Tag Archives: Raising Kids

Thanksgiving Traditions

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What are your Thanksgiving traditions?

We often host dinner and have family and friends join us. My husband makes cranberry sauce. It was one of the things he does that I love. I’m not sure I’d ever had true cranberry sauce before I met him. I only had the sauce from the can. 😂 The kind he makes is quite good and very popular with our guests.

I like having the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade on TV. No one else seems to care about it. The kids prefer to sleep in. I start cooking the day before and enjoy getting the house ready (great reason to clean), and enjoy the smells of everything cooking, and keep it going through Thanksgiving day. The kids will help their father with any yard work that needs to be done, and if I’m lucky, one of them may help me in the kitchen.

We do have an adult table and a kids table. We didn’t plan it that way, but my boys and their cousins prefer to eat together and then hangout vs stay and talk with the adults. Now that my boys are older, my oldest has expressed an interest in joining the adult table, which I welcome, we just have to figure out where we can squeeze in more chairs. 😊

We are very blessed, and very thankful — for the roof over our heads, clothes on our back, and for our friends and family.

What are your family traditions? What are you thankful for?

I’ll be taking next week off to enjoy the holiday weekend and be back in December.

Exciting and a Little Bit Scary

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What experiences have excited and scared you throughout your life? Going to school? Graduating? Starting a new job? Marriage? Having a child?

My oldest works while going to school. The job is on the same campus and pays well (for a student position), but it’s not necessarily a job that he’s interested in holding long-term. He’s been more interested in getting an internship in the career field he’s interested in, but it’s been a harder go than he imagined. He’s attended countless career fairs over the past year, and meets with a mentor. In my opinion, taking all the right steps, yet he was unable to secure an internship this last summer.

He could have resided himself that this field wasn’t for him, or that he was somehow not employee material, but he buckled down, took the feedback he got along the way and persisted, recently attending another career fair and getting an internship offer extended on the spot. He was thrilled. He still has a few more career fairs to go before deciding on what he’ll do next summer, but his confidence has grown.

I wished I’d coined this phrase, but borrowing it from something Snoop Dogg (yes, Snoop Dogg) said on a blind audience episode of The Voice when a singer didn’t get a chair turn. In those situations you can feel like a failure, like something is wrong with you or you aren’t good enough, but Snoop summed it up best. “L isn’t for loser. It’s for lesson.” How right he is, we learn these lessons along the way, and need to silence our inner critic’s voice that tells us otherwise.

As I shared my joy with my son about his internship offer I also mentioned he might feel excited and a little bit scared. I know I’ve experienced those feelings in times of personal growth. We agreed that’s what growing up is all about.

What makes you excited and a little bit scared?

I will be away next week to spend time with family and back later in the month.

Parenting Stress

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How do you relieve stress?

The stress that goes along with parenting has definitely tapered off as my kids have grown — not because there isn’t stress, but because there is less to stress about specifically regarding them — do I worry? Yes. Do I wonder if I taught them everything I should have? Yes. But it’s not something I stress about. The are old enough to take care of themselves (which was a bigger stressor for me when they were younger), and any stress I feel now tends to be tied to not being in a position to help them, or concerns with their mental state when I know they’ve been hurt (relationship issues for example). Letting them know I’m there for them and hearing from them quells my stress.

The state of the world, and the state of America, causes me way more stress than my kids do. That’s saying something. It can feel overwhelming at times. My youngest has shared his stress, fear, and depression over what he hears and see in the news, and yes, I encourage him to disconnect, but world history and politics are passions for him. While he logically understands the benefit of tuning out, his interest to know what’s going on usually wins out. And so, there is stress. Again, I make myself available to him to talk. I try to remind him that things will be okay (even if I’m not sure they will). As long as he’s willing to talk about his concerns, it lets me know he’s okay. We have offered sessions with a therapist if it would help (and he’s done therapy before — we all have in my family), but for now says he’s okay.

Stress is hard. Adding parenting to the mix can take stress to another level. We have to be kind to ourselves and find ways to relieve stress in an extraordinarily stressful time.

How do you relieve stress? How do you help your child relieve their’s?

