Category Archives: Family

Summer Celebration

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Are you ready for the Fourth?

It’s been a flurry of activity with the school year ending, our exchange student leaving, and transitioning into summer. I’d equate it to a high-intensity training session and we’re now in the cool-down/recovery period. 😅

We are gearing up for the Fourth though I anticipate it being more low-key for us this year, with some family members on the road, and no need (or energy?) to try to make something spectacular happen. Kind of a bummer. Kids and the Fourth tend to be some of my happiest memories.

The Fourth is usually associated with family, friends, community, and celebrating our country with food and fireworks. I’m reminded of parades we’ve participated in or BBQs we’ve hosted or attended. Each feeling special in how that brought so many people together.

How will you be celebrating the Fourth? What summer celebrations do you look most forward to?

I’ll be taking time off over the holiday weekend and back mid-July. Happy Fourth!

Change is in the Air

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What has changed recently in your family?

I received a weekly school announcements newsletter from our youngest’s school. Normally I open and discard these notices within a few seconds of receiving them. This particular week, something caught my eye. An urgent need for student housing so they could stay at my son’s school. With our oldest out of the house, we had the space. I empathized with the student’s situation and had a strong feeling that not only that we could help, but we should.

We discussed the situation as a family — would everyone be okay if we let this new person become a family member for the remainder of the school year. Everyone agreed. My youngest loved the idea of having another sibling. 😊

We made inquiries and the student will be joining us soon. There is a mixture of excitement and nerves. Similar to the feeling I had before our children arrived, and the weight of the commitment sinking in — what exactly are we getting ourselves into? I’m going in with a sense of adventure—and hoping we learn as much from them as they us, and that they like us, and feel cared for a safe.

What new people (or pets) have come into your families lives and how have they changed it?

Going to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo…

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…how about you, you, you? Do you know this song by Raffi? We sang it many times with our boys when they were little.

When our boys were young, our local zoo was a godsend. Going to the zoo got us out of the house, and was a good way to spend a few hours outside, getting out energy while seeing interesting animals and surroundings.

Over Labor Day weekend, we decided we wanted to get outside and decided to go to a different zoo that is in a nearby city, but because of normal traffic challenging to get to (who wants to spend an hour + each way dealing with heavy traffic?). Thankfully traffic was a breeze on this particular day, and the zoo was amazing—I thought more than once how much we would have visited this place if it were easier to get to.

My favorite part was seeing my sons tapping into their younger selves. My oldest made a beeline to check out the wolves, the tiger, and ultimately the polar bear (I had to ask myself — when was the last time I’d seen a live polar bear? It clearly was a long time, because I questioned if I’d ever seen one before). My youngest was a little less enthusiastic at the get-to, but warmed up as we traversed the park. The grounds were beautiful, views of surrounding area amazing, the animals plentiful, and sun was shining.

My husband and I tapped into our younger selves too. We reminisced with the kids when we saw a meerkat (that the kids remembered seeing at our local zoo when they were much younger), talked about how much we sang, “we’re going to the zoo, zoo, zoo…”, and seeing the Kids Zone and how my kids had outgrown this area what seemed like forever ago.

We left the zoo and had dinner at a nearby restaurant and continued reminiscing. It was one of those days you hold onto (in the memory bank of great days).

What special place(s) or day(s) have you had with your kiddo?

Leaving the Nest

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Where has time gone?

Our oldest graduated from high school and is preparing for what comes next for him in the fall. We anticipate him living on his own and officially leaving the nest, at least for the time being.

At his graduation ceremony I tried to wrap my head around how fast time had gone. When he was born, time seemed to go sooooooo slow. When would he nap? When could we move to the next activity and break up the monotony? How much longer would we be at the park? Or on a walk? When would I talk to another adult about something other than my child? When would I get my body back? Etc.

Time, of course, started to go faster, at least a little, as my son grew, and became more independent—able to dress himself, get himself into the car and more. Time still seemed slower, but faster than it previously was.

When he went to middle school time picked up noticeably, until COVID hit, and it felt like we were back in the early parenting days when time moved like molasses.

In high school, COVID still slowed things but as it lifted time started speeding up. Him getting his drivers license and having more freedom really accelerated time. The last two years a blur. I can remember clearly the permanence of parenthood setting in when he was a few weeks old, and how fleeting the next 18 years had gone by.

