Category Archives: Teen

Thanksgiving Traditions

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What are your Thanksgiving traditions?

We often host dinner and have family and friends join us. My husband makes cranberry sauce. It was one of the things he does that I love. I’m not sure I’d ever had true cranberry sauce before I met him. I only had the sauce from the can. 😂 The kind he makes is quite good and very popular with our guests.

I like having the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade on TV. No one else seems to care about it. The kids prefer to sleep in. I start cooking the day before and enjoy getting the house ready (great reason to clean), and enjoy the smells of everything cooking, and keep it going through Thanksgiving day. The kids will help their father with any yard work that needs to be done, and if I’m lucky, one of them may help me in the kitchen.

We do have an adult table and a kids table. We didn’t plan it that way, but my boys and their cousins prefer to eat together and then hangout vs stay and talk with the adults. Now that my boys are older, my oldest has expressed an interest in joining the adult table, which I welcome, we just have to figure out where we can squeeze in more chairs. 😊

We are very blessed, and very thankful — for the roof over our heads, clothes on our back, and for our friends and family.

What are your family traditions? What are you thankful for?

I’ll be taking next week off to enjoy the holiday weekend and be back in December.

Team Work (Collaboration Part 2)

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Do you work well with others?

My youngest and his co-director continue to have communication challenges. It came to a head when they disagreed on something and his peer got upset with him. As he was recounting what happened to his father and I it became clear he knew why they had been having so much trouble getting on the same page. The co-director misheard something he’d said early in the process and she thought he was deferring all decisions to her and all the responsibilities that go with them. I would have been unhappy too. She shared with my son that he would send out a list of things that still needed to be done, late at night, before he went to bed, thinking she and the cast would see the messages in the morning, but her ADHD caused her to need to respond to the message(s) and take action immediately even if that didn’t need to happen. “I feel like I’m a bad person,” my son shared. “I had no idea she was going through this. I just thought she was up late like I was and wanted to respond.”

There’s no way he could have known. Communication is complex and being open and honest isn’t always easy. We referred back to our previous discussion on this topic. “Have you had a heart to heart with her like we talked about?” we asked. His response indicated he’d hoped the problem would resolve itself. I understood. I, too, struggled with these types of conversations when I was younger. We reminded him that while they’re hard to have, once done, it makes moving forward much easier.

I’m not convinced he and his peer are on the same page still, but the show is coming up in two weeks and he knows he has to power through. At least he has a better appreciation for what his co-director is going through and can bring more empathy (which he’s good at) to how he collaborates and communicates with her.

How do you help your child navigate challenging conversations?

Fall Favorites

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My boys are getting older and growing into themselves and their independence. While I miss somethings about them being younger, we all agree this time of year reminds us of some of our favorite things — going to the pumpkin patch, hot apple cider, decorations, costumes, future holidays, and more.

Many of these customs haven’t changed much over the years with some slight exceptions — the kids don’t wear costumes anymore (or will, but it takes a lot of prompting), and trick-o-treating behind us. Pumpkin patch, cider and decorations remain the same.

I’ve got a bit lazy of the years in terms of fall decorations, only putting out what’s relatively quick and easy to put up and take down. I also believe the boys don’t care as much about decorations anymore, but have found they have their favorites. My youngest asked if we’d put up our skeleton streamers for Halloween. They are made of tissue paper and are beyond crinkled from years of use. They make me laugh every time I put them up 😂 — do these even look like skeletons anymore? My youngest loves them and asked if we’d put them up one last year (before he graduates and if out of the house). We agreed.

See what I mean?🤣

As we transition from Halloween to Thanksgiving and Christmas we’ll repeat our traditions with modifications, of course. After all, even our favorites wear out or we outgrow them.

What is your family’s fall favorites?

Exciting and a Little Bit Scary

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What experiences have excited and scared you throughout your life? Going to school? Graduating? Starting a new job? Marriage? Having a child?

My oldest works while going to school. The job is on the same campus and pays well (for a student position), but it’s not necessarily a job that he’s interested in holding long-term. He’s been more interested in getting an internship in the career field he’s interested in, but it’s been a harder go than he imagined. He’s attended countless career fairs over the past year, and meets with a mentor. In my opinion, taking all the right steps, yet he was unable to secure an internship this last summer.

He could have resided himself that this field wasn’t for him, or that he was somehow not employee material, but he buckled down, took the feedback he got along the way and persisted, recently attending another career fair and getting an internship offer extended on the spot. He was thrilled. He still has a few more career fairs to go before deciding on what he’ll do next summer, but his confidence has grown.