New Connection

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Have you made any new parent friends lately?

My parent friend group has been fairly stagnant for a while. I’m grateful for my friends, and am always on the lookout for new connections, but struggle with time and putting in the energy needed to create and foster new relationships.

I had the good fortune of being on a business trip and happened to connect with a peer I didn’t know very well. We connected after my visit with the intention of following up on some items we covered, but ended up spending most of our time connecting over parenting — sharing approaches, insights, intention, and challenges. It was a vulnerable conversation—they shared with me and I with them and we quickly formed a connection that surprised me in the best way possible.

We ended our conversation promising to stay in touch and sharing how much we both got out of our talk. It made me so happy.

Friendships, support, connections — it comes in many forms but has such a huge impact in my life. Your’s too, right? 🥰

How do your connections impact you? What new parent friends have you made lately?

Summer Exploration

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What’s something new you’ve tried during the summer?

Our youngest is showing the city to our French exchange student. Taking him to popular tourists sites and having him experience a more typical day-in-the-life (going to the grocery store, checking out the library, helping around the house, hanging out on the deck). You can see my son learning him to host (while his dad and I work), and protect space for himself. It’s taken a few days, but he seems to be getting better at hosting, though I know there is a part of him that desperately wants to do whatever he wants without taking into consideration what our exchange student wants to do. As a spectrum kid, we keep encouraging him to have a more flexible mindset. Easier said than done, but we can see he is trying.

Our oldest is home for the summer, but out and about so much, it’s often like he isn’t here. If he isn’t working, he’s typically with his friends doing something regarding exercise, working on cars, or exploring. He recently joined some newer friends and went on a hike that had a 6000 ft elevation gain and required having an ice axe ( yikes!), and scrambling at that top. That’s too adventurous for me, but my son was eager to go. I was worried the entire day for his safety (would he push himself, get injured, or worse fall) until he texted to let me know he was okay. Worrying — something I suppose we’ll always do as parents, regardless our child’s age, right?

Summer is the longest stretch where the weather tends to be nicer (if not too hot) and ripe for exploring — a place or things to do. What exploring has your child or family done this summer?

Mr. Incredible

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Dad’s don’t always get the (parenting) glory. My dad is human, so not perfect, but he’s pretty incredible — being present, acknowledging me in ways that showed he was paying attention, guiding me, teaching me, prompting me, pushing me to be my best, and letting me know he loves me. While I’m an adult, I still see my dad through my childhood eyes.

My husband is incredible with our boys — he’s present, shares wisdom, listens, teaches skills, shows an interest in their interests, gets involved, and lets my sons know they’re loved. My kids are fortunate.

Dads play an equally important role in raising our children. To those that are showing up and leaning in to be the best dad you can be, thank you!

Your kid(s) may not say it, but I’m guessing they’d agree they think you’re pretty incredible too.

Happy Father’s Day! I’ll be off next week for some family time and back again later this month.

Rounding the Bases and Sliding into Home

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That’s what this time of year feels like to me. It’s filled with of end of the year activities — the school play wrapping up for my youngest, graduation upcoming for our exchange student, our oldest wrapping up his first year of college and coming home for the summer, and family in town to visit and celebrate milestones.

It can be a lot in a few short weeks. It can feel intense with the schedule – get kid x here and kid y there, keeping track of where kids are 😂 as there seem to be a flurry of friend meet-ups jammed in right at the end of the school year, get everyone fed, get work done, etc. It can feel intense, but also memorable and I really try to stay present though it isn’t always easy.

Our exchange student leaves us in a few weeks 🥹, I haven’t even let myself really come to terms with that yet, or that my youngest will be a senior next year, and I only have one more “rounding-of-the-bases” from a school year perspective to go. Gulp!

What is the end of the school year like for your family? What are you glad is over and what do (or will) you miss?

Sunburn Pain

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Having a sunburn is no fun, regardless of how it happens.

We traveled for Spring Break and our exchange student was excited about being in sunny weather. She asked if she could spend some time at the pool to get a tan. We gave her sunscreen, told her to put it on, and reiterated we were at the start of our trip, so if she did get sunburned it would make the remainder of the trip less enjoyable.

