Category Archives: Mentor

The Interview

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When was the last time you interviewed for a job?

My oldest has an interview for a position he’s interested in. He let me know about the upcoming interview and I encouraged him to think about his strengths and what he could bring to the job. I gave him a few examples. I told him to think about feedback or insights he received throughout his life from teachers, coaches, or any adult he trusted and valued their opinion. He asked if he could work with me on this. Of course, I agreed. My oldest rarely wants my help (or guidance) on anything. 😊

We sat down one afternoon and I asked him to walk me through his strengths. He struggled, I think most of us do, and I encouraged him to think about his experiences and what he was good at. I told him, like I tell anyone I mentor, that everyone has gifts. You need to be comfortable owning them. This isn’t about being humble or braggadocios, it’s about being factual. Here’s what you’re good at, here’s why you know you’re good at this (experience), and then correlate it to the job skills they need helping the interviewer understand why you’d be a good fit.

I next asked him a few common interview questions. Tell me about yourself. Why are you interested in this job? Why do you think you would be a good fit? We gave me his answers, and then I shared that sometimes interviewers can ask questions that may catch you off guard — what is your biggest weakness or tell me about a time you were rejected. Questions, that if you aren’t prepared for can trip you up. I then encouraged him to use the questions we’d just covered and practice his responses in front of a mirror — a trick I learned early in my career as a good way to build confidence in what you want to say, and the body language you use. I told him to take his time and come rejoin me when he was ready for me to ask him the questions again.

I wasn’t sure how much time he would take to practice or if he’d be willing to go through the interview questions with me again (sometimes mom (my) suggestions aren’t always well received). 🥰 He was. He practiced for a while, then came out and we role-played again. He did better, but I had some additional feedback for him and encouraged him to keep working on his responses and the points he wanted to make sure to get through.

Interviewing is hard. I shared some good advice I’d learned with my son — Don’t say what you think they want you to say, but be your authentic self. I let him know when he loosened up during our practice time, he and his strengths really came through and the interviewer would get a much better sense for who he is if he answered questions this way. I reminded him that the interview is a time to go from an unknown to a known. I finished by sharing, practice (prepare), be authentic, and feel you put your best foot forward regardless of the outcome.

It was really nice to share this experience with my son. I hope he feels the same way.

How do you help your kid get prepared for experiencing something new?

Advocating for Yourself

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How do you get what you want?

No, it’s not a trick question. You ask for it, is a typical response to this question. Another, to get what you want is to advocate for yourself.

Our oldest has decided after a less-than-disappointing season last year to come back out for football. New coach, new staff, new approach. My son went to the first day of practice and came home frustrated. His former coach had relegated him to center and line positions defending. My son is tall, muscular, and lean. Not ideal for these positions. He’s always wanted to play tight-end or receiver, but hasn’t been asked to play either role. It felt deflating to him after the first day when he thought he might not get a chance to try something different. My husband and I talked to him. We shared that he has to ask for what he wants, he has to advocate for himself. It might feel uncomfortable, but it’s how he’ll give himself an opportunity to play in a new position.

We discussed while others may see your talents, or your challenges, or your passions, rarely does anyone advocate on your behalf unless they believe you are at risk (getting hurt, falling behind, being unfairly treated). Teachers, mentors, coaches, friends, and family may give you ideas or suggestions on how to achieve your goals, and may even make introductions for you, but you have to take the next step of engaging and asking for what you want.

We talked about how you have to advocate for yourself throughout life — advance in work, take on new roles and responsibilities, to ensure you’re getting the proper medical care, etc., — and shared personal examples where his father and I did this in our own lives. We shared that while he might not always like the answer he gets after asking, he can take pride in knowing he took action to make something happen for himself.

We encouraged him to talk to his coach, and role-played what he might say, communicate his commitment to the team, and his desire to contribute. We’ll see what happens, but I feel good knowing my son realizes the importance on advocating for himself, and can start getting practice in asking for what he wants.

How are you helping your kid ask for what they want?

Aww Man

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Do you have a brother or sister? If so, have you always gotten along?

My boys generally get along pretty well. They are opposites, for the most part, one like sports, and gaming. The other is interested in the arts, and geography. But, they have their moments. My oldest is a thinker, he’s not a big talker (communicator), and has been known to have a quick temper from time to time. My younger is easy-going, generally in good spirits, and can talk your ear off if he’s interested in the topic. Like any siblings, with their age difference, the older one can think the youngest is annoying or acting “like a baby.” The younger can be confused sometimes when he’s unclear what he’s done to upset or annoy his brother (and there are other times when he knows exactly what he did). 😊

Being in middle school, my youngest has shown an interest in learning Minecraft. My oldest first got into Minecraft in elementary school, grew bored with it but has recently experienced a renewed interest. [If you’re not familiar with Minecraft it’s a video game where you can build worlds, explore, gather, and do combat. There is somewhat of a cult following–with many enthusiasts, songs (parodies), blogs, videos, memes, etc.] Since my youngest is just starting to learn the game, he asked his brother for help. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw his big brother step in to help and show him what to do. My oldest is at the age where he ‘couldn’t be bothered’ by his younger brother, but thankfully that hasn’t been the case. They are bonding over it. This is one of the first times my oldest has had a chance to teach his brother (be a mentor). He’s enjoying this role, and he’s good at it. Aww (Man) — you’ll get this reference if you’re a fan of Minecraft. 😊 I hope this is just the first on many bonding experiences they’ll have that will help their relationship grow.

How do your children get along? What do they bond over?

I’m Curious

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What is your child curious about?

It was one of those days where work was running long, and I needed to pick up my son from an after school activity. I was on a conference call that required I listen into, not actively participate. When my son and his friend jumped in the car, I told them I was on a work call. My son knows this means I need you to be quiet so I can hear what’s being said, but his friend didn’t know this and began to ask questions.

“Who is on the call?”

“Can they hear me?”

“Why are you only listening?”

“Are you listening so you can see if the people on the phone are doing their job right?”

Thankfully the call was in full swing by the time I had gotten the kids and I had a good handle on where the conversation was going and hearing everything that was being said was not quite as important as it had been earlier in the call. At first, when my son’s friend started asking questions I was trying to answer and still listen to the call. It was tough. Work can often feel like the priority, but his genuine interest in better understanding what was happening made me focus less on what was being said on the phone and more on him and what he was asking. It was clear to me he’d never heard someone on a conference call before (I was intrigued), and while I may see them as a necessity to get things done more quickly, he saw this as something new that he wanted to better understand. His curiosity was contagious. He was interested in learning and I was interested in sharing. Here’s how I answered his rapid fire questions. 😊

“People that I work with”

“No, the phone is muted”

“Because I just need to hear what’s going on, I don’t need to say anything”

“I’m listening because it will help my team and I better understand what we need to do next. The people on the phone know how to do their jobs, I’ll just be better able to do mine if I know what needs to happen next.”

We arrived at his house not long after. His attention had turned back to my son and as they said goodbye I reflected on what had just happened. Having a young person that is curious and looking to you for answers is priceless. And while the work call was important, engaging with my son’s friend, even though briefly, was a better use of my time (and much more rewarding).

How are you encouraging your child’s curiosity?