Category Archives: Mom

Mom’s at Work

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This image is from The New Yorker. I saw it in a store and it made me burst out laughing.

Being a mom is no joke — the roles and the responsibilities of any parent stack up quickly — caretaker, chef, chauffeur, comforter, protector, teacher, and so on. Regardless if you work outside the home or not, you are working multiple jobs. It can be rewarding, thankless, and exhausting all once.

A special shout-out to all you working moms (because again, ALL of us are working!). Enjoy your special day. Relax, unwind, and enjoy, because a new job may be added to the mix soon. 😉

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

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Having our exchange student has been the closest thing I’ll have to having a daughter.

She is energetic, loves karaoke, cooking, music, watching and doing TikToks, and having fun. She often asks me to join in her fun, which usually ends up with us laughing. I’m not sure I was that eager to ask my mom to engage with me in fun things when I was her age (sorry, Mom!). The prom is coming up in a few weeks and she asked if I’d take her to try on dresses — an experience I never thought I’d have, having two sons. On the drive to the mall she put on the song, Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper. We sang and were acting silly. At the mall I got to watch her try on outfits with many others (clearly lots of teens are out looking at dresses this time of year). We grabbed dinner at the food court, and I listened as she described her dream dress. We didn’t find it, but I’m hopeful we will.

Maybe on another outing, which would be fun, and well, that’s all we really want, right? 😊

How do you have fun with your child?

The Eye Roll

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If you have teens you have experienced the eye roll anytime you do something annoying or ‘uncool’. I pretty much am annoying and uncool to my boys all the time. 😂

I’m the photographer in the family and was taking pictures of us at a sporting event. My oldest met a friend there. I asked if I could get a quick pic. My son’s facial expression said “ugh”. His friend laughed (probably grateful his parents weren’t there as they’d have likely done the same). My son rolled his eyes and said, “okay”. I took one pic and let it go. I don’t want to embarrass my son, but didn’t want to miss the opportunity to capture the memory either. I suppose I’ll be annoying and uncool for the foreseeable future. I know I felt the same way about my poor parents until I was older (and being seen as cool not do important things).

What uncool or annoying things do you do that make your kid’s eyes roll?

The Perfect Gift for Mom

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I saw a bit on Late Night with Stephen Colbert regarding Mother’s Day gifts. The segment showed what mom’s really want — quiet, alone time, rest. What gift allows mom to do this? Being put in a water well, where no one can find or bother her. 🤣

I craved alone time on Mother’s Day, particularly when my boys were younger, and responsibilities seemed more intense — rarely having time for a breather, respite, or relaxing (thinking it was pretty selfish of me to want any of those things). I felt guilty about wanting the alone time, but knew I needed it. Burn-out from always being “on” in those early years was rough.

Getting the gift of going to a (water) well wouldn’t have been my idea of a good time, I’d probably think “what happens to everyone if I can’t get out of here?”, 🫠 but seeing a movie, going for a walk, or just doing absolutely nothing sounded WONDERFUL.

I asked for it every year, starting in the early years, and my family knows that’s pretty much what I want every year (I don’t even have to ask).

Being a mom is challenging, amazing, and sometimes exhausting. What’s your idea of the perfect Mother’s Day gift?

Most Important

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What is currently your top priority?

I’ve been reading Worlds Apart: A Memoir of Uncertain Belonging by Sarah Lutterodt, who grows up in England but comes into her own as her work takes her to far off places including Ghana, and the US.

In addition to the book being about being an immigrant, and navigating prejudice (as a working/educated woman), and her family incurring racial discrimination (with husband being from Ghana) it’s about the struggles of a working parent and the choices we make whether to make ends meet or to pursue a professional goal.

In one anecdote, her oldest asks her what the most important project is she is working on. When she responds with the name of her work project, her oldest quickly corrects her. “Wrong!” they say, “your family is your most important project!”

