Tag Archives: Collaboration

Team Work (Collaboration Part 2)

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Do you work well with others?

My youngest and his co-director continue to have communication challenges. It came to a head when they disagreed on something and his peer got upset with him. As he was recounting what happened to his father and I it became clear he knew why they had been having so much trouble getting on the same page. The co-director misheard something he’d said early in the process and she thought he was deferring all decisions to her and all the responsibilities that go with them. I would have been unhappy too. She shared with my son that he would send out a list of things that still needed to be done, late at night, before he went to bed, thinking she and the cast would see the messages in the morning, but her ADHD caused her to need to respond to the message(s) and take action immediately even if that didn’t need to happen. “I feel like I’m a bad person,” my son shared. “I had no idea she was going through this. I just thought she was up late like I was and wanted to respond.”

There’s no way he could have known. Communication is complex and being open and honest isn’t always easy. We referred back to our previous discussion on this topic. “Have you had a heart to heart with her like we talked about?” we asked. His response indicated he’d hoped the problem would resolve itself. I understood. I, too, struggled with these types of conversations when I was younger. We reminded him that while they’re hard to have, once done, it makes moving forward much easier.

I’m not convinced he and his peer are on the same page still, but the show is coming up in two weeks and he knows he has to power through. At least he has a better appreciation for what his co-director is going through and can bring more empathy (which he’s good at) to how he collaborates and communicates with her.

How do you help your child navigate challenging conversations?

Collaboration

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Working with someone else can be challenging, right?

My youngest is co-directing a play this Fall. He is paired with a female student who has some strong opinions about what her role and his role should be. My son is fairly easy-going and while he wants to have input, and the ability to direct, he doesn’t feel strongly about her wants (total creative control, for example). 😳

My son also wants a friend of his, who has theater experience, to help them. His co-director has strong(er) feelings about this, not wanting the friend’s name mentioned in the program or really wanting them involved at all. My son tried explaining why his friend participating would be a good thing — we’ll have extra help. If one of us can’t be here, they can fill in. She pushed back. My son tried to get her to express where her hesitation came from, but she couldn’t, and could only state she wasn’t comfortable with anyone else working with them. I can see her point — she might be concerned my son and his friend would team up and leave her out, or she would somehow not be able to realize her vision for the experience, she fears she’ll lose “control”, or something else. My son, on the other hand, wants to advocate for his friend, not only because he believes his friend can contribute but is from a marginalized group, and a slight against his friend, never sits well with my son.

My son talked my husband and I through the situation during dinner. We discussed why the strain between he and his co-director could be happening, but the best way to address the situation is to talk to her. Let her know she can be honest with you, you with her, and you’ll listen. You both want the same thing — a successful show.

We also discussed how having these conversations aren’t easy, but if he can start having them now, he’ll be better prepared in the future because these situations come up throughout life.

Easier said than done, I know. Particularly as a teen. The following day he came home following play practice and we asked how it went. “Better,” he said. We asked if he’d talked to her. “Well, no, I was going to, but she was being really nice. Almost like she felt bad, and I didn’t want to bring it up since she seemed over it.” 🤷‍♀️ Hmmm. I encouraged him to have the talk with her regardless because this will likely happen again. He agreed, but said he wanted to wait until the situation arose. I understood. Having these discussions isn’t easy, even I have to muster up the courage sometimes at my age. My guess is many of us do.

Does your kid struggle being on a team, in a club, or other setting where they have to collaborate with others they don’t necessarily agree with? How are you helping them navigate the complexity that comes from working with others?