Category Archives: Teen

School Vacations

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Do you take vacation during your child’s school breaks?

We’ve been vacationing based on the public school calendar for a long time. With our oldest out of the house and our youngest a senior, we’re realizing we’re nearing an end to being tied to the school calendar. Partially a relief, and the other part sadness.

We most recently drove through the southeast during midwinter break, my youngest eager to visit a part of the country he’s not familiar with. We recognize how fortunate we are that we can take trips, and while hours in the car might not sound fun to most, it was worth it — especially since my son loves history and geography. Just listening to him share bits of information along the way made the trip memorable and more enjoyable. I’ll miss how he can create interest in something or some place that might seem otherwise uninteresting.

We’re going to try to pack in as much adventure as we can before he graduates. It’s still hard to believe we won’t be tied to the school calendar much longer.

How has the school calendar changed how you vacation? What trips have been the most memorable for you and your family?

First Kiss Update

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Son proposing in school play (female character not his girlfriend) 🥰

It’s been almost 10 years since my original post, and still one of my favorites. It’s funny how kids change over the years, including their likes and interests. My son and his then “girlfriend” remain friends, but there is no longer any love interest. They do share a love for the theater – performing, writing, and directing. It’s been really neat to see them not only take on these roles, but encourage each other.

Love doesn’t always last, but it does leave an impression. My son lucked out with his first love. I hope your child did too.

I will be away on vacation and back in March.

** ** ** Original Post from 2016 ** ** **

Do you remember your first kiss?

My youngest has a ‘girlfriend’ that he’s known since kindergarten. Now, you wouldn’t know they are boyfriend and girlfriend because they barely interact with each other when in close proximity. But there are these moments when they are inseparable. It doesn’t take much, when one of them initiates doing something with the other.

There was an “engagement” last summer when, during a day at summer camp, they decided they wanted to plan out their life and make it official. Our families had a picnic to celebrate their plans. We have some great pictures of them. While their pretend ceremony was very innocent, and they posed for pictures as though they were kissing, they actually did not. My youngest was fine with this, and thought all of it was good fun.

His girlfriend moved to another school this year, so their interaction has been even less with the exception of the occasional playdate. When she last came over to play, they did what the normally do, they sat in the same room, but proceeded to read books and not actually play together. As their playdate was ending, his friend suddenly decided they needed to play a quick board game (is that even possible?) and while her mom and I allowed them to play for a few minutes, we were working to wrap it up so everyone could go home. While her mother and I were talking, the kids decided to resume their almost ceremonially kiss pose they had at the picnic. I have no idea what prompted this, as it happened so quickly. After seeing what they were up to, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but it didn’t take long to figure it out. My son went in for the kiss this time and was smiling from ear-to-ear following. It was very sweet. I was happy for him that his first kiss was with a girl he really liked. I was happy that he didn’t have to go through the fretting I did in wondering when the first kiss would happen and who would it be with. It also felt like I just passed a milestone with my son way earlier than I’d anticipated. Of course, every milestone that occurs reminds me how quickly my sons are growing up. And while things can move fast in life, I’m don’t want it to go by at such a rapid pace.  I realize this is a bit out of my control, but boy, would I love to slow down time sometimes.

How do you experience milestones with your child?
 

Pride (and Prejudice)

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My youngest finally got a main speaking role in his high school production. Up to this point, during his time in high school, he’s had one line in a musical and always been part of the ensemble cast. He’s yearned for a lead role every year, and been understandably upset when not picked. He is a senior this year, and knowing time is limited to get roles, he was thrilled when he was cast as Mr. Collins, in Pride and Prejudice. Of course, he would have loved to been cast as Mr. Darcy, but grateful he got a role.

The show had six performances. We decided we’d see him on closing weekend. A friend, whose daughter is also in theatre, saw the show opening night. I received a text from her during the show’s intermission “Your son makes a great Mr. Collins.” I replied with a ❤️ emoji and shared we’d be seeing a later performance. I received another text from her following the show, “He had the audience in the palm of his hand. Kudos.” WOW! I thought. What a great compliment for my son (or anyone) to receive. I was bursting with PRIDE for my son, thinking of all the hard work he’d put in over the years and getting this type of recognition.

