Tag Archives: Parenting

New Connection

Posted on by

0

Have you made any new parent friends lately?

My parent friend group has been fairly stagnant for a while. I’m grateful for my friends, and am always on the lookout for new connections, but struggle with time and putting in the energy needed to create and foster new relationships.

I had the good fortune of being on a business trip and happened to connect with a peer I didn’t know very well. We connected after my visit with the intention of following up on some items we covered, but ended up spending most of our time connecting over parenting — sharing approaches, insights, intention, and challenges. It was a vulnerable conversation—they shared with me and I with them and we quickly formed a connection that surprised me in the best way possible.

We ended our conversation promising to stay in touch and sharing how much we both got out of our talk. It made me so happy.

Friendships, support, connections — it comes in many forms but has such a huge impact in my life. Your’s too, right? 🥰

How do your connections impact you? What new parent friends have you made lately?

Collaboration

Posted on by

0

Working with someone else can be challenging, right?

My youngest is co-directing a play this Fall. He is paired with a female student who has some strong opinions about what her role and his role should be. My son is fairly easy-going and while he wants to have input, and the ability to direct, he doesn’t feel strongly about her wants (total creative control, for example). 😳

My son also wants a friend of his, who has theater experience, to help them. His co-director has strong(er) feelings about this, not wanting the friend’s name mentioned in the program or really wanting them involved at all. My son tried explaining why his friend participating would be a good thing — we’ll have extra help. If one of us can’t be here, they can fill in. She pushed back. My son tried to get her to express where her hesitation came from, but she couldn’t, and could only state she wasn’t comfortable with anyone else working with them. I can see her point — she might be concerned my son and his friend would team up and leave her out, or she would somehow not be able to realize her vision for the experience, she fears she’ll lose “control”, or something else. My son, on the other hand, wants to advocate for his friend, not only because he believes his friend can contribute but is from a marginalized group, and a slight against his friend, never sits well with my son.

My son talked my husband and I through the situation during dinner. We discussed why the strain between he and his co-director could be happening, but the best way to address the situation is to talk to her. Let her know she can be honest with you, you with her, and you’ll listen. You both want the same thing — a successful show.

We also discussed how having these conversations aren’t easy, but if he can start having them now, he’ll be better prepared in the future because these situations come up throughout life.

Easier said than done, I know. Particularly as a teen. The following day he came home following play practice and we asked how it went. “Better,” he said. We asked if he’d talked to her. “Well, no, I was going to, but she was being really nice. Almost like she felt bad, and I didn’t want to bring it up since she seemed over it.” 🤷‍♀️ Hmmm. I encouraged him to have the talk with her regardless because this will likely happen again. He agreed, but said he wanted to wait until the situation arose. I understood. Having these discussions isn’t easy, even I have to muster up the courage sometimes at my age. My guess is many of us do.

Does your kid struggle being on a team, in a club, or other setting where they have to collaborate with others they don’t necessarily agree with? How are you helping them navigate the complexity that comes from working with others?

Back to School – Last Time Edition

Posted on by

0

This time of year is always a mixed bag for me — summer coming to an end 😞, activities ramping up, and the kids going back to school. For my youngest, this will be his last year of high school. I’m meeting the moment with a mixture of excitement for him and sadness that things will be coming to an end.

What I look forward to:

• His activities – he’ll be in a play (possibly more) and will be directing another

• Him figuring out where he goes next — the application process — excitement and anxiety all rolled into one

• Watching him continue to grow. He’s already put on his list of objectives this year to be more social! 😊

• Graduating and him recognizing the accomplishment he’s made

• And selfishly not getting numerous calls/notices from the school/district after he graduates. I’m all about proactive communication, but it normally turns into us getting notified multiple ways for the same thing over and over throughout the school year. 😂

Your kid(s) has started back to school. What do you look forward to most?

18 Summers

Posted on by

0

I received a marketing email from a local resort we like to visit that was targeted parents of young children. It’s message in summary — you have 18 summers to make lasting memories with your child(ren) (why not here).

18 summers goes quickly. Whether it’s vacations, dinners in the backyard, walks in the neighborhood, community events, swimming, sporting events, picnics, or camping, there have been lots of wonderful memories.

As my children age, become more independent and less inclined to hang out with mom and dad, I reflect on the time we have had together in summers past. When they join us this summer, even for small things like sitting down with us for dinner, I consider it another treasured memory.

