Tag Archives: Advocate

Collaboration

Posted on by

0

Working with someone else can be challenging, right?

My youngest is co-directing a play this Fall. He is paired with a female student who has some strong opinions about what her role and his role should be. My son is fairly easy-going and while he wants to have input, and the ability to direct, he doesn’t feel strongly about her wants (total creative control, for example). 😳

My son also wants a friend of his, who has theater experience, to help them. His co-director has strong(er) feelings about this, not wanting the friend’s name mentioned in the program or really wanting them involved at all. My son tried explaining why his friend participating would be a good thing — we’ll have extra help. If one of us can’t be here, they can fill in. She pushed back. My son tried to get her to express where her hesitation came from, but she couldn’t, and could only state she wasn’t comfortable with anyone else working with them. I can see her point — she might be concerned my son and his friend would team up and leave her out, or she would somehow not be able to realize her vision for the experience, she fears she’ll lose “control”, or something else. My son, on the other hand, wants to advocate for his friend, not only because he believes his friend can contribute but is from a marginalized group, and a slight against his friend, never sits well with my son.

My son talked my husband and I through the situation during dinner. We discussed why the strain between he and his co-director could be happening, but the best way to address the situation is to talk to her. Let her know she can be honest with you, you with her, and you’ll listen. You both want the same thing — a successful show.

We also discussed how having these conversations aren’t easy, but if he can start having them now, he’ll be better prepared in the future because these situations come up throughout life.

Easier said than done, I know. Particularly as a teen. The following day he came home following play practice and we asked how it went. “Better,” he said. We asked if he’d talked to her. “Well, no, I was going to, but she was being really nice. Almost like she felt bad, and I didn’t want to bring it up since she seemed over it.” 🤷‍♀️ Hmmm. I encouraged him to have the talk with her regardless because this will likely happen again. He agreed, but said he wanted to wait until the situation arose. I understood. Having these discussions isn’t easy, even I have to muster up the courage sometimes at my age. My guess is many of us do.

Does your kid struggle being on a team, in a club, or other setting where they have to collaborate with others they don’t necessarily agree with? How are you helping them navigate the complexity that comes from working with others?

Advocating for Yourself

Posted on by

0

How do you get what you want?

No, it’s not a trick question. You ask for it, is a typical response to this question. Another, to get what you want is to advocate for yourself.

Our oldest has decided after a less-than-disappointing season last year to come back out for football. New coach, new staff, new approach. My son went to the first day of practice and came home frustrated. His former coach had relegated him to center and line positions defending. My son is tall, muscular, and lean. Not ideal for these positions. He’s always wanted to play tight-end or receiver, but hasn’t been asked to play either role. It felt deflating to him after the first day when he thought he might not get a chance to try something different. My husband and I talked to him. We shared that he has to ask for what he wants, he has to advocate for himself. It might feel uncomfortable, but it’s how he’ll give himself an opportunity to play in a new position.

We discussed while others may see your talents, or your challenges, or your passions, rarely does anyone advocate on your behalf unless they believe you are at risk (getting hurt, falling behind, being unfairly treated). Teachers, mentors, coaches, friends, and family may give you ideas or suggestions on how to achieve your goals, and may even make introductions for you, but you have to take the next step of engaging and asking for what you want.

We talked about how you have to advocate for yourself throughout life — advance in work, take on new roles and responsibilities, to ensure you’re getting the proper medical care, etc., — and shared personal examples where his father and I did this in our own lives. We shared that while he might not always like the answer he gets after asking, he can take pride in knowing he took action to make something happen for himself.

We encouraged him to talk to his coach, and role-played what he might say, communicate his commitment to the team, and his desire to contribute. We’ll see what happens, but I feel good knowing my son realizes the importance on advocating for himself, and can start getting practice in asking for what he wants.

How are you helping your kid ask for what they want?

Relief

Posted on by

0

How did COVID impact you and your family?

I feel like my family was one of the lucky ones. We have a house (vs small space), with a yard, and an ability to get out and walk around our neighborhood without issue. I know for many others this would have been a luxury during COVID. I’m still coming to terms with the impact it had on our kids (we all are). How did this disruption change their course in life, or did it? How many of them are dealing with undiagnosed stress, anxiety, etc.? Including my own kids. They appear fine, but what if they aren’t?

A big part of parenting is helping your child and trying to keep them safe. COVID threw us all into unchartered waters and it feels like we’ll be finding out the true impact of the pandemic in the coming years. The pandemic impacted/continues to impact all of us.

Like many health care workers during the pandemic, our youngest son’s therapist decided to leave the profession. They needed a change. We couldn’t fault them. Finding a new psychologist for our son proved challenging—therapists not taking new clients, long wait lists, and more. And the days of “seeing if the therapist is a good fit” seem long gone, when you feel fortunate to have gotten an appointment with anyone at all.

After many calls, emails, and follow-up calls and emails, and research. We found someone for our son. What a relief. At least for now. My son is getting to know the therapist, and we’re providing feedback to them on what’s working for my son and what isn’t. What gives you even more relief is my son being advocating for himself and his therapist being open to the feedback.

How did the pandemic impact your child? What brings you relief now that we’re coming out of it?

I will be stepping away to enjoy Spring Break with the family and back later this month.

The Advocate

Posted on by

0

Do you ever struggle to speak up for yourself? How about speaking up for your child?

If so, then we have something in common.

Speaking up for yourself is one thing. Whether it’s due to lack of confidence, the way you were brought up, or something else, you are the only one that suffers when you don’t speak up for yourself. But what about your child. They don’t have a voice, and need their parents or loved ones to advocate on their behalf.

I have to admit, I’ve often taken a backseat to voicing my opinion in regards to child development and education. My mother was an teacher for over 40 years and I have great respect for those in this profession. I’ve always been involved and stayed close enough to be  in-the-know of what is going on with my children in school, but also wanted to give the teacher a chance to successfully teach my child. I thought that might be negatively impacted if I was constantly asking for input or feedback on how my child was doing. I also thought I would be perceived as a “needy” parent. I wanted to empower my children to be independent and thrive, and thought by giving them some distance in school, it supported this desire.

My husband and I noticed our son was having some struggles in school and enlisted the help of others. We brought in someone from outside the school to observe him, and learned quickly that we needed to find and ‘raise’ our voices quickly. If we didn’t our son might  continue to struggle and develop some negative self-beliefs about his capabilities. My husband and I were going to do everything we could to ensure that didn’t happen.

We initiated a conversation with his school’s leadership (teacher, principal, counselors, etc.) and discussed our concerns. At the time, my husband and I wondered if we were wrong about our concerns and were overreacting to the situation (e.g. raising our voices too high too fast). After the discussion, one of the leaders pulled us aside and said, “You’re doing the right thing. It’s important we understand your concerns and work to help your child together.” It was a relief to hear.

I’ve gotten better at advocating for my boys ever since. No longer worried about being perceived as the “needy” parent who wants information, and to have influence in who teaches my child, etc., but instead seen as the advocate who will do whatever is needed (even if uncomfortable or scary) to ensure her sons gets needed resources, attention, etc. for the best chance of success. Finding my voice is a muscle that I continue to develop and make stronger.

For those of you who have always been vocal and will continue to be — you are an inspiration to me and others. For those of you working to find your voice…remember you need to be heard. You are the best advocate your child has.

How do you advocate for your child?