She laid out in the sun and proceeded to get a pretty bad sunburn. 😞 She powered through the next few days complaining about the pain (we understood), but when it still hadn’t stopped hurting once we returned home several days later, we realized it was worse than we imagined. She went to the doctor and learned she had a third degree burn in a small area and would likely have a scar (or discoloration for a while). She went from loving the sun and not being able to get enough of it, to wearing sunscreen and covering herself constantly. I hate that she had to learn this lesson, but don’t we have to learn from our own mistakes?

I know parenting teens has it challenges and getting your teen to listen to you, and/or take our advice can feel impossible. I remember hearing from MANY people how dangerous the sun can be growing up and have to admit I didn’t wear sunscreen constantly until I was much older. I see the dermatologist once a year now. 😉 It can be painful to see your child suffer, especially when it feels like the situation could be avoided.

Parenting and getting your kids to buy-in to your insights, advice, and recommendations is frustrating when they resist or out-right ignore you, but that’s how we grow (our kids and us). We can guide and do our best to protect, but in the end they are their own person who will have to learn for themselves.

How have you gotten your teen to listen to and take your advice when given?

Meeting the Moment

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These are unsettling times.

We can be struck with fear, anger, anxiety and feel like we’re at a loss as to what we can do. While I’d like to shield my kids from everything that is going on, I can’t. The news is everywhere and trying to put your head in the sand to avoid the chaos is great from a mental break perspective, but not from standing up for what you believe in, or meeting the moment.

My oldest has a different opportunity to meet the moment at his job. It’s not necessarily challenging for him (physically or mentally), but it’s steady work with flexible hours. He shared how he’d been showing up a little late and was wondering if others were noticing. I asked him why he was late (he used different words, but essentially said he wasn’t very motivated to be early or on time). I asked him how he could get feedback on his performance (sounds redundant, but I wanted to make sure he knew). “Ask, I guess,” he replied. Then I asked him how he wanted to show up in life. “You decide how you show up. You are on time and do good work, and that’s something people will remember you for. Go in and slack, and they’ll know you for that. Anything less and you probably won’t have the job for long.” I said. I finished with “how you show up for others carriers into all facets of your life — work, relationships with a significant other, your friends, and family, etc. You decide what that looks like.” He thought for a minute and said what I said made sense and gave him some things to think about.

We have to decide daily how we want to show up – for our jobs, our family, kids, friends, community, and even our country. Showing up as you want to be isn’t always easy. As I always tell my kids, you can’t be brave if you aren’t (at least a little bit) scared. I’m encouraging us all to lean into those scared moments so we can rise to our moment (whatever that may be).

How do you encourage your child to best their best?

I’ll be off next week enjoying time with family and friends, and will be back later this month.

Win or Lose

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It’s how you play the game, right?

I recently watched Win or Lose on Disney+. It’s about a coed middle school softball team where each episode focuses on a character and their point of view and emotions during the season.

I was taken in with how well written and clever the show is. In my opinion, it captures well feelings of insecurity and how we deal with it, protecting yourself (from being emotionally let down) with armor, what your heart and mind go through when you’re romantically interested in someone, juggling multiple things, being overwhelmed, and sometimes letting things explode (after you get so puffed up you almost blow away) when you can’t take it anymore; and more.

Anytime I watch TV that pulls me in like this—where I think, this is good, anyone can learn from this or see themselves in this (perhaps at a younger age)—I want to share it with my family, and talk about it. Did they have the same experience I did? Was there anything they took away from it, I missed?

The only problem is I’ve entered the phase in parenting where me asking my kids to watch a show is met with resistance. Either my endorsement doesn’t hold much weight 😂, or by not wanting to watch the show my kids are demonstrating their independence. I hope it’s the latter.

The best part about Win or Lose, is by the end of the show you don’t really care or need to know who wins the game. It was really about how they played the game. And as the Coach in the show would say something along the lines of, “we win when everyone tried their best.” So true.

Parenting and life is much the same. It’s not something we win or lose, but how we show up and try our best everyday.

What shows have spoken to you and your family?