Anyone stubborn in your household?
If we had a competition in my house for who was most stubborn, I think it would be a four-way tie. đ We all have our moments of digging in.
My husband and our oldest son do volunteer work in the community most weeks. My husband thought it would be nice if he and my son went out to dinner, just the two of them, following a volunteer event. He was excited by the idea and told my son the plan. It went over like a lead balloon. My oldest didnât want to go out to eat, and when my husband pressed my son for why, my son could only respond with that he didnât know. My husband came to the dinner table, deflated, hurt, and a little angry. My son went to his room. I inquired what happened, was told, and then let some time pass to see how my husband and son would resolve the situation.
I waited, then waited some more. Nothing happened. I finally told my husband I was going to talk to our son.
When I went into my sonâs room. I told him I understood he and his father had a conversation and it hadnât gone so well. He explained, âYou know I love you guys, but, I donât know, (he paused as if trying to pick his words carefully), I donât want to go out with you by myself, it just feels weird. You know?â I knew what he was talking about and shared, âI do understand what you are talking about. You know why it feels weird, right?â I paused. He looked a little puzzled. âBecause you are becoming moreâŚâ I trailed off. âIndependent,â he said. I could tell this was an aha moment for him. âThis is part of growing up,â I continued, âitâs normal for you to want to do more on your own, with your friends, and start to pull away from parents. But guess how Mom and Dad look at this time. We see how quickly you are growing and know it wonât be too long before youâre off on your own. Weâll be lucky to get to spend any time with you. The time we have now is precious and special to us, and while I get you donât want to be seen with us, you might throw us a bone now and then and have a meal out with us (though any activity will do). We love you kiddo.â He smiled while trying not to smile.
I asked my son to go talk to my husband, who was sitting out in our backyard. He resisted but then went outside. I stayed inside and tried to give them some privacy. My son came in a few minutes later and returned to his room. I figured all had been resolved.
My husband came in a while later. âDid you all talk and get things resolved?â I asked. âNo,â my husband replied. âBut I saw him go outside. Didnât you all talk?â âNo,â my husband said, âhe came outside, walked around a little bit and then went back in.â Ugh, I thought. This is crazy. First, why didnât my son take to his father, and second, why hadnât my husband talked to my son? Their stubbornness was shining through.
Not long after, my son walked in the living room, saw my husband was there and started to turn back towards his room. I told my son, âstay right there,â then I looked at my husband, ânow you, go into your sonâs room and talk this out.â It felt a little ridiculous that I had to instigate this, but I couldnât take them not talking any longer.
My husband came out of my sonâs room after a while. âAll good?â I inquired. âYes, all good.â He later thanked me for intervening, and agreeing they were both being stubborn. I could tell he felt better, my son felt better, which, of course, made me feel better.
How do you handle when you (or your child is) are being stubborn? How do you help your child communicate more effectively?