18 summers. That went by fast.

Where are some favorite memories for your family over the summer?

I’ll be off making some new family memories the next two weeks and will be back in September.

Exceeding Expectations

Posted on by

0

When did your child last exceed your expectations?

My youngest, who is on the spectrum, is doing an exchange in a foreign country. Spectrum kids has several gifts that make them special including knowing their likes and dislikes, ability to concentrate (on likes with ease) and challenges being vocal about dislikes, having a harder time engaging in dislikes. You know that filter you get as you grow up that tells you when to be honest and when to hold your tongue? My son doesn’t really have that. He’s sometimes brutally honest with no intention of hurting anyone’s feelings, but just speaking his mind. 😬

I wondered when he left how he’d fare doing an exchange. We had the exchange student come here first so my son and he could get better acquainted. My husband and I have set out to have our kids be independent, and tried to give them confidence in their capabilities and pushing their comfort zones. I thought going overseas would be good “comfort zones” pushing for my son.

I knew when my son went overseas he’d be asked to do things he might not like doing — going places he’s not particularly interested in, or to try something (food, activity) he would prefer not to. I was mildly concerned he might struggle, and when he gets overwhelmed it can be difficult to experience (tears and/or anger). Would he be overly honest?

When he arrived in France, he sent a text message and a photo. The host mom sends me pics now and then too, which helps. He asked the following day when we should talk, and I recommended we talk one day over the weekend. He agreed. If he is struggling in any way, he’s doing a great job of keeping it from us. I expected to potentially hear from the host mom of some issues, but so far, there’s been nothing other than how his French is coming along. 😊

This is the first time he’s been away for us for this long, with a family he barely knows. It would be challenging for most of us to adjust, but he’s exceeding our expectations and seems to be thriving. He does text with pics from the day (if they did any exploring), but the messages and exchanges are short implying he wants to share vs needs to share and/or is struggling, He continues to amaze me as he grows. I, too often, think something may be more difficult, or too big a challenge for him and he proves me wrong. I hope he keeps doing that (along with me realizing, he is doing the work that will allow him not only independence, but an ability to thrive on his own).

When did your child last exceed your expectations? How are you adjusting your mindset or approach to your child as a result?

Mom’s Cleaning Bootcamp

Posted on by

2

My kids can clean, but it’s most often met with resistance. Particularly with my oldest.

My oldest will be moving into his first apartment in the coming weeks, and sharing the space with five friends. I told him I’d need to take him through cleaning bootcamp before he moves in — reminding him how to do tasks he hasn’t often done — scrub the sink, clean the shower, vacuum, mop. Honestly I feel we have success when he puts the sheets on his bed after they’ve been cleaned (he has no problem doing his own laundry — it’s the ‘putting away things’ that’s a challenge). 🤦‍♀️

This is one more milestone for him growing into adulthood — can he care for his space? He has never been tidy — I’ll own not forcing being clean onto him. Though my husband and I both told our kids the benefits putting things where they belong and sanitizing things or spaces that are dirty — how it makes you feel when you live in a clean space, helps deter critters and insects, and influences how others see you (right or wrong) — it seems to have had little impact regarding a change in behavior.

I can remember seeing my now husband’s house when we were dating. I was impressed he owned a home, and the space was immaculate with the exception of a coffee table with more magazines scattered across it than I had seen before. Being impressed turned to a little red flag — what was the consolidated mess about? Maybe it was an unrealized rebellion for him (having to always be clean given his time in the military), or maybe it was being tired or it just not bothering him and the way he wanted it, but it did catch my attention. I was fine being with someone who was a little messy, but a lot would likely have been a deal killer for me.

Thinking on it now, he still has a space or two that is untidy (his chair in the living room could second as a library with all the books stacked on the arms, and his chair in our bedroom — laundry central (normally what needs to be ironed)). I have my own spaces that sometimes get cluttered, but I get to a point more quickly in getting it cleared and cleaned — it just makes me feel better.

I’ll take my son through Mom’s Cleaning Bootcamp and hopefully he’ll get a better appreciation for taking care of his space while living with others. It will determine if I visit or not and my guess is he’d be good with me not coming over (potentially embarrassing him in front of his friends) regardless of how clean the place is anyways — so not sure I’ll ever know. 😂

How do you motivate your child to clean?

