Category Archives: Motivate

Meeting the Moment

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These are unsettling times.

We can be struck with fear, anger, anxiety and feel like we’re at a loss as to what we can do. While I’d like to shield my kids from everything that is going on, I can’t. The news is everywhere and trying to put your head in the sand to avoid the chaos is great from a mental break perspective, but not from standing up for what you believe in, or meeting the moment.

My oldest has a different opportunity to meet the moment at his job. It’s not necessarily challenging for him (physically or mentally), but it’s steady work with flexible hours. He shared how he’d been showing up a little late and was wondering if others were noticing. I asked him why he was late (he used different words, but essentially said he wasn’t very motivated to be early or on time). I asked him how he could get feedback on his performance (sounds redundant, but I wanted to make sure he knew). “Ask, I guess,” he replied. Then I asked him how he wanted to show up in life. “You decide how you show up. You are on time and do good work, and that’s something people will remember you for. Go in and slack, and they’ll know you for that. Anything less and you probably won’t have the job for long.” I said. I finished with “how you show up for others carriers into all facets of your life — work, relationships with a significant other, your friends, and family, etc. You decide what that looks like.” He thought for a minute and said what I said made sense and gave him some things to think about.

We have to decide daily how we want to show up – for our jobs, our family, kids, friends, community, and even our country. Showing up as you want to be isn’t always easy. As I always tell my kids, you can’t be brave if you aren’t (at least a little bit) scared. I’m encouraging us all to lean into those scared moments so we can rise to our moment (whatever that may be).

How do you encourage your child to best their best?

I’ll be off next week enjoying time with family and friends, and will be back later this month.

The Parent Trap

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Who has been sucked into volunteering in support of your child’s school, sports, or activity?

I use the words ‘sucked in’ because most volunteer work I have been done has been based guilt (the other parents can’t always go everything, I’m being selfish if I don’t give freely of my time, etc.), vs. being passionate about the cause — the one exception was my youngest’s middle school that was a start-up and beyond unbelievable (like winning the golden ticket for my son’s education). I think of this as the parent trap. Any one else gotten sucked in?

I have had to re-establish boundaries periodically. Saying “no” when asked and allowing myself to sit with the guilt. It always feels good to volunteer and support others, but the time commitment (planning, night/weekend events, etc.), and stress of the planning and execution of the events are the detractors for me. Does the feeling afterwards of helping offset the stress leading up to? Most time the answer is “maybe,” yet I (you/we?) volunteer. I most recently made the mistake of showing up early to a showcase my son was participating in. A mom came over, introduced herself, shared how she led volunteer coordination (I knew the ask was coming, and braced myself for it). She then sat down (okay, I thought, she’s not going anywhere until I agree to something, I’m going to have to negotiate). I didn’t want to outright own a responsibility. I was okay co-chairing, but would prefer the work be split by three. We discussed and I reluctantly (darn you guilt) agreed.

I remind myself my youngest has three more years in high school, so volunteering in this capacity has a time limit. I may even miss it when these opportunities no longer present themselves (though I’m sure they’ll be replaced by others). If I’m being honest with myself, nah, I won’t miss it, I’ll be relieved. Am I the most selfish person ever? Ah, the guilt. It can feel like a never ending trap.

How do you view volunteering? How do you offset any guilt you feel?

Enjoying Exercise

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Have you found your child more sedentary since COVID began?

My oldest has always been active. You rarely see him sitting or laying around, he’s always moving, dribbling or throwing a ball, or getting out doors. My youngest has been active-resistant. 😊 We’ve always encouraged moving your body as something needed to live a long healthy life. My son gets it, but it’s not been a great motivator for him. We’ve exposed him to different ways he can move (outside of walking and exercise), but he’s resisted. Until his older brother asked him to work out with him.

Imagine our surprise when our youngest eagerly went to work out with his brother. Our oldest has really taken to physical fitness and saw an opportunity to engage with his brother. He asked me about it prior to asking his brother. “I want him to live a long, healthy life. I want him to be around for a while.” I smiled and said, “You know what this says about you, right?” “I don’t know,” he answered, “that he should exercise?” “No,” I said, “that you care about your brother. That you love him.” He suppressed his smile until he couldn’t any longer. “Yea, I guess you’re right,” he concluded.

It is neat to see our sons come together with this activity. My husband and I have done some self-reflection and asked ourselves —shouldn’t we be doing this for our youngest son? But we agreed that he would have fought us, and done anything we asked half-heartedly, while working out with his brother is something he enjoys. And instead of doing the minimum being asked, he’s doing his best. I think he realizes he’s brother cares about him too. Bonus!

What is your child doing to stay active during the pandemic? How are you or a family member helping them?