I wished I’d coined this phrase, but borrowing it from something Snoop Dogg (yes, Snoop Dogg) said on a blind audience episode of The Voice when a singer didn’t get a chair turn. In those situations you can feel like a failure, like something is wrong with you or you aren’t good enough, but Snoop summed it up best. “L isn’t for loser. It’s for lesson.” How right he is, we learn these lessons along the way, and need to silence our inner critic’s voice that tells us otherwise.

As I shared my joy with my son about his internship offer I also mentioned he might feel excited and a little bit scared. I know I’ve experienced those feelings in times of personal growth. We agreed that’s what growing up is all about.

What makes you excited and a little bit scared?

I will be away next week to spend time with family and back later in the month.

Small Victories

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As my youngest nears the time of moving out after high school, I’m keenly aware of things I still want to teach him before he leaves us. While there is likely sage wisdom I’d like to impart, he’s at the age where he is sometimes open to it, and sometimes isn’t, which I can relate to, as I remember being his age and thinking I had most things figured out (ha!).

I’ve decided to assist him in becoming better prepared for success in his increasing independence, as he is open to my guidance in this area.

He had a prescription that needed to be refilled. He came out and asked me to call in the refill. You can guess what happened next. 😉 I suggested he call in the Rx. He wanted to do it with me present. We listened to the prompts, he entered the prescription number and got it submitted.

Imagine my surprise when a month or so later, I see him walk into the kitchen with his prescription and dials the pharmacy. He never says a word to me, he just does it. I suppress my enthusiasm at him being proactive and completing the task on his own. The next day I mention to him I need to run out to pick up something from the store and he asks if I would pick up his medication. He smiles — proud of himself and likely knows how happy it makes me that he filled the prescription on his own and I smile too. 😊 Small victories. One more step towards independence.

The best part was picking up the medication. I know our pharmacist well, and know she’s a fellow mom. “I’m so proud. My son submitted his refill all on his own. I know he’s old enough to do it, but I’m beyond thrilled,” I shared. She reiterated stories of older kids, including college graduates that come in and don’t know how to do this. She told me to tell my son she was proud of himself too.

I didn’t impart great wisdom to my child, but some information that will give him confidence as he gets ready to move into the world.

What small victories bring a small to your face?

Parenting Stress

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How do you relieve stress?

The stress that goes along with parenting has definitely tapered off as my kids have grown — not because there isn’t stress, but because there is less to stress about specifically regarding them — do I worry? Yes. Do I wonder if I taught them everything I should have? Yes. But it’s not something I stress about. The are old enough to take care of themselves (which was a bigger stressor for me when they were younger), and any stress I feel now tends to be tied to not being in a position to help them, or concerns with their mental state when I know they’ve been hurt (relationship issues for example). Letting them know I’m there for them and hearing from them quells my stress.

The state of the world, and the state of America, causes me way more stress than my kids do. That’s saying something. It can feel overwhelming at times. My youngest has shared his stress, fear, and depression over what he hears and see in the news, and yes, I encourage him to disconnect, but world history and politics are passions for him. While he logically understands the benefit of tuning out, his interest to know what’s going on usually wins out. And so, there is stress. Again, I make myself available to him to talk. I try to remind him that things will be okay (even if I’m not sure they will). As long as he’s willing to talk about his concerns, it lets me know he’s okay. We have offered sessions with a therapist if it would help (and he’s done therapy before — we all have in my family), but for now says he’s okay.

Stress is hard. Adding parenting to the mix can take stress to another level. We have to be kind to ourselves and find ways to relieve stress in an extraordinarily stressful time.

How do you relieve stress? How do you help your child relieve their’s?

Collaboration

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Working with someone else can be challenging, right?

My youngest is co-directing a play this Fall. He is paired with a female student who has some strong opinions about what her role and his role should be. My son is fairly easy-going and while he wants to have input, and the ability to direct, he doesn’t feel strongly about her wants (total creative control, for example). 😳

My son also wants a friend of his, who has theater experience, to help them. His co-director has strong(er) feelings about this, not wanting the friend’s name mentioned in the program or really wanting them involved at all. My son tried explaining why his friend participating would be a good thing — we’ll have extra help. If one of us can’t be here, they can fill in. She pushed back. My son tried to get her to express where her hesitation came from, but she couldn’t, and could only state she wasn’t comfortable with anyone else working with them. I can see her point — she might be concerned my son and his friend would team up and leave her out, or she would somehow not be able to realize her vision for the experience, she fears she’ll lose “control”, or something else. My son, on the other hand, wants to advocate for his friend, not only because he believes his friend can contribute but is from a marginalized group, and a slight against his friend, never sits well with my son.