I loved this. How many of us can relate to our work feeling oh-so-important in the moment and lose (or take for granted), even if momentarily, what’s really important? Juggling work and family can feel impossible. I recall a colleague, recently back from maternity leave, calling me in tears because she was overwhelmed with everything coming at her. I could so relate! I felt fortunate she was willing to be vulnerable and open with me about her struggles in managing the demands of the job and her need to do right be her family. I reminded her that she was probably doing better than she thought she was (because aren’t we almost always our own worst critics), and encouraged her to take micro breaks (a walk, fresh air, etc.), so she could better regain her footing.

As parents, demand on our time are constant, and the next thing that needs to get done can feel “most important.” How do you keep yourself tuned into what’s really important and ensure you don’t let work (or other obligations) overtake the parent you want to be and how you want your show up in your relationships?

Hang Time

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If you have a teen, do they like hanging out with you?

Are you laughing? I know my teens like to spend some time with their dad and I, but if given the choice, they’d rather be doing something else — hanging out with friends, watching TV, being online, or just alone in their room.

My oldest and I have bonded over the years over sports — collegiate sports specifically. He and I have watched UW (the local home team school) make it all the way to the National Championship game. I was sent an invitation by the school ( unsure how I got on list) to come to a viewing party on campus free of charge. I quickly grabbed four tickets thinking my oldest would want you to go with his friends.

As the game approached I asked him who he was going to go with. It surprised me when he said, “You’re going to come with me, right?” I let him know that of course I would join him, but had assumed he’d rather be there with his friends, not his old mom. 🥰

We ended up going to the viewing party and got to cheer on the team together. It was a bit surreal watching the game on an oversized scoreboard with 4,000 other people. It felt like being in the stadium, but also didn’t. Unfortunately, UW lost, which was disappointing but not heartbreaking for either of us. It was a great memory for me, and hopefully a fun time for my son.

Teens push us away as they get older and crave more independence, I’m grateful my son was willing to ‘hang with mom’ one more time, as he nears the end of high school I’m guessing these opportunities will be far and few between. Why do kids have to grow up so fast? 😊

How do you connect with your child? What’s the last thing you did together that surprised you?

Getting and Giving — a Santa Mom confession

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Who gets the presents for your family?

If each of you buy for each other, I’m jealous. I am the chief gift buyer for holidays, birthdays, and milestones, and events. I have given my husband the responsibility of ensuring his family is cared for, and well, have taken some of that back because he procrastinates (and stresses? (though he’s never shared this out loud with me) about it). I enjoy giving. Sometime in my teen years I crossed over (from the thrill/excitement of getting a present, to experiencing the same joy /thrill/excitement giving something to others). Don’t get me wrong, I love getting gifts, but really love giving, particularly when I think I’ve found something that will be meaningful for the recipient(s).

As our boys have aged, we’ve encouraged them to give to others. They don’t necessarily have money to contribute to charities, but do have time which they donate throughout the year to a meal program that brings homeless and housed together to feed, nourish, and build community. We’ve encouraged them to give gifts to each other. Suggesting they put thought into what the other might like. There is still work to do here. 😊 Most recently they individually came to me and asked what they should get for each other for Christmas. Both boys had given me their lists back in November (they have mastered thinking through and giving me their lists😂), and when Black Friday happened I proceeded to shop. I admit I went a little overboard. When each boy asked for a recommendation I gave a few ideas, I suggested they come up with their own idea, and then after they came back asking for help, said “just tell me how much you want to spend (of their allowance or saved money) and I’ll tell you what I bought for your brother, and you can give it to them instead.” I basically became their Target. 😊

Giving is an act — of generosity, thoughtfulness, love, and so much more. You have to invest time getting and giving (whether time and effort is the gift, or something physical). Our boys have some experience, but I do hope they’ll lean into the joy of giving and maybe even find something on their own for each other in the not too distant future (this Santa Mom’s “shop” won’t be open forever). 😊

What is the best gift you’ve given or received? What is the best gift your child has given or received from you?

Enjoy the holidays! I’ll be off for a few weeks and back in the New Year!

Holiday Lights

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What holiday traditions does your family have?

We have a handful of holiday traditions we try to do each year (weather tends to dictate). We go to a botanical garden that is decorated with lights — animals, plants, sea and even mystical creatures. It’s a 20-minute walk to see it all, but something we enjoy. We like checking out lights around different neighborhoods — with one, in particular, that goes all out (dozens and dozens of homes decorated from top to bottom). We go to a nearby lake trail that does luminaries the second Saturday of each December.

