Monthly Archives: August 2024

A Game of Catch

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What is a favorite memory of something you and your child have done together?

Memories that come to mind for me include my boys jumping into my arms in the pool when they were small, going to the zoo together, and teaching them to ride their bikes. As they grew older, the opportunities lessened for us to do things together — they preferred to be with friends, or off on their own. I was grateful for the memories, but yearned for more.

Imagine my surprise when we went away for a long weekend as a family to a place we often visit — with hiking, and the opportunity to get into the water, or just take in the scenery nature provides — when late one afternoon my oldest pulled out a corn hole board and bean bags that was amongst many various games available to anyone there and asked me to play with him. This was a rare ask. I jumped at the chance. We tossed the bags, laughed at how mediocre we were and decided whomever got the next bag in the hole would win. Somehow I was the victor and we laughed as we went back to our room.

The night before we headed home, it was near dusk, and my oldest walked back over to the game bin. He found a baseball glove and a soft-core baseball. “Want to have a catch?,” I asked, fully expecting him to turn me down. Instead he eagerly agreed. He’s been really into baseball lately, particularly watching minor league teams, and I think he has a yearning to play the game (baseball is one of the few sports he didn’t play growing up).

We threw the ball back and forth. After a couple of times he asked me to change things up — throw him a grounder or pop fly — so I changed it up. It reminded me of when I used to practice with my dad when I played softball as a kid. He smiled every time he caught the ball, and even smiled when he missed at first but stopped the ball on the second try. We threw for quite a while. We practiced him dropping back to catch longer and higher balls, and got him running forward to catch shorter balls. I would have stayed out there with him however long he would allow. I was very present in the moment. He decided we’d end throwing the ball once he made one more ‘cool’ catch. He ended up jumping high after dropping back and caught the ball. He was satisfied.

As he returned the glove and ball to the bin he’d gotten it from I said, “Mom’s going to remember this for a long time.” I wanted him to know it was a special time for me. “I’ll probably going to remember it too,” he replied, which was a bit shocking because he rarely admits he enjoys anything, 😊, but he said it in a way I knew was truthful. These moments are so fleeting. I’m grateful my son wanted to have one more catch with his mom. I can only hope there are a few more of these special moments in our future still. 🥰

What’s a treasured memory with your child?

I will be away enjoying some of the last of summer and will return in September.

From Uncomfortable to Comfortable

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What are you uncomfortable talking about with your kid?

Sex was the one I knew I’d struggle the most with, and while we’ve had several conversations with our boys, and I’ve tried to get more comfortable, I haven’t reached a point where I’m at ease with the topic. I am committed to continue working on it. ☺️

As my boys enter adulthood, finding out who they are and trying new things, I know they will experience vulnerability and may make choices they don’t feel good about (even regret), but that’s part of growing up — making mistakes and learning from them.

I happed to be watching a show on escaping a cult, and it reminded me how no one sets out to join a cult, or abuse prescription drugs, or become an alcoholic. It’s something that can happen gradually and can happen to anyone regardless of your background or circumstances. We discussed the show and my thoughts over dinner. I was more comfortable having this conversation, because I had been recruited to join a multi-level marketing scheme when I was a little older than my oldest is now; and have experienced friends and family members who’ve suffered with addiction, including dying from it.

The reason I have experience with cults (or cult-like) was when I was a young adult I was at my parents house my dad found out I was going to a meeting. He inquired what the meeting was about, I told him and he said, “No, you’re not going.” It surprised me because he’d never done that before and took me aback because I could see how serious he was. I heard my dad out, and he shared how the same thing had happened to him when he was my age and it was some good luck that helped him out of the situation. He shared what I was in for if I went. I agreed not to go and am grateful. I’ve heard horror stories from others who got sucked in to this organization. In my situation what was disappointing was the “recruiters” had been a good friend from high school and his parents, who were well-respected in the small town I lived in.

My kids have heard these stories before so I didn’t rehash them. Instead I tested them on what they remembered about our previous talks. “What’s a sign of a cult?” My oldest looked at me quizzically. I prompted him. “They ask you for…” He responded, “money.” I acknowledged he’d got it right. My husband chimed in, “if they try to separate you from your loved ones, that’s a sign too.” We discussed various ways you can get recruited including the lure of self-help or finding love, maybe even offering free courses for a period of time. The big thing I wanted the boys to be aware of was that this could happen, and there is probably recruiting methods that we’re not even aware of, but if they got themselves in a situation where it didn’t feel right — being in a group that might be a cult, noticing the desire to drink or do drugs or other things that might not be best for them — not to get caught in the trap of feeling embarrassed or ashamed, but talking to us about it, or a trusted friend or other adult.

My kids will absolutely make mistakes (I still do at my age, grrrr), but I’m determined to let them know we are here for them, and are a safe space, mistakes and all. It isn’t comfortable having discussions on certain topics, but avoiding them isn’t an option.

What uncomfortable conversations do you struggle with? Which are you getting more comfortable with?

Roller Coaster

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Do you like thrill rides?

We went on vacation and were fortunate to have our nephew join us. Our nephew and my boys cousin live far from each other, so getting to spend this extended time with him was special.

We decided to check out an amusement park one day while we were together. It was large park, but not too large. The first ride my son and I did was a ride where you sit in a swing, get lifted a couple hundred feet in the air and spin. It felt like flying. My nephew wasn’t a fan of heights and decided to pass. Since our youngest and his cousin are close in age, we allowed them to go off on their own to explore the park and agreed to meet up later.

My husband and I decided to ride a roller coaster. It had been forever since I’d last been on one, so it was fun to find out I could still do it. 😊 After walking around a bit, we realized a lot of rides were closed and we weren’t finding a whole lot of things we wanted to do at the park. We met up with the kids to find out how they were doing.

It turns out the kids were as bored as we were and hadn’t found much to do (frustrating after paying so much money and hoping to have a fun day). We agreed we’d do the log flume ride. Of course, it was closed. 🙁 Then my nephew suggested we all ride the wooden roller coaster. I was surprised he recommended it since it went high and I knew he wasn’t a fan of heights. My youngest, who has only recently done a roller coaster was game, so we were off.

We walked towards the roller coaster and went into the entrance. We were talking excitedly about the ride when my husband asked where our nephew was. I thought he was still with us. We turned around and walked out finding him on a bench just outside the ride. “Nope, I’m not doing it,” he said. Getting up close to the ride made him rethink wanting to do it. We discussed the ride. I looked at my son and asked what the good part was about coming to an amusement park. He looked at me quizzically and after some prompting said, “oh right, it gives us a chance to be brave.” We talked about the ride and how it works, with gravity mainly thrusting the ride forward in hopes it would calm our nephew’s anxiety. He seemed good, so I said, “okay, so are we going to do this?” Thinking it was a done deal and we were going to go. My nephew responded, “are you crazy? I’m not doing that!” I found it both shocking (because I really thought we’d convinced him he could do the ride), and humorous ( how wrong I had been!). I loved how he advocated for himself though and was firm on what he was comfortable with.

Life can throw scary things in your path. Sometimes you get to be brave, and sometimes you opt-out. It can be thrilling but also terrifying, and but there is nothing more important than knowing what your limits are.

How does your child advocate for themselves? How have you helped them overcome a fear?