Tag Archives: Challenge

Exceeding Expectations

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When did your child last exceed your expectations?

My youngest, who is on the spectrum, is doing an exchange in a foreign country. Spectrum kids has several gifts that make them special including knowing their likes and dislikes, ability to concentrate (on likes with ease) and challenges being vocal about dislikes, having a harder time engaging in dislikes. You know that filter you get as you grow up that tells you when to be honest and when to hold your tongue? My son doesn’t really have that. He’s sometimes brutally honest with no intention of hurting anyone’s feelings, but just speaking his mind. 😬

I wondered when he left how he’d fare doing an exchange. We had the exchange student come here first so my son and he could get better acquainted. My husband and I have set out to have our kids be independent, and tried to give them confidence in their capabilities and pushing their comfort zones. I thought going overseas would be good “comfort zones” pushing for my son.

I knew when my son went overseas he’d be asked to do things he might not like doing — going places he’s not particularly interested in, or to try something (food, activity) he would prefer not to. I was mildly concerned he might struggle, and when he gets overwhelmed it can be difficult to experience (tears and/or anger). Would he be overly honest?

When he arrived in France, he sent a text message and a photo. The host mom sends me pics now and then too, which helps. He asked the following day when we should talk, and I recommended we talk one day over the weekend. He agreed. If he is struggling in any way, he’s doing a great job of keeping it from us. I expected to potentially hear from the host mom of some issues, but so far, there’s been nothing other than how his French is coming along. 😊

This is the first time he’s been away for us for this long, with a family he barely knows. It would be challenging for most of us to adjust, but he’s exceeding our expectations and seems to be thriving. He does text with pics from the day (if they did any exploring), but the messages and exchanges are short implying he wants to share vs needs to share and/or is struggling, He continues to amaze me as he grows. I, too often, think something may be more difficult, or too big a challenge for him and he proves me wrong. I hope he keeps doing that (along with me realizing, he is doing the work that will allow him not only independence, but an ability to thrive on his own).

When did your child last exceed your expectations? How are you adjusting your mindset or approach to your child as a result?

Foreign Communication

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My youngest has been accepted into a foreign exchange summer program. He’s thrilled to go explore a new country, and being a kid on the spectrum lies the (potential) problem.

When he gets an idea in his mind, particularly in something he’s interested in doing, his mindset becomes more rigid and narrowly focused. It can be a strength (knowing how to navigate a large public transit system without ever having to look at a map or timetable) and a weakness (going into a situation where he doesn’t have control). Note: many of us (neuro-diverse or not), struggle with control and a rigid from time to time.

We met the family he will be living with over video. The boys started communicating via text following. My son went into “all things travel” mode — asking questions about where they could travel to, transit options, and ideas he had. Yikes. I can only imagine what the host family is thinking.

The good (great) news is that we have our exchange student who has been with us, and knows something about connecting with host families prior to arriving. 😊 My son was sharing some of his disappointment in how some of his initial excitement had waned and he wasn’t hearing much from his peer. Once our exchange student and I listened she offered some ideas (I did too, but think he really took her ideas to heart). “Share something about you. Take a picture of your walk home. Show them the neighborhood or where we go to school. Ask them to show you where they live,” she recommended. He recognized his communication had been one-sided up to that point (all about him and his interests), and he understood the was value in starting over and them getting to know one another. He sent a text to say as such and felt better about things.

It is hard when someone you love so dearly struggles with understanding social cues, but I love that our exchange student was here, willing to help, and my son willing to listen. He has a new friend/sister who can help him (assuming he continues to be willing to ask). 😊 The rigid mindset, he’s aware of and we’ll continue to work on making it more flexible.

What’s hard for your child? How are you helping them work through or overcome their challenge?

The Test

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My youngest has been learning to drive for a little over a year. If it were left up to him, he’d never drive or get a car. He saw little value in getting a license. His father and I thought it important that he learn. “Having a driver’s license, and knowing how to drive is important.” He heard my words, but didn’t necessarily agree.

Practicing driving is nerve-racking for most parents. I desperately tried to keep my cool with him, but would occasionally (especially in the early drives) reach for the grab handle, or brace myself (maybe even close my eyes for a second?) as he drove too close to one side of the road or other, went too slow on the interstate, or struggled to change lanes with ease. I was proud that I rarely ever made an audible sound (unlike my own mom who was known for gasping, which made me more nervous, when I was learning to drive).

Our son finally got to a point where he could finally take the driving test. The first test we showed up for we learned he needed to take the knowledge test first (which we thought he’d already completed as part of the driving school classes he had taken), so we had to get that cared for. We practiced the questions night after night and a week later he took the test and passed. He was elated. Now we needed to take the driver’s test. We arrived to the appointment only to learn the evaluator was sick. He had been mentally prepared to take the test both times — aware of the importance of the test, and dealing with the nervousness you experience just wanting it over and behind you. He was disappointed but there was nothing we could do but reschedule the test.

