Tag Archives: Teen

Love is in the Air

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How was your Valentine’s Day?

Around the dinner table we noted Valentine’s Day was coming up. We asked our exchange student if this was a day celebrated in Spain. She said it wasn’t, but she was intrigued by the notion. We talked about how a lot of holidays in America are commercialized and sometimes feel forced vs. enjoyable. She sighed as she noted she didn’t have a boyfriend (though I suspect she easily could if she wanted).

She asked how many Valentines I’d had over the years. “Not many,” I replied. Thankfully being married to my husband took my stress over being untethered off my “things to worry about (for no good reason)” off the board many years ago. It’s terrible (IMO) how much weight we put on this holiday and how much anxiety, or disappointment it can bring. It should be fun, but it can too often feel like pressure. And it can kill confidence in some of the most confident people I know (my younger self included).

She and her friends decided to celebrate the day together, sharing homemade treats, watching movies, and having fun. Love takes many forms, but having fun with people you truly enjoy being around and care about (perhaps love, though not romantically) is better than just about anything else. Don’t get me wrong, I love flowers. But shared experiences, where you laugh and make fond memories are pretty special.

How does your child feel about Valentine’s Day?

I will be off next week enjoying sometime off with the family and will be back in March.

Let’s Dance!

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What unexpected have you experienced recently?

Our exchange student came back from an afternoon out with friends. She shared what they had done, treasures she had found, and casually sipped on an energy drink while doing so. After she finished, she turned on the karaoke machine that sits in our living room, (and to this point, used mainly on holidays), and started singing. Then she started dancing. Then she insisted my youngest son and I sing and dance with her. She was full of energy. 😊 We laughed and giggled, and I was exhausted after a few songs.

The next day, after waking up later than usual, our exchange student came out sharing she couldn’t get to sleep the night prior until the early hours of the morning. “Do you think it was the energy drink?” I asked. I knew she rarely drinks caffeine, and was surprised to see her with the energy drink the day before. “Oh right,” she said. “I was wondering if that energy drink was the cause of our impromptu karaoke,” I said. “Yes! I had too much energy I needed to get out.” We talked about how fun the karaoke was, but how much more enjoyable the day can be when you get a good nights rest. She’s rethinking future energy drinks, at least for the time being. 😊

What gives your child extra energy? Does your teen struggle with sleep?

You’re Embarrassing Me

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Have you ever embarrassed your child?

Of course you have, we all have, though I suspect it hasn’t been intentional. Whether we’re the loud parent at the field cheering their kid on, talking about your child’s accolades with others, disciplining them in public, or a variety of other situations, there’s a good chance you’ve embarrassed your child. I know I have.😬

My youngest and I decided to walk to get dinner. We had two stops to make — one at a sandwich shop, and also a nearby Mediterranean place (to get some sides). We placed a to-go order at the Mediterranean restaurant and then went to the sandwich shop picked up our food and circled back. It was very cold outside, but we’d just been in a heated space. I asked my youngest if he wanted to wait inside with me at the Mediterranean place while they finished our order, and he said he was fine waiting outside. The order took longer than expected. I motioned at one point for my son to come join me inside where it was warm but he declined. When the order finally arrived we headed home, I asked, “It’s so cold outside. Didn’t you want to come inside?” My son said, “I did want to come inside but I was afraid you might embarrass me for wanting to come in from the cold.” Yikes! I was stunned, I thought he was going to say he wasn’t cold, or something along those lines. It hurt (in the moment) to think him suffering being cold was less painful than coming in to warm up.

I asked if he could explain how I might embarrass him. He said, “mom, sometimes you say things like you’re trying to be friendly with others you don’t know, and it can feel sometimes like it comes at my expense.” Gut punch, but one I needed. I apologized and told him embarrassing him was never something I’d intend to do, and appreciated him raising this to my attention.

After we’d been home for a while, and I’d had time to reflect on what my son had shared, I asked him if we could talk. I shared with him that I was aware of a tendency I had to try to be friendly with, and make others comfortable (even when it’s not needed). I also shared that it had never crossed my mind that in these moments anything I said could be interpreted as embarrassing, but I understand that was the case. I told him I would work on being more aware of my tendencies to do this, and work on holding my tongue.

This was a humbling lesson for me. We don’t ever want to think we’ve done wrong by our kids, but sometimes we do, even unintentionally. My motto has been no regrets, not no mistakes. This is a mistake I plan to learn from, and correct by doing right by my son in the future.

What do you do when you make a parenting mistake? How do you ensure you’re doing right by your child?

The Interview

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When was the last time you interviewed for a job?

