Tag Archives: Military

Changing of the Guard — Closing a Chapter

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There are times in life when you see change coming. I first was keenly aware of this when my oldest was born. I was entering a new phase of life.

I experienced it again when I went to a friend’s retirement from the military. The ceremony’s main focus was recognizing each service member’s contributions over the years, but once the ceremony finished, they initiated new service members into the military who’d just completed their basic training. It was a bit of a shock to see the (30 years) gap between those leaving the service — what they’d seen, and experienced over their careers, and what the new service members had in front of them.

I started this blog with the publication of my book, Ten Simple Tools for No Regrets Parenting, back in November 2011. Writing the book was important for me — I wanted to flex the creative side of my brain, and needed a new challenge in life. I wanted to arm myself with knowledge to be the best parent I could and navigate parenthood in a way I felt good about. I found good information in various sources, but nothing that was concise that would give me simple tools to use on the journey. It became a passion project for me and I’m glad I brought it to life. It’s allowed me to speak to hundreds of new parents over the years (thank you @pepsforparents) and do this blog.

While doing a blog is considered old-school, what I liked most about it was it forced me to reflect on my parenting experience as I went along. It helped keep me accountable and humble.

I’d get asked about my book’s title on occasion and how I could think parents wouldn’t make mistakes. This comment made me chuckle every time because the title includes no regrets, not no mistakes. I’ve made mistakes throughout my journey, like we all have. It was acknowledging them when they happened and handling the situation differently and better the next time.

I had conversations with my boys my parents never had with me, about their bodies, their fears, their interests, their behavior, hygiene (or lack thereof), and always let them know that I love them no matter what, even when they might not reciprocate. 🥰

I’ve learned patience and how to be more present. I’ve learned I have no control only influence, and I am beyond grateful for them being in my life.

Our next door neighbors (a younger couple) are getting ready to have their first child and it feels like a changing of the guard, where my husband and I finish this phase of life (the boys growing up in our house and under our supervision) and their’s is just starting. I’m excited for them, but excited for my husband and I too, being on this side of the journey.

My goal with this blog was also to help other parents have the parenting journey they want. There is no right or perfect way. There is only learning, growing, owning your mistakes, making amends, and doing better. I hope this blog was helpful to those that read it — whether once or weekly.

I know my parenting journey doesn’t end here, but it changes, and it feels like this is a good place to close this out. If I’m fortunate there might be grandchildren in the future and perhaps you’ll see me again here (or some other format) in how I can be a better grandparent.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for helping me have the parenting journey I wanted to.

Kids and War

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How do you explain war to your child?

My knee jerk reaction is to try to shield them from the horror. There is nothing pretty about war. What is going on in Syria is unbelievably sad, and angering. To see people suffer, lose there homes and have to flee their countries in order to survive is unfathomable. Seeing innocent people killed, particularly the children by chemical weapons is devastating.

My boys have been wondering what is going on in Syria and why. It’s hard to explain. It’s ultimately about people not being able to get along and resorting to violence instead of finding peaceful solutions. I get that solving these types of problems aren’t easy, but I really want my boys to know that war is not the answer and never will be.

My youngest son got some exposure to war recently in his social studies class.  The class was studying Native Americans and their struggle to maintain control of their native land from the settlers.  Each class member was assigned a position — you either were a Native American tribe member or a member of the American military. My son was part of a tribe. The class was given different situations and asked how they wanted to handle it. In one situation, both groups wanted a piece of land and neither was willing to give the land to the other. Their choice was to 1) sign a treaty that allowed them to share the land, or 2) decide to fight the other for the land. My son said, “Mom, I signed the treaty, but others kids in the tribe decided they wanted to fight.” “What happened? ” I asked. “Well, I lived,” said my son, “those who fought died.” Wow, I thought, this is a pretty good lesson he’s learning. The next challenge the class was faced with was 1) stay on the Reservation and be safe, or 2) fight and have to get your land back. “What did you choose?” I asked my son. “Well, I was going to go back to the Reservation because I wanted to be safe, but got accidentally shot by one of my classmates who thought I was trying to leave the Reservation,” he said. The idea that my son got ‘shot’ by friendly fire didn’t go unnoticed. Seems  this class activity was a little more realistic than I would have thought. “What did the lesson teach you?” I inquired. “Well, fighting almost always results in death. You might as well find a way to make peace.” Wow. Nine years old and he’s already figured this out. I wish some of our world leaders could.

How do you talk to your child about war? How do you help them understand unexplainable things?