The compliment was backed up by another when my son received a senior superlative (think most likely to succeed, most athletic, best all around, etc.). When he told friends he won, they asked in what category? He asked them to guess. Two that saw the show said, “you got it for acting, didn’t you?” He didn’t, he got it for being a school history buff, but again, having both adults and your peers acknowledge your work, I’m not sure there’s anything much better. Unless, of course, he played Mr. Darcy, but I suppose that’s just his mom being PREJUDICE. 😂

When have you felt tremendous pride for your child?

Memphis

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What’s a family trip that’s stayed with you? Our family visited New Orleans, Memphis, and Chicago last year. Taking a train to get us to our destinations (of course, my youngest wouldn’t have it any other way). Memphis stood out … Continue reading →

Grown Up Conversations

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Have you had a grown up conversation with your child? It’s never easy, at least for me.

My youngest came home after seeing three short productions put on by his classmates one evening, and one particular play stuck with him. “Mom, it was about domestic abuse,” he said. “Did they show the woman getting hit?,” I asked. He shared that there was no violence throughout the play, but it was a telling of a story — that ran in The New Yorker called The Wind by Lauren Goff — of a mother and her children who attempt to flee her abusive husband, who had standing in society. Not everyone gets a happy ending.

My son had empathy for everyone in the story. He couldn’t shake the story (and the truths that the story mirrored reality for real people – male and female in these situations) he had heard. I knew I had to discuss it with him.

“Abuse is scary, and it can happen to anyone,” I started. “No one knowingly sets out to be in an abusive relationship.” I reminded him of the organization that had come to talk to him and his classmates in middle school, The One Love Foundation, and how it’s important to keep in mind what makes a healthy, and loving relationship. He agreed but was still shaken by what humans are capable of doing to one another. I’m shaken too.

My son shared he was grateful he grew up in a loving household and I echo’ed that his father and I were grateful we too had been raised in safe spaces. It hurts my soul to know not everyone gets that.

My son is an empathy with off-the-charts emotional intelligence (per my ranking scale 😉), and cares deeply about others and their wellbeing. I think the world would be a little better if we were more like my son in this way.

How do you talk to your kids about serious/grown up topics? How are you creating a safe space for them?

Crashing into the New Year

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Have you experienced a scare with your child?

I was out of town when I got a text message from my oldest, “we were in an accident.” It took me a second to register what I was reading. I knew my oldest was out of town with friends hiking and they were likely on their way back home. Was he telling me after the fact (the accident happened while they were away) or had it just happened? I texted back asking if they were okay and what happened. No response. I tried calling, no answer. I decided to try FaceTime— knowing it has a different ring and might get my son’s attention.

My question regarding timing of the accident was answered when my son answered. He had a lot of blood running down the left side of his face. He must have seen my expression of surprise and fear, because he quickly said, “don’t worry, mom, I can see fine out of my left eye.” The airbags had deployed after they hit some ice and their car spun into a snowbank and stopped after hitting the rear of a semi. 😳 My son wasn’t driving, his friend who was was hurt badly. My son kept stopping our conversation to yell to his friend not to move. It was terrifying to see my son go through this, know one of his friends was badly hurt and to be so far away. I sent him photos of insurance card and he confirmed help was on the way. I got off the phone with him and immediately reached out to my husband, who was closer to where my son was and could get to him.

The next few hours were hard. It was a waiting game to make sure everyone was okay. My son and another friend, who was riding in the backseat, were treated at the scene and dropped off at the closest exit. Their friend, who was driving, was sent to a hospital about 90 miles away. The unknown (his friend’s condition, how were his parents going to be notified, (as we don’t know them), and was everyone going to be okay) was toughest.

My husband got to the boys and was able to get them home, while their friend required to be hospitalized for a few days. My son hasn’t really wanted to talk about the accident since it happened, which is understandable, but my husband and I have told him repeatedly how glad we are that he is okay.

We can’t keep our kids fully safe, regardless of the precautions we take, or lessons we instill. They hit a patch of ice, which can happen to anyone. I was reminded of the fragility of life and grateful my son and his friends have more days ahead of them. I’m aware, that’s not always the case.