I love these traditions, and they are all different from traditions I did growing up — when opening an Advent Calendar door was a thrill (one day closer to Christmas!), watching Rudolph the only night and time it aired (VCRs weren’t around yet), and baking up more goodies than we could possibly eat.

My sons love our traditions (or, at least, I think they do). They will remind us (if we haven’t mentioned already having plans), to keep us on track and the traditions alive. It’s fun to see my oldest get excited about spending time with us (his family) for anything. 😊 And seeing the boys together — joking around, enjoying each other, and the sights with their father and I is their gift to me each year (mostly figuratively, but sometimes literally too #averyMomChristmas 😂🥰).

What holiday traditions do you have? What gift does your child give you?

Thank You for Being a Friend

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I recently lost one of my best friends, rather unexpectedly. I got the news while I was on Spring Break vacation so my family saw my reaction to the news — dropping to the floor, and crying. Not pretty. I had to figure out how to talk to my boys about my friend’s passing, what happened, and how I was processing the information. My stages of grief go from denial to trying to come to acceptance back to denial.

What has impacted me the most to this point is the loss my friend’s family will feel. She leaves behind twin 13 year olds. They are just at the age where they are becoming young women, their bodies are changing, puberty setting in, and they are starting to navigate who they are and want to be. I know their father is strong, and they are surrounded by loving friends, and family, but it is still tough to absorb.

On this Mother’s Day we honor those women who have loved, raised, cared, fed, sheltered, guided, mentored, and done so much more to help us become the girls or women we are. I would be remiss if I didn’t honor my friend on this Mother’s Day, and acknowledge beyond her being an awesome mom, what a great friend she was. She’ll be with me forever, much like those she touched.

Happy Mothers Day to all!

This Changes Everything

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What knowledge do you want to impart to your child while you’re able?

Over the holidays, when I had some downtime, I streamed a lot of content. I just needed to veg. I came across the documentary film This Changes Everything — it looked interesting but I kept putting off watching it. The Netflix overview said the documentary takes a deep look at gender disparity in Hollywood through the eyes of well-known actresses and female filmmakers. I think I wasn’t in the mood to hear how women are ‘sold short,’ i already knew that, I just wanted to watch content that either made me laugh, or didn’t make me think.

Come the recent long weekend, I was trying to find something to watch once again. I was up for watching content that would make me think so I selected the movie. It was so eye-opening and explained a woman’s plight in what we have to overcome in a tangible way (how we’re perceived, why we’re perceived the way we are, and what to do about it). I left thinking as the only female in my household I needed to get my ‘boys’ to watch this. Because whether they knew it or not, the content they’ve taken in over the course of their lives has influenced their views of girls/females and beyond. I needed them to be aware, empathize, and hopefully be an advocate for equality.

I selected the movie when it was my turn to pick for our Saturday night gathering. We watched the movie. Afterwards we talked about what they learned, what surprised them, and how (of if) it changed their view of women. The boys thought they already knew women were underrepresented but we’re surprised by the numbers. They agreed women were shown more as objects in movie (particularly older ones), and even pointed to some parts in other movies where the female character was only shown for male viewers benefit (it literally made my youngest flinch when he recalled some of the scenes).

We pivoted to how these projections of what and how women behave and what they want from a partner can be confusing to both the man and the woman in relationships based on images we see everywhere (on screen, TV, internet, etc.), and how with my knowledge of the female’s mindset could help them be a good partner— be aware of where a women may come from regarding intimacy, what they might be comfortable/uncomfortable with, why that is, and more. Again, not the easiest conversation but at least both boys were willing to hear me out (getting the oldest to listen a WIN!).

I’m hopeful the information sank it, and my boys feel more informed. I’m optimistic they can avoid the pitfalls of making assumptions about what others expect of you (in relationships and intimacy) that their father and I experienced. Will this movie and discussion change everything for their experiences in this area? I don’t know, but ever bit of knowledge helps. Continuing these conversations will be essential.

What are key messages or values you are working to impart to your child or teen?