Tag Archives: Growth

Back to School – Last Time Edition

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This time of year is always a mixed bag for me — summer coming to an end 😞, activities ramping up, and the kids going back to school. For my youngest, this will be his last year of high school. I’m meeting the moment with a mixture of excitement for him and sadness that things will be coming to an end.

What I look forward to:

• His activities – he’ll be in a play (possibly more) and will be directing another

• Him figuring out where he goes next — the application process — excitement and anxiety all rolled into one

• Watching him continue to grow. He’s already put on his list of objectives this year to be more social! 😊

• Graduating and him recognizing the accomplishment he’s made

• And selfishly not getting numerous calls/notices from the school/district after he graduates. I’m all about proactive communication, but it normally turns into us getting notified multiple ways for the same thing over and over throughout the school year. 😂

Your kid(s) has started back to school. What do you look forward to most?

Neighborhood (Pet) Watch

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What are you on the lookout for in your neighborhood?

We take evening walks when the weather is nice in our neighborhood. A favorite pastime during these walks is to find neighborhood cats. Finding a new one is even better.

My husband texted me during a walk he and my son were on, and asked if I’d prepare a bag of cat food for him. They had found a new cat that was skin and bones and they wanted to feed it. They did, and came back sharing news about the cat they found and the concern it had a home. My youngest made it his mission each day after to go back to that part of the neighborhood to find the cat again. While it had a flea collar on (indicating it had a pet parent), its size had us concerned. Maybe the pet parent had fallen ill, or could no longer afford to feed the animal.

My son turned detective and became relentless at solving the case. If the cat had owners, they needed to take better care of the cat. If the cat was lost, he wanted to reunite it with it’s pet parent (though I have a sneaking suspicion he would have been okay if no parents could be located and he could adopt the cat). 🥰 He knocked on doors (no one answered). He talked to a nearby neighbor out in their yard. He even called the local vet and animal rescue to get advice from them on what he should do. It was a growing experience for him. Engaging with neighbors in this way, and making phone calls to inquire about the animal were new to him.

At the encouragement of his father he made a sign to hang in the neighborhood near where he’d seen the cat.

Sign for Neighborhood Cat

I didn’t see the poster before he left the house armed with food, water, bowls, the poster and a stapler. He was going to make sure this cat was cared for. I did see it once he was back, reporting the cat did have a pet parent, and he saw the cat eating from a bowl outside. You could tell it was bittersweet for him — happy the cat was being cared for after all, but sad he couldn’t be the one to do it.

I suspect we’ll continue our walks and check in on this cat each time we’re out (for the foreseeable future). It’s good to keep an eye on those that are vulnerable and do whatever it takes to get them help. I’m proud of my son for his commitment to this cat’s well-being.

What do you keep an eye out for in your neighborhood?

Growth Spurt

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My youngest is trying out for a part in a school play. He went through tryouts early his freshman year, and his experience was much different. His freshman year, everything was new—people, process, and place (he was still figuring out where things were in the school building). It was overwhelming and made him flustered. He overcame being upset when he struggled with the audition process with the help of patient teachers and time to calm himself down. We talked with him about what he’d learned after he had settled down and the audition was behind him, and what he’d do differently in future new situations.

Fast forward to this school year. Tryouts again, but nothing new, with the exception of a few new faces (younger or new students). He was confident, and excited. A dramatic (pun intended 😁) improvement from his freshman year. We talked about what was different, how he’d grown since his freshman experience, and how he’d survived—maybe a strong word, but it helped him understand he could weather new (tough, uncomfortable, unfamiliar, etc.) situations, He had grown based on his initial experience. It was a steep learning curve for him, but a needed one.

As he shared more details on how the tryouts went with his father and I we talked about this, and how when you’re young and go through steep learning curves it can feel overwhelming and scary, but they often level out, and you work towards the next big learning experience but normally have time to build up that next it (getting a job, going to college or trade school, living on your own, etc.). You could see him realize he had it in his to rise to whatever that next challenge may be, and that he had time to grow to it.

What growth spurt is (or has) your kid going through?

Modeling Love

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As parents we model what loves looks like for our kids.

My husband isn’t romantic by nature, which is surprising because he father appears to be so with his mother (skip a generation perhaps 😂), but he is committed to our relationship even when it’s tough.

My husband and I have had to learn to communicate, even when hard and uncomfortable, to stay together and better connect. The discomfort and unease was hard at first, but when you see your spouse is willing to listen to you and work to communicate in a way that supports and nurtures the relationship and you do the same, growth happens. Stronger bonds form.

I do reflect on how our children view our relationship (guess we’ll have to ask them), and what they take from it. They definitely see us disagree and get frustrated with each other, but they see us apologize or make amends. They see us show modest affection (a kiss goodbye or hand holding). We want to model that relationships take work, but are worth it.

Our youngest wears his heart on his sleeve, I don’t worry about him expressing his emotions. Our oldest doubles down and only on rare occasions expresses them though we encourage him to do so more often. I do wonder when he braves his first relationship what it will be like.

On Valentine’s Day, love is in the air. What kind of love / relationship are you modeling for your child?

I will be away next week enjoying the long weekend and back later this month.

Zoom Graduation

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Time flies.

My youngest finished middle school this past week. In advance of the in-person ceremony there was much preparation—practicing his speech (all students at his school that are graduating do a short speech reflecting on their time there), figuring out what to wear, etc.. There was much preparation for us parents as well—ensuring family members had all the details, the after celebration for the students being cared for, etc.. COVID threw a wrinkle into the plans when it hit a good portion of the school’s small student body and forced the school to move the graduation to Zoom (we thought we were past that, but … not), 😬 and the after celebration pushed out. A bummer in the moment, but the right thing to do.

