Monthly Archives: March 2024

Disagreement Among Friends

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When was the last time you got into a disagreement with a good friend?

My oldest and his best friend got into a disagreement. I only know this because my son wanted to talk to me when he woke up (and when my oldest wants to talk you know something is on his mind). I asked him what was going on. “We got into a fight. I don’t think I owe him an apology and don’t think did anything wrong.”

I listened to his side of the story. His best friend and he were going to hang out after work. My son got an offer from a co-worker (his age) to do something after work. My son let his best friend know his plans had changed and they likely wouldn’t be able to hang out (several hours before they were supposed to meet). He thought it wasn’t a big deal and his best friend wouldn’t care, but it did matter because when my son reached out to tell his best friend to have a good time with someone else the following day his best friend replied, “screw you.” Clearly his friend was hurt.

We talked about changing roles and if he were his friend and his friend him would he have felt the same — hurt. Possibly, my son said. Had he thought about why he was digging in to not apologizing to his best friend — was it the need to be right? Or he really didn’t think he’d done anything wrong? We talked about he and his friend nearing a crossroads in their lives — the end of high school and their lives possibly taking them different places. It can be an unsettling time — what does the future hold, what will happen with the friendship that has meant so much, and what if this person is no longer in my life?

Growing up, becoming more independent, and figuring out who you are can feel scary and overwhelming at times, and the realization that you’ll be soon leaving the cocoon of youth terrifying and exciting.

I offered some different ways my son can try to work through this issue with his friend without necessarily apologizing — ‘you seem upset and I want you to better understand why, let’s talk when you’ve cooled down (or are ready).’ We talked about the need in any relationship to have hard conversations to gain better insight and find a path to resolution — whether that means the relationship stays in tact or not.

Losing a friend is always hard, fighting for a friendship (or relationship) can be harder, but you typically have a sense for the ones worth making the effort to save — whether you apologize or just hear each other out. Respecting each other enough to work through your differences and make it through to the other side.

How do you resolve issues with a friend (or spouse)? How are you helping your child when they have disagreements with their friend(s)?

I will be off next week celebrating Easter with family and friends and return in April.

The Luckiest

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What bit of luck have you had in your life lately?

Sun after rainy days, a friend reaching out unexpectedly, your child sharing about their day without prompting, are just a few of the things that remind me how fortunate I am.

I’ve traveled for work recently and felt loved when both my boys seemed genuinely happy to see me upon my return, even getting a big hug from my oldest (RARE!). 🤣 My oldest reached out for support and an ear to listen when he was having a tough day on the job. My youngest wanted to brainstorm with my husband and I regarding logistics of getting to and from a school trip that will require him to get himself home. A friend and I are planning a trip later in the year — it’s nice to connect more regularly and experiencing together the anticipation of the trip. Everyone is healthy and well. Nothing particularly special per se, but each warms my heart and makes me feel lucky and blessed (and undeservedly so). I wouldn’t trade any of it even for a pot of gold ☘️.

What luck do you and your family have in your life?

Pay Day

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What questions come up in your family about money?

When our kids were young, my husband and I agreed we wanted to teach our kids about money, saving, investing, and planning for their futures.

A Scout merit badge helped us educate our sons during a summer trip to Yosemite. But that was one conversation, and we all know that to learn and really comprehend something you have to either hear it over and over, or experience it for yourself.

My youngest is starting to think about work and what he might due to earn money while he’s still in high school. After talking about places he might like to work, the conversation turned to how frequently you get paid. That started a conversation we haven’t had in a while. Our oldest is an hourly worker and gets paid weekly. My husband and I have different pay schedules (bi-weekly and monthly). The kids were very interested in the salaried jobs (you get the same amount of money whether you work 40 hours or 60?!?), and overtime (they like the thought of more $$$). It was an unexpected conversation but a good and needed one. Knowledge is power, right?

How are you teaching your child about earning, saving, and planning for their future?

Most Important

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What is currently your top priority?

I’ve been reading Worlds Apart: A Memoir of Uncertain Belonging by Sarah Lutterodt, who grows up in England but comes into her own as her work takes her to far off places including Ghana, and the US.

In addition to the book being about being an immigrant, and navigating prejudice (as a working/educated woman), and her family incurring racial discrimination (with husband being from Ghana) it’s about the struggles of a working parent and the choices we make whether to make ends meet or to pursue a professional goal.

In one anecdote, her oldest asks her what the most important project is she is working on. When she responds with the name of her work project, her oldest quickly corrects her. “Wrong!” they say, “your family is your most important project!”

I loved this. How many of us can relate to our work feeling oh-so-important in the moment and lose (or take for granted), even if momentarily, what’s really important? Juggling work and family can feel impossible. I recall a colleague, recently back from maternity leave, calling me in tears because she was overwhelmed with everything coming at her. I could so relate! I felt fortunate she was willing to be vulnerable and open with me about her struggles in managing the demands of the job and her need to do right be her family. I reminded her that she was probably doing better than she thought she was (because aren’t we almost always our own worst critics), and encouraged her to take micro breaks (a walk, fresh air, etc.), so she could better regain her footing.

As parents, demand on our time are constant, and the next thing that needs to get done can feel “most important.” How do you keep yourself tuned into what’s really important and ensure you don’t let work (or other obligations) overtake the parent you want to be and how you want your show up in your relationships?