Category Archives: Contributing

Learning on the Job

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What did you learn from your first job?

My oldest son has his first job where he receives a paycheck where taxes are withheld. He mainly works “behind the scenes” but occasionally has to interact with customers. The growth curve to get proficient is steep. He’s had days where he’s come home anxious, overwhelmed, exhausted, and sometimes even keeled and relaxed (though rare), My husband and I have reminded him he’s learning, making mistakes is normal, but learning for each mistake and doing better the next time is key.

This job is good for him. It’s forcing him to better understand what a job is — training, people relying on you, gaining new skills, and being challenged. He’s also gaining needed knowledge around what he wants you to do as a career — how does he want to be challenged, interact with others, and gain a feeling of accomplishment or at least contributing in a meaningful way?

My first job, aside from babysitting, was arranging floral bouquets — not the flowers, but the greenery. It was hard work on your hands with cuts from thorns, stickiness from sap, and it was so repetitive. I learned very quickly I did not want to do this long term. It reenforced the importance of education and to take advantage of every opportunity that presented itself. I know I was fortunate and had more opportunities than many others and took advantage of them (thanks to my own parents continuing to push and encourage me).

My son is thinking through what he wants to do. You can see him grappling with being independent — I can make my own choices; and balancing it with the opportunities his father and I continue to put in front of him — keep learning, don’t limit your options. I’m unsure the route he’ll ultimately go, but know he’s learning on the job, on how he wants to show up and interact with others — be a team player, reliable, accountable, and make mistakes and learn as he gains more knowledge; and what he ultimately wants out of a job and career.

What new skills is your child learning? How are you continuing to get them to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves that will help them grow?

The Attitude of Gratitude

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Being grateful for the gifts in life is a daily practice for our family.

At dinner, we pray before eating focusing, most often, on what we are grateful for — the sun being out, doing better on a test than we thought we would, having a work project completed, our cat being cute and doing cute things (almost always included by my youngest). We sometimes get more serious and talk about the basics that we are thankful for—food to eat, a warm place to stay, our loved ones, our health, and the health of loved ones. The basics are what we are most grateful for. It’s hard to imagine (bear the thought) of those without. Never wanting to take the basics for granted or helping those without when we can.

There is much to be concerned about in the world, that can feel overwhelming (How can we help? What will it take to stop others suffering from war, abuse, or lack of resources?). If we’re not careful we can lose sight of the good things happening around us.

My husband works weekly with a program that serves hot meals to an often neglected part of the community. The guests may have mental health struggles, addiction, homelessness, or a combination of these things and more. He enlisted our sons to help when they were in middle school, having them join him periodically to help dish up, or serve/hand-out the meals. I join them, as well, from time to time.

The boys have learned a few things by doing this—there are a lot of good people out there (despite our political views, socioeconomic status, or education level), we are more alike than different; we all want the same basics—food, shelter, and connection; and what brings us together is an attitude of gratitude. Those cooking and serving want to help ease the suffering of others, or, at least, provide respite for a few hours. Those that receive are allowing themselves to be vulnerable to this community with the hopes of filling their often empty stomachs, and feeling warmth (literally and figuratively) and connection from those welcoming them in. It is a two-way street of gratitude.

What are you and your family thankful for?

I’ll be off for the Thanksgiving holiday and back in December.

The Benefits of Boredom

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Quarantine is creating boredom for many of us, including my kids.

My boys have been thrilled to have more free time since school has been out (though they’ve had increased free time since the virus closed school and learning went online). My husband and I have talked about what we can do to get our kids unglued from screens, but hadn’t really come up with much beyond having the kids go outside for daily physical activity, and reading as a family.

Our oldest helped answer the question when he asked to talk to his father one evening. “Dad, can I talk to you?” My husband described that when my son asked him this, he appeared to have something weighing on his mind. My husband started thinking through what my son might want to discuss and was bracing himself for a worst case scenario— was he looking at inappropriate content on the web, was he wanted to do hang out with friends and disregard the precautions needed to protect against the virus? My husband shared that my son was struggling to get out what he wanted to say. After a minute or so, he sighed and said, “Dad, I’m really bored. There’s nothing to do. If you have any projects you plan to work on around the house tomorrow, can I help you?” We’ll, of course, my husband was relieved. He agreed our son could help him around the house and outside.

After helping his father the following day, before going to bed, he asked my husband if he could help him again the next day. My husband agreed. An interesting turn of events since previous requests for help had been met with sighs and resistance. 😊

My husband joked that he’d have to start coming up with things for them to do, because as a team, they were making quick work of our house projects. I shared that our son was likely experiencing the need to contribute in a meaningful way. Much like we work or volunteer. It might be to make money or to help a cause, but we’re contributing, something I think is a desire we all share, particularly as you grow older and become capable of contributing. We discussed giving our sons (both boys) more structure during the summer with ideas around academics, being creative, and physical. We’ll see what works.

My son had to become bored to understand the benefit (and joy?) of contributing. How is your child dealing with any boredom? How are you turning the boredom into a benefit?