It’s a bittersweet feeling. You’ve raised your child, your main role and responsibilities over. And, we’ve raised our child and our main role and responsibilities over.

This is a transition for sure, and I’m working to take it all in. Where we’ve been, where we are, and what comes next. I’d love to slow time, but it’s out of my hands. I’m hopeful we’ve given our son roots with wings, so he flies and wants to spend time with mom and dad in the future.

What milestones are going (or have gone) through? How do you view time?

Parental Support

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Who has helped you through your parenting journey?

We are fortunate to live in a part of the country that has a structured program called Program for Early Parenthood Support (PEPS). It brings together parents with newborns that are close in age (1-3 months, typically). We were able to join a group when our oldest was born.

The support we received from the official PEPS program (which, at the time, ran 12 weeks), with a moderator, topics, sometimes guest/expert speakers, and families (including babies) meeting once a week in each other’s home was invaluable. Following the program most of the parents in our group wanted to keep meeting. Just getting together, knowing we weren’t alone, having others to bounce questions, challenges, and fears set the foundation for a strong community.

Our oldests are seniors in high school now with graduation just around the corner. It’s bittersweet to realize how much time has gone by. The slowness of the early years, the angst of sending them off to school, puberty hitting, teen angst, and now coming into their own.

When we first started meeting, post program, everyone attended. We talked about the kids, because — for the most part — they were too young to know what we were talking about or in another room playing games. As they got older some of the kids connected, others didn’t. The kids would come, but you knew they’d probably rather be somewhere else. 😊 When the kids reached middle school we started to let them decide if they wanted to join us or not. The connection of this group was more meaningful to us parents, because we wanted (needed?) to talk about the kids and struggles we faced, joys we were experiencing, or things that surprised us (my kid is capable of that?!).

None of us know what our kids will eventually end up doing, where they’ll live, etc.. We know just because they are now “adults” we won’t have a say, but hopefully modeled getting support to thrive in tough environments (not sure many environments tougher than parenting). We still very much want to stay connected with this community. We’ve been through so much together.

Parental support is what gets you through the tough times and lets you know you’re not only, and you’ll figure it out. It’s those people — family, friends, doctors, teachers, coaches, mentors, that help us get through the journey together.

Who supports you and your family? Who do you support in return?

Magical Moments

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Magic moments are different for everyone. Some of mine — pausing at a BBQ and taking in all the friends, family, and community surrounding you; playing with the kids outside at twilight while they giggle at seeing fireflies; camping and seeing your family across the campfire as they roast marshmallows. It’s those times that you know are special and will stay with you.

My oldest agreed to go to admitted student day at the local college. I took him now knowing what to expect. He too, didn’t go in with any expectations. As the day progressed, we both realized how special it was. I was blown away at what the school offered its students—academically, recreationally, and community-wise; my son was surprised that he could actually envision himself there. It far exceeded our expectations.

My son suggested we get something to eat as we neared the end of the day. He was animated and wanting to talk. He has to make some big decisions soon (based on deadlines). Instead of trying to steer him any direction I just stopped and soaked in the moment — sitting with my son after a magical day on the cusp of what he does and where he goes next.

We talked the following night — I had to get on a plane to travel for work and was away from home. When we FaceTimed, he shared about his day. When he was done I told him the previous day had been special for me. He said, “me too, Mom.” Don’t know if it gets any better than that.

What magic moments have you and your child experienced?

The Luckiest

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What bit of luck have you had in your life lately?

Sun after rainy days, a friend reaching out unexpectedly, your child sharing about their day without prompting, are just a few of the things that remind me how fortunate I am.

I’ve traveled for work recently and felt loved when both my boys seemed genuinely happy to see me upon my return, even getting a big hug from my oldest (RARE!). 🤣 My oldest reached out for support and an ear to listen when he was having a tough day on the job. My youngest wanted to brainstorm with my husband and I regarding logistics of getting to and from a school trip that will require him to get himself home. A friend and I are planning a trip later in the year — it’s nice to connect more regularly and experiencing together the anticipation of the trip. Everyone is healthy and well. Nothing particularly special per se, but each warms my heart and makes me feel lucky and blessed (and undeservedly so). I wouldn’t trade any of it even for a pot of gold ☘️.

What luck do you and your family have in your life?

Most Important

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What is currently your top priority?

I’ve been reading Worlds Apart: A Memoir of Uncertain Belonging by Sarah Lutterodt, who grows up in England but comes into her own as her work takes her to far off places including Ghana, and the US.