My oldest has an interview for a position he’s interested in. He let me know about the upcoming interview and I encouraged him to think about his strengths and what he could bring to the job. I gave him a few examples. I told him to think about feedback or insights he received throughout his life from teachers, coaches, or any adult he trusted and valued their opinion. He asked if he could work with me on this. Of course, I agreed. My oldest rarely wants my help (or guidance) on anything. 😊

We sat down one afternoon and I asked him to walk me through his strengths. He struggled, I think most of us do, and I encouraged him to think about his experiences and what he was good at. I told him, like I tell anyone I mentor, that everyone has gifts. You need to be comfortable owning them. This isn’t about being humble or braggadocios, it’s about being factual. Here’s what you’re good at, here’s why you know you’re good at this (experience), and then correlate it to the job skills they need helping the interviewer understand why you’d be a good fit.

I next asked him a few common interview questions. Tell me about yourself. Why are you interested in this job? Why do you think you would be a good fit? We gave me his answers, and then I shared that sometimes interviewers can ask questions that may catch you off guard — what is your biggest weakness or tell me about a time you were rejected. Questions, that if you aren’t prepared for can trip you up. I then encouraged him to use the questions we’d just covered and practice his responses in front of a mirror — a trick I learned early in my career as a good way to build confidence in what you want to say, and the body language you use. I told him to take his time and come rejoin me when he was ready for me to ask him the questions again.

I wasn’t sure how much time he would take to practice or if he’d be willing to go through the interview questions with me again (sometimes mom (my) suggestions aren’t always well received). 🥰 He was. He practiced for a while, then came out and we role-played again. He did better, but I had some additional feedback for him and encouraged him to keep working on his responses and the points he wanted to make sure to get through.

Interviewing is hard. I shared some good advice I’d learned with my son — Don’t say what you think they want you to say, but be your authentic self. I let him know when he loosened up during our practice time, he and his strengths really came through and the interviewer would get a much better sense for who he is if he answered questions this way. I reminded him that the interview is a time to go from an unknown to a known. I finished by sharing, practice (prepare), be authentic, and feel you put your best foot forward regardless of the outcome.

It was really nice to share this experience with my son. I hope he feels the same way.

How do you help your kid get prepared for experiencing something new?

Feedback is Hard

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How do you get feedback?

Feedback can be hard to give and get. My youngest tried out for the school Spring musical in early December. He thought he did well, or better than years past, and thought he had a good chance of getting a speaking role. The cast list came out the Friday afternoon before winter break. The teachers were clear, no one comes to them once the list is posted with questions, the student can schedule time during feedback sessions that will happen once school is back in session.

The list came out. My son was anxious — nerves and excitement. Unfortunately, he didn’t get a speaking part. He was cast in the ensemble. He was devastated. He broke down and talked about his disappointment—the work and practice he’d put in, how much he’d wanted a speaking part, and how bad it hurt. As a parent, it was hard to witness, but I tried to give him space to experience his emotions and reassure him he’d be okay. I did encourage him to take the teachers up on their offer to provide feedback. He didn’t want to even think about it, at first. The hurt was too fresh and hearing any criticism, even constructive, would be too tough.

I encouraged him to get time with the teachers again over break, for no other reason than to know clearly why he didn’t get a speaking role. Was it skill? Meaning he didn’t sing or dance well enough? Or was his acting not a match? Or something else? If he knew he’d know what he needed to work on vs. guessing and not giving himself the best chance in future auditions. I told him getting constructive criticism is a gift — the intent is to help you get (or be) better. My son listened, but still wasn’t convinced. It helped that his grandfather also encouraged him to get feedback and the value in hearing it even if it’s hard. My son now had to decide for himself.

When school resumed I asked my son what he was going to do. “I already signed up to get feedback,” he said, “I’m worried they’ll tell me I’m not good at something, but hoping they’ll just say it wasn’t my year.” The musical the school will be performing does have a small cast. I was glad he was going to get the feedback even though it wasn’t easy.

After getting the feedback, he came home and shared what they told him, it was a mix of some things he could do to improve on (work on parts of his stage presence), and with so few roles, he just was a little short of getting a speaking part. He was at peace with the feedback and I was really proud of him for doing it.

Getting feedback is hard. What’s the most helpful feedback you’ve ever gotten? How are you helping your child be more open to receiving feedback?

I’ll be off again next week for the long weekend and back later this month.

New Year, New Tradition

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How do you celebrate New Year’s?