My son talked my husband and I through the situation during dinner. We discussed why the strain between he and his co-director could be happening, but the best way to address the situation is to talk to her. Let her know she can be honest with you, you with her, and you’ll listen. You both want the same thing — a successful show.

We also discussed how having these conversations aren’t easy, but if he can start having them now, he’ll be better prepared in the future because these situations come up throughout life.

Easier said than done, I know. Particularly as a teen. The following day he came home following play practice and we asked how it went. “Better,” he said. We asked if he’d talked to her. “Well, no, I was going to, but she was being really nice. Almost like she felt bad, and I didn’t want to bring it up since she seemed over it.” 🤷‍♀️ Hmmm. I encouraged him to have the talk with her regardless because this will likely happen again. He agreed, but said he wanted to wait until the situation arose. I understood. Having these discussions isn’t easy, even I have to muster up the courage sometimes at my age. My guess is many of us do.

Does your kid struggle being on a team, in a club, or other setting where they have to collaborate with others they don’t necessarily agree with? How are you helping them navigate the complexity that comes from working with others?

Back to School – Last Time Edition

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This time of year is always a mixed bag for me — summer coming to an end 😞, activities ramping up, and the kids going back to school. For my youngest, this will be his last year of high school. I’m meeting the moment with a mixture of excitement for him and sadness that things will be coming to an end.

What I look forward to:

• His activities – he’ll be in a play (possibly more) and will be directing another

• Him figuring out where he goes next — the application process — excitement and anxiety all rolled into one

• Watching him continue to grow. He’s already put on his list of objectives this year to be more social! 😊

• Graduating and him recognizing the accomplishment he’s made

• And selfishly not getting numerous calls/notices from the school/district after he graduates. I’m all about proactive communication, but it normally turns into us getting notified multiple ways for the same thing over and over throughout the school year. 😂

Your kid(s) has started back to school. What do you look forward to most?

18 Summers

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I received a marketing email from a local resort we like to visit that was targeted parents of young children. It’s message in summary — you have 18 summers to make lasting memories with your child(ren) (why not here).

18 summers goes quickly. Whether it’s vacations, dinners in the backyard, walks in the neighborhood, community events, swimming, sporting events, picnics, or camping, there have been lots of wonderful memories.

As my children age, become more independent and less inclined to hang out with mom and dad, I reflect on the time we have had together in summers past. When they join us this summer, even for small things like sitting down with us for dinner, I consider it another treasured memory.

18 summers. That went by fast.

Where are some favorite memories for your family over the summer?

I’ll be off making some new family memories the next two weeks and will be back in September.

Exceeding Expectations

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When did your child last exceed your expectations?

My youngest, who is on the spectrum, is doing an exchange in a foreign country. Spectrum kids has several gifts that make them special including knowing their likes and dislikes, ability to concentrate (on likes with ease) and challenges being vocal about dislikes, having a harder time engaging in dislikes. You know that filter you get as you grow up that tells you when to be honest and when to hold your tongue? My son doesn’t really have that. He’s sometimes brutally honest with no intention of hurting anyone’s feelings, but just speaking his mind. 😬

I wondered when he left how he’d fare doing an exchange. We had the exchange student come here first so my son and he could get better acquainted. My husband and I have set out to have our kids be independent, and tried to give them confidence in their capabilities and pushing their comfort zones. I thought going overseas would be good “comfort zones” pushing for my son.

I knew when my son went overseas he’d be asked to do things he might not like doing — going places he’s not particularly interested in, or to try something (food, activity) he would prefer not to. I was mildly concerned he might struggle, and when he gets overwhelmed it can be difficult to experience (tears and/or anger). Would he be overly honest?

When he arrived in France, he sent a text message and a photo. The host mom sends me pics now and then too, which helps. He asked the following day when we should talk, and I recommended we talk one day over the weekend. He agreed. If he is struggling in any way, he’s doing a great job of keeping it from us. I expected to potentially hear from the host mom of some issues, but so far, there’s been nothing other than how his French is coming along. 😊

This is the first time he’s been away for us for this long, with a family he barely knows. It would be challenging for most of us to adjust, but he’s exceeding our expectations and seems to be thriving. He does text with pics from the day (if they did any exploring), but the messages and exchanges are short implying he wants to share vs needs to share and/or is struggling, He continues to amaze me as he grows. I, too often, think something may be more difficult, or too big a challenge for him and he proves me wrong. I hope he keeps doing that (along with me realizing, he is doing the work that will allow him not only independence, but an ability to thrive on his own).

When did your child last exceed your expectations? How are you adjusting your mindset or approach to your child as a result?