Tag Archives: Appreciation

The Planner

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Who plans family vacations or activities in your family?

In my family, it’s me. A bit of wanting to have some control over accommodations we stay in, or how close the campsite is to the showers, how early or late we’ll arrive, etc. gives me peace of mind. My husband is happy to turn this over to me.

Our oldest is thinking thru his next steps after high school. We’ve asked him to do some college visits, as an option to pursue. We’ve done two visits so far and asked him to do a third. Because of the timing, my husband and son will be doing this next trip. While I’m normally the planner and would figure things out, I turned it over to my husband since I won’t be on the trip.

He started scheduling visits — my son and he decided since they’d be on the road, they may as well see additional schools. He thought he had it wrapped up, and then learned one school visit conflicted with another and had to start scheduling the visits again. This went over for nearly an hour. I knew my husband was getting frustrated, but was working hard to keep his cool while I was there because he knows I deal with similar situations each time we travel. I feel like he had a greater appreciation for what us planners go through to pull off a successful trip after finally figuring out their schedule. 😊

I’ve relinquished my responsibilities for planning this trip, and while it puts me outside my comfort zone, because, oh how I want to jump in and just get everything figured out, I know my husband is capable, and it’s good for my son to see his dad taking the reigns. My son may be the planner in his future family, who knows, but seeing his father do it (successfully) shows him what’s possible.

Who plans trips or activities in your family? How are you teaching (or showing) your child what goes into the planning?

I’ll be away for some summer fun with the family, before school starts, and will be back later in the month.

MVP

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Who hasn’t dreamed of being a MVP?

My oldest took on a community project that ended up being more than he realized. With a lot of input from his father and I, other mentors, and community leaders he figured out what he needed to do and how to get the large task done.

His grandfather learned of his grandson’s project and wanted to be part of his work crew. He considered it a “bucket list” item that he’d treasure — getting to accomplish something with him. The work was grueling — hot sun, and a smallish work crew. Grandpa let my son lead, it was his project, but gave him pointers throughout — if you’re going to do something do it right, you want to look back and be proud of your work; and don’t cut corners — it ends up costing you more wasted time (and possibly money and energy) in the end. My oldest took what his grandfather said to heart, particularly when they were supposed to finish the job in four days, but weren’t going to meet the milestone.

My son said he felt defeated and wallowed in things not going according to plan, from a timeline perspective. When another adult asked, “what are you going to do?,” since time was up but the project not finished. “I’m going to work until it’s finished,” my son replied.

He and his granddad went back on the fifth day, recruited a few new crew members and finished the work. They were worn out. My son come home and joined us outside for dinner. His grandfather came out a few minutes later. My son chanted, “MVP, MVP, MVP,” to his grandad. Clearly my son felt his grandfather played a winning role in helping him get his project done. It might have been a bucket list item for his grandfather, but it will be a wonderful memory my son will carry throughout his life.

How are you (or other family members) helping your child/kid/teen achieve their goals?

Top Dad

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I’m fortunate to have a father who was engaged, loving, fair, and supportive growing up. He was my model for all other men in my life.

My boys have a father who is engaged (even more so than my father was), loving, fair, and supportive growing up. I’m so thankful we found each other and our boys have such a great dad.

Fathers are ‘tops’ in my book when they embrace the role and give it their all. Not always easy to do (but whoever said parenting was easy?). 🥰

To all the Top Dads out their — thank you for all you do. Happy Father’s Day!

Don’t Sell Yourself Short

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What value do you offer the world?

A bold question and one many of us would probably answer meagerly. I’m not sure many of us think in terms of the value we offer to others, let alone the world.

We were invited to ring in the New Year (east coast New Year’s because none of us can stay up that late 😂) with a group of parents we’ve known since our kids were born. Two of the families teen/tween children joined us. Our kids didn’t, but wish they had.

It was fun getting the kids to talk and share with us — what gifts they got, how school was going, driving, and what colleges they were thinking about (for the older ones). The kids have typically opted out of getting together when we gather, because, well, they’re kids, and at their age it often feels like they’d rather do anything else than hang out with us (their annoying, boring, basic parents). I get it.

We moved on to have dinner and again, the kids surprised me by being willing to eat with the adults and not off at their own separate table. Great conversation continued. We talked about weather, school, the news (we had a great discussion on drugs and the dangers and the kids were educating us!), and then one parent asked for each person to share a highlight from 2022, and something they’re looking forward to in 2023.

