.

How does your child feel about Valentine’s Day?

I will be off next week enjoying sometime off with the family and will be back in March.

Chopping Wood

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Every good campfire needs wood, kindling, and fire. Everything worth learning takes patience, persistence, and love.

My husband learned to chop wood for fires growing up, whether it was for heating the house, or for cooking and warmth camping. My youngest is now learning how to chop wood, though for a different reason. He’s going to a rail camp and will need to drive and pull railroad spikes as part of the experience. We thought chopping wood — using an axe and learning to handle the weight, and movement — would be a good place to start. We also realized we’ve had few opportunities to teach our boys the skill of chopping wood, since it’s relatively easy to buy bundles near camp sites, and our house doesn’t have a fireplace that uses logs.

My husband and son went into our backyard to practice. My youngest reminded me a bit of myself when I was young and learning new things, being cautious and getting frustrated during the learning process. My husband worked with my son. Being on the spectrum, he can struggle with fine and large motor skills particularly when learning something new. My son frustrated that he was struggling and my husband irritated his guidance wasn’t yielding the intended result. But that happens, right? As parents we try to guide our children through life and it can be infuriating when they struggle to (or flat out don’t) understand, or listen, or follow our direction. We can get angry (because we’re human and it’s super frustrating when our words don’t land), but it also provides us an opportunity to stop, step back, and determine how to go forward. Continuing to do the same thing over and over and expect the result to be different is the definition of insanity, right?

My husband and son reached an impasse and decided to resume chopping wood the following day. My son will get the hang of it. My husband’s words will get through, just slower than he’d like. While the experience might be a bit painful for them both now, the outcome — my son learning to chop wood, and getting himself ready for what he’ll be doing at rail camp. I imagine my son will be proud he can participate with greater ease at camp ( than if he hadn’t learned), and his father will feel good about teaching his son another skill he can use throughout his life.

Teaching your child can be challenging and rewarding. What have you taught your child that pushed your patience, but paid off in the end?

Top Dad

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I’m fortunate to have a father who was engaged, loving, fair, and supportive growing up. He was my model for all other men in my life.

My boys have a father who is engaged (even more so than my father was), loving, fair, and supportive growing up. I’m so thankful we found each other and our boys have such a great dad.

Fathers are ‘tops’ in my book when they embrace the role and give it their all. Not always easy to do (but whoever said parenting was easy?). 🥰

To all the Top Dads out their — thank you for all you do. Happy Father’s Day!

Brothers in Need

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Do you always get along with your sibling(s)?

My oldest often thinks his younger brother is super annoying. I remember my sister feeling the same way about me when we were in high school. It isn’t often you see my oldest interacting with his brother outside of meal time or out in front of the TV. They have different interests, friend groups, activities, etc.

We went hiking over the long weekend. We were nearing the last steep climb when my youngest, who was trailing us all, yelled “stop! I need help.” We turned to find him off to the side of the trail in pain. He’d lost his footing, his ankle rolled and he heard a pop sound. 😬 We were at least a mile away from getting to flat ground and where he could be helped. It was one of those moments where you think how are we going to get through this? We had him rest on the side of a hill, while we dug through our packs to see what we had (of course, we’d ran out of ace bandages and hadn’t replenished the pack, and started to think in terms of building a splint out of sticks). Before we proceeded we asked our son if he could move his foot – it hurt, but he could. We asked if he could put weight on it – it hurt, but he could. We asked if he could walk – it hurt, but if we went slowly, he could.

His father and I attempted to have him walk and lean on us, but both of us are shorter than both of our sons by 4 to 5 inches. Our oldest is about the same height as his brother and works our regularly, so being able to support his brother was a better fit, but would he do it?

Once he saw the pain his brother was in, he agreed to help without any opposition. He had his brother put his arm across his back and told him to take weight off his injured foot. He encouraged his brother, “it’s going to be okay. Make sure you watch where you’re putting your feet. You can put more of your weight on me, I can take it.” It was a wonderful moment to witness. It took considerably longer for us to finish our hike, but we were able to get our son out without issue.

We talked afterwards about what we’d remember most from this trip. The fun we’d had together, or our son hurting his ankle? While his ankle still hurts, I’m guessing his older brother showing his love for him might be what he (and his father and I) remember most from this trip.

When have you experienced (or witnessed) sibling love?

Modeling Love

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As parents we model what loves looks like for our kids.

My husband isn’t romantic by nature, which is surprising because he father appears to be so with his mother (skip a generation perhaps 😂), but he is committed to our relationship even when it’s tough.

My husband and I have had to learn to communicate, even when hard and uncomfortable, to stay together and better connect. The discomfort and unease was hard at first, but when you see your spouse is willing to listen to you and work to communicate in a way that supports and nurtures the relationship and you do the same, growth happens. Stronger bonds form.

