Category Archives: Scouts

Dad Moments

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I told my husband, when our first child was born, he’d be closest to him since they shared the same gender. I had read that somewhere (article, or parenting book) and it made sense to me. I had most certainly looked toward my mom to guide me in gender cues and how to behave while growing up. My husband was a little surprised by my comment, not putting much thought into it prior to me raising the point, but he quickly accepted it, as he realized he’d learned gender cues from his father.

Over the years, my husband has leaned into his role, trying to set a good example for his son and raise him to be not only a good person, but someone who’s involved and contributes (in the community and beyond). It’s allowed him to have many memorable moments with our son, in one-on-one interactions — going for runs or walk together to talk “guy” stuff; involvement in Scouts, and exposing our son to the outdoors — caring for the environment while appreciating the beauty and even struggle (making a campfire, climbing a challenging trail; building a shelter); getting him involved in a local soup kitchen to expose him to others different from him — teaching compassion and empathy.

Fathers have a big impact on their children lives, regardless of gender. Being present is the present every child longs for (whether they realize it and appreciate it or not at the time). 😊

Thank you to my husband and all the fathers out there that care, are engaged, and create those moments that are meaningful and impactful.

Happy Father’s Day!

Pay Day

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What questions come up in your family about money?

When our kids were young, my husband and I agreed we wanted to teach our kids about money, saving, investing, and planning for their futures.

A Scout merit badge helped us educate our sons during a summer trip to Yosemite. But that was one conversation, and we all know that to learn and really comprehend something you have to either hear it over and over, or experience it for yourself.

My youngest is starting to think about work and what he might due to earn money while he’s still in high school. After talking about places he might like to work, the conversation turned to how frequently you get paid. That started a conversation we haven’t had in a while. Our oldest is an hourly worker and gets paid weekly. My husband and I have different pay schedules (bi-weekly and monthly). The kids were very interested in the salaried jobs (you get the same amount of money whether you work 40 hours or 60?!?), and overtime (they like the thought of more $$$). It was an unexpected conversation but a good and needed one. Knowledge is power, right?

How are you teaching your child about earning, saving, and planning for their future?

Soar like an Eagle

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When last did you see your child soar?

My oldest, surprisingly to his father and I, decided to go for his Eagle Scout rank (Boys Scouts of America). My husband had earned his, and something about scouts appealed to my son. My husband took him to his first meeting years ago and thought our son would attend maybe one or two meetings and call it quits, but he didn’t. The skills and life lessons were what seemed to appeal to him.

I’d like to say my husband and I had a handle on how best to teach our boys all the life lessons we wanted to pass on, but we were wrong. Scouts gained our child’s interest in learning skills in a way that wouldn’t have occurred by mom and dad trying to educate (lecture?) them. I can see my son’s eyes rolling if we’d taken this approach. Instead, getting merit badges with counselors who held him accountable with what was needed and timelines to complete motivated our son. He was eager to learn and demonstrate proficiency. A favorite memory was talking to him and his brother in a car trip through Yellowstone National Park. There were long periods of time in the car. We talked about finances — saving for retirement, a house. Rent vs buying, the pros and cons, and what goes into each and more. He and his brother were very interested in learning and asked great questions. My husband and I were aware of how special that discussion was.

Scouting gave him leadership opportunities, a requirement to move up, that he took, learned and benefited from. His life skills continuing to grow. After completing the required merit badges and leadership position he needed to complete his Eagle Scout project which I previously blogged about. It was a steep learning curve for my son, but he completed the task.

The last requirement was going in front of a board to demonstrate proficiency and assess what had been learned and gained from the scout’s experience. My son prepared and wanted to do his best. Helping him get ready was another opportunity for my husband and I to teach him another valuable life skill — interviewing and being prepared (part of the Scout Motto) for unexpected questions he might get asked.

The review was done via video. My husband and I sat in another room anxiously awaiting to hear from our son and how the review went. He came out and was disappointed in how he did. You could see the stress in his face — did he just blow his chance for Eagle rank by how he’d answered the questions? While my son was stressed, my husband and I were not. The board review was more of a formality and unless he behaved out of character (being rude or disrespectful) the rank would be awarded. “They want to talk to you here in a few minutes.” We attempted to comfort him, but he convinced himself that bad news was coming. As we thought, the Scout leaders called us in and shared our son had earned his Eagle rank and we should be very proud. We were. I felt a combination of pride, relief, along with a smidge of sadness. Pride in our son seeing this through. Relief in that this was behind him and he no longer needed to worry about requirements and timelines. Sad in our son no longer having the prompt of earning a merit badge to engage with him and teach him a life skill.

He has the skills Scouts gave him to soar. I look forward to seeing him take flight.

What are skills you want to impart on your child? How are you helping them succeed (take flight)?

Needs, Wants, and Priorities

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When did your child last tell you they had a need that really wasn’t one?

My oldest loves sports, and has been excited to start training for the upcoming Fall season with his team in advance of school starting. He also is in Scouts and has had a outing planned that overlapped with practice. You can imagine what happened.

Because of COVID and the uncertainty of what play would be allowed and when, there was little communication to the families around practice and when it would take place. My son’s troop had booked their Summer trip in the Spring allowing for everyone to get vaccinated before the trip. The troop was very successful in 2020 selling pumpkins and Christmas trees, so they could afford to fly to their destination (which is a big deal. They’ve always driven before). My son was excited for the trip, but hated that it would overlap with his practice. “I’m letting my team down,” he said one evening. “Would you feel like another team member was letting the team down if they went on a scheduled trip and couldn’t go to practice?” I asked. “Yes, I would,” he said, paused then responded, “okay, no I wouldn’t.” He grimaced (he really doesn’t like it when my husband or I are right, or make a good point). 😊

As the trip neared, his desire to not let his team down (real or perceived) amplified. As the departure date neared following one practice he expressed his angst. “I’m just starting to get the rust off and playing good again. I want to stay for the entire practice before I leave but I can’t because the troop has to get to the airport four hours before the flight leaves. It’s ridiculous.” I asked, “have you talked to the Scout Master to see if we can bring you to the airport to meet them?” “I did,” he said, “but I got a ‘why don’t you just leave practice early’ response.” He continued. “I mean, the Scout Master just doesn’t get it. I have needs. I need to practice and be with my team, why can’t he think about my needs?” I had to suppress a chuckle. I gave him a minute to calm down. “You know the Scout Master has to coordinate everything for all you kids. There are a lot of logistics involved and if he starts bending to various needs it makes his job a whole lot harder. I get that you don’t want to miss practice, but your needs don’t go in front of what’s best for the troop. Everyone worked hard to go, practice will be there. You’ll get caught up. You should be looking forward to this. You were until practice started.” He sighed, “yea, l guess you’re right.” We drove in silence the rest of the way home.

Your wants and needs can feel intense when you’re a teen. You want your wants or needs met now, not later. Later is forever away. Helping our son understand true priorities and what matters is the opportunity my husband and I found in this experience. Knowing what is truly important, will have the greater impact (on you and others), and making choices/decisions you feel good about down the road.

Before my son left I tried to help him reframe the situation. “You won’t remember every practice, they’ll blend together, but you will remember taking this trip. It’s something special and will be memorable.” He shook his head in agreement. It also helped that he happened to twist his ankle in practice the day he had to leave early to catch his flight, and was going to need to rest it for a few days (coincidence or fate?) . 😊

What does your kid see as a need you disagree with? How are you helping them figure out what are their true priorities?

I’ll be away next week to spend time with friends and family for Labor Day and will be back in September.