The kids really engaged and talked about their highlights – making new friends, adjusting to a new school; and things they were looking forward to – trips/family vacations, and the Taylor Swift concert (how did they ever get tickets?). 😊

We moved on to other areas of interest and gaming and online play came up. As a parent gaming can sometimes feel like a blessing (something fun that occupies their time), and a curse (will they ever stop playing that games?). We (the parents) wanted to hear firsthand from the kids their take on this — what games they play, what’s good about gaming, what isn’t, etc. One of the older boys (16) shared how he’d gotten into monetizing gaming. His parents seemed surprised so we all had questions — what was he doing, how did it work, how was he getting new business, etc.. He shared his interest in designing and figured out how to make gaming skins and logos for different players. He was doing this work at a low cost with no actual money being traded (other players would pay him by putting money into a game (for extended time, lives, tools/weapons/ etc.) so there was value), but nothing that would ever show up in his bank account.

I saw how he downplayed his work, that it was ‘just a hobby’ and thought he wasn’t that good. I had questions — how many people had he done work for? Approximately 100 was his answer. Was he getting repeat customers? He was. His work clearly had value, and while his community was small, he was doing good work. I shared this with him and shared with him that I thought he might be minimizing the good work he was doing. I could see I made him uncomfortable but assured him that feeling this way by what I’d just said was normal. “We aren’t often told we offer things of value. We think ‘why would anyone want this?’ Or ‘there’s many others out there much better than I am at this.’” And while there might be others out there that are more experienced it doesn’t take away from what you have to offer. I finished by saying, “Being humble is a good trait, but don’t do it to your detriment. Don’t sell yourself short. Even as adults we do this. Whether it’s creating gaming skins and logos for your friends online, or anything else that helps, provides, or supports others has value. I wish someone had told me this when I was younger.” The table was quiet. He gave a nod of acknowledgement. Other parents chimed in supporting him and his efforts, and then we moved onto other things.

In life we too often sell ourselves short. We aren’t anything special, right? Others are better at, smarter than, or more experienced than us, right? Wrong. Others miss out on what value we bring when we minimize our gifts — which can come in the form of knowledge, emotional support, finances, creativity, and beyond.

What value do you bring to the world? How are you helping your child not to sell themselves short?

❤️ for Mom

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One Mother’s Day, many decades ago, my sisters and I decided to decorate a kitchen chair with beads and a Burger King crown that we fashioned into something more royal (think glue and glitter) for our mom, and gave her the title Queen for a Day. I was really proud of how we honored our mom, I thought she was just amazing as a small child.

Of course you grow up, and some of the infallibility slips away and you see your mom as human, navigating parenthood with the ups and downs that everyone does. As a mom myself it was a bit of a relief to know she was figuring it out as she went like me, but oh remained in awe for her efforts to make sure we felt loved, protected, and cared for. I learned from a good role model.

On Mother’s Day, I hope everyone has a good day and reflects on the good you’re doing, and where your humanness is coming through. I hope you feel like a Queen for a Day, and enjoy your day!

Advent Calendar

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What are you most looking forward to today? Or tomorrow?

Often we move through life without noticing anything in particular we’re looking forward to. While most look forward to the holidays, perhaps gifts, and seeing friends and family, coming across an advent calendar reminded me of the smaller, but needed joys, we have access to daily.

When my boys were young I stumbled across Lego advent calendars. I recalled the joy I had as a child opening a simple paper door awaiting to see the picture inside. Now Lego was making them? I couldn’t resist getting them for my boys. Each advent calendar had a different theme (one city, one movie). Behind each door revealed a small surprise — a simple-to-put-together object such as a tree or mini figure. Every morning my boys would rush to the table eager to find what would be revealed that day.

It reminded me of unseen joy that might lay ahead. How life doesn’t give us physical advent calendars for the entire year, but they are there if we allow ourselves to see them, and figuratively (and sometimes literally) open the door. Meeting a new friend, noticing beauty in nature, sharing time with a pet, are a few examples of things that can happen for any of us any day. It’s just seeing the “door” and allowing yourself the opportunity to find the joy.

My boys are too old for advent calendars now, or so they tell me, but they’re not too old to find something to look forward to every day — whether it’s in the form of gratitude, anticipation, or the unknown. Each day there is an opportunity for us to “open” the door with anticipation and looking forward to. The “prize” might not reveal itself right away, but I’m betting with some reflection the “gift” of the day will ultimately reveal itself.

How do you approach each new day? How are you helping your child see the ‘gifts’ around them?