Zoom may have actually made the graduation ceremony better—family from afar could still participate and support their grandson or nephew. The kids were in more comfortable (natural) surroundings which helped lessen anxiety around their public speech, and no one felt pressured to “keep things moving along,” — it was nice.

The benefit of Zoom was also watching the students encouraging and supporting each other through the chat feature throughout the ceremony. When they weren’t encouraging and supporting each other, they were sharing inside jokes or being funny (nice for a parent to get insight first hand in what kids find funny these days). 😊

While watching the ceremony there was a strong sense of how fast time has gone by, and the milestone moment we were going through. I desperately wished time would slow down, even just a little. The ceremony concluded. My son was proud of his speech and how he delivered it, and we all reflected on his growth, and maturity, and being excited for him in what comes next.

Time flies. Oh, how in these moments, I wish it didn’t.

What milestone(s) is your child/family celebrating? What are (have) you doing to commemorate the milestone?

Winning and Losing

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How do you handle wins and losses?

Our oldest dressed for his team’s game and watched as they went up by many points. Early in the second half it looked like a potential blowout. But the other team kept playing, our team made mistakes, confidences got shaken, and what should have been a blow out ended up with the opposition winning soundly. It was a tough night.

The next morning after a good nights sleep washed most of the sting of the loss away, my son and I talked about the game. “Any thoughts on yesterday’s game?” I asked. He was quiet for a few moments. I couldn’t tell if he hadn’t heard me or was thinking about his answer. Just as I was going to ask another question he replied. “You know, I’ve been thinking about what my soccer coach in elementary school used to ask us after a loss — did they win, or did we lose? — I think we lost yesterday.” Whoa, I thought, that was profound. He’s really thinking about this at a deeper level, and processing what happened. I agreed with him on them losing. He talked for a few minutes on his view of why the loss occurred and what he’d fix if given the chance (plays he’d run, positions he’d have switched out to keep everyone with enough energy to play their best, etc.). He talked like a mature adult, with great leadership potential. I was both a little surprised and very impressed. I was reminded he is 15, a young man, stepping out of the shadow of his younger self. Gulp! Time truly is going fast.

Winning feels good. Losing doesn’t, but you learn so much more when things don’t go as you hoped or planned. You learn about yourself – what you’d do differently and improve the next time, and others – what’s within your control (not much) and what isn’t — and how to digest the pain in a way that helps you process the situation and moves you toward positive personal growth.

How do you help your child when they lose? How are you helping them see the upside of not winning, and the opportunity for growth?

Mom in the Mirror

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Has your child ever done anything that reminds you of you?

My oldest son is entering puberty and his mood swings are becoming slightly more pronounced. He is a sweet and caring kid, but it doesn’t take much to set him off. He will lash out moving from being fine to not fine relatively quickly. Moments that are most likely to trigger this — someone cheating in a game (playground or soccer field), someone embarrassing him (this one’s tricky, because you’re never sure what’s going to embarrass him), or him not knowing how to do something right the first time (it doesn’t matter if he’s had instruction on what to do or not, he has this expectation he’s supposed to know everything and be good at everything).

Thankfully, we’ve had some amazing and caring adults (teachers, coaches, professionals) who have provided us with resources (their time, talent, books, etc.) to help him, but it’s still difficult to see your child struggle.

On a recent morning, I had a time table to get my son where he needed to be, and myself to work. My son, while aware we needed to get to various places, didn’t understand my urgency. He wanted to play a game for a few minutes longer and I couldn’t wait, I needed him to stop playing the game so I could get where I needed to go. I told him as much and he proceeded to express his dissatisfaction with me and how I was negatively impacting him and his day. It was an explosive burst of energy directed straight at me. I was not in the mood to receive it. I promptly shut the conversation down, shared my dislike for his tone of voice and took away his gaming privileges. Immediately following I realized I had to calm myself down.  I was going to have my own explosive outburst if I didn’t.

We rode in silence until we got to our destination. When we got out of the car, I didn’t want the silence to continue, so I said, “Hey, buddy, you know that I love you. I just don’t like how you talked to me back there. That wasn’t okay. I understand you are upset you couldn’t finish your game, but you can’t use that tone, or say those kinds of things to me.” He started to defend himself and his actions, I could have defended my position, but I’m his parent and I wasn’t interested in letting the direction of the conversation continue. “You had something you wanted to do. Mom has something she needs to do. I have to get to work. I couldn’t wait for you to finish your game.” He wasn’t happy but didn’t seem quite as angry as he was earlier. We parted ways, but I couldn’t help thinking about what happened. What was my role in all this? How could I help my son and I avoid this in the future?

It occurred to me that my son and I had something in common. As much as I’d like to think I’m a good communicator, my son reminded me that I’ve still got room to grow. And my son does too. Our situation happened because were weren’t communicating — our wants or our needs proactively. Because I’m the adult (and his parent) I could easily believe my needs always trump his — and while in many cases they do, that’s not always the case. My son should be able to voice his needs and wants. It’s not my job to cave to him, or give him what he wants, but to listen to him, allow him to be heard, and then make a decision. It would be easy to say my son has the issue, but this one goes both ways, and as the adult and parent, it’s my job to model behaviors I want to see from him. My hope is my son will continue to get me to revisit my interactions with him. Am I doing right be him as his parent? What can I work on to be better, and what can I help him getting better at?

My son forced me to look in the mirror, has your child forced you? If so, how did you handle it?