Category Archives: Action

Neighborhood (Pet) Watch

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What are you on the lookout for in your neighborhood?

We take evening walks when the weather is nice in our neighborhood. A favorite pastime during these walks is to find neighborhood cats. Finding a new one is even better.

My husband texted me during a walk he and my son were on, and asked if I’d prepare a bag of cat food for him. They had found a new cat that was skin and bones and they wanted to feed it. They did, and came back sharing news about the cat they found and the concern it had a home. My youngest made it his mission each day after to go back to that part of the neighborhood to find the cat again. While it had a flea collar on (indicating it had a pet parent), its size had us concerned. Maybe the pet parent had fallen ill, or could no longer afford to feed the animal.

My son turned detective and became relentless at solving the case. If the cat had owners, they needed to take better care of the cat. If the cat was lost, he wanted to reunite it with it’s pet parent (though I have a sneaking suspicion he would have been okay if no parents could be located and he could adopt the cat). 🥰 He knocked on doors (no one answered). He talked to a nearby neighbor out in their yard. He even called the local vet and animal rescue to get advice from them on what he should do. It was a growing experience for him. Engaging with neighbors in this way, and making phone calls to inquire about the animal were new to him.

At the encouragement of his father he made a sign to hang in the neighborhood near where he’d seen the cat.

Sign for Neighborhood Cat

I didn’t see the poster before he left the house armed with food, water, bowls, the poster and a stapler. He was going to make sure this cat was cared for. I did see it once he was back, reporting the cat did have a pet parent, and he saw the cat eating from a bowl outside. You could tell it was bittersweet for him — happy the cat was being cared for after all, but sad he couldn’t be the one to do it.

I suspect we’ll continue our walks and check in on this cat each time we’re out (for the foreseeable future). It’s good to keep an eye on those that are vulnerable and do whatever it takes to get them help. I’m proud of my son for his commitment to this cat’s well-being.

What do you keep an eye out for in your neighborhood?

Laser Focused

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What is your child into?

My youngest is passionate about public transportation and envisions himself working in this field. His passion, knowledge, and desire to learn more and make a positive impact in this field is inspiring. One of the super powers kids on the spectrum have is being clear on their likes and dislikes.

He has submitted an application to attend a specialized camp in this field, it’s competitive and unclear to us how many other potential campers he might be competing with. The application required him to share why he wanted to go to the camp and what he hoped to gain. He also had to get references. The application felt more like he was applying to college than a camp quite honestly. It was a good exercise though. It forced my son to get clearer on how to articulate why he wants this (attending this camp), and what he hopes to gain from the experience. It’s been so long since I was his age, I forgot how little you know at that age (on wording and phrasing), and needing help to take what’s in your mind down on paper so that the reader can understand.

My son also struggled with the references from two perspectives—identifying who would be good references and how to get the person to actually agree to be a reference. He struggled with what I think most of us do — understanding people see our positive traits and are more than willing to share their thoughts with others, vs. it brings a burden or causes an inconvenience. We worked on him identifying the references (two teachers and a community member), and helped him craft emails to reach out and make the ask. He was nervous asking, but thrilled when everyone he reached out to came back quickly agreeing to be a reference and one going as far as providing a written recommendation. It was wonderful to see his joy.

We don’t know if he’ll get into the camp, but are optimistic. Regardless of what happens he’s gained some skills (articulating his desires, asking for support), and knowledge (he can do it, and people are willing to help support). If he stays laser focused on continuing to grow in these areas, I believe he’ll be just fine. 🥰

How are you helping them to grow through their interest(s)?

Advocating for Yourself

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How do you get what you want?

No, it’s not a trick question. You ask for it, is a typical response to this question. Another, to get what you want is to advocate for yourself.