My son has a better appreciation for driving in snow and ice and the caution that’s needed. I’m guessing he’ll avoid driving in wintry conditions for the foreseeable future, which, honestly brings me some relief, though accidents can happen rain, snow/ice, or shine.

I’m reminded of how fortunate I am for every day I get with my kids, and how lucky and blessed I am to have them as we come into the New Year.

What are you thankful for as we move into another year?

Thanksgiving Traditions

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What are your Thanksgiving traditions?

We often host dinner and have family and friends join us. My husband makes cranberry sauce. It was one of the things he does that I love. I’m not sure I’d ever had true cranberry sauce before I met him. I only had the sauce from the can. 😂 The kind he makes is quite good and very popular with our guests.

I like having the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade on TV. No one else seems to care about it. The kids prefer to sleep in. I start cooking the day before and enjoy getting the house ready (great reason to clean), and enjoy the smells of everything cooking, and keep it going through Thanksgiving day. The kids will help their father with any yard work that needs to be done, and if I’m lucky, one of them may help me in the kitchen.

We do have an adult table and a kids table. We didn’t plan it that way, but my boys and their cousins prefer to eat together and then hangout vs stay and talk with the adults. Now that my boys are older, my oldest has expressed an interest in joining the adult table, which I welcome, we just have to figure out where we can squeeze in more chairs. 😊

We are very blessed, and very thankful — for the roof over our heads, clothes on our back, and for our friends and family.

What are your family traditions? What are you thankful for?

I’ll be taking next week off to enjoy the holiday weekend and be back in December.

Team Work (Collaboration Part 2)

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Do you work well with others?

My youngest and his co-director continue to have communication challenges. It came to a head when they disagreed on something and his peer got upset with him. As he was recounting what happened to his father and I it became clear he knew why they had been having so much trouble getting on the same page. The co-director misheard something he’d said early in the process and she thought he was deferring all decisions to her and all the responsibilities that go with them. I would have been unhappy too. She shared with my son that he would send out a list of things that still needed to be done, late at night, before he went to bed, thinking she and the cast would see the messages in the morning, but her ADHD caused her to need to respond to the message(s) and take action immediately even if that didn’t need to happen. “I feel like I’m a bad person,” my son shared. “I had no idea she was going through this. I just thought she was up late like I was and wanted to respond.”

There’s no way he could have known. Communication is complex and being open and honest isn’t always easy. We referred back to our previous discussion on this topic. “Have you had a heart to heart with her like we talked about?” we asked. His response indicated he’d hoped the problem would resolve itself. I understood. I, too, struggled with these types of conversations when I was younger. We reminded him that while they’re hard to have, once done, it makes moving forward much easier.

I’m not convinced he and his peer are on the same page still, but the show is coming up in two weeks and he knows he has to power through. At least he has a better appreciation for what his co-director is going through and can bring more empathy (which he’s good at) to how he collaborates and communicates with her.

How do you help your child navigate challenging conversations?

Fall Favorites

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My boys are getting older and growing into themselves and their independence. While I miss somethings about them being younger, we all agree this time of year reminds us of some of our favorite things — going to the pumpkin patch, hot apple cider, decorations, costumes, future holidays, and more.

Many of these customs haven’t changed much over the years with some slight exceptions — the kids don’t wear costumes anymore (or will, but it takes a lot of prompting), and trick-o-treating behind us. Pumpkin patch, cider and decorations remain the same.

I’ve got a bit lazy of the years in terms of fall decorations, only putting out what’s relatively quick and easy to put up and take down. I also believe the boys don’t care as much about decorations anymore, but have found they have their favorites. My youngest asked if we’d put up our skeleton streamers for Halloween. They are made of tissue paper and are beyond crinkled from years of use. They make me laugh every time I put them up 😂 — do these even look like skeletons anymore? My youngest loves them and asked if we’d put them up one last year (before he graduates and if out of the house). We agreed.

See what I mean?🤣

As we transition from Halloween to Thanksgiving and Christmas we’ll repeat our traditions with modifications, of course. After all, even our favorites wear out or we outgrow them.

What is your family’s fall favorites?