Category Archives: Time

Time to Fly

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What time(s) have been hard for you to let your kid go? For me, those times included:

• First day of daycare — leaving him in someone else’s care

• First time with a babysitter

• First day of school (kindergarten, elementary school, middle and high school)

• First time spending the night away from home

• First time traveling by himself

• First time driving by himself

And now, the biggest shift, is my son living away from home for the first time. My oldest isn’t far, but we’ve encouraged him to treat this opportunity to live on his own as a growing experience — him understanding what he’s capable of, him learning more about himself and how he wants to show up in the world, and gaining confidence around his growing independence — and that means, living away from us, problem solving on his own, and working through any discomfort he is experiencing (new place and people).

The moments leading up to him being officially moved out were peppered with excitement for him and worry, and second guessing for me (he’s going to be okay? We’ve prepared him for this, right?). How has 18 years gone so quickly? The years race through my mind every time I think about it.

We were fortunate to be given a booklet to help my husband, I and our son adjust to the change, as we move from “parenting” to coach, and supporter. The booklet had us discuss values (my son and my husband and mine), with the goal of giving all of us clarity on what our son’s values are and how, by knowing this, we can better support him. It also had us talk through expectations and ensure we’d discussed everything from what we expected (or didn’t) of him from his behavior, accomplishments, drugs, alcohol, and sex. I so wish my parents had had this information at their fingertips when I first was on my own.

My hope is that we’ve provided (or are providing) our boys roots with wings. During a final hug at the train station, I told my son, “you’ve got this.” It was important for him to know we believe in him. He knows he can do it too, but like anytime you make a sizable change you can feel a little unsteady. Allowing yourself to adjust to the change is often the toughest (and should I say ‘scariest’) part.

I have to adjust now too, to allowing my oldest to fly, make his own choices and mistakes, and not jump in to problem solve for or ‘save’ him. This moment is bittersweet. If I did my job as a parent he’ll figure out how to soar. I have to mourn the end of this part of our parenting journey, and adjust to what comes next.

What parenting phase are you in? How do you adjust to new phases as they arise?

Leaving the Nest

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Where has time gone?

Our oldest graduated from high school and is preparing for what comes next for him in the fall. We anticipate him living on his own and officially leaving the nest, at least for the time being.

At his graduation ceremony I tried to wrap my head around how fast time had gone. When he was born, time seemed to go sooooooo slow. When would he nap? When could we move to the next activity and break up the monotony? How much longer would we be at the park? Or on a walk? When would I talk to another adult about something other than my child? When would I get my body back? Etc.

Time, of course, started to go faster, at least a little, as my son grew, and became more independent—able to dress himself, get himself into the car and more. Time still seemed slower, but faster than it previously was.

When he went to middle school time picked up noticeably, until COVID hit, and it felt like we were back in the early parenting days when time moved like molasses.

In high school, COVID still slowed things but as it lifted time started speeding up. Him getting his drivers license and having more freedom really accelerated time. The last two years a blur. I can remember clearly the permanence of parenthood setting in when he was a few weeks old, and how fleeting the next 18 years had gone by.

It’s a bittersweet feeling. You’ve raised your child, your main role and responsibilities over. And, we’ve raised our child and our main role and responsibilities over.

This is a transition for sure, and I’m working to take it all in. Where we’ve been, where we are, and what comes next. I’d love to slow time, but it’s out of my hands. I’m hopeful we’ve given our son roots with wings, so he flies and wants to spend time with mom and dad in the future.

What milestones are going (or have gone) through? How do you view time?

Hang Time

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If you have a teen, do they like hanging out with you?

Are you laughing? I know my teens like to spend some time with their dad and I, but if given the choice, they’d rather be doing something else — hanging out with friends, watching TV, being online, or just alone in their room.

My oldest and I have bonded over the years over sports — collegiate sports specifically. He and I have watched UW (the local home team school) make it all the way to the National Championship game. I was sent an invitation by the school ( unsure how I got on list) to come to a viewing party on campus free of charge. I quickly grabbed four tickets thinking my oldest would want you to go with his friends.