We arrived at the testing facility. They said the test would take about 20 minutes. I found a nearby coffee shop and grabbed a drink to kill time. I was so nervous for my son. I wanted him to succeed. I knew he was prepared, but also nervous, and was unsure how it might go. I told him before the test that in the grand scheme of things the test means nothing. If he didn’t pass, we’d work on what he got wrong and he’d take the test again. It’s not like he was getting a terrible medical diagnosis or we were wondering where we’d sleep tonight, that it was just a test to prove he knows how to operate a car safely. I don’t know if it helped him, but it certainly helped me keep things in perspective.

He came back about 30 minutes later in the school car. He looked fine as he drove the car into the school garage. He came outside trying to keep a straight face. “You passed, didn’t you?” I asked. He smiled, “man, I was hoping to fool you!” His smile got as big as I’ve seen. He was so happy, tears of joy happy, relief, and pride that he had accomplished getting his license.

I was so happy for and proud of him. Being on the spectrum brought unique challenges to how he took driving instruction (particularly from his father and I), and learned how to drive, but he did it. The test seemed big and scary, but he overcame. Each success gives him that much more confidence in his growing independence. Now, if I could only get him to take the car out on his own (maybe even run an errand for mom?). 🥰

What’s a test your child experienced that helped them gain confidence from?

New Year New Choices

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Is your child a healthy eater?

Our boys are opposites in many ways. Regarding eating, my oldest has been a pretty consistent eater throughout his life. Food hasn’t seemed to be something that dominates his thoughts, mood, etc. His teachers talked about healthy eating when he was in elementary school and it resonated with him. He started to be more conscientious of his choices and wanted to be healthy.

My youngest has had a different journey. He was a very picky eater when he was young. He’d go days at his daycare without eating if the food being served wasn’t to his liking due to taste or texture (a big thing for kids on the spectrum). We often worried about him putting on weight, but that changed around the second grade. He started expanding his food universe, but it gravitated towards processed foods. Mac and cheese, bread, bread and bread. 😊 We’d attempt to get him to eat healthier options and would get gagging (sometimes regurgitation – yuck!), or he would dig in and not eat. It was a struggle. My husband and I had set out to make one meal for the family and everyone eat the same thing, but we failed. Three of us would eat the same thing (for the most part), and my youngest wouldn’t. #parentfail

Over the years the divide has grown. Our oldest is uber healthy. My youngest is not, but he understands the importance of eating healthy and is working hard to make better good choices.

At the start of the New Year, my husband recommended we hold eat other accountable in make healthier choices starting with making sure we’re each incorporating a fruit or vegetable into eat meal. He created a chart that each of us have to fill out daily. There was resistance as first, but we’ve all grown to like the chart. Seeing what we’re eating, thinking about what else we can incorporate. And our youngest has really stepped up to the challenge — Expanding his food universe in the fruits and vegetables category. It’s a small step but feels like a bigger (more important one to my husband and I). #parentsuccess

How are you helping your child to develop a healthy lifestyle? What challenge(s) have you come up against and how have you solved for it?

Summer Reading

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What book(s) is your child reading this summer?

When I was growing up there was a summer reading challenge and I couldn’t wait to see how many books I could get done during the competition. I wanted to get the award. I don’t recall if it was a certificate only, or if there was any tangible prize, but it felt good to have the achievement under my belt.

Oh, how times have changed. Maybe I was so excited to read because my mom limited our TV time during the summer, and reading was the next best thing. Or maybe I really wanted the recognition that came from doing the challenge. Or maybe I just liked reading. Probably a little bit of all. What I can say is that my children have only shown mild to no interest in participating in a summer reading challenge. I thought I could get them enthused in this when they were younger. There was some interest when they learned the winners got to eat a meal at the top of the Space Needle (a pricey treat indeed), but when they realized how much reading it would take to win, their enthusiasm waned. When the top prize wasn’t as attractive the following year they pretty much lost whatever remaining interest they had left. 😞

While participating in a summer reading challenge didn’t take with my boys, getting them to read a (chapter) book or two has. My oldest has been reading fiction and non-fiction. I like that he’s taken an interest in finding topics he likes to read (sci-if, military and history). My youngest is still figuring out what he likes. We picked up The Haunting of Henry Davis by Kathryn Siebel. As a parent you aren’t always the intended audience when your child reads a book to you, but I have to say both my son and I really enjoyed this book. It was much more than a ghost story. It was about finding out who you are, taking risks, and learning what true friendship means. We had a hard time putting the book down. I loved that I enjoyed the book, but that my son now knows there are really good books out there just waiting to be read. Will he be in a summer book reading challenge next summer? I doubt it, but I do believe he’ll have a better understanding of what he likes to read.

What good books has your child read lately? How are you getting them to read during the summer?