Gratitude and Giving Thanks

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As we emerge (fingers crossed) from the pandemic, what are you most grateful for?

My youngest son’s school wanted to start a new annual tradition this school year to celebrate being able to come together as a community. They decided to hold a Gratitude Festival—to not only celebrate community, but honor the things we are grateful for — teachers, parents, administrators, friends, health, education, the community, and much more.

Being grateful has given me so much – it helps me be present and notice all the wonderful things around me (people, nature, animals, etc.). Everyday I’m reminded of all the things I have to be thankful for. I’ve tried to instill gratitude in my children. At meals we often share what we are grateful for. I’m hopeful they see the joy in being grateful too.

With Thanksgiving coming up, we often reflect on what we are thankful for. I hope events such as the Gratitude Festival at my son’s school, is one of many events that are held across the country, throughout the year, that provides each of us the opportunity to acknowledge the gifts all around us. After all, realizing the gifts in your life is a catalyst for experiencing gratitude, and when you’re grateful you feel blessed or fortunate. That usually means you feel good. And if you feel good, you’re more likely to spread your good feelings to others. Spreading happiness. What a wonderful thing.

What traditions do you have that are teaching your child gratitude? How are you and/or your child spreading happiness?

I will be away the next few weeks while spending times with friends and family, and will be back in December. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Father Figure

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Who are the men in your life that have had the greatest impact?

My father had the greatest, but there have been many other formative males in my life — uncles, teachers, coaches, and others.

My youngest goes to school where several students have a single parent, grandparents or guardians that look after them. My sons’s school stresses the importance of showing up for each other, and redefining what being a man is (throw out classic male stereotypes and be who you are vs. who you think you’re supposed to be), and what family and community is. People who show up, care, and guide you in a positive direction are the type of figures you want in your life. We all need figures like this.

On this Father’s Day who is (or are) the father figure(s) in your life that have most positively impacted you? What about your child’s? How are you celebrating these special people in your life?

To all the dad’s out there (or those that played a father figure role): Thank you! And enjoy your day.

Gender Fluidity

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Gender fluidity is not something I gave much thought to prior to becoming a parent. I thought in terms of having a boy or a girl and the joys and challenges that came with each.

As our culture has become more aware, and with strong individuals who have been brave enough to be their true selves, it’s opened conversations and minds on what it means to be transgender, LGBTQ, and helped bring awareness and appreciation for those who do not identify non-binary or non-conforming to a single gender. As a parent it has given my husband and I an opportunity to explore our sons knowledge, and experiences around the topic.

This didn’t just happen out of the blue. We’ve continued to read as a family. Moving from To Kill a Mockingbird to Call of the Wild. We started a third book, but it wasn’t holding our interest, so we let our youngest pick the next book. He suggested we read The 57 Bus: A True Story of Two Teenagers and the Crime That Changed Their Lives by Dashka Slater. He had started to read it at school prior to the school closing due to Covid-19. He thought the book was good and hadn’t finished it. We got a copy and started to read.

We are still early in the book but are learning one of the main characters is non-gender conforming and prefers the pronoun “they” vs. he/him or she/her. It’s written in such a way that while the character is non-conforming that is secondary to who they are. They are true to themselves and good at finding others that will accept them as they are. They are confident in their own skin. Who doesn’t want that (for themselves or their child)? It’s lead to us having truly wonderful conversations with our boys, talking about diversity and acceptance. Everyone is essentially different — it’s a matter of how outwardly visible those differences are, right? — so many of us can more easily hide (or try to) our differences because they aren’t outwardly visible, but oh how freeing it feels when you let your full true self be known.

I’m grateful my son recommended this book, and look forward to us continuing to grow together in appreciation of everyone regardless of how they identify.

How are you helping your child understand and appreciate differences in others?

Appreciating Mom

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When did you first realize what goes into being a parent?

I had the ‘aha’ moment days after my first son was born. I remember thinking — how did my mom do it? And make it look so easy? I reflected on the love, the sacrifice, and confidence she took in her responsibility of raising me. I never felt like my mother was ‘winging it’ though she was figuring out how to be a parent much like I am. My confidence wasn’t there yet in those early days, but I found comfort that it would come with time.

Not everyone has a loving parent (or parents), and I realize how fortunate I am that I do.

Being a mom is tough, tiring, and frustrating at times, but also filled with reward, purpose, and love. I am grateful to my mom for being so involved, loving and caring. I appreciate her more and more with each passing year.

How do you show your appreciation for your loved ones that raised you?