As the game approached I asked him who he was going to go with. It surprised me when he said, “You’re going to come with me, right?” I let him know that of course I would join him, but had assumed he’d rather be there with his friends, not his old mom. 🥰

We ended up going to the viewing party and got to cheer on the team together. It was a bit surreal watching the game on an oversized scoreboard with 4,000 other people. It felt like being in the stadium, but also didn’t. Unfortunately, UW lost, which was disappointing but not heartbreaking for either of us. It was a great memory for me, and hopefully a fun time for my son.

Teens push us away as they get older and crave more independence, I’m grateful my son was willing to ‘hang with mom’ one more time, as he nears the end of high school I’m guessing these opportunities will be far and few between. Why do kids have to grow up so fast? 😊

How do you connect with your child? What’s the last thing you did together that surprised you?

The Parent Trap

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Who has been sucked into volunteering in support of your child’s school, sports, or activity?

I use the words ‘sucked in’ because most volunteer work I have been done has been based guilt (the other parents can’t always go everything, I’m being selfish if I don’t give freely of my time, etc.), vs. being passionate about the cause — the one exception was my youngest’s middle school that was a start-up and beyond unbelievable (like winning the golden ticket for my son’s education). I think of this as the parent trap. Any one else gotten sucked in?

I have had to re-establish boundaries periodically. Saying “no” when asked and allowing myself to sit with the guilt. It always feels good to volunteer and support others, but the time commitment (planning, night/weekend events, etc.), and stress of the planning and execution of the events are the detractors for me. Does the feeling afterwards of helping offset the stress leading up to? Most time the answer is “maybe,” yet I (you/we?) volunteer. I most recently made the mistake of showing up early to a showcase my son was participating in. A mom came over, introduced herself, shared how she led volunteer coordination (I knew the ask was coming, and braced myself for it). She then sat down (okay, I thought, she’s not going anywhere until I agree to something, I’m going to have to negotiate). I didn’t want to outright own a responsibility. I was okay co-chairing, but would prefer the work be split by three. We discussed and I reluctantly (darn you guilt) agreed.

I remind myself my youngest has three more years in high school, so volunteering in this capacity has a time limit. I may even miss it when these opportunities no longer present themselves (though I’m sure they’ll be replaced by others). If I’m being honest with myself, nah, I won’t miss it, I’ll be relieved. Am I the most selfish person ever? Ah, the guilt. It can feel like a never ending trap.

How do you view volunteering? How do you offset any guilt you feel?

Impossible

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My youngest is doing theatre in high school. The school has a reputation for putting on Broadway quality shows. It was amazing when he got a part in the Spring Musical as a freshman (only five others, of a cast of 65, joined him).

In elementary school, he enjoyed theatre practice. In high school, he’s found it’s more serious, takes more time, and the stakes are higher (some kids are hoping to make a career with their abilities). Sometimes he’s found what was being asked of him impossible. My son hasn’t enjoyed theatre most of the year because of the intensity of it all – learning dance routines, songs, choreography, and more. While we told him he was committed to seeing the musical through, he voiced doubts about wanting to continue beyond this year (sad for his father and I because he’s pretty good at theatre and has been the one school activity he’s been willing to participate in).

The play, Cinderella, opened last week. Even though we had the hiking scare and he sprained his ankle, the brace he wore allowed him to perform. With each performance his enjoyment of theatre has returned. Unsure if he’s enjoying the fruits of his labor — seeing that he learned all the dances, songs, movement, or the audiences response is getting him to change his view — with tons of applause throughout the show because the performance, stage design, tech crew, and orchestra are just that good. The best part, he’s interested in continuing theatre beyond this year.

A song in the play is titled, “Impossible”, and it seems fitting for my son…thinking something is impossible only to figure out it’s possible after all. 😊

What has your child figured out is possible?

Time Management

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Are you good at managing your time?

Before my oldest started school this Fall we talked about juggling priorities — school, sports, and other activities. We discussed he’d be learning time management and how to prioritize and get what’s needed done first, and wants second. We’re nearing the end of his first term and grades will be coming out soon. His sports season is wrapping up as well. He has expressed he is struggling juggling with it all.