Parlez Vous Francais?

Posted on by

0

I took two years of French in high school, so my answer to this question would be tres peu (very little).

We’ve been hosting a French exchange student this summer. My youngest will be leaving and going with our exchange student to France and spend a few weeks with their family soon. Our exchange student speaks very good English. Our son, who’s taken three years of French, doesn’t have a lot of practice speaking French conversationally. With our exchange student here, we thought it would be an ideal opportunity for my son to get in some practice before he leaves. My son resisted until I pushed him to try.

With the weather being nice we’ve been eating dinner in our backyard and it’s been an ideal time to get him to practice in a setting where we could encourage him. Our student encouraged our son to practice as well. “Just try,” said our exchange student, “no one cares if you make mistakes.” He’s a great kid. 😊

After getting flustered from being nervous, my son attempted to recap their day in French. Aside from inserting many “ums” (nervous habit), he tried and did a pretty good job. Our exchange student offered corrections following to help him. I reminded our son the only way you get good at something is by practicing it. He knows this as we’ve discussed it many times. He, like many of us, just wanted to be good at it without putting in the work/practice, and was a little frustrated he’d need to keep doing this every evening for the foreseeable future. I tried to gently remind him he’d be speaking nothing but French when he was there. 😊

We’ve continued this exercise each evening. I ask the boys about their day and then look at my son and say “in francais.” Every day he’s getting a little better.

How are you helping your kid practice or get experience they’re resistant to?

Summer BBQ

Posted on by

0

Are BBQs one of your favorite summer activities?

We host an annual summer BBQ. It’s informal, the date varies, but it’s annual because we soooo look forward to seeing our friends and catching up in a relaxed setting.

My boys love it because their friends come, and they can easily hang out with us (for food) or go off with their friends and just hang out.

We coordinated this year’s event while our exchange students with us. I believe cookouts are fairly universal, so doubtful this will be a new experience for him, but still fun to show him how we do it here.

What’s your favorite summer tradition?

Summer Exploration

Posted on by

0

What’s something new you’ve tried during the summer?

Our youngest is showing the city to our French exchange student. Taking him to popular tourists sites and having him experience a more typical day-in-the-life (going to the grocery store, checking out the library, helping around the house, hanging out on the deck). You can see my son learning him to host (while his dad and I work), and protect space for himself. It’s taken a few days, but he seems to be getting better at hosting, though I know there is a part of him that desperately wants to do whatever he wants without taking into consideration what our exchange student wants to do. As a spectrum kid, we keep encouraging him to have a more flexible mindset. Easier said than done, but we can see he is trying.

Our oldest is home for the summer, but out and about so much, it’s often like he isn’t here. If he isn’t working, he’s typically with his friends doing something regarding exercise, working on cars, or exploring. He recently joined some newer friends and went on a hike that had a 6000 ft elevation gain and required having an ice axe ( yikes!), and scrambling at that top. That’s too adventurous for me, but my son was eager to go. I was worried the entire day for his safety (would he push himself, get injured, or worse fall) until he texted to let me know he was okay. Worrying — something I suppose we’ll always do as parents, regardless our child’s age, right?

Summer is the longest stretch where the weather tends to be nicer (if not too hot) and ripe for exploring — a place or things to do. What exploring has your child or family done this summer?

The Gift of Connection

Posted on by

0

Friends and loved ones, those you have meaningful connections with, creating a sending of belonging and joy.

My youngest struggles with making these types of connections, common for those with autism. He does have a core groups of friends he made in middle school, and a best friend he’s known since elementary but only got close to within the last few years.

When our exchange student arrived, it took her a few days and weeks to get comfortable in our home. My husband and I would fall asleep before the kids would and we learned months in that our exchange student and youngest son would have late night chats in the living room. Our exchange student shares would concern, silly things that happened or hopes, and my son would share the same. Over time, you could see a strong sibling bonding forming. They care about each other and are interested in how the other is doing.

Unbeknownst to my son, this was great practice for him in what meaningful relationships look like. His older brother and he would talk (when his brother lived at home), but was more guarded in what he shared, so while the practice my youngest experienced with our exchange student was much more impactful. I can see his growth when he is out with his friends. I’m grateful for the gift our exchange student gave our son while she was with us. We are missing her dearly since she’s returned home.

How do friendship and connections impact your child?