I do reflect on how our children view our relationship (guess we’ll have to ask them), and what they take from it. They definitely see us disagree and get frustrated with each other, but they see us apologize or make amends. They see us show modest affection (a kiss goodbye or hand holding). We want to model that relationships take work, but are worth it.

Our youngest wears his heart on his sleeve, I don’t worry about him expressing his emotions. Our oldest doubles down and only on rare occasions expresses them though we encourage him to do so more often. I do wonder when he braves his first relationship what it will be like.

On Valentine’s Day, love is in the air. What kind of love / relationship are you modeling for your child?

I will be away next week enjoying the long weekend and back later this month.

A Very Mom Christmas

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Have you seen the SNL skit about a ‘normal’ mom experience Christmas morning? Everyone gets more gifts than they can imagine, including the family pet, and mom gets a robe. Nothing else. Nothing in her stocking. No words of thanks. Just a robe. It cracks me up every time I see it.

Have you ever had such a Christmas? I have. My mom had one too. I can remember as a child I was so dismayed my mom didn’t get much that my sisters and I overspent on my mom the next year to make sure she didn’t feel left out. We guilted our dad to no end too. He definitely tried to make up for it, and didn’t make the mistake again.

I get it. The older I get the less I want or need. I really want Christmas to be great for my kids, and husband, and cat. 😊 But I was a bit bummed when one year I got only one present (I can’t even recall what it was), and my stocking was empty. I tried to hide my disappointment, but my kids found the stocking being empty wrong and started inquiring with my husband why nothing was in it. My husband shared privately that he didn’t know what to get for me and that’s why my gifts were lacking. I told him I’d be more specific in things I’d like in the future (even though I’d love for him to know this without me telling him—oh well).

So often the holidays are about trying to make things perfect — the gifts, the food, the decorations, the house. It can be overwhelming, even exhausting. And something always won’t go quite right — gifts arrive late, food gets burned, decorations lacking, house a mess, and perhaps an empty stocking. But while I remember that very-Mom-Christmas, I remember the memories of the kids being excited, my husband surprised, even the cat knowing it’s a special day (new toys and treats, oh my!) and I cherish it so.

Being a mom/being a parent is hard. Wanting to have a perfect holiday – normal. Being okay when it is less than – a must. It’s about being together and sharing our gratitude for what we have, what we’ve been given, and our love for one another. Is another Mom-Christmas in my future? Maybe, and that’s okay. Time with my kids (especially as they get older and more independent) is more special to me than any gift. And it doesn’t hurt that I pick up a few small things for myself as a treat around the holidays…just in case. 😊

What holiday memory brings a smile to your face? How do you plan to enjoy the holidays when something goes wrong?

I will be off for the next few weeks to enjoy time with friends and family and will be back in January. Happy Holidays!

A Very Mom Christmas

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Have you seen the SNL skit about a ‘normal’ mom experience Christmas morning? Everyone gets more gifts than they can imagine, including the family pet, and mom gets a robe. Nothing else. Nothing in her stocking. No words of thanks. Just a robe. It cracks me up every time I see it.

Have you ever had such a Christmas? I have. My mom had one too. I can remember as a child I was so dismayed my mom didn’t get much that my sisters and I overspent on my mom the next year to make sure she didn’t feel left out. We guilted our dad to no end too. He definitely tried to make up for it, and didn’t make the mistake again.

I get it. The older I get the less I want or need. I really want Christmas to be great for my kids, and husband, and cat. 😊 But I was a bit bummed when one year I got only one present (I can’t even recall what it was), and my stocking was empty. I tried to hide my disappointment, but my kids found the stocking being empty wrong and started inquiring with my husband why nothing was in it. My husband shared privately that he didn’t know what to get for me and that’s why my gifts were lacking. I told him I’d be more specific in things I’d like in the future (even though I’d love for him to know this without me telling him—oh well).

So often the holidays are about trying to make things perfect — the gifts, the food, the decorations, the house. It can be overwhelming, even exhausting. And something always won’t go quite right — gifts arrive late, food gets burned, decorations lacking, house a mess, and perhaps an empty stocking. But while I remember that very-Mom-Christmas, I remember the memories of the kids being excited, my husband surprised, even the cat knowing it’s a special day (new toys and treats, oh my!) and I cherish it so.

Being a mom/being a parent is hard. Wanting to have a perfect holiday – normal. Being okay when it is less than – a must. It’s about being together and sharing our gratitude for what we have, what we’ve been given, and our love for one another. Is another Mom-Christmas in my future? Maybe, and that’s okay. Time with my kids (especially as they get older and more independent) is more special to me than any gift. And it doesn’t hurt that I pick up a few small things for myself as a treat around the holidays…just in case. 😊

What holiday memory brings a smile to your face? How do you plan to enjoy the holidays when something goes wrong?

I will be off for the next few weeks to enjoy time with friends and family and will be back in January. Happy Holidays!