His school gives parents access online to a student’s grades and assignments. It’s a way for parents to have a view into how their child is doing along the way. My husband and I rarely go in, not because it might be helpful or useful, but because we want our son to learn he has to stay on top of his studies without us watching him like a hawk. He is in an Advanced Placement (AP) class that allows students to gain college credit while in high school if they can pass the given exam at the end of the year. In order to get him signed up for the end of year exam, I had to go into the site that shows his grades and assignment completions to find the name of the teacher and class he’d be taking the test we needed to pay for. I couldn’t help but notice there were several assignments he hadn’t turned in (thankfully his grades looked pretty good). I asked him later that day about the assignments. He was surprised — not that I had looked, but that he hadn’t gotten all of his assignments in. He checked in with his teachers the following day, turned in the missing assignments, and was actually thankful it had been caught as it would have lowered his grade if it had not been addressed.

After some particularly long days for my son, which seemed to consist of wake-up, go to school, go to practice, eat dinner, sleep, he had little time to get his schoolwork done. He shared he was struggling, I asked him,”What did we say you’d have to learn and start to master this year?” He responded, “Time management.” I was glad he remembered without any prompting for me. “That’s right,” I said, “We need to think through what tools will help you.” He jumped in, “But I’m so tired when I get home and just want to zone out for a little while.” I completely understood how he felt. I, too, remember the stress increasing as I progressed in high school. I asked him what he was struggling with most. “Homework,” he shared, “when I get home I eat dinner then go through all my classes to see what homework I have.” I shared that was a good start, and suggested he add a designated time to do homework as a way to help — give him a little time to relax after practice, but time enough to get homework done before he goes to bed. “It’s hard,” he said. I agreed with him, but reminded him that learning these skills now will help him as he gets older.

Do you have a child who has a busy schedule and is struggling to manage it all? What strategies or tools are you sharing with them to help them better manage their time?

Motherhood

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How are you celebrating Mother’s Day today?

I’m reflecting this year on my time as a mother.

M – Milestones. Getting pregnant. Birth. Watching my children grow. Wow, wow, wow!

O – Observer. Trying to understand my child, what they need, and figuring out how to give it to them (physically, emotionally). A lot of trial and error.

T – Time. Such a strange thing. It slowed down so much when the kids were young. I couldn’t wait for time to go faster. Fast forward and I’d love for time to slow down now. My boys are becoming more independent by the day and will be grown and on their own before I know it.

H – Help. I was bad at asking for it when I first became a parent, thinking I was supposed to know how to magically do everything without any formal experience or training. A huge thank you to family, friends, and other new parents who supported my husband and I, helping us become better parents.

E – Everything. There is so much that goes into parenting. It’s hard, but what a joy. My boys have helped me grow so much as a person. Everything that goes into it — good and bad —has been absolutely worth it.

R – Rewarding. Seeing the world through my boys eyes as young children and now as teens always makes me feel like I’m seeing (appreciating) the world anew.

I hope all the moms out there have a wonderful Mother’s Day. What does being a mother mean to you?

Trim the Tree

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How are you decorating for the holidays?

I have to admit I haven’t done much decorating this year. I like to decorate for the fall holidays mainly, but just haven’t seen the point or been in the mood, and my kids haven’t seemed to mind, so no decorations for Halloween or Thanksgiving this year. Christmas though felt like I needed to make an effort, though a part of me asked why?

It dawned on me that the holidays were upon us when my youngest asked when we’d get our tree. I realized Christmas was only two weeks away. When did time start going fast again? We decided it was now or never, so we got a tree.

Next I must confess that there are two parts of a Christmas tree I’m not a big fan of — getting it in the stand and hanging the lights. The end result is always worth it. It helps that my boys actually like putting the ornaments on — this year they even coordinated when to put the ornaments on the tree, knowing I’d want to snap some pictures of them in the action. 😊

I don’t plan to get more decorations out (besides the stockings) unless the kids really want us to. Since holiday gatherings are off, we’re really just decorating for ourselves, and trimming the tree is enough for me.

What decorations are you putting out this year? What decoration(s) does your kid enjoy the most?