Our oldest has decided after a less-than-disappointing season last year to come back out for football. New coach, new staff, new approach. My son went to the first day of practice and came home frustrated. His former coach had relegated him to center and line positions defending. My son is tall, muscular, and lean. Not ideal for these positions. He’s always wanted to play tight-end or receiver, but hasn’t been asked to play either role. It felt deflating to him after the first day when he thought he might not get a chance to try something different. My husband and I talked to him. We shared that he has to ask for what he wants, he has to advocate for himself. It might feel uncomfortable, but it’s how he’ll give himself an opportunity to play in a new position.

We discussed while others may see your talents, or your challenges, or your passions, rarely does anyone advocate on your behalf unless they believe you are at risk (getting hurt, falling behind, being unfairly treated). Teachers, mentors, coaches, friends, and family may give you ideas or suggestions on how to achieve your goals, and may even make introductions for you, but you have to take the next step of engaging and asking for what you want.

We talked about how you have to advocate for yourself throughout life — advance in work, take on new roles and responsibilities, to ensure you’re getting the proper medical care, etc., — and shared personal examples where his father and I did this in our own lives. We shared that while he might not always like the answer he gets after asking, he can take pride in knowing he took action to make something happen for himself.

We encouraged him to talk to his coach, and role-played what he might say, communicate his commitment to the team, and his desire to contribute. We’ll see what happens, but I feel good knowing my son realizes the importance on advocating for himself, and can start getting practice in asking for what he wants.

How are you helping your kid ask for what they want?

Pushing through Scary

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What everyday situation(s) scare you?

Getting a spider out of the house would be high on my list. For my boys it’s different. For my oldest it’s girls. It makes him so uncomfortable he just avoids, avoids, avoids. Doesn’t want to talk about. Doesn’t want to deal with it. My youngest it’s making friends. Or the knowledge it’s harder for him, as being on the spectrum makes it more challenging for him to pick up on social cues. He has friends, but hasn’t made new ones at his new school yet.

My husband and I feel like our kids listen to us as if we are Charlie Brown’s teacher sometimes – wah wah wah. It takes hearing advice or insight (even if it’s exactly what my husband or I shared) from another adult for the words to land. For my youngest, this truth occurred when he was at the doctor’s office for an annual check-up. He was sharing his struggles (our doctor also tries to assess their patients mental health along with their physical), and the doctor, who had some knowledge of the high school he goes to, encouraged him to join an after school club, or start one if the club he’d be interested in didn’t exist. My son nodded his head, but I could tell he wasn’t truly buying in (after all his father and I had encouraged him to do the same thing. Our son had been willing to do theatre but not pursue his other interests where he’d hoped to connect with others that share his passion for geography and transit.). Regardless, the doctor opened my son’s mind to revisit this.

During dinner we discussed the doctor’s visit including revisiting school clubs. My son resisted (it doesn’t exist), didn’t want to start a new club (no one else will want to join). He was digging in his heels regardless of what might husband or I said. We finished the conversation telling him that often in life, you have to take the lead, regardless how scary, to make things happen. If you don’t take action you’re just living in someone else’s world. That seemed to stick.

He went to his room. My husband and I went about our normal after dinner activities. We weren’t sure, if anything, our son would do in regards to what we had talked about. Lo and behold, within an hour he came out of his bedroom smiling a pretty big smile. “Mom,” he said, “I want to show you something.” I followed him into his room. He’d clearly been searching his school club site and found one that was for world (geography) enthusiasts. We read the description together. “You definitely can contribute here,” I said. He nodded (this time a confident you’re-right-mom kind of nod), and shared he’d reach out to the teacher advisor to join. His mood was lifted. Mine was lifted. He was proud he’d taken an action and saw the positive result that can come.

It can be scary to try new things including (perhaps especially?) meeting new people. Taking action, even if it isn’t always successful, allows you to grow, lessens the fear with practice, and more often than not, leads to success. I’m going to keep pushing my boys to take chances, and have more ownership in their life experience. Now, how to get my oldest to consider opening himself up to love??? 🥰

What scares your child? How are you arming them to break thru the fear?