We are pretty boring in our house. Some sparkling cider, fun food, sometimes gather with friends, other times just chill at home and my husband and I rarely make it to midnight. Ha! We’ve decided celebrating East Coast New Year’s works well for us. 😊

Our exchange student is from Spain, and shared her tradition of eating 12 grapes with each strike of the clocking starting at midnight (ingesting 12 grapes in a minute is a feat in and of itself). Each grape represents a month of the year and is supposed to give you good fortune and prosperity. There is a belief that eating the grapes under a table will help you find love in the New Year. 🥰 Our exchange student decided to eat grapes both ways — eat the grapes regularly with us (we celebrated it being the New Year in Spain), and then eat grapes under the table with her friends here (these friends have no problem staying up til midnight. Ah…youth!).

New Year’s is a pretty low key event for us, but our exchange student continues to broaden our view of the world, and adds a new sparkle to each holiday. What a gift!

What are you looking forward to in the New Year?

Home for the Holidays

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What are your favorite memories about going home, or having others come home for the holidays?

We are fortunate that our oldest is home for the holidays and we’re a full house currently. It’s fun to see the kids interacting, and acting like kids — still wanting to decorate a gingerbread house, and decorate sugar cookies. I’m aware that us having a full house is something that won’t last forever.

We are packing in all the holiday traditions we can think of — seeing Christmas lights, doing an annual walk around the lake nearby, and have been invited to friend events we’re looking forward to. But just being with the kids, and seeing the light in their eyes as we experience things together, joy as they laugh, or act silly, or simply hang out watching a movie or talking with each other is pretty special.

Honestly having the kids here is probably the best present I can get any year. There’s just something about this time of year that makes it seem more special.

What does having loved ones (or being with loved ones) mean to you?

Temptation

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How do you resist temptation?

It’s tough, right? My youngest asked for a wide-range on video game modules for his birthday. I encouraged him to limit the list (it was that vast), and instead he put them in priority order. 😂

For his birthday he was gifted money he could put towards the modules or anything else he might want. Without hesitation, he proceeded to fill up the shopping cart online with the games he wanted. I encouraged him to use some of his money now, but wait for Black Friday to use the rest in case there were discounts or coupons that might help his money go further and he could get more modules. “But what if there aren’t any discounts? I don’t want to wait.” he said. “It’s two weeks away. It will be here before you know it.” I responded. He paused for a minute, then proceeded to spend all of his money. He had folded to temptation, and I felt I had failed at getting him to have some restraint. He saw my concern, “Mom, I can just ask for more money for modules for Christmas!” 😳 He was right, but still. He also reminded me that he rarely spends money, which is true. Still, I have to revisit how we are teaching our boys how to resist temptation and make sure they have tools to help them. I’d hate for our boys to buy impulsively, and struggle to save their money and spend it wisely. Hopefully this is just a blip, and once our son gets bored with some of the games, the draw won’t be so great. We’ll have to find other opportunities to teach about fiscal responsibility too. 😬

How are you teaching your child the risks of caving to temptation, and fiscal responsibility?

The Eye Roll

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If you have teens you have experienced the eye roll anytime you do something annoying or ‘uncool’. I pretty much am annoying and uncool to my boys all the time. 😂

I’m the photographer in the family and was taking pictures of us at a sporting event. My oldest met a friend there. I asked if I could get a quick pic. My son’s facial expression said “ugh”. His friend laughed (probably grateful his parents weren’t there as they’d have likely done the same). My son rolled his eyes and said, “okay”. I took one pic and let it go. I don’t want to embarrass my son, but didn’t want to miss the opportunity to capture the memory either. I suppose I’ll be annoying and uncool for the foreseeable future. I know I felt the same way about my poor parents until I was older (and being seen as cool not do important things).

What uncool or annoying things do you do that make your kid’s eyes roll?

Change is in the Air

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What has changed recently in your family?

I received a weekly school announcements newsletter from our youngest’s school. Normally I open and discard these notices within a few seconds of receiving them. This particular week, something caught my eye. An urgent need for student housing so they could stay at my son’s school. With our oldest out of the house, we had the space. I empathized with the student’s situation and had a strong feeling that not only that we could help, but we should.

We discussed the situation as a family — would everyone be okay if we let this new person become a family member for the remainder of the school year. Everyone agreed. My youngest loved the idea of having another sibling. 😊

We made inquiries and the student will be joining us soon. There is a mixture of excitement and nerves. Similar to the feeling I had before our children arrived, and the weight of the commitment sinking in — what exactly are we getting ourselves into? I’m going in with a sense of adventure—and hoping we learn as much from them as they us, and that they like us, and feel cared for a safe.

What new people (or pets) have come into your families lives and how have they changed it?