Have you ever wondered what your child is thinking? How they see themselves? How they think others see them?

My youngest is willing to engage without much effort and comfortable sharing who he is with his father and I, and others. My oldest is more of a closed book—engaging infrequently and sharing bits and pieces that make it hard(er) to figure the complete picture out.

My oldest engages as he’s ready, late at night when my husband is getting ready for bed, in the car when I pick him up from practice, or what my husband and I feel are “out-of-the-blue” moments. My son recently asking his father if he wanted to go for a run with him. My husband had to suppress his excitement—and surprise at my son’s request (it’s that meaningful to us when he opens up to us and shares, well, anything).

His football team has had a good year and are now in the playoffs. He helps manage the team and does film review with the coaches. He seems more comfortable than I’ve seen him in a while. Before the most recent game, the officials were down on the field before the game started. My son, who also referees flag football games, seemed to know at least one of the officials through his other job. They shook hands, talked, laughed, and then the other officials came over. I saw my son talk easily and shake hands with the others. It was impressive to watch. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought my son was in a higher leadership position, such as the head coach. The moment gave me pause. “Who is this kid?” The confident young man on the field looked like my son, but wasn’t acting like the kid I know. I wondered what else I didn’t/don’t know about him.

As a parent, I long to know my children deeply. I want to know who they are, what motivates them, makes them happy, and what will help them thrive. I also want to know their father and I are doing right by them, and helping prepare them to navigate life so it’s meaningful and joyful, and ensure they have the tools to navigate tough times and situations and know they’ll make it through and be okay. Yet, I’m in the stands of the game wondering who my son is, how I can know him better, and make sure I’ve done my job.

I’m not sure if we ever truly know this as parents, which will have me always working towards knowing my children better.

How do you see your child? How have they shared who they are (or are becoming) with you?