In addition to the book being about being an immigrant, and navigating prejudice (as a working/educated woman), and her family incurring racial discrimination (with husband being from Ghana) it’s about the struggles of a working parent and the choices we make whether to make ends meet or to pursue a professional goal.

In one anecdote, her oldest asks her what the most important project is she is working on. When she responds with the name of her work project, her oldest quickly corrects her. “Wrong!” they say, “your family is your most important project!”

I loved this. How many of us can relate to our work feeling oh-so-important in the moment and lose (or take for granted), even if momentarily, what’s really important? Juggling work and family can feel impossible. I recall a colleague, recently back from maternity leave, calling me in tears because she was overwhelmed with everything coming at her. I could so relate! I felt fortunate she was willing to be vulnerable and open with me about her struggles in managing the demands of the job and her need to do right be her family. I reminded her that she was probably doing better than she thought she was (because aren’t we almost always our own worst critics), and encouraged her to take micro breaks (a walk, fresh air, etc.), so she could better regain her footing.

As parents, demand on our time are constant, and the next thing that needs to get done can feel “most important.” How do you keep yourself tuned into what’s really important and ensure you don’t let work (or other obligations) overtake the parent you want to be and how you want your show up in your relationships?

Getting and Giving — a Santa Mom confession

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Who gets the presents for your family?

If each of you buy for each other, I’m jealous. I am the chief gift buyer for holidays, birthdays, and milestones, and events. I have given my husband the responsibility of ensuring his family is cared for, and well, have taken some of that back because he procrastinates (and stresses? (though he’s never shared this out loud with me) about it). I enjoy giving. Sometime in my teen years I crossed over (from the thrill/excitement of getting a present, to experiencing the same joy /thrill/excitement giving something to others). Don’t get me wrong, I love getting gifts, but really love giving, particularly when I think I’ve found something that will be meaningful for the recipient(s).

As our boys have aged, we’ve encouraged them to give to others. They don’t necessarily have money to contribute to charities, but do have time which they donate throughout the year to a meal program that brings homeless and housed together to feed, nourish, and build community. We’ve encouraged them to give gifts to each other. Suggesting they put thought into what the other might like. There is still work to do here. 😊 Most recently they individually came to me and asked what they should get for each other for Christmas. Both boys had given me their lists back in November (they have mastered thinking through and giving me their lists😂), and when Black Friday happened I proceeded to shop. I admit I went a little overboard. When each boy asked for a recommendation I gave a few ideas, I suggested they come up with their own idea, and then after they came back asking for help, said “just tell me how much you want to spend (of their allowance or saved money) and I’ll tell you what I bought for your brother, and you can give it to them instead.” I basically became their Target. 😊

Giving is an act — of generosity, thoughtfulness, love, and so much more. You have to invest time getting and giving (whether time and effort is the gift, or something physical). Our boys have some experience, but I do hope they’ll lean into the joy of giving and maybe even find something on their own for each other in the not too distant future (this Santa Mom’s “shop” won’t be open forever). 😊

What is the best gift you’ve given or received? What is the best gift your child has given or received from you?

Enjoy the holidays! I’ll be off for a few weeks and back in the New Year!

Holiday Lights

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What holiday traditions does your family have?

We have a handful of holiday traditions we try to do each year (weather tends to dictate). We go to a botanical garden that is decorated with lights — animals, plants, sea and even mystical creatures. It’s a 20-minute walk to see it all, but something we enjoy. We like checking out lights around different neighborhoods — with one, in particular, that goes all out (dozens and dozens of homes decorated from top to bottom). We go to a nearby lake trail that does luminaries the second Saturday of each December.

I love these traditions, and they are all different from traditions I did growing up — when opening an Advent Calendar door was a thrill (one day closer to Christmas!), watching Rudolph the only night and time it aired (VCRs weren’t around yet), and baking up more goodies than we could possibly eat.

My sons love our traditions (or, at least, I think they do). They will remind us (if we haven’t mentioned already having plans), to keep us on track and the traditions alive. It’s fun to see my oldest get excited about spending time with us (his family) for anything. 😊 And seeing the boys together — joking around, enjoying each other, and the sights with their father and I is their gift to me each year (mostly figuratively, but sometimes literally too #averyMomChristmas 😂🥰).

What holiday traditions do you have? What gift does your child give you?