Tag Archives: Son

First Kiss Update

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Son proposing in school play (female character not his girlfriend) šŸ„°

Itā€™s been almost 10 years since my original post, and still one of my favorites. Itā€™s funny how kids change over the years, including their likes and interests. My son and his then ā€œgirlfriendā€ remain friends, but there is no longer any love interest. They do share a love for the theater – performing, writing, and directing. Itā€™s been really neat to see them not only take on these roles, but encourage each other.

Love doesnā€™t always last, but it does leave an impression. My son lucked out with his first love. I hope your child did too.

I will be away on vacation and back in March.

** ** ** Original Post from 2016 ** ** **

Do you remember your first kiss?

My youngest has a ‘girlfriend’ that he’s known since kindergarten. Now, you wouldn’t know they are boyfriend and girlfriend because they barely interact with each other when in close proximity. But there are these moments when they are inseparable. It doesn’t take much, when one of them initiates doing something with the other.

There was an “engagement” last summer when, during a day at summer camp, they decided they wanted to plan out their life and make it official. Our families had a picnic to celebrate their plans. We have some great pictures of them. While their pretend ceremony was very innocent, and they posed for pictures as though they were kissing, they actually did not. My youngest was fine with this, and thought all of it was good fun.

His girlfriend moved to another school this year, so their interaction has been even less with the exception of the occasional playdate. When she last came over to play, they did what the normally do, they sat in the same room, but proceeded to read books and not actually play together. As their playdate was ending, his friend suddenly decided they needed to play a quick board game (is that even possible?) and while her mom and I allowed them to play for a few minutes, we were working to wrap it up so everyone could go home. While her mother and I were talking, the kids decided to resume their almost ceremonially kiss pose they had at the picnic. I have no idea what prompted this, as it happened so quickly. After seeing what they were up to, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but it didn’t take long to figure it out. My son went in for the kiss this time and was smiling from ear-to-ear following. It was very sweet. I was happy for him that his first kiss was with a girl he really liked. I was happy that he didn’t have to go through the fretting I did in wondering when the first kiss would happen and who would it be with. It also felt like I just passed a milestone with my son way earlier than I’d anticipated. Of course, every milestone that occurs reminds me how quickly my sons are growing up. And while things can move fast in life, I’m don’t want it to go by at such a rapid pace.  I realize this is a bit out of my control, but boy, would I love to slow down time sometimes.

How do you experience milestones with your child?
 

Dad Moments

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I told my husband, when our first child was born, heā€™d be closest to him since they shared the same gender. I had read that somewhere (article, or parenting book) and it made sense to me. I had most certainly looked toward my mom to guide me in gender cues and how to behave while growing up. My husband was a little surprised by my comment, not putting much thought into it prior to me raising the point, but he quickly accepted it, as he realized heā€™d learned gender cues from his father.

Over the years, my husband has leaned into his role, trying to set a good example for his son and raise him to be not only a good person, but someone whoā€™s involved and contributes (in the community and beyond). Itā€™s allowed him to have many memorable moments with our son, in one-on-one interactions ā€” going for runs or walk together to talk ā€œguyā€ stuff; involvement in Scouts, and exposing our son to the outdoors ā€” caring for the environment while appreciating the beauty and even struggle (making a campfire, climbing a challenging trail; building a shelter); getting him involved in a local soup kitchen to expose him to others different from him ā€” teaching compassion and empathy.

Fathers have a big impact on their children lives, regardless of gender. Being present is the present every child longs for (whether they realize it and appreciate it or not at the time). šŸ˜Š

Thank you to my husband and all the fathers out there that care, are engaged, and create those moments that are meaningful and impactful.

Happy Fatherā€™s Day!

Chopping Wood

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Every good campfire needs wood, kindling, and fire. Everything worth learning takes patience, persistence, and love.

My husband learned to chop wood for fires growing up, whether it was for heating the house, or for cooking and warmth camping. My youngest is now learning how to chop wood, though for a different reason. Heā€™s going to a rail camp and will need to drive and pull railroad spikes as part of the experience. We thought chopping wood ā€” using an axe and learning to handle the weight, and movement ā€” would be a good place to start. We also realized weā€™ve had few opportunities to teach our boys the skill of chopping wood, since itā€™s relatively easy to buy bundles near camp sites, and our house doesnā€™t have a fireplace that uses logs.

My husband and son went into our backyard to practice. My youngest reminded me a bit of myself when I was young and learning new things, being cautious and getting frustrated during the learning process. My husband worked with my son. Being on the spectrum, he can struggle with fine and large motor skills particularly when learning something new. My son frustrated that he was struggling and my husband irritated his guidance wasnā€™t yielding the intended result. But that happens, right? As parents we try to guide our children through life and it can be infuriating when they struggle to (or flat out donā€™t) understand, or listen, or follow our direction. We can get angry (because weā€™re human and itā€™s super frustrating when our words donā€™t land), but it also provides us an opportunity to stop, step back, and determine how to go forward. Continuing to do the same thing over and over and expect the result to be different is the definition of insanity, right?

My husband and son reached an impasse and decided to resume chopping wood the following day. My son will get the hang of it. My husbandā€™s words will get through, just slower than heā€™d like. While the experience might be a bit painful for them both now, the outcome ā€” my son learning to chop wood, and getting himself ready for what heā€™ll be doing at rail camp. I imagine my son will be proud he can participate with greater ease at camp ( than if he hadnā€™t learned), and his father will feel good about teaching his son another skill he can use throughout his life.

Teaching your child can be challenging and rewarding. What have you taught your child that pushed your patience, but paid off in the end?

Magical Moments

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Magic moments are different for everyone. Some of mine ā€” pausing at a BBQ and taking in all the friends, family, and community surrounding you; playing with the kids outside at twilight while they giggle at seeing fireflies; camping and seeing your family across the campfire as they roast marshmallows. Itā€™s those times that you know are special and will stay with you.

My oldest agreed to go to admitted student day at the local college. I took him now knowing what to expect. He too, didnā€™t go in with any expectations. As the day progressed, we both realized how special it was. I was blown away at what the school offered its studentsā€”academically, recreationally, and community-wise; my son was surprised that he could actually envision himself there. It far exceeded our expectations.

My son suggested we get something to eat as we neared the end of the day. He was animated and wanting to talk. He has to make some big decisions soon (based on deadlines). Instead of trying to steer him any direction I just stopped and soaked in the moment ā€” sitting with my son after a magical day on the cusp of what he does and where he goes next.

We talked the following night ā€” I had to get on a plane to travel for work and was away from home. When we FaceTimed, he shared about his day. When he was done I told him the previous day had been special for me. He said, ā€œme too, Mom.ā€ Donā€™t know if it gets any better than that.

What magic moments have you and your child experienced?