Category Archives: Middle School

Win or Lose

Posted on by

0

It’s how you play the game, right?

I recently watched Win or Lose on Disney+. It’s about a coed middle school softball team where each episode focuses on a character and their point of view and emotions during the season.

I was taken in with how well written and clever the show is. In my opinion, it captures well feelings of insecurity and how we deal with it, protecting yourself (from being emotionally let down) with armor, what your heart and mind go through when you’re romantically interested in someone, juggling multiple things, being overwhelmed, and sometimes letting things explode (after you get so puffed up you almost blow away) when you can’t take it anymore; and more.

Anytime I watch TV that pulls me in like this—where I think, this is good, anyone can learn from this or see themselves in this (perhaps at a younger age)—I want to share it with my family, and talk about it. Did they have the same experience I did? Was there anything they took away from it, I missed?

The only problem is I’ve entered the phase in parenting where me asking my kids to watch a show is met with resistance. Either my endorsement doesn’t hold much weight 😂, or by not wanting to watch the show my kids are demonstrating their independence. I hope it’s the latter.

The best part about Win or Lose, is by the end of the show you don’t really care or need to know who wins the game. It was really about how they played the game. And as the Coach in the show would say something along the lines of, “we win when everyone tried their best.” So true.

Parenting and life is much the same. It’s not something we win or lose, but how we show up and try our best everyday.

What shows have spoken to you and your family?

Tryouts

Posted on by

0

Did you ever try out for a sport or role when you were growing up?

I tried out for a sporting team in high school that had the minimum number of players needed when I tried out, so I wasn’t cut (phew!). I had to practice, and practice, and practice, and eventually became proficient at the sport and played for my three years.

My oldest has tried out for two sports. Basketball, when he was in middle school; and football in high school. He didn’t make the basketball team, which he was disappointed by, but also didn’t have much playing time under his belt (he shot hoops with friends occasionally, but hadn’t played a game, even in a rec league). He played flag football throughout his younger years, and made the high school football team based on his skills and knowledge of the game.

My youngest, tried out for theater roles, and has been fortunate to get selected to participate in his high school productions each year. His elementary theater experience really helped him prepare.

Our exchange student has now decided to try out for a sport. Her experience is limited, but her enthusiasm and determination to do well, impressive. As a host parent, I want to encourage her, yet, don’t want her to be too disappointed should she not make the team. It’s a tough balancing act in my experience. My oldest knew two days into his basketball tryouts he likely wouldn’t make the team. I strongly encouraged him to keep with the tryouts (don’t regret not seeing something through — hood or bad), and he was released from moving forward in the tryout process the following day. I’ve reflected on this numerous times wondering if I did the right (or wrong) thing by pushing him to continue. My thinking was, he would regret his decision if he stopped early and didn’t see the tryouts through.

I’ve decided this time with our exchange student, I’m just going to be supportive and if she chooses to stop the tryout process, help her work through any negative feelings she experiences. It may dampen her otherwise positive experience here in America, but I’m sure she’ll take something positive from the situation regardless of the outcome.

Tryouts are hard. Of course you want to see your child succeed, but how do you handle it when they get cut, or it looks like they won’t make the team? How do you help them put the disappointment into perspective and use the situation to help them do something different in the future (prepare more, focus on other interests, etc.)?

Reconnecting

Posted on by

0

Reconnecting with old friends feels wonderful.

Our youngest is enjoying high school, though he can feel a little lost sometimes with the large number of students and teachers that can only give each student so much attention.

He was asked by his middle school to come back and be a student judge for the school’s STEM fair. While interested to see what the students came up with, he was more excited to see former teachers, admins, and younger classmates. He was greeted like a rock star, it didn’t hurt that he’s grown considerably taller since he left which added to him standing out. He gave and got big hugs from teachers and admins. I lot of ‘hellos’, ‘how are you?’, and ‘what’s high school like?’ from his old classmates. He relished being seen, acknowledged, and valued (wouldn’t we all?). It was so awesome to witness.

The school is looking for opportunities to bring more of my son, and his peers back on campus. I can share from his experience is was more than worth it. He may have helped judge the competition, but reconnecting was the true prize.

Where does your child feel seen, acknowledged, and valued?

Public Speaking

Posted on by

0

How comfortable are you speaking in front of others?

My youngest had an opportunity to return to his former middle school to share his experience and how prepared he was for high school. He was eager to go in hopes he’d see some former faculty or classmates. The community event for the school was moms (no students past or present), and no former faculty and administration. It was a bit of a bummer, but he loves the school so much he easily adjusted talking to new teachers about his experience.

The event had us sit down in a circle and the head of school asked us to give our feedback on why we’d picked the middle school, the best thing about the middle school, and how well my son was prepared for high school. I provided my input, but turned the floor over to my son since I knew the parents would like to hear from him directly. He did a great job sharing his thoughts, and needed little prompting to answer questions and provide insights. He went from looking down at first when he responded, to making eye contact, to joking with the crowd towards the end. It was like watching a flower bloom. I couldn’t help but smile.

On the way home my son and I discussed how things went. We both reflected on how some of the questions asked helped us see even more benefits of him going to the school than we’d previously realized. He was proud of his ability to talk in front of so many strangers and attributed his comfort with the confidence the school gave him regarding who he is (e.g., you’re great just the way you are). I was so happy for him that he recognizes the gifts the school has given him, how he’s been able to use them to excel in high school, and be confident in who he is enough to do public speaking at such a young age. It makes me wonder what else he can do that even he doesn’t know yet. 😊 I can’t wait to find out.

What gives your child confidence?

Growing Pains

Posted on by

0

What was your middle school experience like?

My youngest is nearing the end of his middle school experience. When we asked how his school day was he made a face (something between resistance and relief), blew out an audible breath and said, “a lot of kids are getting physical in the hallways and parents are getting concerned.” Wait, I thought, I’m a parent and I’m not concerned — because I wasn’t aware anything was going on. I needed to learn more. “What exactly happened?” I asked. My son told us how there are a small group of kids that like to push each other, and use inappropriate language when moving between classrooms when no teachers or staff are present. It had gotten to a point where they had to sit each class down and talk to the students about what was going on because some kids were getting hurt. My son was upset, not because he had gotten caught up in this, but because what his classmates were doing were disappointing to him.

“It bothers me that some of these people are in my class,” he shared. His school is small, and most of the folks in his class he’s been with for years. “I don’t understand why they think this is funny or okay.” We talked about what was going on. My oldest thought the whole thing was humorous and shared stories of his middle school experience that was mirroring his brother’s. The difference was it didn’t seem to bother my oldest, but did my youngest.

My youngest made a comment indicating he still didn’t understand why his friends would engage in this behavior and find it okay. I offered a possible reason for the way the boys were behaving. “Think about when you were starting middle school. You were still more dependent on folks like mom and dad, and your teachers, and willing to listen and adhere. But, middle school is the transit period between being dependent and starting to be independent. Kids start to test boundaries and who they want to be.” My husband chimed in, “it’s like trying new clothes on. They try to see what fits.” We all agreed it’s a normal part of growing, and hoped our son wouldn’t judge his classmates too harshly, though we’re hopeful they’ll rethink their behavior and treat others more kindly going forward.

Growing up is hard. Seeing how others change can be painful, but it’s part of the process we all go through. I continue to appreciate that our son is letting us navigate this with him together.

What growing pains has your child encountered? How are you helping them navigate these changes?